Chasing River, page 34
Soon enough my feet began to get tired and I tugged at River’s sleeve asking if we could stop at the nearby comic book store that was having an event where people dressed up as their favourite characters.
“Please can we just look around?” I asked hopefully,
“We might lose the group…” He responded, looking back hesitantly.
“Oh come on everyone’s going to the food market anyways after, we’ll meet everyone there,” I told him.
“Okay, but only fifteen minutes then we can go get something to eat, I don’t want you not eating because of comic books.” He reckoned and I excitedly pulled him inside with me.
We made our way to the DC section and I gushed over all the collectable comics and River did his very best to pretend he knew anything about superheroes. It was kind of him to just accompany me and listen to me ranting on and on about something I was passionate about.
Just then I noticed a tall red-haired boy with curly hair and a face full of freckles staring at River from the opposite side of the shelf, every time River looked up, he glanced away with a flush on his cheeks. I overheard his sister telling him to not be a coward and just shoot his shot and I smiled at the realisation that he was totally crushing on my boyfriend.
“Don’t look now but you saw the redhead over by the Marvel shelves right?” I whispered to River,
“Yeah, why?” He wondered.
“Well, he’s totally checking you out,” I confessed.
“I— no he’s not,” River muttered, suddenly seeming shy.
“He is, I heard his sister asking him to be confident and just ask you out.” I disclosed.
“Oh.” River shrugged. “What a shame we’re basically engaged.”
“Ha ha very funny.” I rolled my eyes, “Wait engaged!”
“Ignore that, look at this cool Batman shirt.” River showed me, it was plain black with a very tiny Batman logo in the corner, it was almost unnoticeable.
“Well, it’s very you,” I assured him and he smiled.
“You think so?” He wondered propping it up.
“I know so.” I nodded, wrapping my arm around his waist and leaning onto his shoulder. I looked back and saw that the red-haired boy seemed disappointed, I mouthed the words sorry to him.
But I wasn’t sorry, River was mine and I was very happy about that.
Afterwards, we made our way back to the food market at the farm, we spread out a picnic blanket by a tree and sat down underneath the shade. River brought along Spice-Roasted Cauliflower with Green Beans and a bowl of rice for us to share. I brought back two cups of lemonade and River cringed when his was too sweet so I swapped ours out. I leaned against the bark of the tree watching the families, couples and friends having a fun time as we transitioned into the new year. It was a very eventful and happy day for me, one that perhaps I’d never forget.
I thought back to that moment in the bookstore and how that other boy was obviously checking River out but when I’d brought it up to him he almost seemed avoidant and uncomfortable, which was exactly what had led me to ask.
“Hey River?” I spoke, taking a sip from my glass as he turned to face me.
“Yes, my love?” He responded plainly.
“You like boys too, right?” I opened and I could’ve sworn he was almost blushing.
“Well…yes, I do.” He acknowledged. “But right now I like you.”
“And I never doubt that, don’t worry,” I assured him, placing my hand on his knee, the bright sun peeking through the clouds despite the winter chill. “I just don’t want you to feel like you have to conceal that part of you for my sake.”
“I know I just, I think I got used to hiding it for so long that I don’t quite realise that it doesn’t have to be a secret anymore.” He reminded himself with a weak smile.
“It really doesn’t, especially not with me. But it’s okay if you’re uncomfy talking about it all right now—”
“Actually.” He paused looking up at me, “I think I want to now.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. Ask me…whatever you want to know.” He suggested and a wicked grin played across my face and I saw the instant regret in his eyes.
“Relax, I'm not going to ask anything too crazy,” I assured him.
“Oh thank God, because there are some things I don’t think you’d want to know all the details about.” He warned.
“Well…tell me, did you always know you liked boys too?”
“Actually I liked boys first.” He clarified, and I nodded listening in. “You are the first girl that I ever liked.”
“Wait really?” I gasped nearly choking on my lemonade. “And Jace?”
“Was my first crush, first kiss, first everything.” He explained, “I used to write all my valentines letters to him, I sent them all anonymously. He probably thought it was some girl from his class, he was very popular. But it was always me.”
“That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard!” I swooned and he laughed. “Tell me your first kiss story right now, I’ll tell you mine too?”
“Okay. Well, I was fifteen, we were camping on a field trip for school and we had to share a tent. We spent the whole night looking up at the stars, at that point we’d already confessed our feelings for each other but it hadn’t gone past that. He told me he wanted to try something different and told me to close my eyes, I thought he was going to prank me or something but then…well, then he just kissed me.” River spoke, tracing a finger over his lips reminiscently. I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his, taking him by surprise. There was a sharp intake of breath before he kissed me back slowly.
“Like that?” I wondered.
“No.” He refused, then kissed me again, this time he slid his tongue into my mouth and hit my bottom lip teasingly. “Like that.”
“You’re so pretty,” I told him and he rolled his eyes.
“Now you tell me about yours, you promised, a memory for a memory.” He reminded me.
“Well it was when I was fourteen at a sleepover during truth or dare, nothing special honestly I barely remember it.” I blathered and he seemed rather smug.
“Good.”
“Good?”
“Yes, good because from now onwards you’re only allowed to remember my kisses. All the others, don’t count.” He stated, his expression was completely serious and I laughed shoving his shoulder playfully.
“Deal, Kennedy.” I offered shaking his hand formally. “So then…what’s your type?”
“You.” He answered leaning in to kiss me once more.
“Correct answer.” I giggled.
“I don’t have one, I just like people sometimes. That’s it.” He answered.
“I like boys with pretty blue eyes,” I told him and he lifted an eyebrow.
“Finish your food, love it’s getting dark.” He reminded me, scooping a spoonful of rice and placing it in my mouth.
I could stay here with him, like this, in a field of grass talking about whatever happened to be on our hearts perhaps forever.
“I love you, River,” I said.
“Samesies.” He responded and I laughed.
Three days later
Everyone had returned home from holidays by then and I heard that Keomi's flight had come in yesterday night. I made River drive me back to campus so I could explain my sudden move out to her because she was the sweetest souls and deserved an explanation more than anything. I felt horrible for just leaving her like that all of a sudden but I didn't regret my decision. Living with River and spending time with his family had been so amazing and healing for me.
We'd been parked in the campus driveway rehearsing what I was going to say for at least fifteen minutes now.
"Okay okay how about, hey Keomi I'm sorry I just got up and left all of a sudden but I like making out with my boyfriend on a balcony without having to worry about someone sleeping next to me?" I explained and River laughed.
"Yeah, she's going to murder you." He said blankly, "Just be open and honest I'm sure things will work out yeah?"
"Yeah, okay." I sighed leaning in to kiss him, he tasted like procrastination and I needed to go,
"Stay." He insisted,
"No." I retorted, giving my best River impression of being blunt and straightforward,
"I'll wait for you in the car." He told me, and I got up and left.
The second I was in the hallway to the dorms I made my way to my old dorm room and opened the door, but it was locked. I could hear hushed voices on the other side, and I knew it'd be wrong to eavesdrop but I was curious so I leaned in closer.
"You can't ask me to keep quiet about this any longer." Keomi's voice spoke, it was more serious and intense than I'd ever heard it before, "You need to stop playing the fucking victim and own up to your shit."
"Don't suddenly go all Hail Mary and gain a moral compass now Keomi, you're just as guilty as I am, because you were there too. And you know what really happened." The other voice spoke mockingly,
"It was all fun and games until it wasn't and I won't be going down with you," Keomi said.
And what I heard after that made me wish I learned to mind my business every once in a while. This was the second secret, the one that would change everything I thought I knew about everyone.
This was the match that lit the fire to where we are now, burning alive.
Chapter 31
The Beginning Of The End
"And it was exactly as I feared, the inevitable beginning of the end."
IT WAS Christmas morning and it was already snowing outside, the buildings and pavement were coated in a thick blanket of white. Not to mention it was like 3° outside and as someone who was used to the hot weather in Jacksonville and Nairobi, this was torturous. I walked around the house in fluffy socks, two layers of clothing, and a blanket I wrapped myself in. River was baking a carrot cake to take to his parent's house today for Christmas, we'd be spending the day there. Just then my phone started ringing, it was papa, so I picked it up.
"Merry Christmas Oyana." Papa greeted joyfully and I could hear Jaadi's voice asking for the phone on the other side,
"Thank you for calling, Merry Christmas papa." I replied, "I hate that this is my first Christmas without you guys."
"The house feels empty without you, but knowing that your heart is full in Paris brings me comfort." Papa said warmly, "I hope that River is treating you well nne?"
I turned my gaze to River, who was covered in flour and mixing away at the bowl, a serious expression on his face that made me giggle. He then turned to the kettle and poured me a mug of hot cocoa, just as he was about to hand it to me he pressed it against his cheek to check the temperature, he did that often- he knew I didn't like it when it was too hot. I loved that he paid attention to the things many would overlook, I loved that he cared enough to do so.
"He does, I hope you can visit soon and get to know each other better, he's almost as hard-headed as you are so you would take an easy liking to him," I assured him and he laughed,
"Your brother wishes to speak to you, let me hand him the phone," Papa said as he handed the phone to Jaadi,
"How could you just leave without telling me?" He asked running upstairs with the phone, "You never even said goodbye, I woke up and I was all alone again."
"I'm sorry Jaadi, I really am but I had to leave in a hurry. It was an unexpected flight." I apologized,
"You could've woken me up." He retorted and I sighed,
"Yes I could've and I'm sorry I didn't. Merry Christmas, I hope you have the best day Jaadi." I said in one last attempt to change the topic,
"Merry Christmas." He said then the line went silent for a moment before he spoke, "Mama says merry Christmas too." And the call disconnected.
River walked over to me from behind the counter and lifted me onto it so I was seated on the edge as he walked to the space between my legs and pressed his forehead against mine.
"What's wrong ma lumière?" He asked softly, "Talk to me."
"I feel bad for leaving Jaadi alone this Christmas, I hate that he has to be caught in the middle of this," I admitted and he caressed my cheek,
"I know, I'm sorry it has to be this way." He apologized and I paused,
"I'm not." I realized, "I regret nothing, I know mama will come around eventually. She’s warming up to us slowly." I assured him,
"Can I ask you something?" He asked leaning down and his hair brushed my forehead,
"Anything," I replied,
"Do you really think your papa would like me?" He asked looking me in the eye and I gave him a little laugh,
"Of course, he would, papa would probably even like you for the sole reason that I like you." I remarked, "You'll know him better someday, hopefully, if you plan on sticking around long enough."
"You're wearing my clothes, sitting on our counter, you convinced me to bake an entire cake, you spent €300 yesterday on a designer hello kitty blanket and you have your hand halfway up my shirt right now." River stated and I moved my hand away spitefully, "Need I say more?"
"Okay fine I get it," I laughed wrapping my arms around his neck to hold him closer before planting a kiss on his lips, "now let's get going before we're too late, it's a bit of a lengthy drive."
"We still have time." He insisted pressing his lips to my neck tortuously, "How would you like to spend it?"
"Just like this.." I whispered.
"You know that I love you right?" He whispered back into my ear,
"Of course I do." I acknowledged, and his eyes darkened with lust,
"Because I'm about to fuck you like I hate you." He declared and I swallowed hard as he kissed me hungrily and we practically ripped each other's clothes off.
"I will never get tired of this," I assured him breathlessly.
And I never did.
We drove all the way to his parent's house, the roads were almost impossible to get through because of the snow but luckily a few sweepers were clearing them. There was nothing better than Christmas in Paris, and I didn’t think there was anywhere else I'd rather have been during the holidays. All the houses were so beautifully decorated in this part of the city and we drove by a church choir singing Christmas carols and River decided to tip them €100 each to get into what he called 'the spirit of giving back'. It was nice of him, really nice of him.
We parked the car in the driveway and made our way inside, I almost forgot how massive the place was. River's mom opened the door and greeted us joyfully with welcoming hugs, she was wearing one of those cheesy reindeer Christmas sweaters and she had this warm energy about her that I couldn't quite explain. Watching the way she cared for River; offering to tie his shoelaces even though he was 6"4, wiping away little eyelashes away from his cheek so they didn't fall into his eye, brushing his hair away from his face, correcting him when he mispronounced something and making sure he got it right, made me realise that this is what a mother's love is supposed to look like.
A mother's love is meant to be the purest thing, no strings attached, free and unconditional, you needn't have to earn it. Violette told me that nineteen years later she still saw River as an extension of herself, of her heart and It made me wonder if my own mother ever saw me that way. It took me long enough to realize that you're not supposed to work to earn your parent's affection, you're not supposed to sacrifice your happiness just so that they can deem you worthy, you're just supposed to do the best you can. I wanted her to get the chance to know me as a person and not just as her trophy.
We settled into the living room which was elegantly decorated with an evergreen Christmas tree in the middle with a bunch of presents underneath. I wondered who on earth they were all for as it was only the two of them in the house. I once thought that River looked more like his mom than anything but now that I'd seen his father I realized that he looked like a younger version of him. Except for the fact that River's dad had darker green eyes and was shorter than him by a few noticeable inches.
"Thank you for dragging this one home to spend Christmas with us, Armani, I've heard a lot about you." He spoke, with a heavy French accent like River, and said my name the exact way he did which made me giggle.
"All good things I hope." I prattled, "Nothing too bad."
"Not as yet." He replied with a low chuckle, "What brings you to spending Christmas at the Blackwoods?"
"I'm sorry, Blackwoods?" I asked and River turned to me sheepishly,
"Kennedy is my middle name," he shrugged as though it was only a minor detail I overlooked, "Blackwood is my last, I just rarely use it on paper."
"River, how many times do I have to tell you to start using your father's name!" Violette exclaimed swatting him on the arm,
"If I did, everyone would know who I am." He proclaimed defensively, "and they'll think it's an excuse as to how far I've come with my art."
"Hope that's the last skeleton in your little closet," I whispered to him playfully and he laughed,
"Maybe, maybe not." He shrugged and then I swatted him on the arm,
"Ow!" He groaned, "Why is everyone on my case today?"
"Because you're insufferable." I grinned, "But I love you for it."
"Sebastiàn, did you hear that she said she loves him you owe me a trip to the Maldives this April!" Violette squealed clapping her hands,
"Your first relationship is already costing me so much." His dad groaned, kissing her on the cheek, the way he looked at her alone made me want to melt, and he placed his hand over her belly, "Hopefully you won't fall in love for a very long time my girl."
"So what brings you here today Armani, how come you didn't go home for the holidays?" Violette asked,
"My mother isn't very fond of my relationship with River, and we just need some space apart right now." I explained trying my best not to go into detail about it "I hope it's not a bother that I'm here unexpectedly."
