The Hate Between Us, page 35
“Oh, honey.” A tear slipped out of Dad’s eyes, and he quickly brushed it away.
“Come on, Dad. Don’t cry.”
“I’m not sad, honey. Not at all. I’m happy.”
I twisted my hands in my lap. “Do you think we can handle college expenses?”
“Your mom and I managed to save something for your future. It’s not a lot, but it’s a start.”
Hearing this brought tears to my own eyes, and I leaned my head against his shoulder, staring ahead at the people passing us. “You and Mom always work hard to keep us afloat, and I want to give something of that back. I’m so sorry for taking so long to pull myself out of the dark place.”
He wound his arm around my shoulders and placed a kiss on top of my head. “Don’t say that. We never blamed you for it. You have nothing to feel guilty about. All that matters is that you’re getting better.”
As I watched the birds create mesmerizing circles up above us, I felt like I was soaring with them, too. I was still on the road to accepting being a paraplegic, but I was learning to appreciate myself more. To be happy living in my skin for the first time, like, ever.
“You know, Dr. Peterson was right. He told me that my journey would become easier in time. To enjoy the moment and the rest will sort itself out. I still haven’t fully embraced my new reality, and I think there will be bumps along my journey, but I’m not giving up, Dad. Not anymore.”
He pulled me into his embrace. “I’m so happy for you, honey. You’ll be quite alright. I know you will.”
A warm feeling came to life in my chest, and I smiled. Now I knew that, too.
The sun was low on the horizon when Dad turned onto our street, and my heartbeat grew faster when I spotted Jason’s car in front of our house.
“We’re having guests?” Dad asked, his forehead wrinkled.
I licked my lips. “It’s Jason.”
“Jason?”
“Jason Adams.”
What was he doing here? Last night, he’d texted me asking me how I was, but he hadn’t mentioned he would come.
Dad opened the front door, and butterflies took off in my belly as I moved inside. Jason’s voice reached me from the living room. It was low and deep, sending a delicious shiver through me, reminding me of his every kiss and touch. Reminding me of everything he’d told me on Saturday night.
My heart beat too loudly in my ears as I entered the living room. Jason was in Dad’s favorite armchair, his leg crossed over his knee. His hair was mussed as though he’d been repeatedly running his hands through it, and his face was relaxed, no dark circles under his eyes for a change. Only now it settled in that he was in my house. He was here.
My mom was telling him something, but he looked my way, and our eyes connected. He held me spellbound, and it took my dad calling my name a few times to snap me out of it so I could move.
“Jason, what are you doing here?”
“I came to see how you’re doing. You didn’t come to school.” He said it as though him being here was usual business.
“I’m just taking a week off to process everything.”
Mom noticed my reaction with amusement in her eyes. “I was just thanking Jason for helping you on Saturday.”
“It’s really nothing, Mrs. Turner. I just wish we’d found her sooner.”
“You did more than enough, son,” Dad told him.
Jason stood up and stepped to Dad with his hand outstretched. “We saw each other before, but we never met officially. I’m pleased to meet you, sir.”
Dad’s lips tilted up, and he accepted Jason’s handshake. “It’s good to meet you too, Jason. And it’s good to see you’re getting along with my daughter.”
Jason met my gaze with a small smile playing over his lips. “It took a while, but I think we managed to find common ground.” His gaze grew much warmer. My face reddened.
“Why don’t you come to my room so we can talk?” I asked, but then I looked at Mom and Dad for permission, feeling awkward. This was the first time I would have a boy in my room, and I didn’t know how my parents felt about that. I didn’t know if they would even agree to it.
Mom nodded. “Go on. You need company.”
“Okay. Jason, come with me.” I motioned with my hand for him to follow me, trying not to think that he would be in my room. My room. “I have to warn you, it’s nothing special. It’s small and accommodated for my needs and—”
He put his hand on my shoulder, and I stopped, sucking in a sharp breath. Softness danced in his eyes when I looked at him. “I really don’t care what your room is like, Katie. All I care about is you.”
I nodded, gulping. How was it possible that he could make me feel so smitten with only a simple touch and a few tender words?
He reached to brush his fingers across my neck, but then he stopped, frowning. I knew what he’d seen. The red marks from Liam’s chokehold were still visible.
His knuckles slid over my neck tenderly. “Does it hurt?”
“It’s better.”
His hand curled into a fist by his side. “He deserves the worst.”
“He’ll get the worst.” I stopped in front of my room. “Here it is.” I motioned for him to go in first, and he stepped inside, the small space rapidly shrinking with him in it. He looked so tall in such a small room, and a thrill of deliciousness that he was in my space zapped through me.
Before I could follow him in, Mom called to me.
“Wait. I’ll be back.”
He nodded, his gaze already roaming around my room, soaking everything in.
I found Mom in the kitchen, holding a tray with a cup of coffee.
“Take this to Jason. You came before I could serve it to him.”
“Sure.” I placed the tray on my lap and returned to my room, finding Jason sitting on my bed with his back turned to me. I placed the tray on my desk.
“Here’s your coffee.”
He didn’t turn around immediately, and I noticed he was holding something. He stood up and faced me with a grin on his face, and my gaze dropped to what was in his hand. The air left me in a rapid whoosh.
He was holding my diary.
My whole face went red. My eyes darted to the now empty wastebasket, and I remembered the diary had been in there all this time.
“You’ve liked me for this long?” He was pointing at the page I’d read that day.
“You—you weren’t supposed to see that,” I blurted out.
“I’m sorry. I saw it in the trash bin. I didn’t know it was your diary.”
I reached over and grabbed the diary out of his hand. “It’s just something I wrote a long time ago.”
“But it’s true, right? I never even noticed you, and you . . .”
“But I guess I never lost hope, huh?” I shrugged, offering him a smile.
His brows deepened, and sadness filled his eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
He moved around my bed and sat on the edge of it, taking my hands in his. “For turning my back on you when you needed me the most.” He lowered his head, a strand of his hair falling across his forehead. “I always put my sister first, even when I should’ve made you my priority. You told me you tried to commit suicide, and instead of being there for you, I pushed you away. Again.”
I looked down at my lap, my brows pulling together. “I understood why you acted that way. I ruined your sister’s life.”
He shifted closer to me and caught my hands in his, making me look at him. “No. I was wrong all this time. You didn’t ruin my sister’s life. It was ruined long before that.”
I sucked in a sharp breath. “You really think that?”
“I do. It took me a lot of fucking time, but I finally came around to it. Caroline hadn’t been well for a long time, and that night, she’d gone out without Dad’s permission. She took his car and got drunk to numb the pain. She made all the wrong decisions that night.”
“She’s not the only one who made wrong decisions that night, Jason. Maybe I was in a really bad state of mind, but I dragged her into that. So, I want to make things right. I’m going to talk to the police and tell them what I remembered, so Caroline’s sentence can be reduced.”
His eyes were two hot coals as he watched me. “You would do that?”
“It’s the least I can do.”
His eyes roamed slowly over my face, as though he wanted to commit to memory my every single feature. “I love you.”
My heart stopped.
“What?”
He ran his hand up my arm, letting it come to a rest on my shoulder. “I love you, Katie.”
“I . . . I can’t believe you’re actually saying this.”
He cracked a smile. “You better believe it. Because from now on, I will keep showing it to you.” He raised his hand to graze my neck. The touch was fleeting, but I felt it deep down. “You’re intriguing, Katie. You’re special. And I hate that it took me so long to see that. Then maybe we would’ve had more time together. I would’ve gotten more of you.”
“You can get me now.” I dropped my gaze to my hands. “That is, if you still want to be with me.”
“If I still want to be with you?” He lifted my chin, making me meet his eyes. “Katie, did you not hear what I just told you? I love you. And I never want to give you another reason to doubt me again. I want to protect you and show you just how amazing you are.”
I watched him with a longing that knew no bounds. My heart was beating rapidly to the tune of hope that was growing stronger in my chest the deeper his words lodged in my mind. But unlike the night in his apartment, there was nothing separating us anymore. No hidden truths or twisted realities.
I reached for his hands. “I want to be with you, but I have to make sure you understand I come with a lot of baggage.”
“So what? We both do.”
“I think it will take me a while to get over some stuff. I’m finding out just now who I am. There’s also the matter of my disability. There’s a lot of things you don’t know, and you can’t imagine what it’s like living with paralysis—”
“It doesn’t matter, because I’ll make sure to learn. Whatever comes our way, we’ll deal with it together.” His eyes burned with conviction, and I could feel the last piece of our emotional puzzle falling into place.
My eyes filled with tears, but these weren’t sad tears. No, they were happy tears, just like the ones I’d almost spilled when the audience clapped for me. Clapped for us.
And the last remnants of the darkness that had veiled my world day and night faded away. It already felt like a long-distant memory, conquered and forgotten.
“I love you too, Jason.”
His eyes widened, then filled with happiness that matched that which was fueling my heart.
“Even when I most wanted to hate you, my heart somehow found its way back to you.”
Grinning like a little kid, he leaned in and captured my lips with his, sending me swiftly on a route to more happiness and security. I placed my hands on his shoulders and moved as close as I could to him, feeling as if I was on top of the world. Feeling as if I was starting a new chapter of my life.
Soon, our nearness wasn’t enough, and he grabbed me by my hips and pulled me up, bringing me onto his lap. My arms wound around his neck automatically, our breaths blending together. His eyes seared into me.
“Does this mean you’ll be with me?”
I bit my lip, nodding. “Yeah.”
His mouth returned to mine, and his hands went on a journey of their own, making me crave him more and more. It could’ve been minutes or maybe hours until our mouths finally separated, both of us longing for more. And this time, there was nothing preventing us from getting that.
He smirked and tapped my nose with his finger. “Oh, and by the way, if it’s not already obvious . . .”
“What?”
“‘You’re the only girl for me, Katie Turner.’ And I’ll never let you go.”
A Month Later
Stone Detention Center was two hours’ drive away from Lake Gate. It didn’t allow visitors under the age of eighteen who weren’t family members, so as soon as I turned eighteen, I asked for permission to visit Caroline. Jason had come to pick me up early in the morning, assuring me there was nothing to be nervous about, that Caroline would be happy to see me. Now, after everything I’d learned about her, I knew she would be, but as I entered the visitation space alone and headed for the table in the corner of the room, I kept imagining various scenarios.
The walls of the room were dull gray, and the uniformed staff was everywhere, along with cameras, making me feel as though they were following my every single twitch. Dr. Peterson had helped me a lot to deal with my guilt, but now that I was here, it all threatened to come back, and I had to remind myself that at least she would get out of here sooner. After my statement, the judge decided to reduce Caroline’s sentence, and according to Jason, it was helping Caroline considerably to deal with the rest of her days here.
Caroline entered the room a minute later. Her steps had been contained, small, and her eyes dull, but the moment she saw me, she perked up, her steps quickening and eyes lighting up. The same dark eyes as Jason’s.
“You came,” she said, a huge smile pulling at her lips.
All of a sudden, I wanted to cry. For her, for me, for us. I didn’t know this girl, but now as I saw her look at me as if I’d not only just brightened her day but her whole week, I felt as though I’d known her my whole life.
“I wish I could hug you,” I blurted out.
She could’ve looked at me as though I’d said something really weird. But she didn’t. Her eyes misted, her lips curving at the corner. “If only physical contact was allowed.”
“If only. I’m so sorry I didn’t come sooner. I wanted to.”
“I get it. Visitation rules and everything.”
“I’m sorry for many things, Caroline. I’m sorry for putting you in here.”
She shook her head. “You didn’t put me here. It’s my fault.”
“No, it isn’t. And to think you wanted to ask me for forgiveness all this time, when it’s me who should ask you for forgiveness.”
She gave another shake of her head. “Katie, listen, if there’s anything the counselor here has taught us, that’s to take responsibility for our actions. I drove drunk that night and lost control of my car. I never should’ve gone to that party.” She looked around the room, her jaw going rigid. “This place . . . I hate it, and I’m counting the days until I’m out, but I want you to know you’re not responsible for it. This is the price I pay for my mistakes.”
“I never wanted to hurt you that night. What I did . . . it’s really bad, but if I could go back, I’d do it all differently.”
“I know. Unlike my brother, who I heard was pretty hard on you for quite a while, I understand what it’s like to feel so lost you don’t even care about living. When you’re too lost to think about the consequences of your actions. When that is your only way out of pain.”
“Jason told me about . . . how you’re feeling here.”
She half-smiled. “I have to admit, it’s not been a walk in the park. But my life hasn’t been that for quite a while.”
“Caroline, you have so much to live for. It’s going to get better. It may not look that way now, but don’t give up. Please.” I placed my hand as close to hers on the table as I could without touching. I could almost feel our warmth blending together.
She watched our hands. “I haven’t believed in that for a long time, but now, I feel different. I feel more positive. More optimistic.”
“You don’t know how glad I am to hear that.”
Her lips crooked. “Jace is really helpful, but there’s also Dad.”
“Your dad?”
“Yeah. He’s changed recently. He stopped drinking, and he goes to AA meetings.”
I matched her smile. Jason hadn’t talked much about their dad, but he’d told me that him moving out of their house was what finally made their dad try to get back on his feet. Besides quitting drinking and joining AA meetings, he’d found a new job and was determined to keep it, and also was showing more interest in his children. That meant visiting Caroline on the regular and calling Jason to ask him how school and acting were going.
His relationship with Jason hadn’t improved yet, but they were headed in that direction. Jason was slowly opening up to him again, and his dad was more supportive of Jason and his future plans.
“I heard he’s coming here often.”
“He basically sleeps here.” She winked at me with a smile.
I giggled.
“How about you? How do you feel? What happened with that guy was so scary.”
“Yeah, but it’s all in the past now. Liam’s getting what’s coming to him. He’s been charged with murder and rape among other things and is going to be in prison for a long time.”
“That’s good. That’s the least he deserves.”
“Yes. As for me, I’m okay now. For a long time, I didn’t feel optimistic, but that has changed recently.”
Her eyes shone mischievously. “And I bet it has something to do with my brother, eh?”
I blushed. “Partly, yes.”
“You managed to conquer my big, bad brother. Tell me, what did you do? What spell did you use?”
I chuckled. “It’s mostly that there was a lot of pretending that in the end turned out to not be pretending. There’s a thin line between pretense and reality, it seems.”
“Ah, right. Your roles.” Her gaze turned soft. “Jace was always a lone wolf, you know? He used to carry all burden by himself, but I’m glad he’s finally found someone who can show him he’s not all alone.”
“I think we’re both showing each other we have someone to lean on. He’s helping me a lot with my condition. He’s adapted fairly quickly.”
Her eyes dropped. “I’m really sorry, Katie. I—”
“I don’t blame you, Caroline. Not anymore.” I sighed. “You said it yourself—we should take responsibility for our actions. I mean, it will take me a while to get over the fact that I did this to myself, but at least I have things to look forward to.”
