Mirror Image, page 31
There was something at the Ogden Mills' in two week$, and Olivia worried about anything else Victoria might not have told sanielle uteel her, but she seemed fairly familiar with most of it. Then shortly after nine o'clock that morning, she had the oddest sensation.
It was a feeling of disequilibrium, almost as though she was going to lose her balance, in fact she felt quite ill, as she did all day, and by nightfall, she had a ferocious headache. She had no idea why she was ill, she had no fever, no cold, and she had been fine when she got up that morning. By the time Charles got home, she was in bed, and as she lay there, she had a rising feeling of panic, and he was surprised when he looked at her, to see how pale she looked. She looked genuinely awful.
"Is it something you ate? " he asked with mild concern. He'd had a long day, but the negotiations had gone well, and he had a new client.
"I don't know, " Olivia said in a thin voice, feeling terribly dizzy.
She felt as though the room were spinning around her. She had felt that way almost since lunchtime.
"At least we know you're not pregnant, " he said sarcastically, and Olivia didn't answer. She felt too ill to respond to him by then, and she just lay in bed for hours that night, feeling grim, and when she fell asleep at last, she had the terrifying feeling that she was drowning. She sat up in bed, gasping for air, and she leapt out of bed when she couldn't get it. And as soon as she moved, he stirred, and he sat up and watched her.
"Are you all right? " he asked in a sleep-filled voice, and she shook her head still gasping for air. He came quickly toward her with a glass of water.
She took a sip and coughed, and he helped her into a chair. "I don't know what happened .. . I had a terrible nightmare." And then, just as suddenly, she was seized with a wave of panic, and she knew that something had happened to her sister. She looked up at him, and he read in her eyes what she was thinking.
"You're just overwrought, " he said soothingly, amazed at the bond between the twins again. It was almost as though they should never have been separated at all, as though it were just too traumatic for them.
"I'm sure she's fine, wherever she is, " he said calmly.
But she was clutching his arm with a look of terror. "Charles, I know she isn't."
"You know nothing of the sort, " he said in a quiet voice, and tried to get her to come back to bed with him, but she wouldn't.
"I can't breathe, " she said, sounding frightened. It seemed impossible on a ship like that, but what if something had happened?
What if ... what if she were ill? .. . Olivia knew she could feel it. And Charles could see that something very strange was happening to her.
She began to cry and she couldn't stop it. He was afraid for her nerves, as he watched her.
"Shall I call a doctor, Victoria? " he asked, and she almost jumped at the sound of her sister's name.
"I don't know, " she said, feeling strangled, and then she looked at him and began to cry again. "Oh Charles .. . I'm so afraid ..
." He came to kneel next to her then, he had never seen her this way before, and he didn't know what to do for her. He sat next to her and held her hand, and then finally he got her to come back to bed and lie beside him, but whenever she closed her eyes, she said she felt as though she were drowning. "I'm sorry, " she said finally, "I didn't mean to be so much trouble, " but she was still crying softly. "I just feel that something terrible has happened to her."
"I'm sure that's not true, " he said, still holding her hand, wanting to comfort her, and surprised at how gentle and helpless she looked as she lay beside him. She never fell asleep again, but by morning she was calm. She lay very still, and she seemed almost as though she were in a trance when Charles spoke to her. "would you like some tea, Victoria? " he asked. He still thought she looked ill, and he had decided that in a little while he would call the doctor. It was the first time in their eleven months together that she had been sick at all, and it somehow surprised him. She was normally very well balanced and very healthy.
But he was beginning to think that the shock of her twin running away the week before had somehow unhinged her.
He went downstairs, and made tea for her, but before he could bring it back to her, she came downstairs, and puttered barefoot around the kitchen. She was looking a little stronger as she sat down and unfolded the newspaper, thinking that it might take her mind off worrying about her sister. But as soon as she opened it, she gasped and stared at the paper. There were four-inch headlines straight across the page, and it took her breath away as she read them. The Lusitania had been torpedoed thirteen miles off the coast of Ireland, and had sunk to the bottom in just under eighteen minutes. All that was known was what had been seen from shore, but great loss of life was feared, and no survivors had been listed yet, but according to the article there were bodies everywhere, and the entire ship had been destroyed by U-boats.
"Oh my God! " she said, staring at him. "Oh my God .. .
Charles .
.." And as he looked at her in total amazement, she slipped slowly to the floor, and he managed to catch her just as she fainted.
The kitchen maid had just come in, and Charles shouted to her to call the doctor and tell him to come quickly. Mrs. Dawson was very ill and had just fainted.
He carried her upstairs before she had regained consciousness, and laid her on their bed. And a moment later, she came around as he held smelling salts beneath her nose. There were some very old ones in his bathroom cabinet, which Susan had used when she was pregnant with Geoffrey.
"I .. . oh .. . what .. . oh my God .. . Charles .. ." The ship had gone down, and her sister was on it. She didn't know if she was dead or alive, and she had no way of finding out, or even telling him what had happened. All she could do was cry, and Charles was worried sick as they waited for the doctor.
"Don't speak, Victoria, just close your eyes." He tried to calm her but she was very agitated, and he was greatly relieved when he heard the doctor come up the stairs twenty minutes later. He was relieved that Geoffrey wasn't home, it would have been far too upsetting for a boy his age to see his stepmother in such a state of total chaos.
"What's happened here? " the doctor said in a cheerful tone, but he could see immediately that Mrs. Dawson was extremely upset and she'd been crying.
"I'm sorry, Doctor, " she apologized and began to cry again, as Charles stared at her, thinking that there was something very odd about her. He had felt as though she'd been a completely different person ever since Olivia left and he was also beginning to think she was having a nervous breakdown. Olivia tried explaining her symptoms to the doctor, although they all sounded terribly foolish now. But she knew now what had caused them. She had begun to feel ill at the exact moment the ship had gone down, and she had been feeling wretched ever since then.
What she didn't know was whether or not Victoria was alive, and all she wanted was that reassurance, and no one could give it to her.
The doctor conferred alone with Charles eventually, and he explained about her twin having run away just the week before, and they were in complete agreement about the conclusion. She was suffering from disturbed nerves, and the kind of hysteria that can happen when you separate one twin from another. He was, in fact, surprised it hadn't happened on their honeymoon, and he wasn't at all surprised it had happened now. In fact, he said there were instances when a remaining, or surviving, twin became confused and began to take on the identity, or personality, of the other. And to Charles, it explained his wife's recent almost imperceptible softness. She was suddenly ever so slightly more like Ollie.
The doctor suggested complete rest for her, and hoped that in time she would recover. But in the meantime, he wanted absolutely nothing to upset her. No disturbing news at all, nothing in the least unpleasant.
Charles had explained to him what had happened to her when she read about the Lusitania.
"Dreadful, isn't it? A shocking thing to happen. Rotten Jerries." And then he suddenly remembered that Charles had lost his wife, and almost his son, on the Titanic, and suspected it was upsetting to him too and changed the subject. He suggested he keep Geoff away for another day or two, until she calmed down again, and he asked rather cautiously if it was also possible his wife was pregnant. Charles looked surprised at that, and said that he doubted it, but then suddenly, he began to wonder.
"I'll discuss it with her. I suppose she could be, " he said expressionlessly. And the doctor promised to come back to see her on Monday. He suggested Charles keep her as calm as possible, and he left some barbital so she could sleep, but when she saw it, Olivia said she wouldn't use it.
"I'll be fine, " she said weakly, embarrassed at the stir she'd caused.
But all she wanted now was news of the Lusitania. She could barely contain herself as Charles sat down next to her with a pained expression. "Is something wrong? " she asked softly, wondering if something else had happened, if he knew or had guessed, or someone had called from Cunard. Her heart pounded as she watched him.
"Not really, " he said quietly, "at least I hope not. The doctor asked me a question I realized I couldn't answer."
"What was that? " Who she was? What question? She began to feel hysterical with terror, but she tried not to show it.
"He asked me if you were pregnant." Olivia stared at him in horror.
Her sister had told her that there was nothing physical between her and Charles anymore, what did he mean by asking her if she was pregnant?
"Of course not, " Olivia said, barely audible as she wondered.
"I know you're not pregnant by me certainly, unless we have an immaculate conception here, which is rather less than likely. But I was wondering if you and Toby had struck things up again. I know he sent you flowers, but I have no idea how involved you are with him, although perhaps you still think it's none of my business." She had certainly stayed out late enough in the afternoon, and never told anyone where she'd been or where she was going. But Olivia looked horrified at the suggestion.
"How could you say a thing like that to me? " She looked incensed, but she was also shocked to hear that Toby Whitticomb had had the audacity to send her sister flowers. "How dare you accuse me of such a thing.
I've never seen him again, " she said, hoping she was telling him the truth, but she couldn't imagine her sister being stupid enough to fall into his trap again, and she felt sure she wouldn't do it. "No, Charles, " she said, aghast. "I am not having an affair with him, and I am not pregnant." She was certain her sister wasn't either. She was too hurt by the past, too angry at all men now, and too hungry for her freedom. Olivia felt in her soul that Victoria would have died sooner than go back to Toby after his I l betrayal. That much she knew about her sister. And Olivia also knew that she herself was not pregnant, and could not be, she was a virgin.
"I apologize if I've insulted you, but you have to admit, it's not beyond the realm of possibility. You fell into his clutches once, you might have done so again, " he said, looking mildly relieved. For some reason Charles didn't think she was lying to him and he believed her.
"I may have been naive, " Olivia said coldly, thinking of how Victoria would answer him, and trying to stick to it. "But I'm not stupid."
"I hope not, " he said, and left the room, hoping he hadn't upset her too much, but she looked a little brighter. But when he came back to check on her again later that morning, she was crying. She was beside herself over the Lusitania. And that afternoon, she snuck downstairs when he went out and read everything she could about the ill-fated ship.
She even sent the maid out to buy an evening paper for her, and read the little they had added. They knew nothing yet, except that hundreds had drowned just off Queenstown, Ireland. Bodies had already begun washing up onshore, and Olivia felt her knees go weak again as she read it.
But she also knew that all she could do now was wait until Monday, and then go to Cunard and hope they had a list of survivors. And all she could cling to now was the thin hope that her sister would be among them.
And in the meantime, she had to keep Charles at bay, and pray he didn't think she was completely crazy.
Chapter 21.
What Olivia had not seen, but her sister had, was the small notice the German Embassy put into both the Washington and the New York papers the day she sailed. It said simply that passengers intending to embark on Atlantic voyages were reminded that a state of war existed between Germany and Britain, and her allies. The zone of war included the waters adjacent to the British Isles, and that vessels flying the flag of Great Britain, or her allies, were liable to destruction in those waters, and that travelers in those areas, on British ships, sailed at their own risk. The notice was dated April 22, 1915, Imperial German Embassy, Washington, and sounded quite official.
But it was equally well known that the law of nations dictated that a ship under any flag could not be sunk without warning and removal of its civilian passengers. Under those circumstances, the passengers on the Lusitania knew they were in no danger. Victoria also knew that she could have sailed on the American ship, New York, but it wasn't nearly as nice a ship, and she liked the idea of sailing on a Cunard ship better.
The Lusitania was a much faster ship than the New York, and she had considered the possibility that it could outrun a submarine far better.
At the time, the Lusitania was making one trip a month from Liverpool to New York, and carried no national or even house flags, to keep it safe from the Germans. Even her name and port. of registry had been painted out to be completely sure. Watertight doors were kept closed during the entire voyage, and once in the Irish Sea, lifeboats were swung out, and lookouts doubled. Everything was done to protect the ship, and passengers on the Lusitania knew they were about as safe as anyone could be from the Germans. Besides, it was an enormous ship, with four stacks painted red and black, a total of ten decks, seven above and three below the waterline. And she had proven herself more than reliable in the past eight years. When Victoria boarded her, she was embarking on her 202nd crossing. The Lusitania was no Titanic.
And to be absolutely sure no risks were taken at all, they observed full blackout, all staterooms were to draw their curtains at night, and gentlemen were asked not to smoke on deck. And in Victoria's case, nor ladies.
By the first night out, Victoria was completely at ease on the ship, and she was very excited to have seen Lady Mackworth, nee Margaret Thomas.
Victoria recognized her immediately and knew she was not only an active member of the Women's Social and Political Union, but a close friend of the Pankhursts. Margaret herself had set fire to a post office, and had spent time in jail, much to her respectable Liberal MP father's horror.
But she seemed in good form on the ship, after spending time in New York, and Victoria met her the first night out, as they stood on the deck together.
"It's brave of you to be journeying to Europe now, " she said to Victoria, who explained that she was a young widow going to volunteer in France, to work behind the lines with the Allies. She had been given the names of a few contacts in the Red Cross, and some in the French army.
"We could use you in England too." She smiled at her, impressed by her spirit, and then Lady Mackworth had gone on to dinner with her father, while Victoria chose to dine alone in her stateroom.
But they talked her into coming out with them the following night.
The first-class dining room was extraordinary, two stories high, with columns all around, and an ornate dome above it. There were also a library, smoking lounges, and a huge nursery for children. There were games for them, and as many entertainments for the young people on board as for the adults. And Victoria was surprised to find that, despite the war, everyone seemed to be in good spirits and spoke very little of it.
The men talked of the news certainly every day, particularly when they gathered to smoke, as Victoria and a few other women also did, but they didn't seem to dwell on it, and no one said anything whatsoever about U-boats.
Victoria had noticed Alfred Vanderbilt on board, but she was careful to avoid him, as he knew her husband. He was roughly the same age as Charles, and she remembered that they knew each other, and Charles had had lunch with him once that winter. And she didn't want anyone telling Charles where she'd gone, or destroying their story that "Olivia" had gone to California. Although she was traveling as Olivia Henderson, it was quite conceivable that someone who knew either of them might recognize her, and she might not even know them, if they were acquaintances of her sister's. So she was careful. She did less socializing than usual, and spent considerable time in the library, on deck, or in her cabin.
Charles Frohman, the theater magnate, was aboard too, he seemed to have brought along a coterie of friends with him, and he was considerably older. He was on his way to London to see James Barrie's new play, The Rosy Rapture, which Frohman wanted to bring to Broadway. Charles Klein, the playwright, spent a considerable amount of time talking to him, and had even brought his new play to work on. But although Victoria would have enjoyed meeting them, she kept to herself for much of the voyage, and even declined when she was invited to the captain's dinner.
Captain Turner had seen her on deck and thought her stunningly attractive.
Actually, she felt surprisingly free on the ship, and after her year with Charles, it was a great relief to be alone now. The only one she missed terribly was her twin sister. She thought about Olivia constantly, and prayed that she hadn't given up their secret, but Victoria trusted her completely. And like her twin she felt the same agony over being apart now. It was almost haunting.
The weather was pleasant during the entire trip, they met no storms, and by the end of the week, everyone was looking forward to arriving.
On Friday, Victoria had packed her bags in the morning, and was pleased to run into Lady Mackworth again at noon. She gave Victoria her address in Newport, and urged her to call her.
Victoria was going to be traveling to Dover from Liverpool, and from there by ferry to Calais, and after that she had to make contact with the people whose names she had, and begin moving slowly toward the trenches.
