Mirror Image, page 40
"I don't know what happened to him." Bertie wrung her hands, in tears, and then looked at Olivia strangely. But she didn't say anything.
She just blew her nose and went back to the kitchen, she knew he was in good hands now. She just wished Olivia could be there, she knew how much it would have meant to him, but at least he had one of his daughters.
Olivia sat with him all that afternoon, and Charles went out riding with Geoff. There was very little else he could do. The estate was well run, and there was nothing for him to do there, except keep Olivia company whenever she came out of the sickroom. He had told his office he'd be back in a few days, and he waited patiently as Olivia came and went, making broth, making teas, and using herbs which she was convinced would help him. It made Bertie watch her all the more closely.
But she could never quite believe what she was seeing. It wasn't possible, they wouldn't do a thing like that. She was imagining things, and she knew it.
But Edward Henderson only got worse in the next day or two, and by the end of the third day they were there, he was having a very hard time breathing. The doctor wanted to take him to the hospital, but he flatly refused, and told Olivia he wanted to die at home. He belonged here.
"You're not dying, Father, " she said, fighting back tears.
"You're just sick again. You'll be fine in a few days." But this time he shook his head and the fever got worse, and that night she sat with him all night, holding his hand, and watching him, and putting a glass of fresh water to his lips whenever he would take it. Her hands were gentle and firm and loving. And she wouldn't let anyone else nurse him.
Charles was upset over it, but as he had always known, his wife was very stubborn.
And it was early the next morning, when Olivia suddenly knew that the end had come, he was gasping for breath and looking wild-eyed, as he begged her to get her sister and bring her to him.
"Victoria, bring your sister upstairs .. . I have to see her now .
.
." he said, gripping her hand so hard it hurt her to hold it, and for a moment, she didn't know what to say, and then she nodded and left the room, and came back only an instant later.
"Olivia, is that you? " he asked, and she nodded as tears streamed from her eyes.
She hated to deceive him.
"It's me, Daddy .. . it's me .. . I'm home now." "Where were you?"
"Away, " she said, as she sat next to him, holding his hand. He didn't even see that she was pregnant. "I needed to think for a while, but now I'm back, and I love you very much, " she whispered, overcome by her own emotions. "You have to get well now, " she said firmly but he shook his head, fighting to stay conscious.
"I'm going .. . it's time now .. . your mother wants me.
" "We want you too, " Olivia said, sobbing as she sat next to him.
And then in a small, anguished voice, he asked her the question that had tormented him for eight months. Were you angry at me for making her marry him? "
"Of course not, Father. I love you, " she said again, and soothe his brow. He was so hot and so agitated and so worried.
"You love him, don't you? " She smiled at him then, and nodded.
Maybe it was better for him to know the truth. Maybe in the end, that would calm him.
"Can you forgive me for making her marry him? "
"There's nothing to forgive. I'm happy now. That's why I went away. I have everything I want now, " and he could see in her eyes that she meant it. He closed his eyes for a while then, and drifted off to sleep, and then he opened his eyes again and looked at her with a smile.
"I'm glad you're happy, Olivia. Your mother and I are very happy too.
We're going out together this evening, to a concert." He was delirious again, and he drifted in and out of sleep all day, unsure of who she was, sometimes he thought she was Olivia, and at other times, her sister. And by nightfall, she looked almost as bad as he did.
"I'm not letting you stay in that room another hour, Victoria, " Charles said to her fiercely in a whisper, when he saw her in the hallway, speaking to Bertie.
"I have to. He needs me, " she said with equal conviction, and then she went back into the room again. The fever broke mysteriously that night, and she sat next to him, holding his hand, convinced that he was going to be better in the morning. She only drifted off to sleep once, briefly before dawn, sitting in a chair beside him.
While she dozed she could see Victoria's face so clearly she thought she was next to her, and her mother, and when Olivia awoke again, she put her hand on her father's brow, and then she looked at him, and saw that he was gone. He had gone peacefully to join his wife, convinced that he had said good-bye to both his daughters.
Olivia was crying when she came out of the room, and Bertie saw her and put her arms around her. The two women stood crying for a long time and then Olivia went back to Charles. He was sound asleep, and she lay down next to him, and thought of her sister. Olivia wanted her to know somehow, that their father had gone, and she wondered if she did.
Olivia would write to her that day, but she was sorry Victoria couldn't be there with them. At least he had thought she was. Olivia knew that was something. It had been the only gift she could finally give him.
"Are you all right? " Charles was awake and looking at her. She was lying there, so pale and still that he had been worried.
"Daddy's gone, " she said softly. They hadn't called him that since they were children, but she felt like a child again, losing him. She suddenly felt as though she had lost everyone, with Victoria gone, and now her father dying. And yet she had this man, whom she loved so much, his son, and their baby. But all she had now were gifts she had borrowed from her sister. But Charles knew none of it as he put his arms around her gently and held her.
It was two o'clock in the morning when Victoria woke up, with a very odd feeling. At first she thought it was the child, but when she put a hand on her stomach and felt it moving, she knew that it wasn't.
It was something else. She closed her eyes and saw Olivia sitting in a chair, deathly serious. She wasn't sick, she wasn't saying anything, she was just sitting there. And yet Victoria knew that something had happened to her.
"Are you all right? " Edouard asked her, rolling over on his side to look at her. She was driving him now, and he was always worried that jiggling around on the bumpy roads was going to send her into labor and she was only six and a half months pregnant.
"I don't know, " she said honestly. "Something's wrong." "With the baby? " He sat up, looking worried, but she shook her head.
"I think the baby's fine .. . I don't know what .. ." It was as though Olivia were sitting right next to her bed, saying something to her and she couldn't hear it.
"Go back to sleep, " he said with a tired yawn. He had to get up in two hours to arrange for special movements in the trenches. "It's probably something you ate, " or didn't. They never had enough to eat these days, and most of them were always hungry. He put an arm around her, and she lay next to him, but she never slept again that night, and for days, she had the oddest feeling.
It was the beginning of February before Olivia's letter reached her in France, and then she knew what she had felt that night. Their father had died. She felt terrible about it, and about not seeing him again before he did, but she was infinitely glad and relieved it wasn't her sister.
"It must be very strange, " Edouard said when she explained it to him.
He had a great respect for what they shared, and never belittled what she told him. "I can't imagine being that close to anyone, except you, " he smiled. "Or him." He pointed to her stomach. But the relationship the twins shared was entirely beyond him.
Chapter 30.
On the first day of spring in New York, Olivia looked as though she were going to explode as she came down the stairs in the morning to have breakfast. And Charles couldn't resist grinning at her. She looked adorable, but unbelievably enormous. They both enjoyed her pregnancy, and were excited about the baby being born, but in the past few weeks she had looked almost comical, and had given up going out completely.
The farthest she ventured now was their garden. Her belly literally hung out ahead of her like a huge, round, independent structure. And it was so big and hard and tight that she hardly even felt the baby move now.
It was a far cry from a month before when it seemed to jump up and down night and day, as she put it "with roller skates and a hat on." There was no denying that this was going to be a big baby. Charles was faintly worried about it, but he hadn't wanted to frighten her, particularly not after her stories about her mother.
"I think you're extremely rude, " she said, grinning at him and Geoff, who was chuckling too. She had begun to look really funny. But she seemed to feel well, and the baby appeared to be in no hurry. As closely as she could figure it, it was due that week, but the doctor said one never knew. She'd know when the time came, and she was going to have the baby at home, in their little house on the East River. It was what she wanted to do. There was no reason to go to a hospital, she said that was for sick people. And having a baby was hardly an illness.
"What are you doing today? " Charles asked casually, as she poured him a cup of coffee. Bertie had come down from Croton that week to help her, and she was in the guest room, but Olivia had insisted that she wanted to make her husband's breakfast. It was the only thing she could still do unassisted. Even getting her into the bathtub now took Charles' help, and getting her out of it almost took a crane. But Bertie had come to town so that she could be there when Olivia had the baby. She had insisted on it. And with her father gone, Bertie had virtually nothing to do in Croton. She had agreed to spend the entire spring with them, and Olivia was happy to have her to help with the baby.
"I thought I'd walk out to the garden and back again, " Olivia said with a grin. "I might sit on a chair for a while, and then the couch.
" Lying down was dangerous, it was like having a piece of furniture dropped on her. She couldn't get up again unless someone helped her.
"Do you want me to bring you a book? " he asked.
"I'd love that, " she said with pleasure. H. D. 's new book of poetry, Seagarden, had just come out and she was dying to read it. "I'd love some pickled radishes too if you happen to see any somewhere.
"I'll be sure to look, " he said, when he kissed her good-bye that morning, and patted her tummy. "Make sure he doesn't come out while I'm gone."
"Don't be so sure it's a boy, " she said, not wanting him to be disappointed with a "mere" girl, although he claimed that was what he wanted.
"If it's a girl that size, we have a serious problem, " he said laughing as he hurried down the stairs. He had a lot to do that day and he wanted to come home early. He liked spending time with her, particularly now, when she was so close to delivering. He knew she was a little more nervous than she admitted, or so he thought. But much to Olivia's own surprise, she actually wasn't nervous at all. She was surprised herself at how calm she was. She had a strange conviction that the birth was going to be very easy. And she had said as much to Bertie, who in turn said very little.
And as soon as they'd left, Bertie came down and did the dishes for her, and Olivia went upstairs to what had become the baby's room, and began cleaning and tidying and sorting. Bertie smiled when she came upstairs again. Olivia looked happy and busy. In fact, she tayed in there most of the afternoon, and then she went out to the garden. But as she came back in, she saw how dirty the living room windows were, and she began cleaning them, and despite all of Bertie's exhortations, she insisted on doing them herself. She was scrubbing and washing, and when Charles came home, she was tidying up the kitchen and talking about starting dinner.
"I don't know what's wrong with her, " Bertie complained as the cook smiled at them. "She's been cleaning this whole house all day, from top to bottom."
"She's getting ready, " the cook said knowingly as Bertie shook her head, and Olivia laughed and went to the sewing basket to get socks to mend. She had never felt better. And she had more energy than she'd had in weeks. Charles was happy to see it.
She had dinner with him and Geoff, and after Geoff went to bed, they played cards, and Charles beat her.
"You cheated, " she accused, and laughed as she went out to the kitchen for a glass of milk, and as she stood there, she heard a large splash at her feet, and thought she had dropped the milk without realizing it, but as she looked down, she saw water everywhere and it took her a moment to realize what had happened. She put down the milk bottle, and looked for some rags to clean it up, as Charles came in and saw what she was doing.
"What happened? .. . What are you doing? .. . Victoria!
" She was actually used to the name now, and answered to it as easily as she did her own, possibly more so since no one had called her Olivia in eleven months now. Will you stop .. . here .. . let me help you.
" He mopped up the floor for her, she could hardly bend over, and she was laughing at both of them, and he didn't understand what she had done, or what had spilled, and as she stood there, she suddenly felt the first pain and grabbed his arm. It was much harder than she had expected.
"What's wrong? " he asked, still not understanding.
"That was my water on the floor .. ." She sat down on a kitchen chair, and was no longer smiling. "I think I'm having the baby.
"Now? " He looked startled, as though no one had told him it was coming this month, and she smiled at him again.
"Maybe not this very instant, but soon. Give me a few minutes.
" But as she said it, she frowned again. She had another pain and this one was worse. No one had told her it would be anything like this.
She wondered if something was wrong, all she knew of this was what she had seen of her sister on the bathroom floor two and a half years before. She didn't have a mother to tell her what to expect, and the doctor had told her everything would be fine, and he was sure it was going to be very easy.
The real Victoria would have been a lot more realistic. But somehow Olivia had never expected it to be this painful.
"Let's get you upstairs, " Charles said quietly, and helped her out of her chair, but it took them nearly ten minutes to get her up the stairs and into their bedroom. He sat her down in the bathroom and helped her get undressed, and she was having a lot of trouble moving. He left her for a few minutes to knock on Bertie's door, told her what was happening and asked her to call the doctor, and she rapidly moved into action. But by the time Charles got back to her, Olivia was gasping for air and panicking, and the pains were awful.
"Don't leave me again, " she said, sounding desperate, and clutching at him, just as Bertie came in, and they helped her to the bed, and spread out old sheets and towels all around her. Bertie was experienced at this, but Charles wasn't. Susan had given birth to Geoff eleven years before, with female relatives all around her. He had gone out to get drunk with his brother-in-law, and when he'd come back, he'd had a baby.
Olivia seemed to have no intention of letting him go anywhere, and by the time the doctor came, she was grabbing his arms with each pain, and fighting not to scream aloud, for fear that Geoffrey would hear her.
"This is awful, " she informed the doctor, and he and Bertie exchanged a smile, but Charles looked very worried about her.
"How long will this take? " he asked innocently. Geoff had seemed like only an hour or two, or maybe he had just had a lot to drink, he couldn't remember.
"Probably all night, " the doctor said calmly and Olivia burst into tears as soon as he said it.
"I can't do this. I want to go back to Croton." She was crying like a child, and all she could think of suddenly was her sister. It was as though she were right there again, but she was sharing the same pain, and neither of them could get away from it. It was like the worst nightmare she'd ever had, except for when Victoria had been on the Lusitania. But in some ways this was worse, because Olivia was in so much pain, she couldn't think straight. She couldn't control herself, she couldn't stop screaming after a while, and eventually she saw Bertie lead Charles away. He looked as though he was going to cry, and Olivia begged her to bring him back, but she wouldn't.
"You'll only upset him, " she said soothingly, "you don't want him to see you now .. . like this .. ."
"Yes, I do, " she said frantically, "I want him now .. . get him .. ." But Bertie wouldn't, and Olivia just lay there and cried as the pains grew worse and worse and closer together, and then she couldn't take it anymore, and from a great distance somewhere Bertie and the doctor were holding her legs and telling her to push the baby out, but she couldn't.
"I want Victoria, " she said between gasps, and suddenly Bertie looked up at her, and there was a moment of silence and then another pain came and swept Olivia away again, and it was a long time before she could listen to them again, it was just too painful. "Victoria, " she whispered her sister's name again, and in the distance, she could hear her sister calling.
"Be careful what you say, " Bertie whispered to her softly. "Be careful, " she said again, and squeezed Olivia's hand hard, but she was too far gone to know what she meant, as she lay there screaming and pushing. It was dawn and nothing had happened yet. Olivia couldn't believe the pain of it, and still she had no baby. Even Bertie was beginning to look ffredx and Charles had made coffee for her and the doctor. And then Charles knocked softly and came into the room again, asking how his wife was.
"Terrible, " she moaned, answering for them. "Oh Charles .. ." she said and started to sob, and he wondered if her earlier terrors had been well founded after all. Maybe she had some congenital malformity like her mother, something that might kill her before she had their baby.
"Oh sweetheart, " he said looking overwrought, and the doctor told him he might be more comfortable if he waited downstairs in the parlor.
He was beginning to worry about her himself, but he didn't show it.
And then before Charles could say anything else to her, the pains began again, and they told her to continue pushing. Charles stayed unobserved by any of them. But an hour later, the situation genuinely seemed to be hopeless.
