Lost In Seoul, page 14
Sookie starts walking toward the last van, I jog after him and try to look as nonchalant as physically and painfully possible. “Good job.”
He snorts out a laugh and shakes his head at, not even sparing me a glance.
“Sure, thanks, okay.”
Somehow, in the course of a few hours, Sookie’s grown up some more. He’s more masculine. More adult… even more… hot? I clear my throat and squeeze my eyes shut while the cast piles into the other van, leaving us all alone. How is it that we’re the only ones going to this one? I try to remain as professional as possible.
“Director Simon wants you to stay close to both girls.” I’m walking next to him but it feels like he’s billions of miles away. His eyes have only been for Dueri the entire show. I’ve never seen an ex-girlfriend be so bold as to shame someone who’s dying on tv, which I know is the angle they’re going for, but it would be a new low for sure. The numbers will skyrocket, no doubt. And after seeing how many live streamers there were the day before when it passed ten million, why wouldn’t the director go for all the drama he could, at the cost of the idols career?
When I think of the legalities of everything I immediately feel a pulsing in my temples for the third time tonight which isn’t helping my stress level. Nor is walking next to Sookie whose body language screams out how unimportant I am. I climb into the van.
“Yeah.” He finally speaks. “I don’t know if I’m going to play into it, it feels wrong. More than wrong. It feels gross, I mean she’s dying, you get that right? This girl is dying, so why not give her something she wants and needs?” Sookie’s eyes search mine and I hate that I’m so jealous of a dying girl. I hate that I hate how protective he is of her. I should love his compassion, instead, it makes me want to breathe fire.
“And Iseul is a completely different story I won’t talk about. She’s toxic and being next to her makes me want to—” I wait for him to say something else but he just shakes his head and walks into the van and takes a seat in the back.
I follow him and put my seatbelt on. The doors to the van start to close while we sit in back, both looking straight ahead. He closes his eyes like he can’t bear to look at me, but I tell myself it’s because he’s tired. That fighting zombies was difficult. It’s not me. I’m just reading into the situation.
“Well, you need to talk about it.” I say it fast and forceful. I immediately regret it when his body freezes. I can tell he doesn’t like my words so I fumble to explain. “I mean, it’s good for ratings, it takes attention away from you cursing on live tv and it helps everyone, you do realize your career is in jeopardy, right? I mean if we can spin it in the right way, it’ll be fine.”
“Does it help you?” He tilts his head toward me, his eyes are glassy like he’s about to yell.
“I don’t understand,” I’m suddenly nervous as hell. His energy is as volatile as a volcano on the verge… and this volcano is about to breathe hell and fire on me.
“What don’t you understand, Ari? It’s simple. Answer the question. Does it help you? Am I doing this to help your job?” he enunciates every word and his eyes are glazed over in anger.
“No, no,” my response is nervous and I hate that my voice quivers. But I’ve never experienced this side of Sookie before. I’ve never seen this kind of anger.
“So am I doing it to help the band?”
His eyes pin mine with fury and I’m incapable of words or movement. He stares into me before he shakes his head, his emotions somehow even more volatile than before.
“You know, at one point you were everything I needed. You had my back, you helped me survive, you offered me—” his voice cracks. “—you offered me hope! Do you have any fucking idea what that feels like? When someone offers their hand and then takes it back? I get it. I get it. You think you’re protecting me.” He gets right in my face lowering his voice so the driver can’t hear. “You. Are. Killing. Me.”
Tears sting my eyes then slowly stream down my cheeks. But he’s not affected.
“This is business.” He smirks coldly. “Not personal. Got it, loud and clear.”
He jerks away from me like I’m contagious and I’m left in a state of shock, willing him to talk more. I want to hear more because this is the Sookie I love more than anything. This is the Sookie that’s real, that lets me in… that makes me realize that I’m not alone.
“That’s not what I meant,” I keep my voice as calm as possible. “I have orders too you know. I have a job that I have to do and I want to protect you, I do. That’s all I want. But it seems like this is the direction they’re headed in for the series, you just need to be careful not to go too far. And everything’s going to be okay.”
“Too far?” He tilts his head toward me, then leans in again. Coming closer. So close that I can feel his sweet breath against my skin. Something’s different about him. Something changed in that haunted school of horror.
The scales… the scales that I always thought tipped in my favor in terms of experience and control, seem to have shifted ever so slightly. I know it.
And he knows it.
“Don’t you think,” His hand goes to my thigh and squeezes. “That I’ve already gone too far?”
My breath hitches in my chest. “I, no, I mean tonight was, I get it, I do, it was just,” His hand slides up my thigh resting on my hip, then slowly slides up my stomach, just touching me like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Like he’s done it a million times even though I can count the number of times it’s happened.
He’s touching me like he owns me.
And I don’t want him to stop.
“Do you still want me to play by your rules?” His thumb grazes one of my breasts. “Play the women against each other and go on another random date?”
My body is officially on fire. And this moment is torture in so many ways. Tears fill my eyes, stupid tears because I’m so turned on by this guy who’s kind of acting like a jerk, but then, he’s not lying and he’s not wrong. It’s my job. It’s his career. Everything he’s worked for. So I lie because I think it’s the best thing to do, even though I hate the words as I speak them.
“Yes. I need you to play by the rules of the show and right now your career and ratings trump everything.”
His hand drops away from my body and I want to grab it and put it back right where it was. He leans back in his chair then looks out the window. He doesn’t know I see the single tear that falls from his right cheek or that I see the way his hands are clenched.
I keep breaking him.
I keep breaking myself.
And I know one more break might crack the entire thing, but what other choice do I have? He has to survive this not just for himself but for the band, and I have my job too—not that even matters to me if I had to compare the two. But the band matters a lot. And then there’s Rae, who I know now especially is watching every move.
And the world is a fickle place and spinning this is going to be difficult enough, he did sign the damn contract though. But maybe he’s right, maybe I should have stopped them all, everyone in both groups but all I kept getting told from execs was to do my job and that this would be fun for fans.
It isn’t feeling so fun.
I reach across and put a hand on his knee. He shoves it away.
“Don’t.” His head shakes, his voice aloof.
I realize he’s never rejected my touch before and it hurts.
Bad.
And then he drives the knife even deeper.
“I need hope to be dead.”
Chapter Fourteen
Sookie
I wake up feeling sore and exhausted and nearly roll out of my bed onto Jay’s face. “Bro, why are you on the floor?”
He looks up at me, his eyes are bloodshot, and his blinking is really slow. I wave in front of his face, he tries to open his eyes wider, then rubs them with both fists. He’s shirtless, wearing nothing but grey sweatpants, one black slipper, and his hair’s a mess, shit is that a hickey?
I poke his neck. “What the hell did you do while we were filming last night?”
He slowly rolls onto his stomach then his back again, then stomach. “I got really, really, really, hammered.”
I groan and plop next to him, feeling horrible because I didn’t wash my face—huge infraction—brush my teeth—I was pissed and fell asleep and have to be on camera today—and in my tight leggings all after sweating and not eating dinner. “Were you alone?”
He freezes. “Well, uh, Grace knows how to sneak us out remember? I mean not, out, out, but to that part of the property where they have no cameras and you can sneak someone in.”
My jaw drops. “Hyung!”
“What?” He answers back in Korean. “I didn’t sneak anyone that doesn’t know how to, um, sneak.”
“Is that hickey from them?” I point at his neck, he slaps my hand away. I point again, he slaps again, and then Kai walks in.
He sits down on the ground. “Are we playing a slap game or—oh wow, you have a very large hickey on the side of your neck,” He also tries to touch it.
Jay slaps with both hands while Lucas barges in with Rae.
Both just accept we’re all exhausted and sitting on the floor when Lucas’s eyes bulge, he elbows Rae who collapses onto his back and stares up at the ceiling. “My young heart can’t handle this.”
“Hickeys?” Kai offers. “Because you can always cover them with makeup like they do our tattoos, just a couple little dab, dab, dab—ooff.” Rae throws a pillow at his face then sits up and stares at all of us.
Oh no. The tension is thick, and I know I’m one of the reasons why.
He looks for at least three creepy seconds at each member, making intense eye contact and refusing to show any sort of emotion other than coldness. I almost don’t breathe when he opens his mouth. “Do we stall our release?”
Lucas is the first to speak up. “Not what I expected, especially after last night.” All eyes briefly go to me. “But, we can’t do it, we have Idol Countdown in less than two months, followed by Countdown K-pop, followed by a very strict fan meeting in front of the label where we sign autographs, followed by two special edition releases of the album, and our title track is out at the end of next month. I know I don’t need to add on the fact that social media has been blowing up, all of our concept pictures are out except for the last set right before the teaser for Devil so, no, I don’t think we can just stall our release without dying a very slow and painful death in the K-pop industry disappointing fans and our label and making it even harder than it already is, fuck I’m tired!”
Kai nods. “And you only pointed out half of our release month schedule.”
Jay continues to groan while Rae puts his hands over his face. “I messed up the final special edition song for our mini album.”
“What?” We all say in unison.
He shakes his head. “It won’t come, I’ve tried it’s like I’m blocked and I keep ruining it more and more and it was for the special edition albums, the more expensive ones, they have added photocards, and what should be an extra track and all I have is, humming.”
“You hum?” I ask.
He nods. “It started well, ended with a hum then I banged my head against the table and fell asleep with a paper stuck to my face until Eric walked in and asked if I was alive.”
Kai, “That was nice.”
Rae glares. “He needed the studio.”
“Damn.” Lucas sighs. “Well, what if the reason you’re blocked is because of this show?”
Rae leaned against the wall. “It’s not just that, Ari’s been acting really weird, and just, cold lately, last night she looked at me like she got caught doing something wrong and when I asked her she just laughed and said it was a past I didn’t need to worry about.”
Crack. Break. Splinter. Fall. I try to swallow and can’t remember how. I try to think but no thoughts come. I just sit there like an idiot while everyone pipes up with reasons why she would be acting that way.
First fling.
Now past.
Wow. Just. Wow.
Maybe I just go for Dueri, no, no horrible idea, that would be settling—for her, not me. She’d feel like a charity case and I’d feel like shit for trying to love someone when my heart’s currently in the grips of Satan who happens to be ripping it apart bit by bit.
Lucas elbows me as if to say get it together, he clears his throat. I sit up straight and try to pay attention to the conversation, but I can feel the soul gripping emotion coming over me, which is so weak on my part but it hurts.
She was everything I relied on for years once we debuted.
Was I really used?
Was I really all the things she said about me? Am I?
I lean my head on Jay’s shoulder. I know I don’t need to say anything, he just lets me and keeps talking while Lucas pats me on the back.
Kai looks over and shares a knowing look with me then jumps to his feet. “You know what? Fuck this bullshit. Me, Rae, and Sookie are the last men standing in that challenge. The other two can work on the song, loathe as I am to admit it.” He leans his head back and swallows. “Loathe, I mean absolute hate, no change that, I mean this in a way that makes me think quitting would be better—go to Ji-Woo and Kwan, they write really well and they might be collab writers on this project, we’re from the same label, have the same release month, fandoms will go crazy.”
The room gets silent.
A knock sounds on the very open door. It’s Ji-Woo, he’s wearing no shirt and eating yogurt with his fingers. “Heard my name.”
“How old are you? Again?” I ask.
He chokes out. “Seventeen and the spoons were dirty.” He slurps more yogurt off his finger. “What?”
“We need help!” Jay blurts, then murmurs. “I need help, because that was… crazy. I’m going crazy.” He looks up at me like he’s trying to communicate with his exhausted face and hickey but I have nothing.
I narrow my eyes. He mouths. “Later.”
“Falling from that pedestal so soon?” Ji-Woon asks taking another bite.
“We want to collaborate on a song.” Lucas announces casually.
Ji-Woo starts choking on his yogurt. Rae jumps up and pats him roughly on the back. “You good?”
“What?” He looks around the room. “Is this a prank?”
“No,” we say in unison.
“Sadly…” Kai starts. “You’re our only hope, we’ll just call you Luke Skywalker.” He sighs. “Well, you and Eric—you think you and Kwan could help us re-write something and make it a banger all within the next week and a half?”
He grins. “Do I get song credit and do I get producing credit?”
I knew he would ask this.
Rae stands slowly. “You’ll get both if you help. We’re under a deadline.”
He nods. “And I also get to hold it over your head.” He holds out his hand. “I’m in.”
Rae shakes his head. “Yeah, I’m not touching that.”
It’s the yogurt hand.
“Oh.” He quickly licks his fingers, then holds it out again. Rae shakes the one finger without yogurt and walks away.
Ji-Woo chases after him. “Hey what are we writing about? When do we start?”
“The maknae line sure is… chaotic sometimes.” Lucas says looking over at me.
I roll my eyes. “Me? I’m completely normal.”
“Don’t tell him. Ever.” Lucas says quickly.
“Ever, ever, never, ever.” Kai joins in.
Jay suddenly sits fully up. “I’m sorry are we talking about Sookie and sex again?”
“There was no sex.” I blurt. “Only, light, um, petting?”
Lucas’s laugh fills the room. “Sure, light petting is how lipstick gets in all the places and moves cars, all right.”
“YOU MOVED A CAR?” Jay shouts.
We all rush over to tackle him to the ground. He tries talking against our hands. All I hear is muffled screaming when Rae walks back in and sighs. “Why is it always you guys?”
“What?” Kai jerks back. “It’s because you have no choice but to be responsible, oh also that reminds me, they’re swapping the girls for more drama, you have Beth for the mystery date tonight, they’ll stage it that you got her.” He turns to me. “And you got your ex, congrats.”
I put my hands over my face and groan. “I’ll be on my best behavior.”
“What, um,” Rae leans down. “Really happened with her?”
Everything. “Nothing.” I lie. “Nothing worth mentioning.” Without truly ruining my career and life. “But, Rae, hold up for a minute.”
The rest of the guys slowly get up and walk out of the room leaving me and Rae alone. He shoves his hands into his white joggers, he always puts his hands in his pockets when he’s nervous.
“Nothing major.” I mean not for this subject. “Treat her well, she’s dying, as you know and this is like her final moment, I know I shouldn’t have kissed her and I’m sorry, I’ll write an apology if things get heated but she’s a really nice girl, honestly, I think you would really like her.”
Rae’s expression flickers a bit, his eyes go to the left. “She seems nice, probably not my type though.”
“You’d be surprised how she sneaks in.” On a rough exhale I pat him on the shoulder. “Promise?”
“Of course, just do me one favor on top of my promise.” He looks uncommittable. “Check in on Ari, make sure she’s okay? Something’s wrong and I know she’ll refuse to tell her brother.”
But sure, she’ll tell the guy she made out with last week. “Yeah, I’ll ask.”
“Thanks, Sookie. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
My throat nearly closes completely. “Same goes for you.”
Chapter Fifteen
Ari
It’s going to be a horrible day.
I already know this after Director Simon tried to get two of the filming locations changed and approved after Sookie’s stunt last night, follow that up with Sookie’s text, and production scrambling and me trying to get permits for the places he wants to film and I already want to pass out at noon. We have two hours until shooting the dates, in their respective locations and I’m already sweating.
