Malachi, page 25
I pulled her body back, needing to see that pretty face of hers. My smile transferred, making her lips turn upward in spite of the tears.
“I thought you might enjoy a little activity this evening. What do you say to making some vanilla ice cream from scratch? Will that make you feel better?”
“Umhm.”
“Good. Now, let’s dry these tears and get to work. Your dad told me you’re an excellent helper. I’d like to see for myself.”
I dabbed away her tears with the bottom of my shirt.
“Come on, sweetie.”
“But yours.”
She used the bottom of her shirt to mimic what I’d done for her, clearing my face of tears as well.
“Thank you, Aussie. That was so nice.”
“You’re welcome.”
“You’re so kind.”
“I know you’re not Mommy,” she explained, deeming me speechless. “But, you’re part of Mommy. She told me she was coming.”
“Oh, Aussie, did she?” My heart imploded. Anna was an angel, one who looked over and took good care of the people she’d left behind.
“Yes. Do you love me, too, like Mommy did?”
“Aussie, I do. I just have one question, baby girl.”
“Okay.”
“How old are you, really?”
“Two and a half.”
“I find that so hard to believe.” I laughed through the tears. “But, yes, Mommy sent so much love for you right through me and it’s right here.”
I pointed at my heart.
“Okay.”
“Okaaay, baby.”
I lifted us both from the floor with renewed strength. Aussie’s miniature frame was still tucked in my arms as I pushed forward, ending up in the kitchen.
“Alright, I have everything right here on the counter. Are you tall enough to help me carry it over to the biggest counter in here? Do you know which counter is the biggest?”
“That one!” She pointed at the counter next to the wall.
“You’re right. Good job, baby. Now, our first order of business is to get everything on that side so you can sit right there while we make our ice cream.”
“Okay. I can help.”
“Yeah? You think you can reach it?”
“Daddy has a ladder for me.”
“Yeah? That would be perfect.”
“Can you tell me where it is?”
She wiggled out of my arms, walked over toward the pantry, opened the door, and disappeared inside. Seconds later, she was dragging a small step ladder behind her. Without my help, she was able to get it unfolded and up against the counter where we’d be working.
“Oh wow. Such a big girl.”
Together, we transferred the ingredients over and got started.
“First, I need you to fill this bucket with ice. I need to step out for a second. Once the bucket is half full, you can stop, okay?”
“Okay.”
I handed the bucket off and watched as she headed toward the fridge. It was like watching a little lady. She was the most independent two-year-old I’d ever encountered. Once I was confident she could handle the task, I left her alone to finish up.
Finally getting Aussie settled left me with a second to spare. I traveled the distance of the flat, ending at the bedroom at the very end of the house where I found Malachi stretched out across the bed with his head stuffed in a pillow. Achiness covered me as his wailing stopped me in my tracks.
“Malachi,” I called out, unable to deepen my presence, knowing that he needed time to process everything. “Are you okay, baby?”
“I-I’m good, baby.”
“Can I hug you?”
“Please,” he begged, lifting from the bed and waiting for me to erase the distance that kept us apart.
I wrapped him in my arms and laid his head on my chest.
“Worry me, baby.”
“She’s been hurting, too. She’s been hurting all along. I didn’t see it. I was so blinded by my own pain that I just didn’t see her, not fully. She needs you. I need you. We’ve both been drowning together. My head is finally above water.”
“Even if you go back under, I’ll save you again. You’re mine, now, Malachi. I’m willing to go to the ends of the earth to make sure that you and Aussie are okay. I need you, too. I need her, too. We all need each other and we have each other. Things only get better from this moment forward. It’s time to dry your eyes, Malachi.”
“God sent you straight from heaven, Aeir. I’m convinced.”
“I’m just happy He dropped me off right here and nowhere else. We’re making ice cream and then starting dinner early. Care to join us?”
“Yes. just give me a minute. I can’t let Aussie see me this way.”
“Take your time.”
I kissed his forehead, his lips, and the back of his hands before leaving him in the room alone to sort out his emotions before joining us in the kitchen. When I returned, Aussie was still filling the bucket with ice, much more than we’d need but I didn’t tell her that. I simply stood back and admired her independence. It was impressive for a two-year-old.
“And when I was one and a half, I fell on the rocks outside. Daddy kissed my booboo, but it didn’t help. It left this mark.”
Aussie explained the scar on her knee that almost every person in the world had. In my opinion, if you didn’t, it only meant your childhood sucked or was uneventful. Aussie had earned her stripe early and I was proud.
“Oh, that’s a big one.”
“Daddy said I’ll live.”
Cutting my eyes in Malachi’s direction, I chastised him silently. He shrugged, stuffing his mouth so he didn’t have to explain himself.
“What about this one?” I pointed to the one just above it.
“The rocks, again. I was one, too.”
“How do you remember these things?”
“She forgets nothing,” Malachi warned.
“Is that right?”
“That’s what Daddy says.”
It was obvious she admired her father. He was her entire world. The thought of one day having children who believed the same was refreshing.
“Daddy also says that it’s time for you to finish your dinner and get to bed.”
“He says so much,” she whispered, leaning forward and covering her mouth so that only I could hear her.
“What did I say about secrets, Aussie?”
“Mommy is different. Girls have secrets sometimes, Daddy. Boys can’t know all the things. Right?”
“Right,” I confirmed, ready to go toe to toe with Malachi if he disagreed.
Shaking his head, he decided against it. That was a very wise decision he’d made.
“How about we finish dinner and I give you a bath? Then we can get you dressed for bed and I’ll read you a story.”
“And stay with me until I fall asleep?”
“I’ll stay with you until—Mal, what have you been teaching this baby and why does she speak better than me?”
“I’ve never really talked to her like a baby or like a toddler. She catches on quickly. She’s fluent in—”
“Española y quiero aprender francés,” she responded, telling me she was fluent in Spanish and wished to learn French.
“Puedo enseñarte francés y un poco de ruso también,” I rushed out, excited to share with her I was willing to teach her French and the bit of Russian I knew.
“Daddy, she speaks Spanish!”
“She does,” Malachi grunted. “I had no idea, Aussie.”
“Now, you do.” I chuckled.
“So, no secret conversations anymore, huh?”
“Nope.” Aussie laughed, answering her father’s question.
It was like staring in a mirror. She resembled me. Our skin was almost the same shade of brown. Hers was a bit darker and even more beautiful than mine. Her nose, eyes, and lips were very similar in size and shape. She was a tiny version of me, a perfect example of what our future children would look like.
“But, to answer your question, of course I’ll stay until you’re really, really sleep, okay? Deal?”
“Deal.”
“Alright. Let’s have a few more bites of your green beans and we can head to the tub after I get the table cleaned.”
“I’ll take care of it,” Malachi insisted.
“One.” Aussie took one fork full of green beans.
“Two.” She took another.
“Three.” Dropping the fork, she waited for my approval.
“Three is good. Are you ready?”
“Yes.”
Like lightning, she was up and out of her seat with her arms around her father’s neck.
“Goodnight, Daddy.”
“Goodnight, baby.”
He kissed both her cheeks and let her down from his lap. She dashed out of the dining room and into the bathroom. I was still trying to get up from the table by the time I heard bath water running.
“Seriously?”
“She’s like a little old lady.”
Her independence was as appalling as it was disheartening. It revealed just how in tune she was with her father’s pain and how much she wanted to relieve him of tasks to help ease it. In time, I wanted to work on channeling that energy in other places so she could enjoy her youth. With a lot of gentleness and care, she’d become the superstar toddler she had the potential to be without worrying about water temperatures, bedtime routines, and anything else I could take care of.
“I imagine I should get a move on before she’s in bed, reading to herself, huh?”
“She will try and this isn’t an exaggeration.”
“I believe it. We’re going to have to work on that. As beautiful as it is, it doesn’t have to be her reality anymore.”
“I did that to her.”
“It’s okay. We can reverse it. We will reverse it. Okay?”
Nodding, he agreed. “Go get the damn girl before she be done poured all the bubble bath in there and be mad by the morning because she wasn’t cautious.”
With that piece of information in mind, I scurried toward the bathroom. “Aussie, let me pour the bubble bath, baby.”
“Okaaaaay!” she yelled out, sounding like she was already well on her way to destroying the rest of her night. “I’ll wait.”
When I rounded the corner, she was standing beside the tub with the bubble bath in her hand, ready to pour. I accepted it as she handed it over willingly. I poured enough to fill the tub with fluffy bubbles and then placed the cap back onto the bottle.
“From now on, let me pour and start your water, Aussie. I want to make sure it’s perfect for you and we don’t waste more bubble bath than we need to, okay? This will save you a lot of heartache. Whenever I see you’re getting low, I’ll be sure to get you more before the bottle is empty so you never have to worry.”
“Okay.”
I helped her out of her clothes and watched as she emptied them into the basket next to the tub. I lifted her into my arms and lowered her into the water. She instantly scooped a handful of bubbles up and covered her upper body. Nodding in approval, I got comfortable beside the tub, knowing I was in for more conversation that consisted of details from the last year of Aussie’s life. I appreciated the update, so I wasn’t complaining at all.
Bath time didn’t last very long before she asked for a cleaning cloth. I searched the cabinets until I located one. When I made it back to her side, she reached out and balled the towel into her tiny hands before dipping it into the water. I watched closely as she laid it onto the tub and pumped soap onto it.
When she was satisfied with the amount on the towel, she picked it up and scrubbed each side together to form bubbles. I found her knowledge comical. She began washing her body parts, not missing a single one before sitting in the tub to rinse off. She repeated the same process again, unplugged the stopper, and finally turned to me with a smile.
“All done.”
Stunned, I nodded. “Yes. You are all done, baby. You did such a great job.”
“Daddy taught me how to wash up really good so no germs will stick to me. They make you itchy and very sick. I don’t want to be sick.”
“Me either. It makes you feel yucky.”
“So yucky.”
“Come on. Let’s get you dried off and in bed.”
She waited patiently while I grabbed a large towel. Her arms were spread when I returned. I wrapped her up nice and tight and pulled her out of the tub.
“You don’t know where my bedroom is,” she sniggered.
“This way?” I asked, playing the game along with her.
“Noooo.”
“This way?”
“Noooo.”
“This way?” I turned toward her room.
“Yes. This way.”
I unraveled the towel after finding her princess pajamas. With the nighttime lotion that Malachi had handmade, filled with lavender, chamomile, rosemary, and other calming herbs, I rubbed her skin.
“All done.”
Aussie climbed into bed and pulled the cover up over her body.
“Okay, now, what book do you want to read tonight?”
“Can you just lay with me?” She yawned, hardly able to keep her eyes open.
“Yes. Of course, I can. I just hope your bed can handle us both.”
I removed my slippers and climbed in bed behind Aussie. She scooted back, pressing her body against mine. She yearned to establish skin to skin contact. Letting her have her way and enhancing her mental and emotional stimulation, I wrapped my arms around her, laying my hand on her head and brushing her hair.
“Goodnight.” She yawned again.
“Goodnight, baby.”
As she drifted, I continued to bring her comfort, refusing to leave until she’d fallen asleep. Comfort found me as well, forcing my eyes closed, too.
It wasn’t until I felt Malachi’s hand on mine and his voice whispering my name that I realized I’d fallen asleep.
“Hmmm?”
“Come to bed. You’re going to regret squeezing in this little bed tomorrow when your back is aching.”
“I don’t want to leave her,” I admitted, scooting closer to Aussie and bringing her as close to me as I could.
“Aeir, you’re uncomfortable. Your feet are hanging over the end of the bed.”
“Fine, but she’s coming with me.”
“Baby, no, she isn’t.”
“Yes she is, Malachi.”
“Aussie doesn’t sleep in bed with me, Aeir. She knows this.”
“Well, then, I’m staying. You can shut the door behind you and leave us alone.”
“Oh damn, it’s like that?” he asked, taken aback.
“Unless she can come to bed with me, then yes, it’s just like that.”
“Aeir.”
“Malachi. I’m not ready to let her go. She’s so cuddly. I want to hold on to her forever.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes. Now, get out, baby. You’re going to wake her up.”
“She sleeps like a fucking log. Trust me, I’m not going to wake her up.”
“Well, you’re interrupting my sleep.”
“Because I miss you. Please come to bed.” He paused. “She can come, too.”
I wasted little time hopping over Aussie. Malachi tried reaching for her, but I swatted at his hands. He’d had the last two and a half years with her. It was my turn.
“Aeir, what are—”
“Let me get her. Go ahead. We’ll be in there. I promise.”
“I can carry her.”
“Me, too.”
The bickering brought him pure joy. I could tell he was enjoying the small spat about nothingness. It was as close to an argument he’d ever experienced because it wasn’t my ministry. However, when it came to Aussie, I’d toy with his guilty pleasure.
“Aight. If y’all not in there by the time I count to thirty, I’m coming back.”
“Bye, Malachi.”
I scooped Aussie up in my hands and waited until she settled to continue. I slid into my shoes and headed toward the master bedroom where an impatient Malachi was waiting. Upon entry, he flipped the switch on the light and climbed into bed. I followed his lead, walking around to the other side and climbing up with Aussie in my arms.
I maneuvered until I was in between the two of them, still cradling her, but giving Malachi access to parts of me that helped him sleep better at night. He placed an arm over me. His hand landed on Aussie’s tiny frame. Completion was the only term to describe the feeling I experienced while closing my eyes and drifting off.
FOURTEEN
A week and a half as a family and my cheeks hurt from smiling so much in the last ten days since Aussie had been home. She was a ray of sunshine and kept us both on our toes. She reminded me a lot of myself, but not as a child. She had an old soul.
Her presence had me thinking a lot about the strained relationship with my mother and the words of Malachi not long ago. She’d been on my mind heavily since witnessing the emptiness of Anna’s mother. Aussie being adamant about referring to me as Mommy left me with so many questions about motherhood and raising an amazing member of society. My mother was the person to answer those questions, but up until today, I hadn’t found the gumption to reach out.
With Aussie and Malachi out for a daddy and daughter day that I’d spent most of the night convincing him of, I felt there wasn’t a more perfect time to finally make the call I’d been dreading. I hovered over my mother’s number, contemplating on what I’d say or how I’d explain the last two months of my life. There was no easy way to share any of the updates, but I knew I needed to. Tucking my fear in my back pocket, I pressed the green button. She picked up on the second ring, exhilaration apparent in her voice.
“Aeir. I was just thinking about you, baby. How are you?”
“I’m good, Mom. I’m really good. How about you?”
“I’m much better now. Sitting here watching my shows, you know.”
“I figured.”
As an entrepreneur, she spent her time however she saw fit. It wasn’t always that way, but as of late, it had been. She spent her days searching for real estate to invest. She’d saved fifty thousand dollars before quitting her job and taking a leap of faith. Knowing that my father would provide for her if her business idea failed, she stepped into her calling, worried about nothing.
