Mirror Image, page 39
"Be careful, my love, " she said sleepily. There was something she wanted to say to him, but she was so tired she couldn't remember what it was, and in the morning he was gone, and she had to go back to the field hospital again. She didn't mind working fifteen- or even eighteen-hour days. This was her life now.
Life in New York was far more civilized than in Chalons-sur-Marne, to say the least, and October was bright and fair and sunny. It was unusually warm, and Olivia and Charles seemed to be unusually busy.
They went to the Van Cortlandts several times, dinner parties with clients at Delmonico's, and at the end of October, planned to go to a large party at the Astors'. Olivia was four months pregnant by then, and it didn't show in the style of the dress she wore, but it had already begun to thicken her figure, and without clothes there was a small round bulge that he loved to hold. It was so sweet to see her that way, and it reminded him now and then of when Susan had been expecting Geoffrey.
Somehow, older and having paid dearly for what he cared about, this seemed even dearer. Charles said he wanted a girl, and Olivia didn't care, she just wanted the baby to be healthy.
He made her go to the doctor regularly, and he had reminded her once, somewhat awkwardly, to tell the doctor about the miscarriage she had had before they were married.
"He doesn't need to know that, " Olivia said, mortified. She hadn't had it anyway, but she couldn't say that to Charles, and she was terrified he might tell her doctor.
"Of course he does, " Charles said soberly, "particularly if you almost died. You could hemorrhage again this time. Or worse yet, lose it." They were both afraid of that, and whenever she was too tired, or felt ill, she went home to rest, but it wasn't often. Olivia was in good health, and better spirits.
So far, despite the ugliness of the war, and the heavy losses in Champagne and Artois that fall, Victoria seemed to be safe and well, and as Olivia read what she said, she always had an odd feeling of peace from her, as though her sister had finally found what she wanted.
She made no mention of Edouard and yet Olivia had a sense from her that she was not alone there. When she closed her eyes and thought of her, she had an uncanny sense of fulfillment and completeness, not unlike what she felt now, living with Charles, and waiting for their baby.
She wore a lavender silk gown the night they went to the Astors', and an ermine coat her father had had made for her when he'd heard she was having a baby. He was very proud of her, and l pleased that things had worked out so well. It was easy to see how happy they were. The only sorrow they all shared was the fact that "Olivia" had not returned, as promised, at the end of the summer. The woman they all thought was Victoria, except Geoff, said that she had heard from her, that her sister was well, and that although she had given no address, she was in a convent in San Francisco and would be home eventually. But no amount of searching for her had turned up anything.
The investigators had finally given up at the end of August. But Olivia had reassured her father again that her sister sounded well, and he shouldn't worry. This was what she wanted and they all had to respect that. He still reproached himself for Olivia's disappearance, and secretly admitted to the real Olivia again that he thought her sister was in love with Charles, and of course the real Olivia vehemently denied it.
But other than that, all was going well for them, and on the night they went to the Astors' ball, Olivia looked especially pretty.
Charles stayed close to her, and it was only when he ran into an old friend, that he drifted away for a little while, and left Olivia to chat with an acquaintance of her sister's. She had never doubted for a moment that she wasn't talking to Victoria, no one ever did, Olivia was used to it by now, and they had a pleasant conversation. Olivia was a little surprised to learn that Victoria still owed her friend money from losing to her at bridge, which made her smile as she promised to pay up this time, since Victoria always swore to her she didn't gamble, because she thought it was stupid.
Olivia wandered out to the garden then, to get away from the heat and the noise of the room, and as she stood looking peacefully at the rosebushes, she was startled to hear a voice behind her.
"Cigarette? " he said, she didn't recognize the voice as she started to decline, and then saw it was Toby.
"No, thank you, " she said coolly. He was as handsome as he had ever been, but she saw that he looked a little more used than he had two years before when she first met him.
"How have you been? " he asked rather pointedly, almost strutting as he came closer to her, and she could smell as well as see that he'd been drinking.
"Very well, thank you, " she said, starting to move away from him, and he grabbed her arm and pulled her close to him to stop her.
"Don't walk away from me like that, Victoria. You don't need to be afraid of me, " he said boldly.
"I'm not afraid of you, Toby, " she said in a clear voice that took him by surprise, as well as the man who was listening to her, unseen, a few steps behind them. "I just don't like you."
"That's not what I recall, " he said, looking like a handsome snake, as she turned on him with eyes that glittered with anger.
"What exactly is it that you recall, Mr. Whitticomb? Was it deceiving me, or your wife, that you so enjoyed? Actually, what I recall most is your attempting to seduce an innocent young girl, and then lying to her father. Men like you belong in jail, not drawing rooms, Toby Whitticomb.
And don't bother sending me flowers again, or love notes. Don't waste your time. I'm too old for that nonsense now from a man like you.
I have a husband who loves me, and whom I love dearly. And if you come near me again, I'll not only tell him, but half the city you raped me."
"That was no rape, it was .. ." he started to say, but before he could finish, Charles stepped out of the shadows, looking extremely pleased as he smiled at his wife. He had come looking for her, just in time to see Whitticomb follow her onto the terrace, and then he had gotten caught listening to them inadvertently, but he loved everything she'd told him, and * had warmed his heart to hear it. It had put an old ghost to rest.
There were no specters left between them, except perhaps Susan, but even her memory had been laid to rest. The only one left, as Olivia knew only too well, was her sister.
"Shall we go, my dear? " Charles offered her his arm, and they swept back into the drawing room as he looked down at her with a small smile of pleasure. "That was very nice. Remind me not to tangle with you again. I'd forgotten how good you are at it, with words like daggers.
" The truth was, the real Victoria was far better at it than she was, but he didn't know that. And for once, Olivia rose to the occasion.
"Were you listening? " She looked both embarrassed and shocked.
"I didn't mean to, but I saw him follow you out there, and I went out to make sure he didn't annoy you."
"Are you sure you weren't jealous?
" she teased and she thought he blushed faintly, and didn't answer.
"You needn't be. He's a disgusting worm, and it's time someone told him."
"I think you did that quite successfully, " he smiled, and kissed her cheek as he led her out onto the dance floor.
Chapter 28.
It was a strange Thanksgiving in Croton-on-Hudson that year, with Olivia seemingly gone, although she was still in their midst and they didn't know it. And in Olivia's heart, she felt Victoria's absence terribly.
It was the first time, on a holiday, that they hadn't all been together.
Their father said grace, but the atmosphere was subdued, as they each thought of years past, and missing loved ones. The only thing that really cheered them all now was the impending arrival of the baby.
Geoff thought it was a little embarrassing, but he thought it might be fun too. Olivia was five months pregnant by then, and it had finally begun to show, in spite of the care with which she chose her outfits.
And she knew that by January, she wouldn't be able to go out at all anymore, except to close friends', or very private dinners. The baby already seemed quite large, and she was secretly hoping for twins, but the doctor didn't seem to think so. She had said as much to Charles, and he had rolled his eyes and said he wasn't sure that he was up to that.
"Maybe next time? " he said, with his eyes full of questions.
But so far, she'd had an easy pregnancy, unlike Susan's with Geoff, and despite all her supposed early dislike of having babies, she seemed completely at ease about it now. She had never even mentioned again the fear she had mentioned earlier generated by her mother having died in childbirth.
She seemed quite unafraid, in fact, and very happy. But when he asked about having others after this, she only said it was up to him, and he knew he'd be satisfied with this one, if she chose not to have another. Twins would have quite undone him.
The winter in France was arduous in 1915, as both sides fortified themselves for future battles. New supplies were laid in, fresh troops arrived, and the old ones rested as best they could in the freezing trenches. The gas attacks continued. And by November, Edouard had returned from Artois and was back in Chalons-sur-Marne for the winter.
He and Victoria were comfortably holed up in his two rooms at the farmhouse. There had been considerable talk about them of late, and it was no secret what was happening, but the camp seemed to regard their affair with warm affection. The officers who shared the farmhouse with him left them alone most of the time, and Victoria was laughing late one night as they cooked the smallest bird she'd ever seen in the old country kitchen.
"Don't be difficult. I'm sure it's a quail, " Edouard said, trying to be optimistic.
"It's not, " she laughed at him heartily, it was hardly bigger than a mouse when they took it out of the oven. "It's a sparrow."
"You don't know anything, " he said, kissing her, and pressing her against him. He'd just gone to nearby Verdun for two days, and he'd missed her. He always did. He could no longer bear to be without her.
And there was never any talk of going home now. In fact, he had talked to her seriously about moving to Paris with him, after she went home and faced Charles and her sister. Their situations were identical.
Neither of them could get married, and he suggested that they shock the polite world, and live together in sin in his chateau, and live happily ever after. "And perhaps one day, when the witch dies, the current baroness, I can make you an honest woman."
"I'm an honest woman now, " she said staunchly.
"Oh please .. . with your sister masquerading as you with your poor husband in New York, I don't think so." They both laughed mercilessly about that, and she at least had the grace to be embarrassed. No one in Chalons-sur-Marne could ever understand why everyone called her Olivia, and he called her Victoria. They thought it was a private joke, and Victoria never explained it.
That night with their tiny bird, Victoria informed Edouard that in the States, it was Thanksgiving.
"I remember that when I was at Harvard, " he said nostalgically, smiling at her, "I liked it. Lots of food and good feelings. You know, I'd like to meet your father one day when we get through all this, " he said wistfully, but neither of them, nor the rest of the world, knew when that would be. It seemed like it would be a long time before the poilus came out of the trenches.
"He'd like you, " she said, eating an apple. It was the smallest Thanksgiving dinner of her life, but perhaps the happiest, as she looked at Edouard, and tried not to think of her sister. It was so hard being away from her, and yet with him, she felt she had a life now.
With Charles, she had had nothing. "Wait till you meet Olivia, " she grinned at him.
"That frightens me. The thought of you two together is truly terrifying, " he said, and then later, they lay together on his bed, and talked about their childhoods, their friends, the things they liked to eat and do and be as children. He talked about the brother he had lost, and Victoria could tell he'd loved him deeply, enough to marry the girl he had gotten pregnant, even though he didn't love her.
But as they lay together that night, and she began to drift off to sleep after they'd made love, she could feel his hands touching her gently, and she opened her eyes and turned to him. His eyes were filled with questions.
"Is there something we should talk about, Miss Henderson? "
"I'm not sure what you mean, " she said, with a mysterious smile in her eyes.
"You're a terrible liar, " he said huskily, moving closer to her, and Lying right behind her as he held her stomach. "Why didn't you say something? " He sounded hurt, and she was truly sorry. She turned to face him then and kissed him gently on the lips as he held her.
"I only figured it out about three weeks ago .. . and I wasn't sure what you'd think .. ." He couldn't help but laugh at her, her stomach was already round with their baby. He assumed it was his, it certainly wasn't Charles', from everything she had told him.
"How long did you think you could keep that little bundle a secret?
" He was smiling at her. It was the first child he'd ever had, and he had just turned forty. In spite of the circumstances, he was ecstatic, and then suddenly he looked at her, worried. "You should go home now, Victoria, " he said softly, aching at the thought of losing her, but doubly wanting her safe now.
"That's why I didn't tell you, " she said sadly. "I knew you'd say that.
But I won't go. I'm staying."
"I'll tell them you're using a stolen passport, " he said, wanting to sound firm with her, but not succeeding.
"You can't prove it, " she said, smiling up at him. "Resign yourself, I'm not going anywhere."
"You can't have the baby here, " he said, horrified that she'd even think of it, but nothing in Europe was safe now, except Switzerland, and she might as well go home then. But he could tell from looking at her that she wasn't going to. And a part of him didn't want to argue with her.
"I'm going to have the baby right here, " she said, looking very womanly and very beautiful, and a little too thin after all her hard work in the field hospital, but lately her appetite had been ferocious.
"I don't want you on your feet fifteen hours a day, " he said adamantly.
"I'm going to speak to the colonel."
"You'll do no such thing, Edouard de Bonneville." She looked furiously at him. "If you do, I'll say you raped me and you'll be court-martialed, " she said, and rolled over in bed again with a look of satisfaction.
"My God, woman, you're a monster. I have a better idea. How would you like to be my driver? " '%our driver? " She looked surprised. "What a good idea. I can do that till I can't squeeze behind the wheel anymore.
Will they let me do it? "
"If I ask the colonel, they will.
That would be a lot better for you right now, if I can stand your driving." He always complained that she drove too fast, and she told him he was a coward. This was France. And it was wartime. He suggested that neither of those were adequate reasons for suicide, but for the sake of their baby, he was willing to risk it. And then he looked at her seriously. This was no joking matter. "Are you serious about this, Victoria? You really want to stay here? It could be very rough on you." And he knew from things she'd said that she was afraid of childbirth. She'd had one bad experience and she could have another.
And Chalons-sur-Marne was no place to have a baby, even without complications.
"I want to be here with you, " she said softly, "I'm not leaving.
" He could tell from looking at her that the battle had been lost before he fought it. She was staying. And then he asked her a second important question.
"How do you feel about our not being married? >> he asked seriously, and she grinned at him.
"We are married, cheri, " she said lightly. "Just to other people.
"You have no morals, " he said, kissing her from the bottom of his soul, and loving her more than any other being in his entire lifetime.
"But a lot of courage, " he said softly. And this time, when he made love to her, he knew he had no worry about getting her pregnant.
Chapter 29.
Christmas at Croton was quieter than usual that year, but still surprisingly happy. Geoff loved everything he got, and Charles was extremely generous with all of them, as was her father. But it was also obvious that he was not well. He'd had a bad cough for months, and flirted with pneumonia several times that year. And it worried Olivia to note that he was looking considerably older. She wasn't sure if her sister's disappearance had even done it to him, he just seemed to be running out of steam, and the doctor said his heart was getting weaker.
But they still spent a happy holiday with him, and they drove back to New York shortly after New Year.
They'd been home for two days, when Bertie called Olivia and said that she thought she should come back. Her father was suddenly failing.
Apparently, he'd caught another bad cold right after they left, and he had an enormous fever. He'd been delirious all that afternoon, and the doctor wasn't sure his heart was strong enough to sustain him. She wanted to send Donovan down for her, but Charles insisted he would drive her back himself in the morning. He didn't like the idea of her going anywhere without him anymore. She was more than six months pregnant, and she was huge, or so she thought, for a woman carrying a single baby.
But the doctor was absolutely sure. He could only hear one heartbeat, and each time he said it, Olivia foolishly felt a stab of disappointment.
They kept Geoff out of school, and he went back to Croton with them, and as soon as Olivia got there, she was glad she had come. Her father looked as though he'd aged twenty years in the three days since they'd been there.
