Mirror Image, page 38
They went for long walks on the beach, had tea with friends, went to the Yacht Club frequently, and collected seashells. Together, Olivia and Geoff made collages for Charles, they even made a sailor's valentine for him with tiny shells, that looked like a real one.
Olivia shared all her gentleness and love and talents with them. And when Charles arrived in Rhode Island late on Friday night, it was always worth the long trip it had taken him to come to see her.
"I don't know how I stand being without you all week, " he said to her after dinner, and he meant it. His days without her now seemed colorless and empty. The house in New York was far too lonely without her, and the only time he felt himself come alive anymore was when he was with her.
"What did I ever do without you before we met? " he said, kissing her, holding her close, as they stood on the balcony outside their bedroom in the moonlight. It was a perfect night, and he was longing for her as he always did, though he hated to indulge himself quite so quickly.
He liked talking to her, and holding her, and just being with her.
But as soon as they strolled back into their bedroom, he couldn't resist her.
It was a far cry from their first year when she had kept him at arm's length and shuddered each time he touched her. She was infinitely sensuous now, as he knew she had always been, but he simply hadn't been able to reach her before. It had all changed from the moment he had admitted to himself that he loved her.
And that night, as they lay together again afterwards, he held her close to him and stroked her cheek with his fingers. There was one more thing he wanted from her now, but he would never have dared ask her. He knew her sentiments on the subject. But perhaps if other things had changed, that would too eventually. She hadn't even mentioned suffragette meetings in two months, although she still avidly read the newspapers, and read everything she could about the war in Europe.
And she had kept her word and never went back to smoking. He knew it had been an enormous sacrifice for her, but he thought it was worth it.
It just wasn't ladylike or attractive, though he had to admit, at first, he had found it amusing.
I But after a while, he had tired of it, and he was glad she finally had as well. If nothing else, it smelled awful. He noticed now too, that as she curled next to him, she even slept differently than she had before.
She had always shied away from any contact, sleeping as far away from him as she could, and now she couldn't get close enough to him as she purred beside him, and he loved that.
The day after he arrived, they all went to the beach as usual, and had a picnic on the sand, and on the way home, they stopped to do some shopping. Olivia said she needed a new parasol, the sun had been so strong lately, it had been making her dizzy. And Geoff needed a new pair of shoes. He had grown so much over the summer, he could barely fit in his old ones. And it was on their way home, that they were all chatting animatedly, when Olivia happened to glance into the road, and saw a little girl dart after a ball between two carriages, and she was instantly between the legs of the horses. One of the horses reared, and the mother screamed, but no one did anything to save her. Charles was about to lunge after her but before he could even move, Olivia had darted ahead of him, grabbed the child, and moved toward safety with her. The child couldn't have been more than two or three and her whole body was shielded by Olivia's, as the rearing horse returned his forelegs to earth again, and only slightly grazed Olivia. She still managed to get to the other side of the street, with the child safe from harm, but she was a little dazed, and people were shouting and darting all around her. The horses were being held, the mother of the child had burst into tears, the child's nurse was shouting at her, and the little girl was crying too, and Charles was oblivious to all of them as he dashed across the street to Olivia with Geoff right behind him.
"My God, are you trying to get yourself killed? " he shouted at her, only too aware of how close she'd come, far more aware than she was since she hadn't really seen it. She had just reacted to the situation and it was all over before she knew it.
"But Charles .. . the child .. . that little girl .. .
" She looked up at him with wide eyes, and as she spoke to him, he seemed very far away, and the color seemed to be slowly draining from him. She could hear everything he said, and then she could see his lips move but he was making no sound at all and he became very small and turned quite gray. She looked at him with a puzzled expression, and he watched in horror, as she slid like melted molasses toward the sidewalk. He just caught her before she hit the pavement.
And then suddenly he was shouting too, at anyone who would listen. He only thought she'd been grazed by the horse's hooves, but perhaps it had been far worse than he thought. He was terrified as he shouted to someone to get a doctor.
"What happened? .. . What happened? .. ." a woman asked.
%That is it? "
"I don't know, " he said, distracted by everything that was happening around them, and as he glanced over his shoulder he could see Geoff's eyes filled with tears, and he tried to calm himself enough to reassure him. But he was panicked about the woman he thought was his wife, and Geoff knew was Olivia. After all they'd been through, he couldn't lose her. "She'll be all right, son, " he told Geoff, as someone went to fetch the doctor, and he laid her on the sidewalk, with Geoff's package under her head. But she hadn't regained consciousness.
She had completely fainted.
"She's not, Dad, she's dead, " Geoff said, crying openly, and more and more people were gathering around them, as Charles stood next to her and asked people to give her air, and finally a man came who said he was a doctor. He had her carried into a nearby restaurant, and very sensibly laid on a banquette so he could examine her. There was no bruise, no obvious blow to her head, and from her eyes, he didn't think she had a concussion, but she was definitely unconscious. He chafed her wrists, put ice on the back of her neck and her temples, and then slowly she came around, saw Charles, and looked quite green as she asked what had happened.
"You rescued a little girl, you fool, and almost got stamped to death by two horses, " he said, torn between terror, relief, and fury.
"It would be nice if you left the heroism to someone else, my love, " he said, kissing her hand, as Geoff wiped away his tears, embarrassed to have been crying.
"I'm sorry, " she said weakly, and then glanced at the doctor.
He had been listening to her heart and he was satisfied, there didn't seem to be much wrong with her, although he asked them if they'd like to take her to the hospital. Olivia said she wanted to go home, I but as soon as she stood up, she almost fainted again, and she admitted to Charles in a weak voice that she felt dreadful. He could see she did, and he was near tears himself as he laid her down on the banquette again.
"I think perhaps if your wife went home and lay down for a little while, she might be all right. It's probably the heat, and the emotion.
You can call me again this evening if she needs me, " the doctor said pleasantly, and handed Charles a card. And a few minutes later, Charles left her with Geoff and went to get the car, and the boy looked down at her meekly.
"Ollie, are you okay? " he whispered.
"Geoff, no! " she said, although there was no one around to hear them.
"Remember what I told you."
"I know .. . I was just so scared ..
. you looked like you were dead." His eyes filled with tears and she held his hand tightly in her own.
"Well, I'm not, and I'll beat you to within an inch of your life if you call me that again." She grinned at him, and they both laughed, as Charles came back to get her. He insisted on carrying her to the car, which embarrassed her, and she said she was fine now, but she was still very pale. And that night, she decided not to eat dinner. She was quite nauseous.
"I'm calling the doctor, " Charles announced firmly when he checked on her after he and Geoff had eaten alone in the dining room. "I don't like the way you look."
"Charles, how unkind of you, " she teased and he grinned at her.
He loved her spirit of mischief. It was not as acute as it had once been, but with time it had gotten somewhat subtler. But she still had a wicked sense of humor.
"You know what I mean." He sighed as he sat down and looked at her.
"I thought I would die when that damn horse nearly stomped on you.
For God's sake, what a crazy thing to do."
"The little girl could have been killed, " she said simply, with no regrets, since neither of them had been injured.
"So could you."
"I'm fine, " she said, and kissed him gently on the lips. There.
was something she had to say to him. She didn't know what to do about it. It was not what she had meant to happen at all, and it was going to complicate everything. But she wanted it so desperately there was no way she could ever give it up now. "I'm very fine, actually, " she said softly, looking at him, and he looked suddenly puzzled. She had a gentle way of saying things that sometimes confused him.
"What does that mean? "
"I'm not sure what to say to you, " she said cautiously. She had no idea what his feelings about it might be, and she knew her sister had never wanted children. Perhaps he didn't either.
"Is something wrong? " he asked, looking worried, but she only shook her head and had to fight back tears of emotion. "Oh Victoria, " he said, reminding her again that she had stolen him and had no right to this happiness, and yet she loved him so dearly. "Tell me what's worrying you .. ." He couldn't imagine anything that would make her look like that and he was anxious to reassure her.
"I .. . I'm .. . Charles .. ." But as he looked at her, and remembered what had happened that afternoon, he suddenly understood it.
"Are you expecting, Victoria? " he asked, looking stunned, as she nodded. He had been incredibly careless for the past two months, but she had never complained about it, so he had just let it happen. And knowing her feelings about that, he was suddenly terrified that she would be furious with him, and all the bad times would return again with a vengeance. But as he looked at her now, she looked anything but angry and she was crying.
"I am, " she admitted to him. She thought it must have happened on their anniversary. She had already been to the doctor once, the baby was expected at the end of March, and she was two months pregnant.
"Are you very angry? "
"Angry? " he said, staring at her, wondering how she could have forgotten all the things she'd said in the past about not wanting to have children. "How could I be angry? You're the one who never wanted to have a child. Are you angry at me? " he asked with worried eyes.
"I've never been happier, " she whispered to him, as she closed her eyes and he kissed her, overwhelmed by how lucky they were, and how infinitely precious to him she was.
"I can't believe it .. . when will it be? " he asked her.
"In March, " she said softly, wondering what she would do when her sister came home again and reclaimed him. What would happen to the baby then? Whose would it be? What would Victoria say to her about this?
It was going to be a terrible scandal, but still all she could do was cling to him now, and pray that the future would never come. When it did, she would be the loser in all this. Particularly, if they demanded to keep the baby. She envisioned all kinds of terrifying scenarios, when she allowed herself to, but most of the time she just forced herself not to think of any of it, except Charles and the baby.
They told Geoff just before they went home, and he was a little startled too, but he didn't ask her any questions. They both took care of her like a piece of antique glass, and she laughed at them, but she loved it. Charles was even afraid to make love to her now, but much to his own chagrin, he found he couldn't stop himself, and he was as amorous as ever. The doctor in Newport told her there was nothing to worry about.
She was healthy and young and the baby would be fine, as long as she didn't overdo it.
And the moment they got back to New York, Olivia raced to the house on Fifth Avenue. The letters had been gathering there for two months, and she hadn't dared ask anyone to send them to her. She prayed that Victoria was all right in France, and her hands shook as she sat in the doorway and opened each of her letters. She was still safe in France, in the same place, working in the hospital, and Olivia stared when she read the last letter from her. It was Providence. For a brief moment, it tore at her heart, longing to see her again, and then she knew it had to be, for her sake, and for Charles, and for their baby. Victoria said that it was too difficult to explain, but that she was needed there, and although her life was somewhat complicated, she had never been happier, and for reasons she would explain to Olivia later on, she wasn't coming home at the end of the summer as planned. For the moment, her life was.
there now and she begged her sister to forgive her. Olivia felt her heart pound as she read the letter again. She missed her sister terribly, but she knew it had to be this way now, for their sakes.
She prayed that she would stay safe and well, and that one day, Victoria would forgive her for what she was doing.
Chapter 27.
The summer in Chalons-sur-Marne had been hard for all of them. The heat of the battle had moved to Champagne, directed by General Petain, and because the treeless meadows provided no cover and no natural defenses for the men, the "poilus, " as the French boys were called, dug themselves into trenches again and were slaughtered by the thousands.
The goal of their mission in Champagne had been to cut the German rail lines, but as the Germans stood on the high ground watching them, the Allies made easy targets. The artillery barrage continued night and day, until the infantry went in and the boys were cut down like toy soldiers, knocked over one by one, until their remains or their broken bodies were brought in to the field hospitals for the doctors and women like Victoria to work on. But there was precious little left of them by the time they got them. It was a slaughter.
By the end of September, they were faced with blinding rains, and everywhere they went, they sloshed through mud and water. It was grotesque as some of the boys lay dying in the mud, literally drowning as they blew bubbles of blood in puddles of water. The horror and the shocking losses went on into October. And Edouard looked as tired as everyone else as he sat in his barracks late one night with Victoria when she came off duty. He had two rooms in the farmhouse that belonged to the chateau, one as his bedroom, and the other as his study, and Victoria was more or less living with him there, although everyone pretended not to know it, and she still kept some of her things at the barracks.
"It's not much fun, this war, is it, my love? " Edouard asked as he leaned over and kissed her. He was soaking wet and had just come from the hospital on foot in the pouring rain, but she was almost used to it by now. None of them had been dry in a month, their clothes, their tents, their sheets, everything was wet and moldy.
"Are you tired of it yet? " he asked. "Ready to go home? " Part of him wanted her to go so he knew she'd be safe, another side of him always wanted her near him. He had found in her something he'd never had anywhere before, a woman who was his equal, his friend, as strong as he, his lover, and at the same time his partner. They were perfect together.
"I'm not sure what home is anymore." She smiled tiredly at him and lay down on their bed after sixteen hours of duty. "Isn't it here, with you?
I thought it was, " she said softly and he lay down next to her and kissed her.
"I believe it is, " he said, kissing her again, and then he looked at her with interest. "Have you told your sister about us yet? " He wondered if she would, they had talked about it repeatedly, but Victoria was still afraid to shock her. After all, they were both married.
"No, but I will. She knows. She knows everything about me."
"How strange to have someone like that. I was very close to my brother before he died, but we were always very different." He loved talking to her, about life, about the war, about politics and people, they shared so many of the same interests, and he was almost as liberal as she was.
Almost, but not quite. He thought the suffragettes went too far, and he told her that if she ever grew a mustache or went on a hunger strike in order to get the vote, he would beat her.
"Olivia and I are different too, " she said, lighting one of his Gitanes. They were getting harder and harder to get and now they had to share them. "But it's like two sides of the same coin. Sometimes it almost feels like the same person."
"Perhaps it is, " he teased, rolling on top of her and taking a drag off the Gitane, "when do I get the other half? " He laughed.
"Never, " she grinned at him, "you'll have to be satisfied with what you've got. We're all grown up now, no more switching." He laughed at what she had just said and rolled off of her again.
"I'm sure your husband will be happy to hear that, " he said wickedly, "poor devil. After this mess here, you've got to go home and sort that out, for their sakes, " he said kindly, and she had long since agreed to do that. When the right moment came to go home, she would go back and tell Charles herself She owed that much to her sister.
"Maybe she won't want me to tell him by then."
"That could get complicated, I admit. At least there's nothing physical between them, or so you say. But if she looks exactly like you, I'm not sure I believe that. I defy any man to resist either of you for more than a few weeks. God knows I couldn't do it."
"Did you try to resist? " she asked, looking intentionally evil and almost purring at him as he chuckled. Even in the ugly, wrinkled uniform, Victoria somehow managed to look sexy.
"Not for a minute, I'm afraid, " he answered honestly. "I can never resist you, my love, " he said, and moments later, he proved it.
Later that night he broke the news to her that he had to go to Artois in a few days, for the next Franco-British offensive. It had started the same day as the battle in Champagne, but it was not going well and the poilus hated the British commander, Sir John French, and wanted one of their own there. There was a movement afoot to replace Sir John with Sir Douglas Haig, but so far nothing had been done yet, and the French didn't want him anyway, so Edouard had promised to go to Artois and see what he could do to help morale, and help plan the battle.
