Dark Layers (Volume 3), page 8
I quickly get to my feet and clutch at my awakening tummy; it folds over in a hysterical battle, a battle between what is right and wrong with Elijah and I. Why did I lose it over that damn case?I peer up, realizing I’m staring at the floor. Elijah is making his way towards me in a powerful dark blue suit - it hugs every inch of his perfectly carved body. His eyes are serious, narrowing – right at me. I think he’s smiling but I cannot be completely sure. His inky black hair is short, cut into a messy crop – his gorgeous long Egyptian hair is officially gone. He has little loose curls that frame his face so perfectly. I cannot believe he didn’t wait for me to go to the barbers with him – but I will not even mention that, we cannot argue about such trivial crap when we have serious issues.
He stops right in front of me and just gazes down at me with intense eyes. His lips are lightly parted, like he wants to say something – but he doesn’t.
“Was that for me or has someone else done this?” I suffer breaking the ice.
“It was for you.” He whispers as he takes my elbow.
“Where are we going?” I ask as he starts to escort me out of the building.
He pulls me through the revolving doors but it's busy, so I'm practically crushed against him. I quickly inhale his scent. Not only has he changed his hair, he's changed his aftershave. He smells good but different; he smells woody and musky – but it’s still potent to me. Jeez Jezebel really did a number on him.
"Elijah, where are we going?" I repeat.
“We are going to have something to eat.” He says serious.
I almost want to ask, ‘what’s your problem?’ because he looks ice cold; but I quickly remember that we are in public – that is why his inhibited persona is on display.
“I have just eaten.” I say blankly.
“I know, I saw you with a sandwich hanging out of your mouth on camera, but you didn’t eat all day yesterday. Some soup or some fruit will not hurt.”
I pout my lips knowing he’s right and just allow him to lead me to his desired destination. He practically barges us through the crowds of people who are making their ways to work or shopping. God he's so arrogant in public! I shake my head in frustration.
He suddenly stops us. I almost walk ahead of him but his tight grip on my arm forces my stillness. I turn to face him but before I meet his eyes, he starts slowly losing the plot.
He releases my arm and hits me with a vicious penetrating stare.
“Firstly," he points his finger almost in my face, "you are sacked."
"What the hell-" I gasp but he quickly cuts me off with a firm hand.
"Secondly, we will not keep going over everything like I always have an agenda - because with you I don't. And thirdly, if you do not want to make things work between us, then please leave now.”
Words fail me, literally! They are lost inside my empty brain cells. I open my mouth to speak but only air escapes my lips. I try to hold my tummy but use the wrong hand – I’m holding my briefcase.
“Well?” He snaps. He’s hunching down a little, his eyes are wild.
Shit his face is too harsh, I have to look away, his eyes are too intense!
“Are you seriously sacking me?” Is all I manage in the weakest voice.
I peer back up at him quickly and he nods with absolution.
“I spoke to your best friend and he said that we should not work and play together. We need a separate working life. I will help you find a job on your own terms or Derek said he will help you. I will pay you up to the end of your contract so you will be okay for money – and before you say no, that is in all the agreements for my best paid lawyers.”
My heart is literally in my throat, pounding like a warning battle drum.
"Derek, the sneaky little shit!" I gasp. "Did he call you or did you call him?" I need to know, I have a feeling Derek called him.
"He called me this morning and we had a very interesting conversation."
"About?"
"You, Anile. He is worried about you and so am I."
"Why?" I ask confused.
"Because you are changing so quickly. I need to be sure you are okay. You won't speak to me, you won't answer me when you have the hump - you just leg it every damn time!"
I don't say a thing, I just stare at him.
"Breakfast? Or are you leaving?" He asks serious.
“Swear you are actually sacking me, Elijah!” I ask stunned.
“I am. Don’t even think about walking off if you want to be with me Anile - I will not keep chasing a dead dream. If you are staying, we are going to have breakfast together, than you can either head home or whatever – I will come and see you tonight.”
I don’t even get a chance to answer him, he again takes me by my arm and pulls me to his pace. I don't even have a chance to decide to leave him! Not that I would. I mentally deflate. This is all my bloody fault and now I have lost my fucking job! I didn't see this coming at all.
"I cannot believe you are sacking me, Elijah. How the hell did Derek get your number?"
He doesn't answer me, he continues to stomp through the streets with me in hand.
"Elijah, answer me!" I order, but still, nothing. “Elijah, let go of me!” I snap as I pull my arm free.
“No, we are going to have a nice breakfast together, Anile.” He says once more.
I try to turn away from him but he pulls me in front of him. He grasps my shoulders and steers me through the crowds.
“Let me fucking go, Elijah!” I scream.
"No, move otherwise I will throw you over my shoulder and carry you like a child, Anile."
"Get your hands off of me, now!"
"Stop shouting Anile."
"No!" I bark.
He stops us from moving but does not allow me to step away from him; I'm still positioned with my back against his front.
"If you don't stop shouting, see that alley over there?" He sneaks his hand over my shoulder and points to the alley across the street. "I will take you over there, rip off your underwear and spank you without your consent. Now fucking move."
I pull myself free from his grip with every ounce of strength that I have, and without even thinking twice, I slap him around the face.
‘Wh-tch’
A sweet stinging sensation escalades over my hand but I barely register it. My blood is boiling, I am fuming! I cannot actually believe he is sacking me and threatening to spank me! The Bastard! I aim to speak but without warning, tender lips are suddenly assaulting me, forcing mine to swell beneath him, and forcing the rest of the world out of sight. I close my eyes unknowingly. His hands grasp my cheeks and I almost crush between his grip. I mentally try to pull away from him but my body just won’t back away - my brain is suffering with Darks flu, bad. I am locked with him, moving to his magical rhythm. I grab his suit jacket and squeeze it between my fingers. I want him, now, so badly. He still tastes so sweet and delicious and his tongue is so damn soft against mine. He slides his hand down my face and to my chin. He grasps my hair with his other idle hand. He pulls my head back so he can continue to kiss me deeply.
"Ah." He moans into my mouth.
His grip on my hair is painful, sexually painful but I fucking like it. My hands make their way to the back of his neck and in his hair; I’m all wild fingers and a massaging tongue. I try to push myself closer but he beats me to the idea. He releases my chin and slides his hand around my waist. He pulls me flush against him. I can feel his pulsating penis on my tummy; it’s hard and penetrating, I want to just grab it so tight and squeeze all my anger away!
He releases me abruptly, and just smiles down at me while licking his lips. I have to catch my breath, I hadn’t realized he had robbed me of all oxygen.
“You taste fucking innocent.” He closes his eyes while breathing harshly. Oh his eyelashes are so thick and long and black! I'm compelled to stare.
“Come to breakfast or go home; it’s your choice, Princess.”
His use of words almost get my back up again but he tenderly places one last chaste kiss on my bottom lip, again infecting my system. I have no choice but to obey his order, I'm putty.
“Breakfast.” I whisper - it's all I can manage.
“Is this place okay?” He looks past me and points over my shoulder while laughing to himself. He's pointing towards a dirty little English café; traditional masonic cheap flooring; tatty white plastic tables that look wobbly; uncoordinated chairs.
“No, over there.”
I point across the road to a nice tidy café; dark square wooden tables that look stable with pretty red table cloths, and a perfectly carved dark wooden counter at the far back of the cafe - it's an expensive coffee shop, that much I can see.
“Let’s go.” He says.
He does not grab my arm as he did before, he strolls across the busy road without me. I don’t follow right after him because every car that passes him by bibs and they skid across the road.
“Elijah, you idiot – be careful!” I shout.
My heart is pounding, I am literally on the verge of passing out! This is such a head fuck!
I make my way to a zebra crossing and wait patiently. Once I can cross safely, I edge towards him with wild butterflies in my tummy. I spot him standing outside of the cafe, he's talking to a lady. She’s around fifty, maybe fifty-five, dressed in a long camel rain jacket. She has really short brown curly hair and looks rich as hell – not as rich as Elijah though. I think he’s giving her directions by the way he’s pointing past her. He looks really cold and calculated, like nothing affects him. The lady pats his arm tenderly and turns away from him.
“What did she want?” I ask once I reach him.
“She told me that I have dead eyes.” He says clipped and turns away from me.
I gasp and I grab my throat with a crazy trembling hand. I stand open-mouthed, I’m utterly shocked that she said that and he did nothing!
“Elijah, that’s, that’s awful!”
I turn on my heel and practically chase after the lady.
“Hey! Hey you!” I call from behind her. She turns and smiles sweetly at me. “How dare you say that to Elijah, how dare you say he has dead eyes!” I snap with a pointing finger almost in her face.
“It was simply an observation. I saw how you two were arguing and I thought I’d give him some advice, to open up and allow his eyes to show his happiness for you. I can see he is deeply in love with you, he just needs to show his affection better.”
I blink rapidly while staring at her; I don’t really know how to reply – I was not expecting that!
She flashes me another kind smile and turns to walk away from me.
“Be happy child, life is too short.” She says as she carries on walking away.
My brain has again frozen and I have just about had enough of mentally becoming fried egg!
Tender hands are on my waist but I don’t register the sensation properly.
“Anile, come, let’s go and have breakfast.” Elijah whispers into my ear.
I walk with him in a daze. I was ready to give her what for but her observation and advice has truly shocked me.
Elijah walks me into the clean café and seats me on one of the hard wooden chairs. This place is lovely, and smells like fresh mint. I peer around and capture everything, pastel green walls; hard wearing uneven white slate floors and stunning artwork of the great outdoors in pretty white frames dotted all over the walls unevenly. The paintings are bright – I think they are copies, not real paintings – but they add so much life and culture to the café.
Elijah goes over to the counter and orders for me. In no time at all he returns with a bowel full of fruit; chopped apples, grapes, strawberries and one stick of celery.
“Here Princess, eat, please.” He says while lowering himself into the chair opposite me.
“Thanks.” I say.
I reach for a piece of apple. It tastes sweet and refreshing; it’s so crunchy. I reach for another piece.
"Anile, this has to stop."
I frown. "What has to stop?"
"Your impulsive behaviour. You have to stop assuming the worst of me and talk to me when something is bothering you." He lowers his head while shaking it aggressively. "I am trying so hard, so damn hard all the time to be a good person for you but you are not giving me any chances. You keep jumping to conclusions and always assume I have an agenda. What you are doing is mental torture and it has to stop - I cannot take it."
"Elijah, I - I was just shocked. I didn't know what to make of that case. My mother, she is a hard limit for me." I drop my head in shame.
"Look at me Anile." He orders.
I raise my eyes slowly and peer up at him.
"You should be able to talk to me about anything, good or bad. I don't know about you but I am planning on spending the rest of my life with you. You must talk to me, otherwise we are going to have more problems."
"I know, I know. I just find it hard sometimes."
I regard his gaze - he's thinking overtime, I can see it in his bright blue eyes.
"What do you find hard to tell me? Or why?"
"Elijah, please." I beg. "I really do not want to talk about this!"
"Anile, we are not leaving until you open up to me." He sits back and crosses his arms. "Should I remove my jacket and shoes to get comfy?" He asks sarcastically.
I shake my head motioning no.
"What do you want me to say? Huh?" I snap.
"How do you feel about your mother?"
"I really don't want to talk about this, Elijah."
"Anile, our pain is our punishment. I know what your mother asked of you, to move forward with your life and never think of her. I know you have punished yourself for walking away, but your punishment was not necessary - it was what your mother wanted, needed. And it should be over and done with by now."
"How do you know she asked me to walk away?" I gasp.
"You talk in your sleep, Princess. You are always asking for forgiveness."
Oh God, that's embarrassing! I feel really exposed and annoyed.
"You don't know what it's like to watch your mother suffer as I watched. You don't know what it's like for someone to take your mother away and know that there is absolutely nothing you can do about it!" I snap through gritted teeth.
He leans forward and places one gentle hand above mine. I'm clutching a knife without realizing.
"I do know what it's like, Princess. My mother was taken away from me because of the unhappiness my father brought her. At least your mother still lives. You will have another chance with her, Anile, trust me. I will make sure of it."
I inhale steadily, I need to calm down. I have no idea why I said he has no idea how it feels, because he does, he knows all too well.
"How do you feel about your mother?" I whisper.
He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. "Before I spoke to you the night I took you on the London eye, I was filled with bitterness at how easy it was for my mother to leave me. But now, I just miss her terribly - I have no bitter emotions attached to that feeling anymore. You showed me that I can think of her in a different way, you showed me that I didn't have to associate my suffering with everything in my waking life - kissing people, loving people properly and not perversely. You told me that I have to deal with my emotions and that is what I have been doing, Anile, for you. It was all for you."
I'm defeated by his honesty. "What terrible advice." I lightly joke.
He smiles affectionately. "Anile, when my mother was alive, she was my everything. I wasn't always this cold Bastard. I was kind and thoughtful and I loved everything about life. She was always my rock for work, girls, money, for anything I needed advice on. When she left me, she tore my heart out and left me this empty shell that only my father was able to fill. He filled my shell with a nasty calculated Bastard, so that's all I knew - until I met you. You showed me that I didn't have to hate my mother for leaving me, you showed me that I had to forgive her for being too weak that she couldn't continue her life with my father. I now fully accept that and it's down to you. You need to do the same for yourself Anile, you need to forgive yourself for walking away from your mother."
"I can't." I whisper weak.
"Why not?"
I quickly look up at him. Why not? My gaze turns into a daze and I just stare into space. I actually don't know why I cannot forgive myself - how strange.
"I don't know." I shake my head.
"You need to find out why you punish yourself to be able to forgive yourself."
"I punish myself for not fighting for her. I should have done more."
"How? How could you have done more? You were just a child, Princess."
I *sigh* heavily. "The day they took my mother away, I was late being dropped off to her. Sophie and I were planning a house party so we stayed late at the library to do the planning. If I just came home on time, we would have got away and she would still be here with me."
"How were you to know what was going on?"
"I don't know. I didn't know anything and I am ashamed of that. I should have known that something was wrong with my mother, I should have known that she was trying to leave my father."
"That's not your fault that you didn't know, Anile."
"Do you honestly believe that?" I ask serious.
"I don't believe it," he narrows his eyes at me, "I know it."
I lower my gaze. "That makes me feel a little better."
"I am here to make you feel better, Princess, but you have to open up to me."
