The Hate Between Us, page 13
“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”
He shut his face off. “Whatever.” He motioned at me. “What about you? Why did you want to become an actress?” He looked less like he was curious and more like he wanted to divert attention away from himself, but that didn’t prevent my heart from beating a little faster.
I fingered the edge of the book on the bottom of my stack. “I saw Star Wars, and I was amazed by the way they portrayed their emotions. I wanted to be just like them. Portray any emotion. Be anyone I wanted.”
He leaned his elbows on the table, reducing the distance between us by several inches that felt like everything. “Let me guess—you wanted to be Princess Leia and have your own Han Solo.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “So what? I happen to find them very believable as lovers. Their chemistry was awesome.”
He raised his brows. “Awesome? It was trash. Just like the whole franchise.”
“You did not just say that.”
“What? It’s true. And don’t get me started on Anakin and that line about not liking sand.”
I pouted. “Anakin is sexy, just so you know.”
He arched his brow. “Of course you’d say that.”
“Oh, like you have a better taste.”
“As a matter of fact, I do. Scarlett Johansson is not only hot but also one of the most talented actresses in Hollywood right now.”
My eyes widened. “Scarlett Johansson? You can’t be serious.”
“What’s wrong with her?”
“Nothing. Just that she irritates me so much.”
“And that means we’re all supposed to feel the same? At least she can act. Hayden Christensen can’t act for shit. But I guess all that matters is his looks, right?”
I angled my head. “Why do you sound so cynical?”
“Because not everyone gets equal opportunities. Hollywood should be about talent, not looks.”
It came as a surprise that he’d say something like that. “It never occurred to me you’d be bothered by that.”
“Why not?”
“It’s obvious.” I motioned with my hand at him. “You’ve got the looks.”
He raised his brows, and I realized what I’d just said.
Shit. Can I just disappear?
“Don’t get flattered,” I blurted out. “I was just stating the facts.”
“Really, now?”
Ground, please swallow me now.
“So why do you want to go to Hollywood, then?” I asked to steer the conversation in another direction. “I assumed you do since Ms. Holloway mentioned it.”
“Because even with all its flaws, that’s where you go if you want to work with the best.”
“You mean hit the A-list.”
“That too. There are a lot of directors I admire. It would be an honor to work with them.”
He sounded so humble and devoted. Despite myself, I felt a fresh wave of admiration toward him.
“Do you really think this play will be a ticket to Hollywood for you?” I played with the edges of my script. “I mean, it’s surreal that a talent agent from L.A. will be here.”
He rested his head on his hand. “I’m not naïve enough to think I’ll get some golden ticket. I’ll get a shot to show them what I can do, but that’s just the start.”
He made it sound like it was so easy—like everything was conquerable. I wished I could feel what it was like to be ready to fight no matter what might come. To not let anything defeat me. If I hadn’t become paralyzed, maybe I would’ve been able to change that, but now . . . my heart pumped faster with wistfulness.
“Does that make you nervous? Performing in front of them?”
He shrugged.
“That’s not an answer.”
He sat up straighter. “What is this? Twenty questions?”
“I’m just curious, that’s all. I know I’d be very nervous. It’s a huge deal.”
“The only thing that makes me nervous is your performance. As I said, I can only do so much with you as my partner.”
I raised one of the books. “That’s what these are for. It’s not like I want to fail, you know.” I sighed. “Why do you have to criticize me all the time?”
“Some people just bring that out of me,” he fired back immediately, and I recoiled, hurt slicing through my chest. I was sure it showed on my face, but I was too tired to even bother masking it.
I ran my finger along the edge of the book as he watched me silently.
He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Why don’t we start practicing?”
I just nodded. So much for getting to know each other better.
Jason was already in character when I opened my script, and I needed a second to adjust to it. I didn’t think I’d ever get used to how fast he could switch. It only made me want to do better myself. Taking a deep breath, I pushed everything else aside the way I’d practiced the last few days and fully focused on Chloe.
I inhaled deeply and frowned. “Oh no! Just my luck. My mom will kill me.”
He shrugged. “At least it still works.”
“But I just got this phone. And it’s already cracked.”
“That model? It looks old.”
I played with a strand of my hair nervously. “It’s used.”
“Then it’s not such a shame, is it?”
“Are you serious? Not all of us can afford the most expensive phones.”
“What makes you think I can?”
We continued delivering lines without missing a beat, and I made sure to convey Chloe’s shame through my voice and expressions, hinting at something deeper—she was poor and couldn’t afford a new phone.
But Chloe didn’t know Nathan didn’t have it easy either, a fact that was hidden beneath the hard mask Jason currently had on. His curt voice portrayed Nathan’s standoffish nature—Nathan didn’t trust people or open up to them after having been disappointed too many times. At one point I raised my head to look at Jason and felt compelled to keep watching him as he delivered his lines with perfect precision, but I returned my gaze to the script before he could catch me looking.
We went over the first act without any setbacks. I’d expected Jason to stop me and point out what was wrong with my performance, but he didn’t interrupt me even once, and I wondered if we were finally getting somewhere, despite the rocky start earlier.
My throat was parched, so I reached for the water bottle in my backpack and took a huge swallow, noticing Jason studying me out of the corner of my eye. I screwed the cap back on with a more force than necessary and put the bottle back into my backpack.
“What?”
He ran his hand through his disheveled hair, making it messier, but it only worked in his favor. I had to make a conscious effort not to stare at it.
He cleared his throat. “Your performance was better this time.”
I arched my brows. Was Jason Adams complimenting me?
“Was that actually a compliment?”
He scowled at me. “It was just a statement, so don’t get too excited. You got to know your character better. It shows.”
“So, I’m more believable as her now?” It was a reference to what he’d said about my Chloe not being believable.
He narrowed his gaze at me. “Barely.”
My lips twitched. “It’s because I spent the last few days studying her. What makes her tick, what she likes, what her weak points are. Now that I know her better, I can understand her better.”
“Why did you audition for Chloe?”
“I told you, Ms. Holloway has asked me to—”
“I know, but why did she ask you to do it?”
“Because she and Amy thought the way I expressed Chloe’s mom’s emotions was more suited for Chloe. So, I found something similar that I shared with Chloe and went for it.”
His fingers played with the edges of his script absentmindedly. “Something similar? What’s that?”
I blinked fast. I’d gotten myself into that one on my own.
There was no way I could tell him about my depression, so I said, “She’s something all of us could be at one point—lost in the current of life. She has to find a way to stay afloat and not just give up and let herself drown. To do that, she has to find strength within herself and then let herself be loved by Nathan. It’s all relatable.”
He tipped his head to the side. “Why do you think she has to let herself be loved by him?”
“Because she loves him too much. She knows he’d suffer if she died. It would devastate him. So she keeps her distance from him.”
“So, Nathan has to find a way to reach through to her and convince her he’s not going anywhere.”
I nodded, staring down at my script. “He has to show her he’ll never give up on her. He’ll always believe in her. Inside, he’s terrified, but he doesn’t let that control him. He refuses to give up. That’s what Chloe taught him when he was just a terrified boy, lost in the clutches of his foster dad and with no way to pull out of it. When he didn’t trust anyone, not even that gorgeous girl with a smile bigger than life and sparkle in her eyes.”
I raised my gaze from the script to look at him and grew still when I found him staring intensely at me. A pang hit my chest.
“Sorry.” I scratched the back of my neck, blushing profusely. “I can get carried away sometimes. It’s just that her character is fascinating.”
He ran his finger over the edge of the script. Up and down. Up and down.
“Did Holloway talk to you about kissing practice?”
My throat constricted. “No. What kissing practice?”
“She wants us to practice kissing before we kiss in rehearsals. Just the two of us with her.”
Suddenly hot, I draped my hair over one shoulder. Jason followed the move carefully, his gaze zoning in on my neck.
My cheeks reddened. “When will that be?”
“She didn’t specify.”
“And what do you . . . what do you think?”
He leaned back against his chair. “Have you ever been kissed before?”
Now I could feel my whole face burning. I lowered my eyes. “That’s none of your business.”
“It is my business if I have to kiss someone inexperienced. I don’t want you to slobber all over my mouth.”
My fingers curled around the corner of my script, crinkling the paper. “Don’t worry, I won’t slobber all over your mouth. I’ll just give you a quick peck.”
“I suggested that to Holloway, but she thinks it wouldn’t make much sense, seeing that most of Chloe and Nathan’s kisses are desperate and filled with longing. So, she wants the real deal.”
My stomach dropped all the way to the ground. “The real deal?”
“Yeah. The real deal. With tongues.”
I was going to be sick. I turned my wheelchair and went over to the open window just so I could get some fresh air and avoid looking at him.
“All of the kisses?”
“Most of them.”
I swallowed hard. I couldn’t hide the truth from him. He would figure it out anyway the first time we kissed.
“I—I’ve never been kissed before.”
Embarrassment poured from my every pore. He groaned, and I looked back at him to see him run his hand down his face.
“This is going to be a disaster,” he said.
My chest ached dully. He didn’t have to write me off just like that.
I folded my arms over my chest. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. Now I just can’t wait to kiss you.”
He just watched me, two creases forming in his forehead. “How have you never kissed anyone before?”
No, that was so not what I was going to talk about with him.
“That’s none of your business,” I repeated. He kept watching me until I had enough. “Okay, will you stop looking at me like that?” I returned to the table and grabbed my script. “Let’s continue, okay?”
His eyes were hooded, but he didn’t say anything. I almost let out a sigh of relief when he leaned over his script, but then he went and said, “Just don’t make a big deal out of it.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Kissing. It’s just part of the play. Nothing personal.”
I snorted a chuckle. First, he’d told me not to expect us to become friends, and now this.
“What are you trying to say? That I might fall for you or something? Don’t be so conceited, Jason. I’m not that pathetic or desperate.”
A muscle twitched in his jaw. “As long as we’re clear on that.”
“No worries about that. I don’t go for people who hate me and insult me whenever they please.” But I felt a pang of hurt in my chest. If only he knew. I hadn’t allowed myself to think about those kissing scenes, because a part of me knew they would mean too much to me. I’d get too excited, despite knowing it would lead to nothing but more heartache. Not only because it would be my first time being kissed, but also because of Jason. Because of all my fantasies in which he was my first.
Because I was stupid. Because it was too easy to forget all his insults when I was this close to him.
I chased those thoughts away and once more returned to Chloe’s world as we went over the first act again. I refused to dwell on it for the time being. We didn’t break character anymore.
The weekend had been a welcome reprieve from Jason overload. I was buried in homework and books I’d taken from the library, and I spent a couple of hours each day on imagination exercises in front of the mirror. I also made notes of the more difficult parts in the script and wrote down the emotions I had to portray in those scenes. Acting 101 might be about some basic stuff, but it was useful getting reminded of the process of getting into character, and I felt as though I could deal better with the complexities of Chloe.
What I still couldn’t deal with was the physical intimacy. Books didn’t teach you what to do when you were working beside your ex-crush, someone who affected your attention-deprived body on so many levels, and while I’d repeated countless times over the weekend my new mantra, Real actors don’t let anything get in their way, all my composure threatened to fly out the window when I headed to rehearsal on Tuesday.
I made sure I came to the theater before the others so I could talk to Ms. Holloway. She was moving props to their places when I arrived.
“Hey, Katie. You’re here.”
“Yes. Do you need some help?”
She picked up two chairs and carried them to center stage. “No need. I can handle it.” She took a long look at my face. “Is everything alright?”
I fiddled with my thumbs in my lap. “Jason told me about kissing practice.”
“Ah, right. I wanted to tell you about that later, after rehearsal.” She put down the chairs and straightened up to look at me, hands on her hips. “We’ll have to go over the kissing scenes before we do them here. It’s part of my practice when doing plays with kissing scenes. In my experience, it’s better for students this way.”
“When are we going to start that practice?”
“Next week.”
“Do you have any special directions?”
“We’ll discuss that then.” She inclined her head as she observed me. “I assume this is your first experience with kissing on stage?”
I wasn’t going to tell her that it was my first experience with kissing in general, so I just nodded.
“Don’t be nervous. Though I know I was nervous before my first stage kiss.”
My eyes widened. “You were?”
“Yes. And we didn’t get to practice it alone beforehand. So, it was very awkward, and the director wasn’t happy with it.” She chuckled at the memory. “Anyway, you’ll see there’s no need for you to be nervous. We’ll go step by step, until both you and Jason are comfortable with it. My only suggestion to you beforehand is to pay attention to your mouth hygiene. Bad breath and such.”
“Right. Hygiene. Roger that.”
Stella, Tallie, and Ling entered, soon followed by Jimmy. His brows were tightly knit over his dark eyes. His body was rigid as he sat down next to Tallie, and his hands were fisted until he pushed them into his pockets. I waited for him to strike up a conversation with her, but he remained quiet, staring at one spot on the floor without moving a muscle, which reminded me of his behavior last year, right after his girlfriend’s suicide. He’d been on edge, and I’d heard stories of him switching between being withdrawn, refusing to talk to anyone, and lashing out when least expected.
His eyes snapped up and met mine, and I almost startled at how sudden that was. I looked away, only to find Jason strolling past us without a single glance. He didn’t say hi to anyone as he took his place between Lori and Lucas, looking even more tired than he had on Thursday.
“Is everything okay, Jason?” Ms. Holloway asked pleasantly.
“Yes,” he replied gruffly. He was clearly anything but, but Ms. Holloway didn’t push the matter further.
She turned to address all of us. “I want to inform you that we’re going to be measuring you for your costumes next Monday. We’ll also have a set on stage by that time. I’ll send you an email with the details by the end of the day.” We all collectively nodded. “Alright. Today, we’re doing the second act.”
“Hell, yeah. We’ll finally get some action,” Lucas said, rubbing his hands together.
Both Jason and I narrowed our eyes at him.
“If you’re referring to kissing, Lucas, no, there won’t be kissing today,” Ms. Holloway clarified quickly.
Lucas’s grin fell. “No?”
“No. Katie and Jason will practice that alone with me first and then we’ll include it in the rehearsals. We’ll do everything else, hugging included.” She looked between me and Jason. “From now on, I want you to always be next to each other here when you’re not performing. It’s also part of you getting used to each other.”
Jason’s eyes clashed with mine. My heart skipped a few beats.
Ms. Holloway lowered her glasses down the bridge of her nose. “Well, what are you waiting for? Go on.” She motioned for us to get next to each other.
My brows rose when, instead of denying her, Jason crossed the space between us, but then he stopped a whole five feet shy of me.
He shut his face off. “Whatever.” He motioned at me. “What about you? Why did you want to become an actress?” He looked less like he was curious and more like he wanted to divert attention away from himself, but that didn’t prevent my heart from beating a little faster.
I fingered the edge of the book on the bottom of my stack. “I saw Star Wars, and I was amazed by the way they portrayed their emotions. I wanted to be just like them. Portray any emotion. Be anyone I wanted.”
He leaned his elbows on the table, reducing the distance between us by several inches that felt like everything. “Let me guess—you wanted to be Princess Leia and have your own Han Solo.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “So what? I happen to find them very believable as lovers. Their chemistry was awesome.”
He raised his brows. “Awesome? It was trash. Just like the whole franchise.”
“You did not just say that.”
“What? It’s true. And don’t get me started on Anakin and that line about not liking sand.”
I pouted. “Anakin is sexy, just so you know.”
He arched his brow. “Of course you’d say that.”
“Oh, like you have a better taste.”
“As a matter of fact, I do. Scarlett Johansson is not only hot but also one of the most talented actresses in Hollywood right now.”
My eyes widened. “Scarlett Johansson? You can’t be serious.”
“What’s wrong with her?”
“Nothing. Just that she irritates me so much.”
“And that means we’re all supposed to feel the same? At least she can act. Hayden Christensen can’t act for shit. But I guess all that matters is his looks, right?”
I angled my head. “Why do you sound so cynical?”
“Because not everyone gets equal opportunities. Hollywood should be about talent, not looks.”
It came as a surprise that he’d say something like that. “It never occurred to me you’d be bothered by that.”
“Why not?”
“It’s obvious.” I motioned with my hand at him. “You’ve got the looks.”
He raised his brows, and I realized what I’d just said.
Shit. Can I just disappear?
“Don’t get flattered,” I blurted out. “I was just stating the facts.”
“Really, now?”
Ground, please swallow me now.
“So why do you want to go to Hollywood, then?” I asked to steer the conversation in another direction. “I assumed you do since Ms. Holloway mentioned it.”
“Because even with all its flaws, that’s where you go if you want to work with the best.”
“You mean hit the A-list.”
“That too. There are a lot of directors I admire. It would be an honor to work with them.”
He sounded so humble and devoted. Despite myself, I felt a fresh wave of admiration toward him.
“Do you really think this play will be a ticket to Hollywood for you?” I played with the edges of my script. “I mean, it’s surreal that a talent agent from L.A. will be here.”
He rested his head on his hand. “I’m not naïve enough to think I’ll get some golden ticket. I’ll get a shot to show them what I can do, but that’s just the start.”
He made it sound like it was so easy—like everything was conquerable. I wished I could feel what it was like to be ready to fight no matter what might come. To not let anything defeat me. If I hadn’t become paralyzed, maybe I would’ve been able to change that, but now . . . my heart pumped faster with wistfulness.
“Does that make you nervous? Performing in front of them?”
He shrugged.
“That’s not an answer.”
He sat up straighter. “What is this? Twenty questions?”
“I’m just curious, that’s all. I know I’d be very nervous. It’s a huge deal.”
“The only thing that makes me nervous is your performance. As I said, I can only do so much with you as my partner.”
I raised one of the books. “That’s what these are for. It’s not like I want to fail, you know.” I sighed. “Why do you have to criticize me all the time?”
“Some people just bring that out of me,” he fired back immediately, and I recoiled, hurt slicing through my chest. I was sure it showed on my face, but I was too tired to even bother masking it.
I ran my finger along the edge of the book as he watched me silently.
He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “Why don’t we start practicing?”
I just nodded. So much for getting to know each other better.
Jason was already in character when I opened my script, and I needed a second to adjust to it. I didn’t think I’d ever get used to how fast he could switch. It only made me want to do better myself. Taking a deep breath, I pushed everything else aside the way I’d practiced the last few days and fully focused on Chloe.
I inhaled deeply and frowned. “Oh no! Just my luck. My mom will kill me.”
He shrugged. “At least it still works.”
“But I just got this phone. And it’s already cracked.”
“That model? It looks old.”
I played with a strand of my hair nervously. “It’s used.”
“Then it’s not such a shame, is it?”
“Are you serious? Not all of us can afford the most expensive phones.”
“What makes you think I can?”
We continued delivering lines without missing a beat, and I made sure to convey Chloe’s shame through my voice and expressions, hinting at something deeper—she was poor and couldn’t afford a new phone.
But Chloe didn’t know Nathan didn’t have it easy either, a fact that was hidden beneath the hard mask Jason currently had on. His curt voice portrayed Nathan’s standoffish nature—Nathan didn’t trust people or open up to them after having been disappointed too many times. At one point I raised my head to look at Jason and felt compelled to keep watching him as he delivered his lines with perfect precision, but I returned my gaze to the script before he could catch me looking.
We went over the first act without any setbacks. I’d expected Jason to stop me and point out what was wrong with my performance, but he didn’t interrupt me even once, and I wondered if we were finally getting somewhere, despite the rocky start earlier.
My throat was parched, so I reached for the water bottle in my backpack and took a huge swallow, noticing Jason studying me out of the corner of my eye. I screwed the cap back on with a more force than necessary and put the bottle back into my backpack.
“What?”
He ran his hand through his disheveled hair, making it messier, but it only worked in his favor. I had to make a conscious effort not to stare at it.
He cleared his throat. “Your performance was better this time.”
I arched my brows. Was Jason Adams complimenting me?
“Was that actually a compliment?”
He scowled at me. “It was just a statement, so don’t get too excited. You got to know your character better. It shows.”
“So, I’m more believable as her now?” It was a reference to what he’d said about my Chloe not being believable.
He narrowed his gaze at me. “Barely.”
My lips twitched. “It’s because I spent the last few days studying her. What makes her tick, what she likes, what her weak points are. Now that I know her better, I can understand her better.”
“Why did you audition for Chloe?”
“I told you, Ms. Holloway has asked me to—”
“I know, but why did she ask you to do it?”
“Because she and Amy thought the way I expressed Chloe’s mom’s emotions was more suited for Chloe. So, I found something similar that I shared with Chloe and went for it.”
His fingers played with the edges of his script absentmindedly. “Something similar? What’s that?”
I blinked fast. I’d gotten myself into that one on my own.
There was no way I could tell him about my depression, so I said, “She’s something all of us could be at one point—lost in the current of life. She has to find a way to stay afloat and not just give up and let herself drown. To do that, she has to find strength within herself and then let herself be loved by Nathan. It’s all relatable.”
He tipped his head to the side. “Why do you think she has to let herself be loved by him?”
“Because she loves him too much. She knows he’d suffer if she died. It would devastate him. So she keeps her distance from him.”
“So, Nathan has to find a way to reach through to her and convince her he’s not going anywhere.”
I nodded, staring down at my script. “He has to show her he’ll never give up on her. He’ll always believe in her. Inside, he’s terrified, but he doesn’t let that control him. He refuses to give up. That’s what Chloe taught him when he was just a terrified boy, lost in the clutches of his foster dad and with no way to pull out of it. When he didn’t trust anyone, not even that gorgeous girl with a smile bigger than life and sparkle in her eyes.”
I raised my gaze from the script to look at him and grew still when I found him staring intensely at me. A pang hit my chest.
“Sorry.” I scratched the back of my neck, blushing profusely. “I can get carried away sometimes. It’s just that her character is fascinating.”
He ran his finger over the edge of the script. Up and down. Up and down.
“Did Holloway talk to you about kissing practice?”
My throat constricted. “No. What kissing practice?”
“She wants us to practice kissing before we kiss in rehearsals. Just the two of us with her.”
Suddenly hot, I draped my hair over one shoulder. Jason followed the move carefully, his gaze zoning in on my neck.
My cheeks reddened. “When will that be?”
“She didn’t specify.”
“And what do you . . . what do you think?”
He leaned back against his chair. “Have you ever been kissed before?”
Now I could feel my whole face burning. I lowered my eyes. “That’s none of your business.”
“It is my business if I have to kiss someone inexperienced. I don’t want you to slobber all over my mouth.”
My fingers curled around the corner of my script, crinkling the paper. “Don’t worry, I won’t slobber all over your mouth. I’ll just give you a quick peck.”
“I suggested that to Holloway, but she thinks it wouldn’t make much sense, seeing that most of Chloe and Nathan’s kisses are desperate and filled with longing. So, she wants the real deal.”
My stomach dropped all the way to the ground. “The real deal?”
“Yeah. The real deal. With tongues.”
I was going to be sick. I turned my wheelchair and went over to the open window just so I could get some fresh air and avoid looking at him.
“All of the kisses?”
“Most of them.”
I swallowed hard. I couldn’t hide the truth from him. He would figure it out anyway the first time we kissed.
“I—I’ve never been kissed before.”
Embarrassment poured from my every pore. He groaned, and I looked back at him to see him run his hand down his face.
“This is going to be a disaster,” he said.
My chest ached dully. He didn’t have to write me off just like that.
I folded my arms over my chest. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. Now I just can’t wait to kiss you.”
He just watched me, two creases forming in his forehead. “How have you never kissed anyone before?”
No, that was so not what I was going to talk about with him.
“That’s none of your business,” I repeated. He kept watching me until I had enough. “Okay, will you stop looking at me like that?” I returned to the table and grabbed my script. “Let’s continue, okay?”
His eyes were hooded, but he didn’t say anything. I almost let out a sigh of relief when he leaned over his script, but then he went and said, “Just don’t make a big deal out of it.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Kissing. It’s just part of the play. Nothing personal.”
I snorted a chuckle. First, he’d told me not to expect us to become friends, and now this.
“What are you trying to say? That I might fall for you or something? Don’t be so conceited, Jason. I’m not that pathetic or desperate.”
A muscle twitched in his jaw. “As long as we’re clear on that.”
“No worries about that. I don’t go for people who hate me and insult me whenever they please.” But I felt a pang of hurt in my chest. If only he knew. I hadn’t allowed myself to think about those kissing scenes, because a part of me knew they would mean too much to me. I’d get too excited, despite knowing it would lead to nothing but more heartache. Not only because it would be my first time being kissed, but also because of Jason. Because of all my fantasies in which he was my first.
Because I was stupid. Because it was too easy to forget all his insults when I was this close to him.
I chased those thoughts away and once more returned to Chloe’s world as we went over the first act again. I refused to dwell on it for the time being. We didn’t break character anymore.
The weekend had been a welcome reprieve from Jason overload. I was buried in homework and books I’d taken from the library, and I spent a couple of hours each day on imagination exercises in front of the mirror. I also made notes of the more difficult parts in the script and wrote down the emotions I had to portray in those scenes. Acting 101 might be about some basic stuff, but it was useful getting reminded of the process of getting into character, and I felt as though I could deal better with the complexities of Chloe.
What I still couldn’t deal with was the physical intimacy. Books didn’t teach you what to do when you were working beside your ex-crush, someone who affected your attention-deprived body on so many levels, and while I’d repeated countless times over the weekend my new mantra, Real actors don’t let anything get in their way, all my composure threatened to fly out the window when I headed to rehearsal on Tuesday.
I made sure I came to the theater before the others so I could talk to Ms. Holloway. She was moving props to their places when I arrived.
“Hey, Katie. You’re here.”
“Yes. Do you need some help?”
She picked up two chairs and carried them to center stage. “No need. I can handle it.” She took a long look at my face. “Is everything alright?”
I fiddled with my thumbs in my lap. “Jason told me about kissing practice.”
“Ah, right. I wanted to tell you about that later, after rehearsal.” She put down the chairs and straightened up to look at me, hands on her hips. “We’ll have to go over the kissing scenes before we do them here. It’s part of my practice when doing plays with kissing scenes. In my experience, it’s better for students this way.”
“When are we going to start that practice?”
“Next week.”
“Do you have any special directions?”
“We’ll discuss that then.” She inclined her head as she observed me. “I assume this is your first experience with kissing on stage?”
I wasn’t going to tell her that it was my first experience with kissing in general, so I just nodded.
“Don’t be nervous. Though I know I was nervous before my first stage kiss.”
My eyes widened. “You were?”
“Yes. And we didn’t get to practice it alone beforehand. So, it was very awkward, and the director wasn’t happy with it.” She chuckled at the memory. “Anyway, you’ll see there’s no need for you to be nervous. We’ll go step by step, until both you and Jason are comfortable with it. My only suggestion to you beforehand is to pay attention to your mouth hygiene. Bad breath and such.”
“Right. Hygiene. Roger that.”
Stella, Tallie, and Ling entered, soon followed by Jimmy. His brows were tightly knit over his dark eyes. His body was rigid as he sat down next to Tallie, and his hands were fisted until he pushed them into his pockets. I waited for him to strike up a conversation with her, but he remained quiet, staring at one spot on the floor without moving a muscle, which reminded me of his behavior last year, right after his girlfriend’s suicide. He’d been on edge, and I’d heard stories of him switching between being withdrawn, refusing to talk to anyone, and lashing out when least expected.
His eyes snapped up and met mine, and I almost startled at how sudden that was. I looked away, only to find Jason strolling past us without a single glance. He didn’t say hi to anyone as he took his place between Lori and Lucas, looking even more tired than he had on Thursday.
“Is everything okay, Jason?” Ms. Holloway asked pleasantly.
“Yes,” he replied gruffly. He was clearly anything but, but Ms. Holloway didn’t push the matter further.
She turned to address all of us. “I want to inform you that we’re going to be measuring you for your costumes next Monday. We’ll also have a set on stage by that time. I’ll send you an email with the details by the end of the day.” We all collectively nodded. “Alright. Today, we’re doing the second act.”
“Hell, yeah. We’ll finally get some action,” Lucas said, rubbing his hands together.
Both Jason and I narrowed our eyes at him.
“If you’re referring to kissing, Lucas, no, there won’t be kissing today,” Ms. Holloway clarified quickly.
Lucas’s grin fell. “No?”
“No. Katie and Jason will practice that alone with me first and then we’ll include it in the rehearsals. We’ll do everything else, hugging included.” She looked between me and Jason. “From now on, I want you to always be next to each other here when you’re not performing. It’s also part of you getting used to each other.”
Jason’s eyes clashed with mine. My heart skipped a few beats.
Ms. Holloway lowered her glasses down the bridge of her nose. “Well, what are you waiting for? Go on.” She motioned for us to get next to each other.
My brows rose when, instead of denying her, Jason crossed the space between us, but then he stopped a whole five feet shy of me.
