The Hate Between Us, page 26
He was in the same spot in the pool, but he was alone now, and his eyes simmered with fury directed at me and Liam before he abruptly turned away.
My heart did a major kick against my ribs.
Liam placed his hands on my cheeks and brought my attention back to him. “Have I told you yet that you look beautiful?”
I smiled. “Yeah, you did.”
“Well, it doesn’t hurt to say it again. You’re so beautiful. And I like you. I’ve liked you for a while.”
A flicker of unease settled in my belly as I looked back into Liam’s glimmering eyes. The words “I like you too” just wouldn’t come to my lips, and I finally knew. What had me attracted to Liam was knowing a hot guy was attracted to me. And the longer he stared at me waiting for an answer, the more sorry I was that I didn’t feel the same way. Maybe I could’ve indulged in this, been with Liam and seen where it would take us, but it just felt draining. Too draining.
“I—” Am so sorry, was what I wanted to say, but I just couldn’t. Out of nowhere, panic flared in my chest, and I had to move away from him. “I—I have to go to the bathroom. I’m sorry.”
Leaving him to stare wide-eyed at me, I rushed across the patio. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jason wasn’t in the pool anymore, which probably meant he’d gone away with some flavor of the day.
The silence in the house was like a caress to my buzzing ears. I took deep breaths and focused on the painting hanging beside the staircase, grounding myself before my panic became worse. After a minute, my heart rate returned to normal, and I headed off in search of the bathroom.
The air was cool, providing a cold blanket against my sweat as I navigated what seemed like a maze of hallways. This house was too big. I should’ve asked Seth for directions first.
After what felt like ten minutes, I finally found the bathroom on the other side of the house, and thankfully, it had level access. Once inside, I tried to blink away the blurriness from my eyes. The bathroom was spacious, allowing me to navigate my chair without me feeling like a tuna squished into a tin can. The counter was low enough that I could access the sink, which was made of porcelain and stainless steel.
There was a small counter next to the toilet, and I used it to transfer myself out of my chair. I dug into my bag for a compact catheter. Once I peed, disposed of the catheter, and washed my hands, I let myself think about what had just happened between me and Liam. I knew I should go back and apologize for leaving him like that, and also tell him that it would probably be better if we just stayed friends and say something like I wasn’t ready for dating or something of that sort.
My gaze went to my lips, then my fingertips. I knew if I closed my eyes, it would be too easy to imagine that it had been Jason kissing me. It would be too easy to remember the heat that had electrified me the moment his lips had touched mine, owning me before I even got the chance to fight it off.
Curling my lips inwardly, I fixed a few fly-always and made sure my eyeliner wasn’t smudged before I left the bathroom.
The moment the door closed behind me, Jason’s voice reached me from nearby, and my heart sped up. He stood right across the hallway, next to a small table with a potted plant, dressed in shorts and a T-shirt, his phone pressed to his ear. Luckily, his back was to me, so he didn’t see me.
I glanced down the hallway behind me, looking for a way to leave unnoticed, when he spoke into the phone.
“Hey, Carol. I tried to reach you earlier, but the line kept disconnecting. Happy birthday.”
Everything in me came to an abrupt halt. He was talking to Caroline. It was also her birthday today?
“Did you do anything special?”
Glancing around me, I moved behind a wall diagonal from the spot where he stood before he could see me. He turned so that his profile was showing, and I discerned a love in his eyes that was almost tangible.
My heart started beating harder for a reason I couldn’t understand. This was a side to Jason I’d never known, coated with loyalty fiercer than anything. In his eyes, she was never wrong. In his eyes, she was the light.
“She wants to talk with you so she can apologize,” my mom had told me.
Guilt converged in the pit of my stomach, even though I had nothing to feel guilty about. The guilt only multiplied as the conversation took a turn.
“Carol, why do you sound so upset? Did something happen?” He listened to something she was saying. “I know when you’re hiding things from me, so don’t try. I can tell something’s happened.”
Her voice grew loud enough for me to hear her through the phone. “It’s not like you can do anything about it, Jace. No one can help me here.”
“So something has happened. Have you had more flashbacks?”
My stomach hollowed out. Flashbacks. So, Caroline really did have them.
“Remember what the counselor told you. Try to find an anchor to help you stay in the present.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You don’t have the faintest idea how hard it is for me in here.” She sounded too whiny. Too weak. Too lost in despair. “You barely come to visit me anymore.”
“Look, I’m sorry. I’ve been really busy the last few weeks with school and my job. There’s also that school play I told you about. I planned to come today, but I couldn’t switch shifts, and you know my shift doesn’t end before visitation hours are over. I promise I’ll come tomorrow.”
My breath caught in my throat when she started sobbing. I placed my hand against my chest, barely daring to breathe.
“I hate this place. I hate the people. They’re all bullies. I don’t know if I can endure this much longer.”
“No. Shh. Don’t say that. You’ll be fine. You’ll get through this. We will get through this. Just hang in there a little longer. Okay? Promise me.”
He was putting on a brave front for Caroline. His voice didn’t show any insecurity, but it was written all over his face. He was terrified for his sister.
I tilted my head backward, closing my eyes. I’d never put myself in Caroline’s shoes before. It had been easy to want her to suffer when I blamed her for everything wrong in my life. But hearing that she was going through hell in there—to hear that tiny, scared voice admit she didn’t know if she could endure it—inflicted a new kind of pain on me.
Suddenly, the lines of what was right and wrong were blurred, and I couldn’t find a way to unblur them.
“What are you doing?”
Jason’s voice pierced through my thoughts, and I snapped my eyes open to see him hovering directly above me. He’d finished his conversation, his phone hanging loosely in his hand now.
“Did you listen in on my conversation?”
For a moment, I thought to lie, but what would be the point? I was sure my feelings were showing on my face. “Yes. I’m sorry, I was just leaving the bathroom when you—”
“When I started a conversation no one was supposed to hear.”
“Then you shouldn’t have had it in the middle of a hallway,” I snapped.
He glared at me. “I’m guessing that you heard everything with your penchant for eavesdropping.” He snorted when he saw the expression on my face. “Of course you fucking did.”
“I’m sorry, I . . . it really sounded like she’s going through a lot . . .” I bit my lip, feeling like a hypocrite for even mentioning her bad mental state. “Is Caroline going to be okay?”
His fingers tightened around his phone. “I really don’t want to talk about Caroline, Turner. What I want is for you to keep your mouth shut about what you just heard. Can you do that?”
His words sliced hurt into me, making me recoil. “Why are you so defensive? Haven’t I proven already that I’m not a blabbermouth? I’m not like that.”
“Good. Wouldn’t want you spilling anything to that Morgan guy.” He pocketed his phone and turned to leave.
My heart twisted, and I frowned. “Is this about Liam?”
He stopped abruptly and frowned back at me. “What?”
“Does it bother you that Liam and I were kissing?”
He folded his arms over his chest. “Why would it bother me?”
“I don’t know. You tell me.”
His eyes flared with anger. He sneered. “Are you that desperate?”
I drew back. “What?”
“Are you really that hung up on me? I keep telling you not to read into our roles, but you keep pushing. You’re pathetic.”
I couldn’t believe this guy. “I’m pathetic? So, you’re going to pretend like you haven’t been staring at me and Liam this whole time? Like that kiss didn’t bother you? Like you didn’t kiss me at your house and it had nothing to do with practice or our roles?”
“That was a mistake. Nothing else.”
“That still doesn’t explain why you did it.”
His gaze narrowed dangerously at me. He closed the space between us and supported himself against my armrests, bringing his face level with mine. My heart accelerated at how close he got, heat snaking up my neck. He looked at my mouth and then at the tops of my breasts, which were now rising and falling faster under his attention. His tongue darted out to wet his lip.
“What do you want, Turner?”
His scent assaulted me, making it hard to think. It was hard to think when his lips were so close to mine. “I want the truth. Why have you been staring at me and Liam the whole time? Why did you kiss me at your house?”
He bared his teeth. “Why do you want to know? You’re already with Morgan. What, you want to two-time him?”
“I’m not with Liam.”
“Don’t play with me.”
“I’m not.”
“Then why the fuck did you kiss him?” he shouted.
“And why the fuck did you let that girl touch you?” I shouted back.
His eyes widened. He stepped back to look over my face, and I blushed. I hated that I was letting him see how I felt so easily, but I didn’t back down. “You’re jealous,” he said.
“So are you.”
“No, I’m not,” he said, but his eyes betrayed him. They dropped to my breasts and darkened with pure lust, and I didn’t dare move. He’d never looked at me like this. He’d never looked at me like he wanted to ravage every piece of me, and the intensity of his emotion shocked me.
Yet, he was still trying to control himself.
“I see through you, Jason. The question is when you’re going to give up on pretenses.”
I could see that he wanted to deny it, to lie some more, but his eyes couldn’t lie. His body couldn’t lie.
He shifted on his feet and turned around, moving to leave. But then he stopped and spun back to me, his face contorted.
He growled. “Fuck. You want the truth?” He eliminated all the space between us. “Fine. Here it is. Here’s your fucking truth.” He grabbed the back of my head and crashed his lips onto mine.
Everything inside of me became hyper-aware of him. It felt as though it’d been too long since he’d kissed me, too long since this swift tide of pleasure washed over me and claimed my thoughts as its prisoners. The way his mouth moved on mine was too much, and I reached for him, needing to touch him, drowning in the sensation of his lips taking me places I’d never known. Maybe I’d had one shot too many, but right now, I wasn’t drunk on alcohol. I was drunk on him.
His hand dived into my hair and fisted it, his tongue clashing against mine hotly, possessively. His other hand grabbed the side of my waist. His fingers dug in, showing their desire to feel as much of me as they could. I wanted that hand to push under the hem of my dress and touch my skin. I wanted his other hand to pull me even closer, to brand the heat of his body into mine.
Suddenly, he pulled away. For a dreadful moment, I expected him to say this had also been a mistake, but he only opened the door next to us and rushed me into what happened to be a small guest room.
“What are you doing?”
“What I need so badly.”
My pulse went haywire. I barely had time to take in the king-sized bed facing the floor-to-ceiling windows which were draped with dark curtains before he picked me up and put me on the middle of the bed. The music outside was a dull pounding here, making the thumping of my heart sound even louder.
His lips returned to mine, and his tongue dived back inside my mouth. I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs. Each thrust of his tongue was more forceful, more passionate, as if he couldn’t kiss me hard enough or long enough. This was so much more than our previous kisses, so much more than pretending. I pushed myself against him, and as if he couldn’t get close enough to me either, he moved my legs over his thighs and grabbed my ass to bring me flush against him, never breaking our kiss.
My pulse reached new heights when his hand covered my breast over my dress, and I moaned. The material of my dress was thin enough to make it feel as though there was no material there at all. Heat pooled in the pit of my belly when he ran his thumb over my protruding nipple. I arched into his touch.
“So responsive,” he muttered.
Another moan left my lips, right before his mouth began a line of wet kisses down my jaw and neck. He was kissing all the right places, and suddenly, I felt as if I would burst with sensations. He grabbed for the hem of my dress and yanked it down, exposing my breasts to him, and then there were only our fast breaths and glazed eyes and quickened heartbeats. I couldn’t remember why I was supposed to feel ashamed. Why I was supposed to stop this. I just felt this urgency—this need to feel him touch my most intimate places.
His eyes, with all their dark intensity, swallowed my breasts before he dived in and covered my nipple with his mouth, sucking it hard.
“Jason.” My hand tugged at his hair. I felt burning with need now.
He manipulated my nipples in every way, licking them, sucking them, nipping at them, ravaging them, showing such a lack of control I almost didn’t recognize him for a moment. His hands didn’t rest either, switching between kneading my breasts and exploring my waist, making it more and more impossible for me to think.
“You feel so fucking good. So soft.” He raised his head to look at me, and I gasped when I saw how black his eyes had become. They traced every inch of my face. “So beautiful.”
I sucked in a sharp breath. I couldn’t believe he was looking at me this way. I finally had him looking at me like this, and I wanted to memorize it forever.
His lips returned to mine and kissed me deep, deeper, his hands coaxing my body to lie down. He wrapped his arm around me to bring me closer to him, supporting himself on his elbow so he wouldn’t crush me.
“Tell me how to touch you.”
“I don’t know.”
“Then let’s try this. How does this feel?” He pinched my nipple.
I moaned. “Good.”
“Good?”
“Mhmm.”
His fingers pinched my other nipple once, twice, and then continued even lower, and I held my breath as I watched them slide under my dress. Just knowing where he was touching me sent a sizzling current of pleasure through me, leaving me gasping.
His eyes were dark diamonds as he watched my reaction. “And this?” He pushed a finger into me, and I grabbed his T-shirt, bucking under the strong intensity of that simple motion.
“Oh God. So good.”
His lips curved up. “And how about this?”
His finger curled against the sensitive spot inside me, and I started seeing stars before my eyes.
“Jason, I—Sooo good.”
His smile stretched, gaining animal intensity. His eyes never left my face as he pumped his finger into me. His mouth latched onto my nipple, and I was attacked by sensations, having a hard time breathing as the pleasure inside of me grew stronger and stronger. I’d never felt something like this before. Never. And right now, it felt like I was so close to soaring. I needed so little to go over the cliff and fly.
He added another finger inside me and flicked my nipple with his tongue, and that was it. The world narrowed to a dot, and pleasure exploded within me, drowning me until there was nothing else.
“Jason.” His name was a drawn-out moan upon my lips, coinciding with the last aftershock that hit me.
I wasn’t even aware that I was gripping his shirt so hard it was at risk of getting stretched out. I released it and met his black eyes. They were full of raw intensity as he just watched me. Slowly, fog cleared away from my mind and reality sharpened into focus.
Jason had just given me my first orgasm. He’d touched me and just like that . . . Oh God. It had been so easy to get lost in him. Too easy.
There was a small smile on his lips, but then something shifted in his gaze, and that smile vanished. He pulled away, taking all the heat away with him.
Feeling the urge to cover myself, I rushed to sit up and fix my dress. He sat on the side of the bed with his back to me and rested his elbows on his knees.
Questions swarmed my mind as I reached for my chair and pulled it into position for me to transfer into, the first question being: “What was I thinking?” Since I couldn’t see his face, I couldn’t know what was on his mind.
“Jason.” His head turned to the side, his eyes never meeting mine. “Why did you do that?”
His back muscles tightened. He turned to face forward again.
More shame poured through me. Why wasn’t he saying anything? What was with this sudden change?
“Was this just part of that supposed connection between us? Nathan?”
He scowled at me over his shoulder. “What? No, that’s not it. This had nothing to do with acting.”
“Then why? To satisfy morbid curiosity? To see if a poor, disabled girl is able to come?”
He stood up, turning to face me. “The fuck? That’s bullshit.”
“Then talk to me.”
“I did it because I wanted to, okay?”
“Why did you want it?”
He scoffed. “Because if it’s not obvious after what we just did, I’m attracted to you.”
I wanted to retort with something that would rebuff that, but I found that I didn’t have it in me. That dark voice that kept attacking me when I was at my lowest, telling me I was worthless, was becoming quieter and quieter. I’d been too hard on myself and my wheelchair, when there was evidence that I wasn’t unattractive as I’d always thought, Jason’s reaction to me just now being the latest evidence.
