Lost In Seoul, page 4
Sookie is kissing me for the second time.
He pulls me harder against him, the car moves.
One of the photographers jumps back. “Wow, nice lunch break.”
The other laughs. “That’s my kind of meal.”
They continue to cackle but I can’t hear what they’re saying. Nor do I care. My brain has stopped functioning because Sookie slides his tongue into my mouth and every feeling I’ve suppressed. Every single second of our first encounter that I’ve tried to forget, all of it moves through me and I remember how much he turns me on.
I hate him in this moment.
I hate him, but…
I don’t hate him.
I want to pull away—not because I don’t want him to be doing exactly what he is doing at this moment, but because I forced myself to forget what it was like in his arms. I forced myself to forget the way he makes me feel inside and out.
He’s warm, lean, but strong. You would never know he was the youngest, he certainly doesn’t act or feel like it right now. I realize I have no business touching him, but I let myself go for this one moment and revel in the feeling of being in his strong arms. Yes, they’re strong. They are so goddamn strong. He might play a part on stage, the shy innocent youngest member, but in the privacy of the car he’s different—the hot kind of alpha male aggressive different, the raw masculinity kind of different.
The kind of different that every girl wants to experience.
He’s in total control.
And it’s the hottest thing I’ve ever encountered.
I don’t want it to ever end.
His lips on mine, tongue in my mouth, his total domination… I don’t want it to ever end.
Ever.
One of the photographers yells out, startling us both, and we break apart.
Sure enough, I look over my shoulder and TestME, the new group walk out in sunglasses and random colors of street wear. They wave to the cameras, but they all have black face masks on as their management team escorts them to the other side of the garage toward a waiting black van.
The paparazzi continue to flash photos, then quickly get in their own van and follow them. “They’re gone.” It comes out like a breathy whisper.
“No.” Sookie still hasn’t let go. “I think they’re still around the corner.”
He pulls my head back down.
I cling to his shirt and give myself an extra ten seconds.
I even count them in my head.
One. His teeth tug at my bottom lip.
Two. His hands move to my hair digging in, slightly pulling.
Three. One of his hands slides behind my neck and cups it, his fingers burn where he touches my skin.
Four. His kiss deepens before he pulls away and starts slow nibbles down my neck that send shivers down my spine.
Five. He makes his way back up to my chin, then pulls away, his brown eyes take a complete choke hold, making it impossible for me to look anywhere else.
Six. It’s almost over.
Seven. He’s sad. And so am I.
Eight. Slowly, I pull away and adjust my clothes.
Nine. His hands drop to his sides.
Ten. We put the chasm of space between us again.
His mask is back on both figuratively and physically, he straightens his shirt, and folds his hands as I sit next to him.
And then, like a professional who has no business being in that back seat, I open the car door, look around again, and walk to the elevators and press the up button.
He dashes out of the car and nearly face dives into the elevator, and as the doors close, I could swear I see a tear slip past his mask, dropping to the floor.
My heart burns in my chest.
He doesn’t know the worst part of all of this—I feel like a cheater, and I don’t even know if I’m cheating on someone else or myself?
But, Sookie has to know soon.
I have to let him go.
I have to.
Otherwise I never will, and it’s not fair to him.
To either of us.
I slowly walk back to my car and get in. I try not to look at the bag of left over food he just ate. The one I gave him. I take a deep breath as my phone rings, and hit answer on my steering wheel.
“Yes?”
“Meeting in an hour with TestME.”
“I’ll be there, Siu, thanks.”
“Everything okay? You sound out of breath? Are you sick?”
The owner of the label put his idols and employees before everything, of course he’d ask if I was sick having no clue I was just in the back seat of my car with one of his most famous idols. “No. I’m completely fine. I’ll be there in fifteen.”
“Sounds good, and remember this group is—we’re going to need the contracts to be ironclad, especially with the show coming up.”
“Understood.”
“See you soon.” He’s off the phone, and I’m still staring at the trash on the floor of my car, kind of feeling like I want to crawl inside it and cry.
I look in the mirror, fix my lipstick, take off my hat, put on my sunglasses, and I pull my car out as if nothing happened.
When my heart pounds against my chest, I know I can’t fight it.
“…But it did.”
Chapter Three
Sookie
I keep my head down as I walk down the small hall and type in the passcode to our dorm.
When I walk in I suddenly panic realizing I still have the Yankees hat on and quickly toss it in one of the hall closets before kicking off my shoes and putting on my slippers.
Nobody seems to be in the main part of the living room so I take off my mask, shove it in my pocket and walk into the kitchen for some water.
I’m definitely thirsty after that interaction.
My adrenaline is at an all-time high while my heart feels at an all-time low. It’s a weird feeling, like someone drugged me and I’m craving more. Maybe that’s why people get addicted, the thrill of it all, the confusion, the demons, the lingering.
The wanting.
The need.
The fucking need.
I nearly run into Lucas, as he’s coming out of the piano room, when he tilts his head at me and narrows his eyes. “What?”
He lets out a sigh, grabs me by the wrist before I can grab a bottle of water from the fridge and pulls me into the bathroom by the studio and slams the door.
“Can I help you?” I cross my arms.
He crosses his.
What the hell is going on?
With a curse, he turns me toward the mirror.
Stunned, I say nothing. My lips are smudged with pink lipstick and I can’t hide my expression of guilt any more than I can hide the lipstick on my face.
“Who is it?” He demands. “And you know if Rae see’s this he’s going to flip his shit so at least confide in me so you’re smarter about it and not just parading around in Chanel.”
“It wasn’t Chanel.”
His glare through the mirror says it all. His red hair’s a tousled mess, and he’s wearing blue contacts. Maybe he had a shoot earlier? I wouldn’t know. Sometimes we just stay in costume if we have them for a few days, makes it easier.
“Why are you in your contacts?”
“Because I lost my glasses, can’t see, and have to write an entire rap section, and that’s not the point, stop trying to distract me. Who the hell were you with?”
I shrug him away. “Get off, like you should talk.”
He crosses his arms again and stares me down.
“Ah, so the youngest of the team has officially lost his mind.”
“If you say so,” I return curtly.
Lucas eyes me up and down, eyes narrowed, like he’s seeing me for the first time. Maybe he is.
“Look at you, suddenly all grown up.”
“And what do you want to do about it?”
I’m surprised to see Lucas smiling at me like he’s pleased.
“I like this Sookie,” he says confirming my suspicion. “And listen, I am in no position to judge. But you need to be careful with whatever it is you have going on. And you know you can confide in me, but you just need to be smarter because if Rae—“
And then I just fucking go for it, because why not?
“It’s his sister.”
“…Finds out then—“ he stops talking.
We lock eyes. The surprise in Lucas’ is almost laughable. Almost.
“I’m sorry, do you mean you were with Ari for a meeting?” Lucas tries to clarify.
I stare down at the sink then back up at my reflection in the mirror, and grab some tissue to wipe my mouth, then get it wet and continue wiping. My lips are stained with her color. It won’t rub off, like it’s trying to stay on my face the way I tried to keep her kissing me forever.
Ironic.
“Bro? Talk to me.”
I feel the sudden wave of emotion sweep over me again and it’s consuming. It makes me feel weak. What is it with these feelings? It must be all the pressure I’m under. I realize I’m going to have to figure out a way to control myself. I can’t lose it every five minutes.
Get it together Sookie.
“Never mind.” My voice is unintentionally sharp as I turn to move past him.
“Nope.” He blocks the door to the bathroom and I try shoving him away but he doesn’t budge. Has he been lifting more?
I sidestep him.
He matches me move for move.
I throw up my hands in his face. “Seriously?”
“Talk.”
“If you weren’t my Senior…” I grumble.
“I’m more than that. I’m your friend.” His voice is solemn. “Now just tell me, and I’ll see how I can help.”
Not at all what I expected, but the fact that he’s willing to hear me out isn’t a bad thing. Maybe I finally do need to talk about it.
I lean against the wall on the opposite side of him and cross my arms defensively again, ready for whatever pushback he’s going to give.
“It wasn’t a meeting.”
“Kind of figured. So, her mouth just… fell on yours?”
“Not exactly.”
Lucas takes a second before responding.
“You know you can sue for any sort of sexual advances,” he tells me as he jumps to all sorts of conclusions. “Are you okay? Seriously, that’s not cool of her to come on to you—“
I burst out laughing.
He looks concerned. “Are you going crazy or something? You have felt off for a while now. I mean, more off than usual. You’re always morose and in your head, but always just took that for the whole brooding persona you’re supposed to give off.”
“Yeah, I am going crazy.” I exhale. “I am completely fucking crazy.”
His eyes widen.
“Tell me why? Did she hurt you? Explain to me what she did—“
“She didn’t do anything,” I reply quickly.
“Then what—”
“I’m in love with her.” I don’t know why I blurt it out like that, but it does feel good to kind of release it into the air. Come what may.
“I’m sorry, you’re what?” Lucas is shocked.
“I’ve been in love with her for two years.”
“Two years? How?”
“When I met her, I didn’t know who she was, it was at my graduation, we were both having a bad day, I walked into an empty classroom, she was crying, one thing led to another.”
I’ve never seen Lucas’s jaw drop the way it’s dropping right now. I imagine if it could reach the floor, it would be down there, with drool coming out, tongue rolled out, followed by him, passing out.
“Another… as in sex?”
“In a classroom?” I roll my eyes, even though that’s exactly where we were heading that day. “No and I’m not giving you details. It was just…”
I search for the words.
“Just?” Lucas prods.
Fucking incredible? Unbelievable. Addicting? I can’t tell him this.
“We had chemistry,” is all I say. “Within minutes I found out it was Rae’s sister which… I mean technically you’re related a bit too.”
I wait for the backlash.
“We might be related, but I barely know her. I do know she grew up in the states, went to Harvard, and my dad cheated on my mom to be with her mom, so that’s as far as that goes, anyway…” He shakes his head. “So today? What happened today?”
“We meet sometimes when I’m having a tough day,” I try to shrug it off and make it sound like less of a deal than it is. “I’ll text her, she gets me some food, and we chill. And before you ask, no I’m not seen ever, we’re careful, and it’s not like we’re dating or sleeping together.”
“But her lipstick…” Lucas points out.
Today was a surprise event since that time two years ago.”
“Today was a surprise event?” He’s at least taking this relatively well and isn’t yelling. “So what made today so special to where you ended up getting her lipstick all over your face?”
“Keep your voice down!” My eyes look past his shoulder for any signs of someone listening.
“I’m sorry! This is a lot to take in. I wasn’t expecting my Tuesday afternoon to turn into a made for TV movie!”
Yeah, that’s fair.
“There were paparazzi, and she was worried and so she shoved me into the back seat.” I can still feel her lips on mine, still taste the way she exhaled into my mouth, like she was trying to take in my air and keep it with her.
“And made out with you to avoid scandal?” Lucas looks at me in disbelief.
The amount of cursing that flies past his lips in the next five seconds while I wait to explain is extraordinary, even by his standards. “Sorry. I’m done. Continue.”
“She was trying to hide me from them, and so she crawled on top of me.”
The look on his face is almost comical. Almost.
“They were checking out her car!” I defend.
“So she kissed you?”
“I kissed her.”
Silence.
“I assumed if they thought we were having a tryst of sorts in the back seat, they’d give us privacy because you know an idol would never be that bold—“
“But you were,” Lucas states.
“Well, it worked, but-”
“But?” He leans forward in anticipation, his right eye twitches. “But what?”
“We ended up making out, even when they left I kept her there because I needed more time. It was a bad idea.” Or the best idea I’ve ever had.
“So you’re saying the moving car with all the sex you weren’t having made them leave?”
I wince when he says it like that. “No, TestME were leaving the dorms, they followed them.”
“I need a drink.” Lucas does a small circle and puts his hands against the wall. “Did any of them see you? You know they hate us, they’re under our label but would set our dorm on fire if they could.”
“You’re not wrong,” I agree.
This sets Lucas off. He doesn’t like the group at all.
“Up and coming rookie group my ass,” he mutters. “Don’t tell anyone, but Ji-Woo smelled like weed when I saw him.”
He looks over at me pointedly. There’s a lot he could do with that information.
“Yes, let’s play dirty like them and just throw them under the bus the way they would to any of us if we were guilty of that.”
Lucas is silent.
“Woojin is probably the nicest out of all of them.” And he was also the Maknae at eighteen so I feel like it’s my job to protect him even if he wants to set our dorms on fire. I know the pressure he’s under all too well.
“Probably because of the weed. I’d be relaxed too.” Lucas grumbles. “Okay back to the reason we’re even having this conversation. They didn’t see you, right?”
“Nobody saw us. I swear.” I assure him.
“And you won’t go keep doing this before the comeback?”
“Wow, how’s the kettle? A little smudgy?”
He rolls his eyes. “I deserved that.”
“I know.”
A knock sounds at the door. “Guys, we gotta go in a half hour, schedule change, the label needs us down there now.” It’s Jay’s voice.
I jerk open the door and pull him into the bathroom, then slam it behind me nearly getting my thumb caught in the process.
“Where is everyone?” Kai, our other bandmate calls out.
We all peek our heads out of the bathroom door only for him to stop walking down the hall, a frown on his face. “Is this another bear conversation again?”
Last year Rae walked in on Jay and Kai explaining sex to Lucas, using one of our merchandise bears. Clothes were thrown from the bear—not us—I mean, technically by Jay, but the point is the last time we were all in a room looking suspicious, it was because of sex.
Perfect.
Jay starts coughing into his hand and waves him over. He bolts and get’s right into the bathroom and stares all of us down.
“Is this one of those things I need to know, but probably don’t want to?” He stares pointedly at my mouth. “Sookie why are your lips pink?”
“They’re still pink?” I rub at them more aggressively even though I don’t mind having her mark on my body. No, I don’t mind at all.
“Look. It’s simple. You guys do you and I won’t ask any questions,” Kai holds up his hands. “Just, make sure you don’t get caught and I’ll look the other—“
Jay punches him in the shoulder. “I just got in here and they both looked suspicious as hell!”
I glance down.
Lucas looks at the wall and rubs away a small speck of what looks like dirt.
Kai leans against the door and sighs. “Just tell me this. does it have to do with the lipstick on Sookie’s face and any of you?”
“Partial correct answer.” I mutter under my breath.
“And will it happen again?”
“No.” I say quickly wanting to add on an, I wish.
“All right,” Kai nods in appreciation, he’s the second oldest. “Then it’s your business, and we don’t have to talk about it. Now we need to go before Rae finds us all in here staring at Sookie’s red mouth.”
