Chasing River, page 27
"I'm not taking those." He refuted,
"It'll make you feel better, you don't have to be brave all the time- not for me River," I assured him and he took one reluctantly.
“You couldn’t spare yourself all of this you know?” He groaned, “If you just stayed away from me like I’d asked, you wouldn’t have had to learn about all the ugly.”
“Do your worst, Kennedy.” I challenged him. “I can handle ugly, I know it all too well.”
“You can’t mean that…”
“Oh.” I hummed kissing his forehead, “But I do.”
I got up and brought a few blankets and pillows into the bathroom and made a makeshift fort. We lay down and talked, talked everything through. Just me and him, I liked it this way.
"Qu'est-ce que j'ai fait pour te mériter?" He asked, what did I do to deserve you?
"J'y pense tout le temps aussi, j'y pense, je ne te mérite pas non plus." I think about it all the time too, I think about how much I don't deserve you either.
Chapter 23
We Are One
I DID NOT go to class the next day because I decided to stay in with River, I hoped it wouldn't get me into too much trouble so I told Keomi to cover for me no questions asked. The second the sun began to rise I got Victoria on the phone, she always knew what to do.
"Hey, Tori how's it going?" I asked when she answered,
"Good, you?" She asked, "I know damn well you're not calling for banter, so what is it?"
"It's River, he's kinda having a hard time keeping up with his classes and it's making him sick....literally he won't stop throwing up everything he eats and I don't know what to do." I confided and she sighed sympathetically,
"Oh no, he’s just burned out, it happens to the best of us sometimes. Just make sure you're with him at all times today and put him on a diet of dry foods like crackers and Sprite or something." She suggested, "I know how hard it is, trust me."
"Thank you, seriously I don't know what I'd do without you." I thanked her,
"Exactly you'd probably be half the woman you are." She joked and I laughed hanging up the phone. Just as I received another incoming call, from my mother. My heart stopped and I swallowed hard in anticipation, I hadn’t heard from her in so long.
“Hello.” I answered, “Mama?”
“Armani.” My mother answered, “It’s been a long time.”
“It’s been four weeks but okay,” I responded nonchalantly.
“It feels like an eternity to me,” Mama assured me.
“What do you want, mama I don’t understand what all this is?” I questioned, tired of running in circles.
“We are hosting an 80th birthday party for your bibi and we would expect you to attend.” My mother explained.
“Are you flying her to Jacksonville?” I puzzled,
“No it’s happening in Nairobi, we wanted this to be something special for her, a chance for the whole family to bond with her for the last—”
“I’ll think about it.” I deadpanned, my mind swarmed.
“You will?” My mother sighed in relief.
“I will, do I have to come alone?”
“I— you know what, as long as you’re there.” Mama expressed, “That is all that matters to us.”
“Okay, well, then goodbye,” I said,
“Goodbye take care.”
River and I decided to watch The Breakfast Club while I ate the leftover vegan pasta and he ate the most delicious thing of all, crackers and ginger ale. We were arguing about words in English and French that we'd been pronouncing all wrong.
"When you say focus you literally sound like you're swearing!" I laughed but he was still in denial,
"That's how I hear it, focus (fuck us)" He excused and I literally thought I'd die of laughter,
"Since we're on the topic, it's trois not 'tweh" he added and I rolled my eyes at him playfully, "You're impossible to please Armani."
There it was again, Ar-mar-knee, but I liked that one, and I wasn't going to correct him on it.
"Can I have some of that?" He asked pointing to my plate and I nearly choked at that,
"Nope, crackers," I warned, sarcastically holding up cheery thumbs-up,
"Come on." He insisted,
"Need I remind you what happened the last time you tried solid food?" I recalled with a slight laugh, "that this floor once had a very expensive white carpet that is currently at the dry cleaners because of you."
"Fuck fine." He cursed like a little kid which made me laugh, he took a bite out of one of the plain crackers, "It's not my fault I can't swallow anything and make it stay down."
“Yeah..” I sighed, glancing out the window.
“What is it?” He asked immediately, sitting up and placing his hand on my knee.
“What do you mean?” I wondered.
“You seem distracted since that phone call, what’s on your mind?” He asked, his eyebrows furrowing in concern.
“I’m not really.” I shrugged.
“I know you.” He reminded me. “And I know when you’re acting even the slightest bit different.”
“That’s cute.” I smiled.
“I’m not trying to be endearing I want to know what happened, tell me?” He asked placing a gentle hand on my cheek.
“My mother called.” I confessed, “My family is hosting a birthday party for my grandmother in Nairobi and she wants me to go, but I don’t know…”
“You have to go!” River gasped and I widened my eyes in shock, it was the most expressive I’d seen him. “Sorry, but your grandmother means so much to you and you talk about her very often, and you’re always telling me how much you miss home right?”
“Yes but I’m not certain I can survive all alone with my suffocating family.” I expressed,
“You never have to be alone.” He comforted.
“What?”
“I said, you never have to be alone and I mean it.” He told me, “I could…come with you.”
“You’re kidding!” I laughed but his face remained serious. “Right?”
“No.” He remarked, “I don’t joke very often, you know that.”
“You want to come with me…to Kenya?” I asked, “Like the middle of Africa, you’ve never even been there!”
“There’s always a first time for everything.” He asserted.
“I want to be with you.”
“Okay.” I sighed grabbing ahold of his hand.
“Okay?”
“Okay as in, let’s do this Kennedy.” I smiled leaning on his shoulder and snuggling closer, “We’re going to Kenya.”
“I’m…excited.” He whispered.
"You know, Jaadi and I would watch this all the time back home." I told him, "He loved the model train, by the way, I never had a chance to properly thank you for it— you really didn't have to."
"It was nothing, really." He shrugged,
"No, It isn't, it really meant a lot to me that you went out of your way to buy something for him, if only mama would give you a chance, she would really like you River." I expressed sincerely leaning into his lap, "You have what we call moyo mwema, a good heart."
A week later, Nairobi, Kenya
We’d only been in Nairobi for a day so far, we were staying at a safari lodge because I missed the chance to see all the wildlife and greenery. We could’ve easily stayed at some five-star hotel in the city, but that wasn’t what we wanted. The scenery was beyond beautiful, and for the first time, I truly felt at home, because everyone around me looked like and understood me perfectly. The food was familiar too and that made me incredibly happy.
We were sharing a room, as expected and there was only one bed so of course we had to share. We had gotten way more comfortable with each other and sharing a space with him made me realise that I could live this way with him, perhaps forever. The floors were wooden and the roof was hatched, the bathroom was luxurious and had an enamel bath and elegant sweet-scented soaps and shampoos.
I had just gotten out of the shower when I found River standing on the balcony, the birds chirping in the distance, he was just about to feed a leaf to a baby giraffe.
“River!” I warned him, and he turned around to face me. “They said we’re not supposed to feed the animals, even if they are tamed.”
“But he looked sad…and hungry.” He conceded.
“Babe there’s trees everywhere.” I reminded him with a slight laugh. “I promise you that none of the giraffes are hungry.”
“Well, babe you don’t speak giraffe.” He refuted, teasing me.
“And you do?” I snorted, and just then my reminder chimed on my cellphone. “Damn it, we have to move fast.”
“What time are we supposed to be at your grandmother’s house?” He asked.
“At 17:00, just before the dinner begins because I have to help cook. Here’s a reminder that you can still stay at the hotel, I’m handing you a get-out-of-jail-free card.” I cautioned.
“Well, good thing I always hated monopoly.” He confided.
“But you love board games?”
“Not that one.”
“Well, then since you’re so determined we better hurry and mentally prepare ourselves!” I assured him, holding up a thumbs up. “And put on nice clothes.”
Once we arrived at my bibi’s house, I felt a huge wave of nostalgia, I knew her house very well, and I knew the very cobblestone path I was standing on. I knew the loud chatter that was coming from inside, and I smiled as my family approached me, my brother racing forward to hug me.
“Armani!” He cheered, “You’re here!”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I assured him.
“Oyana, I on the other hand knew you would be here.” My father greeted me and I hugged him tightly.
“Mama.” I greeted and she cleared her throat awkwardly, “Hi.”
“Hello.” She acknowledged, “I thought you said you wouldn’t be coming alone?”
“I’m not,” I assured her, reaching my hand out as River stepped out of the car, his hand fit perfectly into my palm of mine. And as he stood beside me I watched as my family’s gaze followed him, much taller than I was. He had a stoic expression on his beautiful face, the warm sun against his skin. “Mama, papa, Jaadi this is—”
“I am River Kennedy, your daughter’s partner.” He expressed reaching out his hand to shake my father’s firmly, Jaadi smirked knowingly like he knew a little secret. “It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
“So formal?” My father marvelled, taken by surprise, “Believe me, the pleasure is all mine… River.”
“Don’t worry I’m still reminding him every day to not be so formal with me either!” I joked nervously clinging to his arm. “Well, we might as well make our way inside, no?”
“Indeed.” My mother leered, then held me back to whisper something in my ear. “I cannot believe you’d bring some boyfriend you barely even know to this incredibly important family event. Shame on you.”
“I am not here for your unwanted opinion, I’m here to see my grandmother on her birthday.” I reminded her, proceeding to walk ahead.
River had remained in the living room with my uncles and father who were drinking and laughing heartily, I hated to leave him there knowing he didn’t drink but my father insisted on getting to know him better, whatever that meant. I was in the kitchen with my bibi, aunties and cousins preparing the food that we were going to have for dinner. We were making nyama choma and ugali with assorted vegetables. It was nice being able to bond with the women in my family this way.
“So Armani, how are your studies going lately?” My cousin Amina asked me chopping carrots. “I can’t believe you actually managed to convince Aunty Xolani to let you pursue the arts, my father would have a stroke if I ever even suggested going the creative route.”
“They’re actually going pretty well, incredibly time-consuming though,” I explained to her,
“I always knew you would do great things Oyana, I only wish your mama wasn’t so hot-headed all the time, she would’ve recognized your abilities sooner.” My bibi spoke, her voice was hearty as she sifted the millie meal into a big bowl, her eyes filmy and posture a little crooked. “Do you know what I want to know about?”
“Is it her new boyfriend?” My aunt Cleo teased, “He looks like a movie star.”
“I always knew she would end up with a white man.” Amina giggled and I swatted her shoulder playfully. “Ouch! What? Everyone was thinking about it.”
“That’s not true,” I mumbled.
“It is.” Aunt Cleo affirmed. “What makes you bring him here to meet us, are you pregnant, should we start asking for land from him?”
“Oh my gosh, no I’m not!” I defended raising my hands in surrender, “We just….didn’t want to be without each other.”
“Is he also an artist? Tell me more about him.” My bibi asked as I helped her sit down on a nearby chair.
“Yes he is, he’s one of the best artists at the academy. A lot of other students look up to him, he’s Spanish, French and even a little English I believe. He likes puzzles and plain black coffee, he listens to me talk—”
“That ability alone should be considered a superpower, you talk at a thousand miles per hour.” Bibi laughed and I smiled.
“Yes, well, he’s very good at it. He’s also very patient and he keeps me on my feet, he’s very reliable and he has a kind heart. He even bought a gift for Jaadi before he ever even met him, which was…amazing.” I explained to everyone.
“I’m going to cry, stop it!” My cousin Jemimah teared up, “And it has nothing to do with the onions I’m cutting.”
“You deserve nothing less than all that you have, I hope you know that. Men like him are hard to come by.” My bibi mused.
“Sometimes I feel unworthy of all I have like I’m an imposter in my own skin. Not in terms of my relationship but my place at St Katherine's, sometimes I feel like everyone else is far more talented and deserving than I am.” I explained airing my grievances,
“Armani, look at me eh?” My bibi insisted, placing her hand over mine and I did just that. “Take up space.”
“What?” I wondered,
“Take up space, you heard me. Do not be afraid, you have worked incredibly hard to be where you are right now. African women deserve to take up as much space as they desire in this world, we have been denied far too much for too long.” She narrated and I nodded silently feeling a lump begin to grow in my throat. “Unanielewa?”
Do you understand me?
“I— I do.” I insisted. “I will take up space.”
About an hour later River wandered into the kitchen knocking at the door, I gestured for him to come in and smiled warmly at him grabbing ahold of his hand. “Hi.” I greeted him, “What brings you here?”
“They started talking about sports.” He told me.
“Oh? How dreadful!” I responded sarcastically.
“I know nothing about sports.” He responded, “The horror indeed.”
“I’m sorry, it’ll be over soon I promise.” I teased.
“I miss you.” He said and my eyes widened in surprise.
“You mean it?” I wondered, squeezing his hand.
“I don’t say words I don’t mean.” He whispered, “I miss you.”
“I’ve missed you too,” I assured him.
“Can I stay here with you?” He asked, his eyes hopeful.
“You want to cook?” I challenged folding my arms.
“I love cooking. I don’t know why you didn’t let me help sooner.” He insisted and then it dawned on me.
“You were bonding with my father!” I giggled.
“Your father is a very nice man, but now I want to be here with his daughter.” He proclaimed.
“Let the man cook!” My bibi declared from her place by the pantry on the wooden chair. “A warm welcome to the young man who has my granddaughter’s heart.”
“Nimefurahi kukutana nawe, jina langu ni River Kennedy.” It’s a pleasure to meet you, my name is River Kennedy. River introduced proceeding to take a knee when speaking to her to meet her gaze, his Swahili wasn’t perfect but he was trying. My heart stopped realising that he had kneeled when speaking to her and then it was full of warmth.
“How did you…” I wondered in shock.
“I pick up languages very quickly.” He assured me, then turned back to face her. “I wanted to learn and speak your language when I first met you. I have heard so much about you, Armani speaks so highly of you that I knew that meeting you would be a great privilege I shouldn’t take lightly.”
“I brought you these,” River spoke as I then noticed the boxes of grapes and the bouquet of white roses on the table. “Armani told me you grew up on a vineyard.”
“Thank you, I did, I appreciate the gift. You will be good to my Armani, won’t you?” She asked placing a hand over his, “You will take care of her, and stand by her even when things aren’t easy?”
“Armani is the most important part of my life, I will treasure her just as you have, just as she deserves.” He comforted her and I watched as tears collected in her eyes.
“I’ll take your word for it.” My bibi nodded slowly wiping her eyes.
“And if you don’t we have uncles who will follow you all the way to Paris to seek revenge!” My cousin Jemimah warned him and he let out a soft laugh.
I wasn’t so sure she was joking though, but he didn’t need to know that.
“Noted.” He agreed, and just then I saw my mother standing in the doorway, her eyes brimming with unshed tears as well.
“You…mean the words you say?” My mother asked him sternly.
“He doesn’t say words he doesn’t mean,” I answered.
“I do.” River acknowledged standing up.
“Then…I cannot stop you.” My mother accepted and my heart sank. “I hope that you will know that there is no prize you will win for your art, that is of more value than my child. Be good to my Armani, River Kennedy.”
“I will.” He accepted reaching forward to shake her hand, and she trembled as his meshed with hers. “Mrs Nnandi.”
“We have run out of baskets for the Millie meal!” My aunty Cleo complained, “and the market where we bought them is very far away.”
