Dark Layers (Volume 3), page 19
Things are finally good for us all, it's a time to remember, it's a memory that should be kept.
Anile's Diary
APRIL 1st 2012
Life is still going strangely well. Elijah, Derek, Aliyah and I, all got back from Egypt a week ago - we booked an extra ticket for Aliyah. It was a breathtaking holiday, sun and sand with extraordinary tours of the Pyramids - Khufu was my favourite.
I have learnt a lot about Elijah and his cult since our holiday - but I still want him to be freed from his cult. The dangerous things he has told me about the cult are not for the weak hearted. I want to I need to be sure I can keep him happy so he has no reason to return to them.
Bizarrely, while in Egypt, we ran into Elijah's father and then had to adjust our holiday planner to insure we didn't run into him again. Elijah has been doing everything in his power to keep his nasty family away from me and I'm grateful - they freak me out big time.
I'm glad to be back from holiday though, I'm glad to be back to normality.
Work has been going extremely well. There has been no special treatment for me like there was at Darks Lawyers - but it does not bother me, I am learning from the bottom up and building my strengths as a Criminal Lawyer.
I have not seen much of Elijah this week, he's really busy with work - I miss him so much. He calls me daily, every two hours. The distance between us is sort of okay, I just miss him every minute of every day and I worry that he thinks' I'm getting bored of him, that maybe that's why he's stopped seeing me so much? But in all honesty, it does not really matter how often I see him, the affect is still the same, always the same, I'm still shy and nervous around him and overly intoxicated by his presence.
Our sex life - after I brought him to that sex shop - has gone back to normality; missionary! I was getting overly curious and was too desperate to try new things, but he wanted to slow my lessons down, he thinks he's tarnishing my innocent mind. He's so protective in all the right ways but stopping our sexcapades has not curbed my curiosity, not one bit! I am still thinking of investing in some toys at home so I can shock him.
Anile's Diary
MAY 18th 2012
It's Elijah's birthday in a few days and I have a real treat for him- a party and a really nice present that I know he will like and enjoy. Everyone is invited apart from his father and brother - I don't want to spoil his birthday. I will also finally meet his friend Amin. I have been dying to meet him because he seems to be Elijah's only true friend.
Let's just hope Elijah does not mind being in the spotlight - otherwise his birthday party will be a massive fail!
Today I am packing so I can stay at Elijah's for the rest of the week. I want to create a good build up for his birthday and tease him at every turn. I will get my wicked way with him if it's the last thing I do!
ALIYAH ISHELPING ME PACK my things up so I can head over to Elijah's. I'm going to stay with him for the week. Aliyah and I have become close friends over the past few months, and I had a vacant spot that only she could fill - she's such a lovely, kind, person. "Anile, once you are all packed I'll hit the road. I need to go home and sort a few things, and then I will meet you out for dinner tonight, yes?" She says.
"Didn't you want to get a lift with me?" I frown while looking up at her.
"No, I'm good chick. I'll just meet you there." She assures me but I barely hear her words. I'm staring at my Tampon box while trying to remember my last period. I definitely haven't had one this month, and last month I don't think I did either. Holy shit! I haven't had one for at least two months! My entire expression drops and vanishes into nothing - I stare impassively.
"Anile, are you okay?" Aliyah says in an alarming voice.
I cannot help but stare in a daze.
"Um, I don't know." I whisper.
I fall onto my backside while still in dismay - I don't even register the hard floor. Fuck! Fuck me - I think I'm pregnant!
"Anile, answer me. You're scaring me! What's wrong?" Aliyah drops my bag onto the floor and offers me a sympathetic hand on my shoulder.
I peer up at her, my mouth is agape; my eyes are glazed over.
I swallow hard. "I think I'm pregnant." I say small.
She screws her entire face up. "Really? When was your last period?"
I shake my head slowly. "I don't know, I haven't had one for months."
"Haven't you been using protection?" She says while pulling her long chocolate hair out of her face.
"I, I didn't ever give it a thought. Oh God - I'm such an idiot!" I cup my face in shame.
"Anile, please tell me you're joking? Why didn't you use protection? Not only to stop this from happening - but you also need to protect yourself from diseases."
My heart viciously bangs against my chest but it's not enough to pull me out of my mentally disengaged state.
"I don't know, I honestly don't know. I was a virgin before Elijah. All I was thinking about was sex - protection never crossed my mind!"
She rises to her feet. "Right, stop panicking. Let's um, let's go to the pharmacy across the road and get you a pregnancy test."
"Yeah?" I whisper while peering up at her.
"Yes, come on Anile, get up." She pulls on my arm and sets me on my feet.
She continues to pull me to her pace, out of my en-suite, through my living area and out of my front door. Jeez this is all happening too fast; I cannot properly grasp exactly what's going on! We reach the lobby and the lift is open and ready for us - even the damn mechanicals in my building are rushing me! As soon as the doors close, the lift's atmosphere turns frosty cold - on my behalf, I literally have nothing to say, I'm still suffering with shock.
We touch down on the first floor and the lift pings open. I follow after Aliyah faster than usual, I need some fresh air. Once we reach the outside, London's' polluted air hits my lungs and causes me to feel nauseous - but I have felt like this for weeks, how did I not know?
We cross the road safely via the zebra crossing and once we reach the pharmacy, I mentally crash. I stand frozen in place - I don't even notice the traffic of people passing us by. I peer up at the white and blue sign on the pharmacy and panic starts to take over.
"Fuck." I gasp. I pull my arm free from Aliyah's grip. "I cannot do this, I cannot be pregnant! I don't want to know!"
I start to head back across the street, my heart pattering like a machine gun.
"Anile, stop!" Aliyah calls out but I ignore her.
I enter my apartment building and run into the lift. On the ride up I cannot help but gasp for air. It's so damn hot in here, and there's practically no oxygen - or it at least feels this way. I tug on the neck of my T-shirt to try and loosen it but it's still so tight! The lift pings open and I leg it back into my apartment. Once I'm through my front door, I fall down onto the floor in my hall. The coolness of the wooden flooring feels refreshing. I kick off my shoes and rest my naked feet on the cold floor in hope that it will lower my rising temperature. I grasp my hair in my hands and pull my knees up to my chest. Why is this happening to me? How could I have been so stupid?
Being stupid seems to be your only capability these days!
I slide one of my hands down my face, across my chest and stop at my tummy. I sneak my fingers under my plain white T-shirt and feel my bare tummy. I do feel like I have put on weight, and Elijah keeps complimenting on how I have gained a few pounds - he thinks I look better for it! God if only he knew - he would flip! Oh fuck! How the hell am I going to take care of a child? I can barely take care of myself!
"Anile." Aliyah whispers as she peers through the front door. I must not have closed it properly. "I have got you a test. I think you should do it now."
Tears dress my eyes. "I'm scared." I whimper.
"I know Honey but you need to know whether you are pregnant or not."
My bottom lip starts to tremble and once I rise to my feet, my entire body follows; my hands are shaking and my legs are like jelly.
"I'll be here with you Honey. Go." She says tenderly.
On unsteady legs, I make my way to my bathroom. I reach the toilet and position myself. Fuck I'm so scared! I'm so worried because I know I am pregnant - I just need the confirmation.
I pee on the white pregnancy stick and place it on the sink top. Two minutes, two minutes is all it's going to take to change my life forever. I gaze down to my wrist and watch my Omega. Time is passing by so slowly that I fear it will stop altogether!
Once the minutes have passed, I grasp the test.
..............................................................................
"Holy fuck!"
I drop the test and clutch at my neck. Fuck I cannot breathe, I cannot think. I squeeze my eyes shut because I start to feel light headed. I shake my head but I still feel under the weather. I sit down on the cool marble floor and cup my face in stupefaction. Tears start to pool down my cheeks.
"Aliyah." I sob.
She slowly opens the bathroom door.
"What did it say?"
"Pregnant." I weep.
"Oh Honey." Her face is full of sympathy; her chocolate brown eyes are like damp puppy eyes; her mouth is set in a frown.
"This is not the worst thing in the world Anile, you will be a great mother. Derek has told me all about your mother, how much of a loving angel she was - you have learnt from the best."
I blink rapidly at her. "You really think I'll be a great mother?"
She nods her head with surety. "I do Anile. And we will all be here for you, Derek, Elijah and me; also your dad. I'm sure you two will patch things up soon."
"My father." I whisper while I peer down at my knotted fingers.
"You need to tell Elijah, Anile - sooner rather than later."
I swallow hard - fuck that is not going to go down well. We have never had... baby talk - it was never on any of our agendas. An enormous earthquake starts to take place inside my tummy.
"Aliyah, I need to call Derek. Can you grab my phone for me? It's by the sink in the kitchen."
"Sure." She says tenderly.
Fuck, fuck, what am I going to do? I grasp my tummy and squeeze my eyes shut. I feel... I feel shocked and ashamed that I didn't use any protection, that I didn't even think of it! Why the bloody hell didn't Elijah bring up the topic of protection? He's more flipping experienced than I am - or does he make a habit of getting girls pregnant by accident? Maybe he wanted this to happen. I gasp at the thought!
Aliyah returns with my phone in no time at all and I dial Derek quickly.
"Hey Sweets, how are you?" He says in a hypo voice.
I know he's out and must be busy - I can hear tons of people in the background but I need him now more than ever. He's always been my rock.
"Derek," I start to sob.
"Baby girl, what's wrong?" He whispers down the speaker.
"I'm pregnant."
The line goes silent for a few seconds.
"Derek, you there?"
"Oh my God - CONGRATULATIONS!" He screams down the phone.
I almost jump back - I'm flabbergasted! Okay I was not expecting that. My brain quickly registers shock and projects it through my face.
"Derek, this is a disaster!" I gasp.
"What - why? No it isn't, this is amazing news! Don't ever say you becoming a mother is a disaster Anile, and I mean it." He snaps. "Where are you?"
I hold my forehead in dismay. "I'm at home."
"I'll be ten minutes." He says and shuts down his phone.
I grit my teeth while clutching my phone. I'm umbrage, definitely umbrage - and stupid.
"What did he say?" Aliyah asks.
"Congratulations. He, he, he said... congratulations." I mutter uncoordinated.
"Well, congratulations." She smiles. "This really is not such a bad thing Anile. You love Elijah, he loves you. I am guessing you are planning on spending the rest of your life with him - so why is it so bad, huh?"
I stop to think for a few seconds - maybe Aliyah and Derek are right, maybe this is not such a bad thing. Ugh, but me, a mother - bloody hell, I cannot even imagine it!
She takes a seat next to me, resting against the sink cupboard.
"What do you find so scary about becoming a mother?"
"What? Why do you ask that?" I peer to the side so I can see her properly.
"I don't know. If you can understand what is worrying you, maybe you can try to work on it."
"Huh." I breathe. "That does kinda make sense."
"And, Elijah, what do you think he will make of this?"
I roll my eyes at her. "He will probably freak out because he cannot control this."
"Anile, I think he will be over the moon. He is so in love with you. I have never in my life seen someone so besotted with another person before. He will love it, trust me."
"You really think so?"
"Yes, I really do." She smiles sweetly at me.
I hear Derek banging on my front door and I quickly rise to my feet. I run past Aliyah and down the hall to my front door. I open it with too much force and almost fall flat on my arse but Derek grabs me in his arms and twirls me around in circles while kissing my cheek.
"Baby girl, this is such good news - I am finally going to be an uncle."
His words cause butterflies to flutter endlessly around my tummy and I cannot help but smile - I'm so happy he's here. He sets me on my feet and holds me at arms length. He runs his eyes over my entire body and nods.
"Yes, I can see that you are pregnant, you are glowing Anile."
I blush on cue - how can he make this scary situation feel good? I hug him once more because I feel safe in his arms. He's wearing the most awful red puffer jacket and I almost want to laugh. For someone who's supposed to be a fashion guru - and always condemning me because of my taste in designs - he is dreadfully dressed.
"I have something that will make you feel broody."
I pull back from him and eye him suspiciously.
"What?" I say with narrowing eyes.
He pulls a pair of knitted cream baby booties free from his red coat pocket. He dangles them in the air between our faces and I cannot help but stare - I'm mesmerized by how small and cute they are.
"This is a good thing Sweets, please be happy - I am." He whispers.
Tears fall down my face once more, but not because I'm sad, it's because I think I am happy. I take the booties from his hands and hold them in mine; they are so tiny, so, so tiny.
"I love you, Derek." I whisper.
"I love you too, Anile, and I will always be here for you - and now this little one too." He says honestly. "Can I?" He asks while hovering his hand over my tummy.
"You won't feel anything." I joke.
He flashes a little mocking smile while rolling his eyes. He slides his hand under my T-shirt and pushes it flush against my tummy. His touch tickles and causes me to feel excited - yes, he's right, this is a good thing.
"I can feel something, I cannot believe you can't!" He jokes.
"I have only just found out Derek."
"I cannot wait to do the nursery - your spare room is perfect."
I hold a firm hand up to him. "Slow down, I'm only a few weeks pregnant, Derek."
"You need to see a doctor and get checked up, sooner rather than later. I'll come with you, or Elijah will. Or maybe we both can?"
"Yes, you are right. I will book an appointment tomorrow - right now I need to leave, Elijah is expecting me."
Derek raises his eyebrows. "Are you going to tell him today?"
"Um, I don't know - I might wait until his birthday and do it as a present. What do you think?"
He nods quickly while smiling generously. "I think that is an amazing idea, Anile."
I lower my gaze and smile to myself - he's such a good friend.
"Derek, can you do me a big favour?"
"Of course, anything, Sweets."
"Could you text Sophie and tell her the good news? And be sure to tell her to keep it to herself. Oh, and tell her I'll call her tomorrow because I'm busy."
I'm really hoping they can, somewhat, make up. I hate the tension whenever she is mentioned and I really want them to be on good terms once Elijah sorts everything out.
"Anile." He moans.
"Please, for me?" I bat my lashes at him.
"Why can't you text her?"
"Because she will probably try to call me and I don't want to shut her down, I think she will take it personally - and I really have to go."
"Fine. For you I will. But I'm not happy about this, Anile."
I PULL UP TO ELIJAHS' in the Mercedes. I have to say, it is one hot car. The interior is black leather - Elijah's favourite material - and the seats are so comfortable; they are practically orthopaedic and do my back a world of justice. I have arrived early - two hours early to be precise but I miss him so much, especially now I have this massive secret that I'm keeping from him. I grab my overnight bag from the passenger foot well and step out of the car. His grounds are so beautiful and go on for miles. Perfectly cut green, green grass with amazing tram lines, and flower beds that are wonderfully kept dress the sides of his stony driveway - it's really a lovely garden. I cast my mind over it and wonder what I would do with my green fingers - maybe a vegetable patch to the south? I'm sure he would be okay with that. And speaking of flowers, I think I'll pay my green house a visit today, I'm feeling good and in need of flowers.
I head inside after mentally capturing his garden. The front door is always unlocked so I can walk in freely. As soon as I'm at the archway into his living area, I hear a woman shouting.
"I am no longer your wife, you cannot hit or bully me anymore, Elijah!"
Fuck! Is that Jezebel? It cannot be, she's dead - or supposed to be! My eyes are wide and my entire body starts to tremble uncontrollably. Who the hell is that? I peer around the archway. I can see Elijah's back - he's dressed casually in dark blue fitted jeans and a tight black vest; his feet are naked - he looks like he's been relaxing. I peer past him and catch a glimpse of the woman he's arguing with. Holy fuck she's... stunning - and she's not Jezebel! My mouth is set in a firm o. She's really tall, almost as tall as Elijah, and her raven black hair is very short, cut into a bob with a fringe.
