Lost In Seoul, page 7
“Say that out loud and they’ll just give you a carrot.”
“I hate carrots.”
He ruffles my hair.
“Go eat something. Then go rest for a bit, and after you get rid of some of that exhaustion go write your feelings down on paper. Who knows, maybe you’ll create our next hit because of this heartbreak Also, that new tattoo? What’s it about?”
I look down at my arm. I’m branded by her forever.
It’s her.
It’s always been her.
I shake my head. “It’s nothing. It’s just a picture. I should never have gotten it.”
It breaks me to say it. But right now I wish I had never met her. I wish…
There are a lot of things I wish for.
Like I wished for us.
But there is no us, not anymore.
“You regret a tattoo?” Jay looks even more curious.
I bite my lip. They feel sore from the amount of times I bit them to keep my mouth shut in front of the boss—and yeah, they’re still swollen from her.
From our kiss.
“Happens, right?” I tell him.
“Well, you branded yourself with it for a reason,” Jay says. “And you know that shit is permanent. It ain’t going anywhere.”
I can only wish.
Chapter Six
Ari
Silence.
I used to love it, now I think I’d prefer Sookie to scream at me, to throw a chair, to do anything but stay silent.
It’s been nearly two weeks and the minute I sent that text, however hurtful I know it was, I think I expected him to fight back.
I drove a knife inside him, twisted it and expected him to push against the blade while bleeding and hurting.
I adjust my black tuxedo jacket and stare down at my casual grey jeans. I’m wearing taupe heels. My hair’s pulled back into a tight ponytail and I even put on my diamond studs.
I don’t have one hair out of place. I wanted to look professional but classy and… Yeah, I wanted to look really good for when Sookie sees me and I have to suffer through women pining after him and trolling into the mansion.
They’re all beautiful, young, hip, most of them are wearing designer brands and the ones that aren’t are dressed so skillfully that I would never know in the first place.
We haven’t started filming yet but everything’s been signed. I’m just standing there like an idiot waiting for the film crew to start filming B-roll, basically background that’s not even background since they’ll use it and edit it however they want to.
I’ve come to learn that reality is never truly reality.
It’s procured, which is where I come in—to make sure that legally we’re okay in using what the directors want to use. Fame after all, comes at a cost and sometimes that means you become the villain even if you’re Snow White.
The girls are escorted to the living room while I watch. There are five in total since Lucas and Grace are already together and hosting which just adds to the competition part of it. They get to pick and choose from both groups, like an idol buffet.
“This,” comes Lucas’s voice, “is the seventh circle of actual hell.”
He looks down at his cue cards then back up at me. His hair’s red and pulled back into a ponytail and he’s wearing more jewelry than me, plus they put eyeliner on him to bring out his eyes. He looks like he’s ready to go onstage with his ripped jeans, leather jacket, and low white V-neck shirt.
He looks hot. I know why the fans go crazy for him.
“How many rings do you have on your fingers?” I point down and try to offer him a smile. “Are we sure they aren’t going to blind everyone watching?”
Grace, his girlfriend walks up with her hair in a similar ponytail. She’s wearing a red crop top and baggy jeans, she’s a beautiful woman. “This is actual hell.”
Lucas smirks when he hears the words. “Ah, you read my mind, but just imagine if I was out there actually—”
“--getting murdered in your sleep?” She says it so sweetly I do a double take. She shrugs. “What? I don’t share.”
“Not even food.” He whispers under this breath.
“It was my fry and you know it.”
“Technically, it was on a shared plate of fries and on my side after you drew a line with the ketchup.”
I snort out a laugh. “You drew a ketchup line?”
She nods seriously. “Like a straight up crime scene.”
“And you?” I poke at Lucas. “You stole her fry?”
“Ah and you…“ Lucas cocks his head to the side and narrows his eyes at me before telling me in the most real voice I’ve ever heard from him. “Well, you stole Sookie. So, I guess we’re even.”
I freeze.
Grace’s eyes widen as she looks between us. Lucas shouldn’t have said that out loud. He shouldn’t have even confirmed what’s been going on between Sookie and I. The fact that he did means he’s angry on Sookie’s behalf. How much does Grace even know? What am I thinking? They’re in love, he probably tells her everything. He looks away from me like he didn’t just drop a bomb.
“Ummm,” Grace grips his arm and singsongs, “Cameras, Lucas, remember.”
He leans into her, then pulls her in for a hug and glares at me. “I remember.”
Wow. Things got hostile really quick.
Can I blame him though? I know he’s being protective of Sookie. And they all have enough pressure, it’s only natural for them to snap at people that are closest to them, and apparently that’s me.
I’m ready to clap a hand over his mouth or at least somehow defend myself, explain, though I don’t even know what I’d say, but I’m saved when the rest of the guys walk out. The girls immediately start whispering and hugging each other like they’re actually going to be friends once this show starts.
Laughable.
“It’s going to be war and there will be blood.” I accidentally say it out loud.
Meet your idol.
Date them.
Get on TV.
More like, give us all the drama so we can promote the album in the sickest way possible—legally.
Lucas clears his throat and whispers under his breath. “Remember, we’re all on mics.”
Leave it to the one younger than me to remind me to be a professional. “Right.”
He leans in while the crew mic’s up the other guys and whispers. “His eyes had tears in them.”
I can’t believe he just told me that and I can’t believe that he knows so much. How much does Sookie even talk and how has Lucas not said anything yet to my brother?
Because if Rae knew, he’d be on my ass immediately.
“Just saying.” Lucas turns on his mic so I can’t respond back and I know he does it on purpose. He’s angry for his friend, for his band mate but he doesn’t get it, he’s too young to understand the ramifications. Even in a perfect world, this wouldn’t work.
I did the right thing.
I repeat this to myself over and over again until I see Sookie walk out and glance over at m. His energy takes up the whole space. He’s all that I see. All that matters to me. But he doesn’t look too thrilled to see me. No, he looks downright hostile. He shakes his head and looks down at his shoes.
Completely ignoring me.
I hate the sick feeling I get.
I try to push all the emotions away and instead concentrate on business. But of course, his business is the one that matters the most. I notice how his shirt is pulled up and I’m shocked. They’re actually allowing him to have his full sleeve exposed on camera. Strange, normally they make him cover up some of them so people don’t speculate if he’s dating even though he can’t. Or think of him as older.
The other guys are showing off their tattoos too and most of them look like they’re ready to go have a party not film a television show.
SWT look like bad boys.
Hot, bad boys.
The other group walks in and I almost laugh.
Somebody missed the memo or maybe this is on purpose?
They’re literally dressed in matching school uniforms, khaki pants, blue shirts, black and blue ties—who the hell dressed them? They look virginal and pure and to me definitely not as appealing as SWT.
I look around at the crew in surprise. Wass this approved by wardrobe? Did someone actually choose this? But then, I start to study them some more. Both groups. It looks like the good guys versus the bad guys? TestME look ready to go enroll in University. The leader Suho even has black-rimmed glasses on and I know for a fact he doesn’t need them.
Rae stands on the other side of me looking like he’s going to ride a Harley and get in some serious trouble tonight. The polar opposite of Suho.
Huh.
I glance over at the girls who are taking selfies before handing over their phones for confiscation during the first six-hour filming schedule.
“This blows.” Rae mutters in annoyance.
I elbow him. “You’re on a mic and the minute we start filming we’re allowed to use anything you say for you or against you.”
“Put on your lawyer pants today, did you?” He lets out a heavy sigh.
I shove him a bit again and say under my breath. “Nice earring, it’s longer than mine.”
And it really is, it dangles at least a half inch from his ear and is in the shape of a cross.
“Nice jacket, you going to a job interview?” He retorts back.
I almost stick out my tongue.
He grins.
“All right,” The director, Simon, walks out in front of everyone. “Welcome everyone. We are so excited to be here and get this show going. I know this might be awkward at first, but I promise you’ll get used to the cameras. After a day or two you won’t even know they’re there.”
“Yeah right,” Rae mutters under his breath. “You never get used to being invaded.”
Director Simon keeps talking. “So here’s how it’s going to go, we’re going to introduce all of the fans and give a bit of backstory—pre-taped packages we’ve already filmed and edited. Once that’s finished, we’ll have you go outside where you’ll be able to get to know each other better. The fans will get to vote on their first choice—the idol you’ve been wanting to date.”
I can see how excited the fans are by this idea. They can barely contain themselves.
“Please remember, we’re here in a respectful way. Violence and vulgar language won’t be tolerated and you will be asked to leave if the rules are broken. Now, let’s film a good show!”
Everyone claps in excitement.
I notice that Sookie keeps his hands at his sides and stares straight ahead like he’s seen a ghost or like he’s about to be taken to his execution. I’m sure it doesn’t help that I’m here to witness this farce as well, and I’m sure he has strong feelings for me that aren’t the pleasant kind. The cameras start rolling, and the first girl steps forward.
“Introduce yourself, please.” The director says.
She doesn’t even look at him. She exudes a crazy confidence that a lot of the fans have that I find astounding. It doesn’t look like anyone is going to get in the way of what she wants. She’s wearing a black dress and killer black heels with spikes on them. Her face is the perfect v shape and her hair’s cut to her chin. Her makeup is so light I can’t tell if she even has any on and her lips are pink without looking too overdone.
“Hi,” she says in Korean. “I’m Iseul, and I was Sookie’s girlfriend in high school. I’m currently enrolled at University but haven’t ever forgotten about him, so even though we haven’t made our picks yet, I choose him and I hope you vote for me to be with him on this first challenge. I want Sookie. I have always wanted him from the moment he kissed me for the first time—he was—was my first kiss.” She smiles and then looks over at the camera. “So as long as everyone is okay with me being this bold.” She smiles behind her hand like she’s shy and laughs, oh give me a break. “I’ll claim him again. Any objections?”
Yes. I have an objection.
I object to you in general.
And stop looking at him like that… I look away from the annoying fan and right over to Sookie.
He’s staring at her but says nothing. It’s like he’s frozen in time and I can’t tell what he’s thinking.
Director Simon steps forward. “We’ll take that into consideration for your first date remember voting is live so that also calculates into your ability to be with him. As I’m sure you know, many ladies will be interested in multiple group members, it’s only fair each of you get a chance for at least one group date before making your final choice. ”
She nods and giggles again behind her hand, in an annoying way that makes me want to take her by the hair and throw her out on the street. Get a grip, Ari, I keep telling myself. You need to control these raging emotions!
I look back over at Sookie to judge his reaction to the annoying girl. But still he just stands there, giving nothing away. I hate that I can’t tell what’s going on inside him. I hate that he seems to be hiding that part of himself from me.
But he is.
And he’s just standing there as perfect as ever, just as he’s been trained to be. An innocent star ripe for plucking.
The rest of the girls introduce themselves, and it’s barely tolerable for me so I can’t imagine how it must be for the bands. I swear two of the girls look ready to either pass out or eat both groups alive buffet style. One of them is in a cute white headband and overalls with a long sleeve blue shirt underneath. I can’t tell if she’s adorable or just too innocent looking. Her eyes zero in on Lucas while he asks her questions, all while Grace stands next to him.
She must hate this even more than I do.
Grace gets to ask her own question, and it’s a good one. She asks her what her goals are and we all wait with bated breath.
The girl tilts her head and smiles slyly. She twirls a long strand of her hair around her finger and acts like an innocent before she declares war.
“To steal your boyfriend.”
Grace’s jaw drops. Her face turns red and I know it’s probably taking everything she has to keep her mouth shut and not launch herself like a missile at the insipid girl.
The two females lock eyes and Lucas looks from Grace to the contestant in horror before masking his feelings and smiling at the fan.
Lucas laughs. “You’re funny.”
She grins wide, and I swear to God I wouldn’t be surprised if she had fangs for teeth.
“But I wasn’t joking,” and then she laughs again, throwing everyone off. “I knew you’d get my sense of humor, Lucas.”
If it’s possible, Grace turns even redder.
Uh oh.
Stalker party of one.
I make a mental note to look more into her past or at least put a little red flag warning on her as a contestant. I ran background checks on all of them, but you never know—a crazy can always slip through the cracks. It’s part of my job if they start to say problematic things, I literally give them a red or green check mark next to their picture, for the safety of the guys and for their own safety.
“All right.” Director Simon claps his hands together, he already looks tired as he runs his hands through his dark hair and adjusts his black-rimmed glasses. We haven’t even really begun. “Let’s cut for a quick break. There are snacks in the green room, you’ll find it just next to the stairs. Remember, you must keep your mics off if you aren’t actively filming or interviewing and we’ve already texted you your daily schedule of when the cameras will be on in your rooms and around the house. Thanks for all your work and let’s reset and move things around for the girls and then we’ll send the guys back to their house next door first!”
All the girls are escorted out while the guys just stay there and look ready to eat paint chips and slam their heads against the wall.
I walk up to Rae and squeeze his shoulder. “You good?”
He jerks away and shoves his hands in his pockets while Grace gives him a sad look. I’m glad he has her as a friend even though I’m pretty sure the slight crush still remains.
Lucas whispers in a low voice. “Do they expect us to actually go in there and eat snacks with them? No way in hell I’m subjecting myself to that. They aren’t filming any of that.”
I sigh and cross my arms. “Legally, they can’t.”
“Sure…” Sookie snorts, surprising everyone.
Especially me. I can’t believe how bad I needed to hear his voice.
Grace reaches out, “Sookie—“
He brushes her hand aside and gets up.
“—I’m going to take a walk.”
Chapter Seven
Ari
Sookie’s words are heard by the Director Simon. He looks up from the papers he’s examining.
“Go get some fresh air but just remember you only have a fifteen minute break.”
“From hell.” Jay whispers under his breath.
The way he says it sends actual chills down my spine, despite me wanting to kind of laugh over it.
So far, the other idol group seems to have been stunned into actual traumatized silence. I’m shocked, really, considering the last encounter with them and how arrogant they were. But things have definitely shifted.
Lucas walks over and slams a hand down on Suho’s shoulder. “Yes, baby bird, you’re about to get thrown to the wolves. How does it feel to be objectified sexually but have like no real experience? Terrifying? Kind of make you want to run away with your little feathers floating around your head? Get used to it and buckle up, that was just the beginning.”
I want to chime in and tell them to strap in because from experience I know just how bad it’s going to get. And it’s going to get bad. They’ll be exploited to the extreme for their album releases and legally there is nothing I can do about it other than just make sure everyone stays safe.
The Maknae of the group actually leans down on his haunches and covers his face with his hands like he doesn’t know what else to do. He looks so young in his school uniform I actually feel bad for him. He didn’t ask for this… well, he did ask for the fame and money part—but this is entirely different.
