Lost In Seoul, page 18
He captures my gasp with a kiss while I cling to his body like a lifeline, while my hips move with his in something so much better than music.
I’m so full of him I can’t speak.
It almost feels like choreography, how smooth his body is as he goes deeper and deeper.
I highly doubt they teach trainees how to do this, but you’d have to question considering how good his body moves with mine, over and over again.
“Sookie.,” I can’t think straight. “This is—”
“—How it’s supposed to be,“ he answers. “How it should have been years ago.” He kisses me again and swipes away the tear running down my right cheek.
“You”—I rasp—“are everything to me. Even when I said you weren’t.”
“Just don’t keep breaking me. It takes a really long time to find the pieces.”
“I never wanted to break you, I just wanted to have you.” I cling to him harder as he pumps his hips.
“The things you want the most, you end up breaking.” He clenches his teeth. “But I love you. I love you. I love you.” He grips me by the hair and twists it in his fist, pulling my mouth against his again. “Don’t walk away, not again.” His panting against my mouth as he thrusts into me is probably the sexiest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. “If you do, I’m gone, I’m broken, I’ll risk it, you have to let me.”
“But…,” I can’t think straight. “But—”
“No.” He digs his hand behind my head and holds it there. “Just be with me, right here, right now. Please.” He clenches his teeth, “Please.”
Hot tears burn down my cheeks. “I love you. I always have. I—I…” More tears fall. “I’m scared.”
“Be afraid with me.”
“Okay.” I whisper as he pushes me down on the carpet, mouth fused, bodies slick with sweat. “Okay.”
Every single nerve ending pulses as he moves faster, my hands can’t grip enough of his body as I pull him close and find my release.
He shudders above me.
We can’t go back.
I know it.
He knows it.
He presses his forehead to mine, and we stay there for maybe ten seconds before the door to the room opens.
Lucas doesn’t look at us, but I know he knows. He simply clears his throat. “Rae’s asking where Sookie is at, he wants to go over some lyrics he wrote with Eric.”
“Okay.” He says clearly. “Give me a few minutes, I’ll send her out first.”
“Yeah.” Lucas pinches the bridge of his nose. “Guys, just, if this is happening which clearly it already happened multiple times, be careful, all right?”
“Sorry.” My voice cracks. “I—I—”
“You can’t control who you love,” Lucas interrupts, still staring at the wall. “But that doesn’t make this what could be disaster any easier.”
“We know.” Sookie answers before I can. “But I love her.”
Lucas let out a curse. “And that, my friend, is the hardest part.”
The door shuts behind him with a click, blanketing us back into darkness. I lean up on my elbows. “What if you regret this?”
His lips meet mine before pulling away. “How can you regret the other half of your heart?”
“You have to stop saying things like that to me.”
“Why?”
“Because it makes me fall harder and I’m already gone, I’ve been gone, I’m a mess.” I finally feel like I can tell him, confess, do what needs to be done, pull the Band-Aid off.
Still slick with sweat, smelling of sex, he pulls me into his arms and kisses my nose. “Then we’re both a mess, all right?”
“It’s your job.”
“No.” He shakes his head. “It’s my life, and in order to survive, I need you in it.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Sookie
“Hey!” I knock on the door to the studio. Eric’s sitting next to Rae with a pencil in his hand and tapping it against the paper. He’s frowning until he suddenly jumps to his feet.
“THIS!” He pumps the air with his fist and throws the pencil down onto the table. “I’m a genius!”
“Apparently I no longer need Sookie, because this guy’s”—Rae sighs—“a certified genius.”
“Look!” Eric completely ignores us and shoves a piece of paper in front of Rae. “I changed the lyrics at the end and added a bridge, plus altered the rap section for Lucas a bit since he can rap so fast. Damn.”
He’s proud of himself but is it actually good?
I swipe the paper from his hands before Rae can read it and start going over the lyrics. They’re good, like really good, he took some of the bridge out but it works better, it seems like it will flow more.
I hand the paper to Rae. “It’s stunningly good.” I turn to Eric. “Why don’t you write your own music?”
Eric blinks and then looks down at the ground. “I just never thought it was good enough, not compared to what you guys produce.”
“Listen.” Rae drops the paper onto the table and grips Eric by the shoulders. “Everyone has to start somewhere, you can’t just walk through life afraid.” He turns to me. “I mean look at Sookie, he’s been in this business since he was a kid and he’s started to grow with his writing and even his rapping, you can’t just fear failure.”
Eric is quiet for a while, he adjusts the black beanie on his head while Rae’s hands drop from his shoulders. “Right, but, I have to get approval.”
“From the label, well of course.” Rae says.
Eric shakes his head. “No, um, from Suho, and he says none of the songs are strong enough yet so I just, stockpile them.”
“Bro,” I butt in. “How many songs have you written?”
He gulps. “Two hundred.”
Rae flops into his chair and groans. “Seriously?”
Eric shrugs. “I mean, I can play one for you, at least you’ll be honest about your hatred right?”
He reaches for one of the guitars hanging in the studio and sits down, it’s an acoustic Gibson and starts to strum, his fingers going into complete default mode as if he’s done this a thousand times rather than sing and dance in front of everyone.
The tune’s sad, it’s slow in a way that makes you think someone died while writing. When he starts singing my jaw drops.
“Wanna be known, wanna be seen, wanna be crowned King, they tell us all we have to do is everything, give up for nothing, fight for the wrong reasons, but we all know that K-pop comes in seasons, fourth gen, fifth, sixth, one day we’ll be forgotten, lost and, struck from records, no matter how hard we fight, we know in the end, you actually die.”
Rae coughs into his hand. “Got dark fast.”
“Yeah.” I agree. “But it’s really good.”
“Hop in.” Rae motions for Eric to go to the booth. “Let’s record the guitar first and then we’ll add in the drums, I’ll play around with it a bit, then you can sing the first verse. Who do you want as the main rapper on it?”
“Seriously?” He jumps to his feet. “I mean are you serious?”
“No, I’m trying to break your soul.” Rae jokes. “Yeah, I’m serious, we still have time to lay down some track, but you’ll need a main rapper should I go get—”
“I’ll do it.” I pipe up.
Both of them stare at me like I’ve just managed to cure the common cold and world hunger, I mean I know I don’t rap often but this would be fun plus I really need to get into Rae’s good graces before I break the news to him.
Because I have to tell him.
I can’t just sleep with his sister, be in love with her, and not say something. I know I need to come clean, but I need courage and right now, spending time with him, might help me gain that courage, plus, I’ve always wanted to be the main rapper on an album, the only problem is the image I have isn’t main rapper, they don’t want that out of me, they want me to sing and make girls blush because I’m so cute.
It’s time for a change.
And it’s not even because I was just naked on the ground only a few doors away from him, with his sister, with the love of my life—I’m just feeling like it’s time.
“Okay.” Eric nods. “I mean I’ve never heard you rap but let’s try it.”
He grabs his phone. “What’s your number and I’ll send you both the full file.”
The door to the studio opens, Kai and Jay walk in and stare at us all grabbing our phones and exchanging numbers, probably in shock, all before Eric walks into the booth with his guitar.
What happens next is complete magic. Eric lays down the guitar tracks, when he’s done, Kai, Jay, and Rae sit with Eric and go over the other tracks to add lay down and mix while I go over the rap.
By the time I have the cadence of it memorized, they’re ready.
Of course that also happens to be right when Lucas, Kwan, Ji-Woo, Chul, and Suho walk in.
My palms are sweating when I open the door to the booth, the other guys haven’t even noticed that the rest of our bands are in the recording studio.
And I faintly remember that there are cameras in the studio too.
Rae’s voice comes out in the booth. “All right, Sookie just take it slow for now, you only need to lay down the rap part.”
I can see Lucas mouth rap.
Suho’s shocked expression isn’t helping.
The beat drops and I start rapping at the wrong timing. “Again, sorry, I didn’t realize it was that fast.”
“It’s fast.” Rae says back almost at the exact same time. “But just take it slow for now and get used to the rhythm.”
I nod and wait for the music again, this time I start at the perfect part and let loose not even realizing I’m done until the music stops.
I look up at the glass, waiting for Rae to tell me to do it again, but it’s like he’s frozen, the rest of the groups are staring at me in shock and Eric is fist bumping the air again.
“What?” I ask. “I should do it again, right?”
“No, no, no!” All the guys start talking at once.
“Who wrote this?” Suho asks.
I grin and walk out of the booth. “Eric wrote it, we helped for the last hour or two with some changes.”
Chul grumbles. “I could have rapped that.”
“You probably would have done better than me.” And it’s probably true.
Suho looks directly into my eyes. “You nailed that, and I haven’t even heard the entire song.”
“It’s solid,” Rae says from his chair. “Listen.”
He plays the entire song, and it’s like everyone is stunned into silence, when it finally ends he holds up his finger. “And as for our final track, Eric helped us a bit with the lyrics so we’ll need to record for a bit guys, but then we should be done.”
Chul raises his hand. “I actually was struggling with one of ours that I have to rap can I hang out a bit?”
Rae’s fingers fly over the computer and then he saves the file and opens a new one. “Send what you have so far and hop in.”
The next five hours were wild.
We end up ordering pizza and never would I have thought that at some point we’d be helping each other out on our albums and making suggestions without starting the next world war.
“One more take,” Rae says after eating a piece of pizza, “You hit the notes really well, Eric, but you lose confidence in the low one, make sure you really dig in, take a deep breath from your diaphragm, all right?”
Eric nods, he’s back in the booth and half the guys have dispersed. I yawn and look at the time “Oh shit, we have to be up in five hours. Does anyone have the call sheet on their phones?”
Chul tosses me his. “Was just looking at it. We’re screwed.”
The call time for both of us is indeed, five a.m.
I groan and toss his phone back. “I need to go take a shower.”
After all, I didn’t do it on purpose, but I still smell her on my skin and the last thing I need is for Rae to finally ask me why I smell like Ari.
I shoot her a quick text to see how she’s doing and then say goodbye to everyone and start walking out of the studio, nearly running right into her.
She holds out a piece of paper and smiles. “Hi Sookie, I just have some paperwork for you to go over really quick after our discussion yesterday.”
Her eyes are bright, she’s wearing white sweats and has her hair in a ponytail. Her eyes roam up to the camera in the corner.
“Sure,” I say slowly. “Let’s take a walk and you can let me know what it’s about, I can’t remember we’ve been recording all night.”
Perfect! She keeps the papers and starts walking out of the house, the faster she walks the faster I walk and try not to stare at her ass in the white sweats.
We dodge a corner, then another, until we’re at the mother-in-law suite next to the house where she’s staying along with a few other staff members.
The house is pretty dark, which is expected since everyone’s probably sleeping. I’m confused when we bypass the kitchen were I assumed we’d sit and go over paperwork, she leads me down the hall.
There aren’t any cameras in the staff lodging, but I’m still paranoid as she opens up one of the three master bedrooms.
Her room.
I walk in. She shuts the door behind me.
I smirk down at her. “Is there any paperwork?”
She shakes her head. “No. There’s only you.”
I lift her into my arms and slam my mouth against hers walking her backward toward the bed.
Her mouth breaks away. “I’m not greedy, I’d be okay with just getting held for a bit, I just wanted to see you and then I overthought it then I wanted to overanalyze and discuss things and how this would work and then I just made up fake paperwork.”
“Wait,” I start laughing. “Did you literally forge documents for me tonight that don’t even exist all because you wanted to be held?”
Her eyes narrow then drop. “Maybe.”
“That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard.” I laugh harder while she punches me in the shoulder, her forehead touches mine. “You’re adorable.”
“I was afraid to text.”
“Don’t be, I have you saved as Fling in my phone, nobody would know it’s actually you.”
“Seriously?”
“No, but now I will.” I cup her face. “Plus, I think I can handle more than cuddling.” I devour her mouth and pull back. “Right?”
She sighs. “I forgot the question.”
“Don’t worry, my mouth holds all the answers.” I wink and kiss her again.
She shuts the lights off while the papers go flying to the floor and we’re on her bed, I’m peeling my shirt over my head while she’s shrugging out of her sweatshirt.
Before I know it, We’re both completely naked and she’s all mine.
I cup her chin and steal another kiss, her skin’s so soft against my palm I almost feel like I can’t be rough with her, aggressive the way I want to be, she loops her ankles around my legs and flips me onto my back and I’m given the best view of her breasts while I grip her hips in my hands.
“Hold on.” She laughs.
“Where?” I tease. “Here?” I touch her hips again. “Here?” My hands move up to her breasts and squeeze. “Here?” I capture her face. “Too many options and I’m not good at making decisions when given a buffet so you’ll have to help me. Oh shit----”
She impales herself on me sinking all the way down.
I almost choke on my tongue while she starts moving. It feels so different, so good, I like giving her some control and she clearly likes taking it. Ari leans down and whispers. “Put your hands wherever you want, put your mouth all over me, but this,” She taps my chest. “This is mine.”
“My body?”
“Your heart,” she says quickly.
I grip her hips and move her against me. “Yes.”
We’re quieter than earlier as she rides me. It’s good, so good, the way she tightens around me, the way she moves her hips—addicting. Because we’re trying not to make noise all I hear is the sound of her soft gasps paired with mine, and our bodies slamming together while the bed mattress moves beneath us.
The headboard slams against the wall behind us, we both freeze when a knock sounds at her door. “Are you okay?” The voice is Producer Sung-Bin. “I heard a noise.”
Shit, I can’t stop moving beneath her, guiding her hips over me, her hair fans around her face as she stares down at me and answers. “Yeah, I had a really good dream, then fell out of the…” She moans through her teeth. “The bed.”
He’s quiet. “Must have been a good one.”
“Amazing,” she says breathlessly. “It’s hard to have dreams like that, anyway, I’ll go back to sleep.”
“I hope more dreams come,” he says.
Her eyes lock onto mine. “I’m sure they’re close.”
I grip her by the ass and flip her onto her back and drive into her so hard that I have to grip the headboard so it doesn’t slam into the wall again.
She bites the pillow and moans into it.
Release comes hard and fast, I can’t stop it any more than I can stop breathing. I could really get used to being able to be with her like this.
I suddenly imagine what it would be like to openly date her, to hold her hand in public, to acknowledge that I have a person and that we fit perfectly.
I pull away from her and lay down next to her on my back, we’re both staring at the celling, not saying anything. Her fingers grasp mine. She’s shaking, her skin feels cold when I pull her against my chest and hold her tight.
“One day,” she says. “I always used to think it was a hopeful statement, like when you’re making goals, but right now, laying in bed with you, one day seems like a cruel promise that won’t ever come true.”
“What’s you’re one day?” I ask kissing her forehead.
“One day, I’ll walk out on the street with you and hold your hand without being scared of everything that could happen by simply walking next to you.”
“Is this the part where I tell you I’m rich and even if everything crumbles beneath me that I can support us?”
“Mature in so many ways, but still naïve.” She turns on her side and looks up at me. “That’s not how the world works, money helps, but your reputation is everything.”
