The Hate Between Us, page 27
“Then why do you look like you regret it?”
“Because it wasn’t supposed to happen like this.”
My chest contracted under the onslaught of hurt his words produced. “What do you mean?”
“Everything is confusing when I’m with you. I don’t know what to think. I keep reminding myself that I shouldn’t get closer to you, but—”
“But what?”
He closed his eyes, shaking his head, and my chest began aching hard.
My phone rang. I pulled it out of my bag, planning to silence it, but Jason said, “You should answer that.”
Pursing my lips, I looked down at my phone. It was Dylan. “Hey.”
“Where are you, Kat? You just disappeared.”
I glanced at the creased sheets on the bed, heat pouring across my face. If only she knew. “Um, inside the house.”
“What are you doing in there? Are you hiding? We came here to party, missy. No hiding.”
I chuckled. “Don’t worry, Dee. I’m not hiding. I’ll be right out.”
“Hurry up. Seth is about to do a backflip into the pool, and you don’t want to miss it.”
“Absolutely,” I said solemnly and ended the call.
“We should go,” Jason said as he went for the door, and I felt like doubling over in pain.
“Jason, we should clear up things between us.”
“I can’t talk about it now. I need some time to think.” He was already out the door before I could say anything.
I whimpered, pressing my hand against my lips to stifle the sound. I stared at the door for a long time, my vision blurring more and more with moisture. I just wanted to stay here and cry my heart out, but I sucked in my tears and pushed myself out of the room.
There would be plenty of time to cry later.
The rest of the party was a was a quick blur of lots of dancing, a few more shots, and acting as though Jason hadn’t literally rocked my world and then left me on the precipice. Liam had left while I was with Jason, and not even the shots dampened my guilt that I’d ditched Liam like that and made out with Jason after Liam confessed his feelings for me. I returned home and went to sleep crying into my pillow and trying not to think of how good it had felt being in Jason’s arms.
When I woke up on Sunday morning, anger took hold of me. The moment we’d had in Seth’s house was wrong. Why had he kissed me and touched me if he wasn’t serious about me? If he needed to think. He’d just left, only giving rise to more questions. Was I just another notch on his belt? A pastime?
The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. Jason never dated, so what had I expected? That he would turn over a new leaf because of me? On top of that, he hadn’t even apologized to me for how he’d treated me since my accident, and I still didn’t know if he blamed me for it. After I heard him talk to Caroline, I just knew he would always want to protect her more than anyone, and if he considered me her enemy, I’d always lose.
I went to school on Monday telling myself not to expect anything from him. To act as though nothing had happened. Unfortunately, my stomach didn’t get the memo, since it turned restless as soon as I entered English class and spotted him at the back of the classroom. He was on his phone, but he raised his gaze as though he sensed me in the room and caught my eyes in an instant. Blushing, I looked away and pulled behind my desk.
All throughout the lecture, I could feel his eyes boring into my back, and it was difficult to focus. I didn’t allow my gaze to stray toward him, but I didn’t have control over my mind. My mind was stuck on that moment, and before I knew it, I was fantasizing about his mouth exploring other parts of me. Heat pooled in my belly, and I wanted him to do something about it.
I was so lost in my thoughts I didn’t notice class was over until other students started leaving their seats. Just wonderful. It was that easy for him to command my headspace.
I picked up my stuff and headed out, but Ms. Holloway called me back, motioning for Jason to join us. He picked up his textbooks from his desk and moved with unhurried but sure steps. His face was unreadable as he watched me silently, and my pulse raced faster the closer he got. My eyes were drawn to him, studying the contours of his legs, then his rock-solid abs, outlined by his tight black shirt.
Ms. Holloway took off her glasses and rubbed them with a handkerchief. “Did Jason mention to you that you two are going to be kissing in rehearsals from now on?”
My tongue darted out to lick my lips. Every mention of Jason and kissing in one sentence was bound to get me flustered at this point. “Yeah.” I hoped my voice didn’t sound as breathless as it did to me. The thought of kissing Jason again after Seth’s party was almost too much.
She looked between us. “How are you two getting along? Are the private meetings helpful?”
I blushed, the memories of our heated moments rushing back to me all at once.
“Definitely,” Jason said, and I snapped my gaze up at him, my lips parting. He even looked the part, bringing a smile to Ms. Holloway’s face.
“That’s good to hear. I noticed the difference in your teamwork in these last few rehearsals, and it’s obvious you two have made some progress. Your performances are more believable. Just keep it up. For the sake of the play and your marks.” Joking, she winked at us, but I didn’t smile. Right now, it was less about my marks and more about managing to untangle myself from this complicated situation with Jason.
“You can go now. Ah, and don’t forget we’re doing a photoshoot for the play posters after classes tomorrow, so clear your schedules if you haven’t already.”
We nodded and left the classroom. Jason followed closely behind me. “Katie, wait.”
I didn’t want to talk to him, but I stopped and turned to look at him. “What?”
“We need to talk.”
“Now you want to talk?”
He folded his arms over his chest. “Yes,” he gritted out.
“Maybe I don’t want to talk with you now.”
He set his jaw. “Everything has to be complicated with you, huh?”
“Nothing’s ever been simple with you.”
He shifted his weight. “I don’t want to fight with you. I just want to clear up some things. Let’s talk tomorrow after the photoshoot.”
I dropped my gaze to my hands in my lap. Part of me wanted to refuse him. To tell him I wasn’t just another girl he could just kiss and then leave. But we were in limbo, and I deserved answers.
“Fine. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
I turned and left, my heart beating to an erratic tune. It hurt how hopeful I felt that he would tell me he wanted something more with me. How I couldn’t wait for tomorrow to come so we could resolve this.
How despite everything, I didn’t regret a single moment in that room, knowing that no matter what, it would be carved into my memory for the rest of my life.
I headed to the cafeteria right after the lunch bell, planning to get there early enough to have time to talk with Liam. I’d talked to Dylan about what happened with Liam and Jason at the party, and she’d told me Liam would understand if I explained everything to him (after she freaked out about Jason and I making out and made me tell her all the details). I wasn’t so sure if mentioning Jason to Liam would be smart.
I was about to turn the corner, when a voice called me, “Katie.” I looked over my shoulder and saw Jimmy standing right behind me.
A shiver ran through me. Had he been following me or something? A quick glance down the hallway showed we were all alone.
Dylan’s words about Jimmy returned to haunt me. Suddenly, he looked so tall. Tall and muscled and too serious. His eyes were bloodshot, and he looked as though he hadn’t slept for days. I didn’t know if he was capable of murdering someone, but the way he was looking at me was enough for me to push my wheelchair backward to claim more distance between us.
“I really need to talk with you.”
“I don’t want to talk with you. And I’d really appreciate it if you stopped trying.”
He shifted his weight and folded his arms over his chest. “And I’d really appreciate it if you dropped your shitty attitude for a second.”
“No.”
I started to move, but he caught the armrests of my chair, stopping me. I inhaled a quick breath, everything in me going on high alert.
“Let me go.”
“Not until I say what I want to say.”
My heart jumped to my throat. “Jimmy, if you don’t let me go, I’ll scream.”
“Stay away from Liam Morgan.”
For a second, I thought I hadn’t heard him right. “What?”
“Stay away from him.” A hint of something dark almost swallowed those blue eyes of his, and fear flickered deep within me.
“Let me go right this second, Jimmy.”
His eyes narrowed, studying me as though I would race out of here in a split second if he pulled away. He removed his hands and stepped away but looked ready to stop me if I moved. There was still no one around us, so if he did do anything to hurt me, there would be no stopping him. I pressed my back tightly against my chair.
“Why do you want me to stay away from him?”
“I can’t tell you. You just have to trust me on this one.”
“Trust you? So far, you haven’t shown me a single reason why I should trust you and—Wait a minute. Why do you care if I hang out with Liam or not?”
He looked away, his arm muscles bulging with tension. “It doesn’t matter.”
I cocked my head to the side, noticing a fragment of discomfort in the lines of his face. Liam had suggested Jimmy liked me, and right now, someone could say his behavior could be attributed to jealousy. He did look tense whenever he saw me with Liam.
“So let me get this clear—you want me to stay away from Liam, but you don’t even want to tell me why?”
“He’s not a good guy for you.”
“And you are?”
“We’re not talking about me.”
“The way you said it leaves a lot of room for interpretation.”
“He’s not a good guy, period.”
“Right. Well.” I moved my chair backward. “Thanks for the heads-up, but I think you’re overreacting. Liam has been nothing but nice to me so far. Unlike you.”
Something eerie glinted in his eyes. Shut up, Katie. If he’s really someone capable of hurting—killing—others . . . don’t ask for trouble.
“Look, I have to go, so if that’s all you wanted to talk about, I’ll be leaving.” A group of students showed up at the end of the hallway, and I used the chance to spin my chair around and leave quickly.
“You’re wrong, Katie,” he shouted after me. “You’re very wrong. Stay away from him.”
I grimaced as I rounded the corner and exhaled a long breath once I was out of his sight.
With a queasy feeling, I pushed past the cafeteria doors and looked for Liam. I felt a kick in my stomach when I spotted him with his friends at his table, and I didn’t know if that reaction came because of what Jimmy had just told me or because of the conversation I planned to have with Liam about Saturday.
My smile was tight when I reached Liam’s table. I pretended four pairs of eyes hadn’t instantly turned toward me as I stopped beside the table.
“Hi, Liam.”
He met my gaze without a smile, which didn’t surprise me. There was an underline of hurt in his expression, and I felt that maybe Dylan was wrong—maybe he wouldn’t be so understanding.
“Can we talk somewhere?”
He lowered his fork slowly. “Sure.”
I led him over to the windows overlooking the patio, feeling a few sets of eyes on me. People were still in the habit of staring at me, but it didn’t bother me as much as it had a few weeks ago. Dr. Peterson had said their stares or opinions didn’t define me and I hadn’t done anything I should be ashamed of, but I hadn’t been able to get rid of the urge to hide whenever they stared despite repeating his words like a mantra. However, as I looked back at some of those staring people now, that urge was missing, and I felt as though I could breathe more easily. I still would’ve preferred they didn’t stare at me, but at least their stares registered as a faint echo in my mind instead of a very loud drum.
Liam leaned his shoulder against the wall. “What’s up?”
“I’m really sorry for leaving you at Seth’s party. I don’t want you to get the wrong impression.”
He folded his arms over his chest, looking through the windows. “Just what impression did you think I would get?”
“I . . . I really enjoyed that kiss.”
His gaze was skeptical when he turned it on me. “Did you really?”
Ouch. “I did. And thanks for kissing me.” Thanks for kissing me? That was the best I could come up with?
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Katie. It was a low blow. That day was already rough enough for me, but when you left it really got bad.”
I frowned. “What do you mean by your day was already rough enough?”
He stared through the windows. A vertical line ran its course between his brows. “It’s my mom. She kicked me out of our place. That’s why I was late that day.”
“What? Why?”
There was no reflection in his eyes or change to his expression, but judging by his hard tone, he was very much affected by it. “Her boyfriend moved in with us, and I found out about it only that day. She reminded me that I could leave if I had a problem with that. We had a huge argument, and I ended up hitting her boyfriend. In return, she kicked me out.”
“Wow. That’s awful. I’m so sorry. Where are you sleeping now?”
“At one of my teammates’ places.”
I moved forward and caught his hand. He dropped his gaze to our hands. “I think she’ll end up regretting it, Liam.”
“I don’t think so, but thank you for saying that.”
“Maybe if you talked to her again—”
His jaw flexed. “It wouldn’t change a thing. It never does.”
I wanted to say something to lift his spirits, but my body buzzed, the way it did when someone was watching me, and I looked past Liam to Jason at his table. His gaze was on my hand holding Liam’s, reminding me our hands were still connected.
I retracted my hand, pretending like my heart hadn’t just throbbed hard. “There’s something else I wanted to tell you. Jimmy Caruso talked to me just now.” I waited for Liam’s reaction to change, but his face remained blank.
“Okay?”
“He told me to stay away from you.”
Liam frowned. “What?”
“Yeah, he told me you’re not a good guy. Do you have any idea why he might’ve said that?”
“No. That guy doesn’t even know me.”
“Apparently, he thinks he does.”
He scoffed. “Then he clearly has a screw loose.” But then his eyes grew serious. “Do you believe him?”
“Of course not.”
“Why not? As far as you know, he might be right.”
“I know you, Liam. You’re nice, and it’s fun being around you. You’re a good guy.”
“But that’s obviously not enough for you to consider dating me?”
My gaze dropped to my suddenly tightly entwined hands. “Liam, I—I’m not sure what to tell you. I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship with you, and it’s not because there’s something wrong with you. It’s about me.”
His gaze went off into the distance, his lips half-smiling. “They all say that.”
“No, it’s not—”
“Katie, I opened up to you, and you practically threw my feelings in my face.”
I flinched. “That really wasn’t my intention, Liam. Look, I really appreciate you. I do.”
“Whatever, Katie,” he snapped.
“Tell me what I can do to make things right.”
“You can’t. Not right now. Look, I think I need some space. We’ll talk later, okay?”
Without another word, he pushed away from the wall and returned to his table, his steps brisk. I stopped tugging at my cuticle, realizing I’d been doing it for the last half minute or so. I wanted to go after him and tell him I was sorry and I didn’t want to hurt him, but those would be empty words if I didn’t give him what he wanted.
But I couldn’t give him what he wanted. As much as I wanted to make things right with Liam, I couldn’t. Because my stubborn heart had already fallen into the trap of beating for Jason again.
Because no matter how much I told myself to forget about him, my eyes still sought him, always betraying my mind.
My stomach felt all fluttery when the photoshoot finished and Jason and I were the only ones remaining backstage.
He dropped into the chair next to me, and my skin buzzed with how close he was to me. Throughout the past hour we’d had to be next to each other, even hug in some shots, and every time I’d felt his breath on my neck, I wanted him more and more. It had been hard to focus on anything but the feel of his body against mine.
Now that we finally had some time to be alone, the air between us was instantly different. I kept my eyes on the ground, but I could sense him watching me, and each second spent in silence quickened my pulse more.
“What was that about between you and Liam Morgan in the cafeteria?”
My heart sprang up. “Nothing. We were talking about Saturday. I left him without an explanation before I saw you in Seth’s house, and I wanted to resolve that.”
“Why did you leave him?”
I glanced away. “He confessed his feelings to me. I couldn’t reciprocate.”
“So, you don’t like him?”
“I thought I did. But I just wanted to like him. That’s not the same.”
“But you kissed him.”
This again? “You hook up with girls all the time, Jason. Why is it bad when I do it?”
“Because you did it minutes before you kissed me. And I haven’t hooked up with anyone for weeks.”
I opened my mouth to rebuff that, but it was true. Save for that girl who had been with him in the pool, I hadn’t seen him with any girls lately, nor had I heard about any.
