Succubus Lord 19, page 23
Legion scuttled over to the three combatants, slammed his fists into Raph and Tris, and then scooped up Todd.
“Not like this, bro!” Todd screamed as Legion raised him to his mouth. “The Toddster can’t go out like this!”
I commanded the metal rope to liquify once again, and then I enchanted it with yellow fire. I hurled the rope straight around Legion’s lower jaw, activated the deadly yellow shuriken, and then watched with satisfaction as a geyser of gore erupted.
Legion roared with agony as his jaw fell free of his head, and he flung Todd toward me with the speed of a fastball.
I caught the imp with my green flames, lowered him to the ground, and then patted him on the head.
“I wasn’t gonna let you die, bro,” I reassured him. “Who’d be our comic relief?”
“Probably Slothy,” Todd admitted. “I’ve trained her well in the way of the Toddster.”
“We need to take out Dolo,” I explained to the imp. “Maybe if we can take down the rider, it’ll at least throw Legion off his game.”
“Hold on, bro…” Todd trailed off. “Have you ever seen X-Men?”
“No shit,” I snorted. “You were there with me, remember?”
“Remember that thing Colossus does with Wolverine?” The imp reminded me. “Because I think that could really help us out right now, bro.”
It was worth a shot.
Legion, now sans his jaw, turned to face me. Blood oozed from his face as his tongue dangled down, and his eyes narrowed in on our position.
My friends tried to light him up with every attack in the book, but he didn’t seem to care.
Now, I’d made this thing personal.
“Uh, Legion?” Dolo chuckled awkwardly. “We still got hostiles at six. And seven. And ten.”
“Neeeeephillliiimmmmm…” Legion gurgled, and then he charged.
I instantly threw a green spell around Todd and prepared for launch. It only took the demon a few seconds to close the gap, so I threw my glowing green left hand forward and unleashed a red fireball with the other.
Legion sidestepped the fireball, but he was completely unaware of the incoming imp.
“Legion, buddy--” Dolo began, but he was cut off in an instant.
Todd did his best Wolverine scream as he flew toward Dolo, slammed into the lanky bastard, and then knocked him completely off Legion.
Meanwhile, all I could do was surround my entire body with purple Hellfire, and right as I did so, Legion’s razor-sharp teeth slammed into my barrier. The impact sent me to my knees, but the shield held.
“Ccccoowwarrrrd!” Legion sneered as he tried to break through my barrier.
“See,” I taunted the demon. “You call it ‘cowardly,’ but I call it ‘being a master tactician.’ For example, you’re so focused on me that you have no idea all of my friends are about to fuck you up.”
Legion went to turn around, but it was far too late.
Tris’ bullets tore through his hind end as Eclipse’s naginata and Vidia’s dagger stabbed into his back. Raphael’s FAMAS bullets turned his rear legs into swiss cheese, and Aruna’s bhuj made several swift stabs into his gut.
Legion let out a gurgled scream, and that was when I went in for the kill.
I reversed my purple Hellfire to form a cube around the bastard’s head. Then I summoned bronze flames into my other hand and turned the magical cube into a fucking trembling prison of death.
Legion tried to scream as his head began to vibrate at a subatomic level, but it was far too late.
I increased the intensity of my spell, and the fucker’s head popped like a gore-filled balloon.
Legion’s body slumped forward and then collapsed as blood sprayed out from his fresh stump of a neck.
The beast was dead.
“Holy fuck,” I gasped as I released my spell and fell down onto my knees. “Did we just do that?”
“You just did that,” Vidia admitted. “We all kinda stood there and watched.”
“Wait,” Aruna demanded. “Where is Dolo?”
“Right here!” Todd announced triumphantly as he stood over the lanky demon.
“You think you’ve won?” Dolo chuckled. “This is only the beginning. Wait until Lucifer actually comes for you, Nephilim.”
“I’ve always wanted to do this,” Todd admitted, and then he grabbed Dolo by the throat.
Todd lifted Dolo’s head up, leaned it back, and then raised his own free hand into a palm-strike.
“What is he doing?” Eclipse whispered.
“It’s best not to ask,” I chuckled. “Just let him have this one.”
“Live or die, man?” Todd asked Dolo in his best Ralph Macchio voice.
“L-Live!” Dolo declared with wide eyes. “I wanna live!”
Todd’s face fell into a frown.
“You’re supposed to say ‘die,’ bro,” the imp sighed. “Now this is just gonna make me look like a total dick.”
“What wi--” Dolo began, but he was cut off by Todd’s clawed hand as it grabbed his jugular.
Todd sank his claws into the lanky demon’s neck and then let out a grunt as he pulled as hard as he could. Dolo screamed as his larynx was torn straight out of his body with a splash of crimson, and then he collapsed onto the ground and gurgled as he began to bleed out.
“Todd wins,” the imp deepened his voice. “Fatality.”
“Fucking finally.” I whistled as I called my warhammer back into my hand and then commanded it to return to the ball. “I was starting to think we weren’t gonna win that one.”
“I never lost faith in you, Jacob,” Vidia said. “I knew you’d pull through. You always do.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you.” I smiled at the gothic Demon Lord, and then I wrapped my arm around her shoulders.
I nuzzled my face against Vidia’s dark hair, and I took in the sweet, succulent smell of her perfume as I kissed her gently.
The Sister of Envy let out a squeal of glee before she pulled away and looked down at her feet with a beet-red face.
“L-Let’s go home,” Vidia giggled.
“You can say that again.” Todd whistled. “There’s nothing more the Toddster wants right now than to kick back on the couch with his feet up, a doobie in one hand and some greasy nachos in the other.”
Suddenly, the last Ethereal magic appeared. My head was surrounded by the glow of the ancient spell, and my heart dropped into my chest as I watched it crawl down to my torso.
“I-Is that what I think it is?” Raphael grinned.
“It sure is, Raph!” I sputtered. “It’s the last one. This is it, guys!”
We all watched anxiously as the Ethereal magic disappeared into my torso, and then we waited to see what would happen next.
I stood there for nearly a full minute before I started to grow suspicious by the lack of change.
“Do you feel any different?” Sia questioned with a bit of hope in her voice. “You look exactly the same.”
“I-I don’t,” I admitted. “What the fuck… That was the last sin I needed to atone for. Right? I literally sent people to every single place we had caused trouble in the past.”
“I don’t understand.” Raphael frowned. “Did Caorthannach or Ziminiar mistranslate the spell?”
“Impossible.” Superbia shook her head. “Caorthannach speaks Deorish. That would be like one of us mistranslating something written in English.”
“Then why isn’t it working?” I demanded. “We did everything according to the spell, but there’s no power up or anything.”
“We haven’t done it all yet,” Tris reminded me. “There’s still the whole thing with the blood of the fallen angel and all that.”
“Yeah, but Lilith made it very clear something would happen after I completed the trials.” I frowned. “Something isn’t right here.”
“We cannot stay here, Jacob,” Aruna interjected. “I know you are disappointed, but Lucifer surely knows about our victory by now. If we don’t leave now, we’ll almost certainly have his entire army on us in no time.”
“You’re right,” I agreed. “We need to get back home and try to figure out what’s going on. Follow me, everyone.”
I walked over to the Devil’s throne and then plopped down into it. The throne was way more comfortable than it had any right to be, and I couldn’t help but feel it was a natural fit.
Still, I didn’t have time to gloat.
I needed to get back to the Fourth Circle and figure out what the fuck was happening, so I summoned emerald Hellfire into my hands, surrounded my friends with its dark glow, and then pictured our castle back in the Fourth Circle of Hell. Within seconds, I felt my body become weightless, and we were all transported through space and time.
When I finally opened my eyes, I saw the familiar landscape of our castle courtyard.
“King Ralston!” Ziminiar’s voice declared.
The goat-faced Demon King shuffled over to us in a hurry, and his eyes were wide with shock. When he saw us in our current state, he placed his hands on his cheeks and gasped.
“It’s alright.” I winked at Ziminiar. “It’s not our blood.”
“Oh, thank goodness.” The King of the Sixth Circle doubled over and wiped his brow. “For a moment there I was worried you were injured.”
“Well, I don’t exactly feel great right now,” I chuckled. “But we’ve got bigger things to worry about.”
“Like what, King Ralston?” Ziminiar asked.
“Send out a message to all of my allies,” I commanded. “Every single one of them. Assassin… Demon… Human… Caliginis… I need them all here at my castle, ASAP.”
“May I inquire as to the reason?” The goat-faced demon adjusted his glasses.
“Because…” I trailed off as I looked to the sky. “I think we’re almost to the finish line, Ziminiar. I think our final assault against Lucifer is going to happen soon. Very, very soon. And I want to be prepared.”
Ziminiar nodded, but his face showed nothing but nerves. His mouth was slightly agape, and his eyebrows were raised in fear.
As I watched the King of the Sixth Circle shuffle away, I let out a long, deep sigh.
One way or another, Lucifer was going to force my hand.
I just hoped I had enough firepower to take him on when that happened.
Chapter 16
“So…” I mused as I looked around at all of my friends. “I want to know everything that happened on your adventures. I counted the correct number of Ethereal energies, but I don’t think the spell worked. I want to know if there was anything we may have missed.”
“Well,” Ira interjected as she stroked her chin. “Lunacio and I started at the Lincoln Memorial. Remember? The place I tried to squash you all like a pair of testicles under my stiletto?”
“I hate that visual, Crazy Eyes.” Todd shuddered. “But good analogy.”
“There were apparently still a few cracks in the foundation,” Lunacio spoke up. “So, we filled those in and then moved on to the hotel. Did you know those rocks in the shower are perfect for sticking in your--”
“What did you do to atone?” I interrupted before we went into a weird territory. “I didn’t think we did anything wrong there.”
“Weeeeeelllllll…” Todd chuckled awkwardly. “There is a very, very tiny chance I may have bought some naughty channels while you guys were away. And there might have been an even smaller, teensy-weensy chance I didn’t pay for them.”
“Which is why we had to ask the hotel to go through its records and find the exact films,” Ira mumbled. “All that work for a bunch of vanilla movies… Such a waste of money.”
“Hey, now,” Todd warned. “Hole in One, I Dream of Orgy, and The Great Gangbang are masterpieces of adult cinema, Crazy Eyes.”
“Good enough that you watched them all five times in a row?” Ira raised an eyebrow at the imp.
“Five times in a row consecutively,” Todd stated as he raised his head high. “I was so dehydrated by the time I was done, too. It was like I was shooting dust outta my turkey baster, ya know?”
“I would not.” Ira shook her head. “Anyways, we paid for the videos, and then we were on our way to Congress.”
“I got to sit in on a ten-hour filibuster!” Lunacio declared, and her eyes went a little glassy as she recalled the memory. “It was fucking orgasmic.”
“Okay,” I admitted. “Sounds like you guys did your part. What about anyone else?”
“Vegas went about as smooth as you could go ask,” Cupi explained. “We mainly just played the slot machines until we gave back all the money we’d cheated them out of. The best part of it all is nowadays, that is simple chump change compared to what you make in a week.”
“We’ve come a long way since our first adventure,” I agreed. “What about the Excalibur? How the fuck did you fix that one?”
“Where do you think we spent all the money gambling?” Gula giggled. “And buying buffets and room service…”
“They rebuilt it?” I questioned. “I woulda figured they’d shut it down, since it was an active crime scene and all.”
“You really don’t know Vegas at all, do you, bro?” Todd snickered. “They’d parade around Jeffrey Dahmer out on the floor if it meant more people would sit down at their slots.”
“So, the money all went back to the Excalibur.” I nodded and then turned to the Vatican group. “Awesome. What about you guys?”
“We had a great time!” Libidine declared. “The Vatican is always such a beautiful place this time of year.”
“I met with the Vatican Secret Police,” Isabella noted as she crossed her legs. “Against my better judgement, I explained the situation to them, and thankfully they have agreed to not press any charges. Under one condition, of course.”
“And what is that?” I gulped.
“If you succeed in defeating Lucifer and becoming the new ruler of Hell?” Isabella smirked. “The Vatican wants to have you do a TED Talk for them about ‘proof that it’s all real.’”
“That’s it?” I laughed. “I’ll fucking take it.”
“I can already see it now, bro!” Todd exclaimed as he held up his hands and created a fake sign. “‘To Hell and Back: Jacob Ralston Explains Why You Should Believe in the Afterlife.’”
“That’s… Actually not too bad,” Isabella admitted. “I’d write that down.”
“I don’t need to, Jane Wick,” Todd explained as he patted his temple. “I’ve got it all stored up in this smart little imp brain of mine.”
“Uhhhh, you sure about that, dude?” Tris questioned. “I’ve seen you forget your own name before.”
“That’s when I’m blazed, Slothy.” The imp waved his hand and scoffed. “When I’m sober, I’m as sharp as a button.”
“A tack,” I corrected him.
“Why would I wanna be a tack, bro?” Todd demanded. “Those things are fucking useless unless you got ‘em on a corkboard. Even if you wanna hang something on a wall, they’re just gonna poke a buncha holes everywhere. No, Jakey… Being as sharp as a button is where it’s at. Everybody loves buttons.”
“Can’t argue there.” I shook my head and laughed. “Tampa group? How’d that go?”
“It was like, so freaking cool!” Deja squealed. “We got to hang out on the beach and check out the aquarium and even--”
“I believe he’s talking about the atonement, dear,” Mirage spoke up.
“Oh, that.” The tan Demon Lord frowned. “That went pretty good. We just kinda, like, went to the conference center and offered to speak at the next paranormal conference being held there.”
“We also went back to the hotel room you all trashed,” Mirage added. “It took a bit of coercing, but we finally were able to get them to take a check for the damages.”
“Which just leaves San Fran.” I turned to look at Oliver, Jane, and Ariel. “What do ya got for me?”
“Well…” Oliver began. “We cleaned up the site where we had our first encounter. Out in the woods.”
“We also went and found the stanchion you crashed Shadow into,” Jane giggled. “Took forever, though.”
“And then there was the tower,” Oliver noted. “We were able to get up to the top floor and then use some of Ariel’s Divine magic to take the leftover blood stains out of the concrete.”
“So, that’s it, then.” I frowned as I sat back in my chair. “You guys all pulled your weight, and we pulled ours. Yet… I don’t have the power of the Ethereal energy yet.”
“There is still my blood that needs to be spilled,” Cupi noted.
“You make it sound way darker and more macabre than it needs to be,” I reminded the Sister of Greed. “All you have to do is cut your hand and rub it on my blade.”
“Then that is what I shall do.” The blonde Demon Lord nodded.
Cupi called forth her polearm with a flash of purple Hellfire, and she held the blade up against her left palm. She winced as she dragged the scalpel-sharp weapon across her flesh to create a small cut, and a small dribble of dark crimson blood coursed out of the wound.
“Draw your sword, Jacob,” Sia ordered.
“I’m still not convinced this is gonna work.” I shrugged.
“Jakey.” Todd clicked his tongue. “When a beautiful woman tells ya to whip out your sword, you never answer no, bro.”
I just rolled my eyes before I reached to my belt and pulled out the Sword of Saints. Then I held it out horizontally from my body as I presented it to the Sister of Greed, and Cupi approached with her bloody hand outstretched.
The blonde Demon Lord ran her hand over the flat edge of my weapon, and the pure white metal of the sword was stained red with her plasma. She made sure to move the entire length of the weapon before she pulled back, wiped her hand off on her pants, and then crossed her arms.
“There,” Cupi proclaimed. “That should be enough blood. What happens now?”
“If Cao’s translation is correct--” Mirage began, but she was quickly cut off.
“Whattya mean ‘if it was correct?’” Cao scoffed. “That’s like me sayin’ ‘if Tristitia knows alla her Cheecho and Chung movies’ or whatever da fuck they’re called.”
