Chasing River, page 13
What on earth could I possibly say, that I was jealous of the way he was with Victoria, he had every right to talk to whoever he wanted however he liked. Oh God, I was losing my mind, I was spiralling, and my lips parted to speak but nothing came out. I felt a rush of adrenaline as River grabbed me by the waist and spun us around so he was above me, pinning both my hands to the door, my breath was heavy.
"Use your words Armani," River insisted, he leaned in closer towards me and I arched my body up towards his and closed my eyes waiting for him to kiss me, or do anything to me to take away the agony. But just when I thought he would, he didn't and all he said was,
"If you want something, all you ever have to do is ask." He taunted, before he swung open the door behind me and made his way out.
I was beyond screwed.
The next week had gone by swiftly and I'd gotten a fair amount of schoolwork done, I couldn't wait for Halloween to come around next week even though I knew it was not particularly celebrated here in France. We had exams the week Halloween came around and I'd been studying for it with everything I'd had. Not only because my parents had been calling nonstop to make sure I was doing so but because It was required for me to keep my scholarship.
Keomi, Merilla, Fabian Gene, and I had been studying in our dorm for the past two hours or so and it was clear that everyone was starting to get incredibly bored.
"I'm sick of staring at words all day, I mean who gives a fuck about Roosevelt's New Deal?" Gene groaned, slamming her history textbook shut.
“Right, and why do I need to know why prohibition never worked out in the USA?” Mer added,
“Because those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” I famously quoted,
“No, it’s because we all decided to take the American history course.” Fabian reminded us with a snort.
“The worst decision of my life," Keomi complained burying her face in her textbook.
"Right let's take a break." Fabian agreed sitting up on Keomi's bed, Fabian practically lived there rent-free and Keomi didn’t seem to mind at all. Their friendship was comfortable and I’m certain they wouldn’t have had it any other way.
"We need to get away this weekend, all of us." Merilla encouraged and everyone turned to look at her, including me,
"What do you mean? Because some of us are broke this semester." Fabian protested and Keomi agreed,
“Yeah what he said!” I add warning everyone that I was in no place to break my bank account for a holiday. “Fabian spent all his money on Lego sets.”
"My uncle Claude owns a cabin by Lake Geneva, I could ask him if we could use it for the weekend." Geneviève offered, tying her hair in a ponytail before taking out her cell phone,
"Oh my God Gene that's amazing!" Keomi beamed, "But it has to be all of us, including RK."
"You've got a better chance convincing pigs to fly." Fabian scoffed and Mer swatted him on the shoulder,
"Don't be such a negative Nancy Fabes, Armani text him and tell him to come over, he shouldn't be far I just saw him at the art department when I went down to get my folder." Merilla insisted and I pulled out my phone to text him.
“Why Armani, I can invite him myself?” Gene asked looking slightly insulted.
“Because he can’t say no to her, duh!” Keomi commented winking at me.
ME: Riverrrr
ME: ??
RIVER: I've been summoned…?
ME: Weirdo :/
RIVER: what
ME: Come over to Keomi & I's dorm we have an adventure planned
RIVER: Now?
ME: Yes, now hurry!
Message Read at 15:44
"He says he's on his way," I told them despite not getting a definite answer,
"We need a chance to reconnect after everything you know? It's no secret that things haven't been easy, for any of us since..." Keomi begun but Gene spoke up,
"You need to be able to just say it Keomi, we all need to be able to at least say it if we stand a chance of healing from his loss." Geneviève burst out,
“You’re right, we need to be able to at least bring it up casually, Jace wouldn’t want us to treat his memory like an urban legend.” Fabian interrupted,
“He did have an irrational fear of the phantom of the opera.” Keomi joked and Fabian smiled at her, her eyes twinkled when he did. Fabian always laughed at Keomi’s jokes, even when they were not particularly funny.
"This may be a tad bit controversial but I think it’s too soon." Merilla sighed "And if you want River to come along with us then you need to stop twisting the knife in an already open wound."
"I wasn't trying to-" Gene says, her voice small.
“The truth of the matter is that it’s been almost a year now,” Fabain remarked defensively. “It’s time to let go.”
"Come in!" Keomi and I both called once we heard the knock on the door. Then in walked River, almost too tall for the walkway so he had to lower his head a little bit. Something I had noticed about the never-ending enigma that was River Kennedy was that he was either extravagantly dressed like a passenger about to board the Titanic or he was dressed like he just woke up for a midnight snack. Nevertheless, he looked stunning. There wasn't exactly anywhere for him to sit so I moved aside on my bed so he could sit next to me. He lay down resting his arms behind his head, it killed me how he could be so casual.
“Pourquoi suis-je ici ?” Why am I here, he asked.
"Listen close River, my uncle Claude has a Cabin up in mountains by Lake Geneva." Geneviève began and we all listened in,
"Switzerland?" River asked, "c'est à cinq heures de Paris." That's five hours away from Paris.
"Je sais, que c'est pour ça que nous prendrons le métro." Geneviève clarified, I know that's why we'll take the metro.
"Can you guys please speak English, or speak a little slower, my French isn't exactly the best yet." I smiled guiltily and Geneviève rolled her eyes at me,
"C'est la France, pas la Floride, personne ne doit de traductions à ton cul américain." Geneviève provoked, this is France not Florida therefore nobody owes your American ass any translations. I sure as hell understood that. “Should I switch on my subtitles for you?”
"Geneviève." River stepped in and she immediately flashed me a plastic smile.
"Do you really think arguing is the best way to convince him to tag along?" Fabian warned,
"Look, this is a chance for all of us to get to know each other again, including Armani. Everything has been so hectic with school lately and we thought we could all use a break. We really hope you decide to come along River." Keomi addressed,
“You want me to come with you?” River asked slightly taken aback by the offer and Keomi smiled at him.
“Of course we do.” She assured him gesturing to everyone in the room for clarification,
“We all do,” Geneviève said with an eye roll.
“See?” I whispered to him in encouragement, “I told you they miss you a lot.”
I noticed a slight tint to his cheeks as he appeared somewhat overwhelmed by the love radiating towards him. Like he wasn’t expecting his friends to still want anything to do with him at all.
"When do we leave?" River asked, taking everyone by surprise, but not me, I knew he missed his friends if only he'd admit it. Geneviève got up and checked the calendar on my wall,
"Tomorrow morning, I'll book us tickets online." She beamed, clapping her hands joyously.
I wondered what it would be like alone with River in the mountains, would it get too cold on one of those long autumn nights, How ever would we keep warm?
Chapter 10
Heat In Winter
Part 1
Geneviève and I were in charge of buying the takeaway we'd eat on the way there since the morning metro food was always dry and tasted like sandpaper (according to Keomi). I'd gotten everyone's order except River’s since I didn’t get a chance to see him in the morning but I'd assumed the others that we'd just get something random for him.
Fall mornings in Paris were always cold and everyone was wearing thick coats, jackets and trousers, which was also appropriate considering were going to be spending the rest of the weekend in the mountains. I'd never been to Geneva but everyone else swore they'd gone with their families as kids before.
Now that I thought about it, I hadn't exactly been anywhere. I'd have loved to travel the world and see all the amazing things the earth had to offer, it would be fun to have someone to tag along with me too. Perhaps I'd take Jaadi once he graduated high school but that was far away as he was only in middle school then. I'd be fine on my own I guessed, someday maybe it wouldn’t be so lonely to be so far away from my family.
Fabian and Merilla went out to get some coffee from Fabian's mom's little Café, I didn’t even know Fabian's mom owned a Cafe, which explained why he almost always had coffee in his hand, and was grocery shopping for her so much. Apparently, she had so much money she never had to work another day in her life if she wanted, but it’d always been her dream to have a little coffee shop and bakery, so she figured why not start it once her acting career was over. Keomi insisted on remaining at the train station to wait for River to get there so he wouldn’t lose us, also to make sure he didn’t bail or run away any chance he got which was both actually really nice of her to do and wise. He was quite the slippery person.
Geneviève and I took a taxi over to Lou Lou's Diner to order the food, and I was surprised at how surprisingly well we were getting along. No snide comments, no bitter glares, it was kind of freaking me out and I was wondering how long it would take before she snapped. But if she did it wouldn't be at my dispense, I was hoping to have a relaxing weekend away and I would have that no matter what. Nothing and no one would ruin that for me.
LouLou's Diner was an old Fast food place on St Ives street, it was very popular but clearly not in the early mornings because when Genè and I got there it was practically empty. A dishevelled-looking middle-aged lady was our waitress, she had dark hair that'd greyed over the stressful years and tired-looking brown eyes.
"Can I take your order?" She asked and just before I could reply my phone started to ring in my pocket, so I handed Geneviève the list of food everyone wanted and checked to see who was calling, it was mama.
"Um, Armani I don't see anything for-" Geneviève began but I cut her off,
"Not right now Gene, everything is on the list so please just order!" I burst out sounding a little nervous and she threw her hands up in defeat before turning back towards the waitress to place the order.
I made my way over to one of the booths and answered my phone,
"Binti yangu." Mama advanced when the line connected, "I hope I am not interrupting your studies hm?"
"Not at all mama, I have a free period," I lied knowing I was skipping school today for our trip, "How are you?"
"I'm doing well, I only called because I was alarmed as to why your location was not working," Mama spoke and I swallowed hard, I'd turned it off so she wouldn't be able to know that I was leaving France.
"The wifi on campus never works well, after classes when I'm back in the dorms you will be able to see it," I assured her,
"That's good, I hope you are well prepared for your exams next week hm?" Mama emphasised her tone serious,
"Of course I am, you know me, mama, now I must go. My next class is starting. I'll talk to you soon." I answered and she clicked her tongue,
"You are a busy woman now eh?" She tisked, "You no longer have time for your mother?"
"That is not true, and it was never my intention to give you that impression, but I must go now goodbye my teacher is calling me." I appealed and hung up the phone.
I sighed rubbing my temples, it was so early in the morning and she was already giving me a headache. By the time I was done on the phone, Gene returned with a bunch of paper bags with our food and I helped her carry them and pay for the food before we made our way back into the taxi and on our way to the train station.
Once we arrived there were a number of people who were waiting to get on different trains, we stepped onto the train and showed our tickets to the conductor before noticing our friends in the back row. My boots clunked on the flooring and I nearly tripped over an unravelling in the faded red carpeting. The train had two-seaters so Merilla sat with Keomi, Fabian with Gene and River, and I even though I could tell Geneviève had wanted to sit in my place for whatever reason.
Barely an hour had passed by and everyone was complaining about how hungry they were so I started to hand out the food,
"Okay so, chicken mayo sandwich for Mer." I announced as I began handing out the food, "A berry smoothie for easily motion sick Keomi, breakfast burrito for Fabian, plain French fries and lemonade for Gene, and chicken cheeseburgers for me and River."
Then everyone started laughing and I had no idea why even River found it funny.
"What?" I asked nervously, "What's so funny?"
Keomi was laughing so hard tears began to pool in the corner of her eyes. "Come on guys!"
Just then Geneviève got up and handed River a separate takeaway pack with a knowing smile.
"Garden Salad, your favourite." Gene laughed and River thanked her.
"Okay, that's enough guys." River insisted and everyone turned away, Merilla and Keomi still laughing quietly.
"What is it?" I asked feeling slightly left out,
"I'm a vegan, Armani," River told me and just then I remembered I'd cut Geneviève off when she'd tried to tell me earlier at the diner and I suddenly felt incredibly guilty for not listening to her.
"Oh, I'm so sorry I had no idea!" I burst out in embarrassment, "If I had known I wouldn't have-"
"I tried to tell her but as usual elle pense qu'elle sait tout." Geneviève mocked digging into her fries, she thinks she knows everything.
"It's an easy mistake to make, I never told you," River assured me and I could feel his leg shift towards mine under the table. "And I'm not hungry anyways."
"What do you mean you're not hungry, this is a five-hour train ride, do you seriously not plan on eating anything?" I asked and his gaze shifted to the window,
"No." He simply said and I folded my arms in protest,
"You've got to be kidding me." I retorted in disbelief,
"Not in the slightest," River replied, sinking into his seat and buttoning up his suede black Burberry coat.
"Suit yourself," I advised taking a bite out of my burger, and it was good, really good.
By the time I was done scuffing down my burger River was staring at me like there was something growing on my face,
"Did you want some?" I mumbled, "I thought you were a grass eater."
"Believe me, I'm good." River laughed, his laugh brought heavy rainfall where there was drought, sunshine in winter, and hope where there was none. And it was just as rare too.
"So tell me River, as a vegan, you know the way we meat-eaters mouths water when someone's having a barbecue, does your mouth water when someone's mowing the lawn?"
"Hilarious." River mocked but he laughed anyway,
"I can tell you another vegan joke, I promise it won't be cheesy." I joked and even Geneviève laughed and she was sitting behind us with Fabian.
This was going to be a long journey.
One of the workers on the train was handing out pages from colouring books and crayons to all the little kids. I begged him to give me a page because the artist in me was getting very bored very fast. I turned the image of Barbie in her dream house around so the sheet was blank. I began to draw an image of a clear sky, I drew the clouds and the blue of the sky, and I even added a little rainbow.
"Eat River." I insisted and he just glared at me, "I'm not kidding."
River sighed in defeat and opened up the garden salad Gene had ordered him and took one bite, then two, and closed the pack.
"You're insufferable," River concluded and I smiled. “I don’t like eating on trains, it’s uncomfortable you know?”
“Oh, yeah I can understand that.” I hummed in agreement.
Everyone else on the train had fallen asleep except for River and me. River was flipping through pages of The Great Gatsby and I continued my drawing. Silence wasn't really my thing.
"Sometimes I wonder why I chose to become an artist," I spoke to break the silence and River lifted his eyes from his novel, "At first it was just something I did for fun, but then once my parents realised it was something I was actually good at they couldn't miss the opportunity to showcase my talents at all costs."
"So you do it all to please your parents?" River asked and I paused.
"Maybe at first it was like that, every time I came home with a new trophy or award from winning a competition or entering an exhibit it made them so proud. And they looked at me in a way they never had before, like I was finally worth all that they'd been through for me."
"But that's not it, is it?" River persuaded and if I were telling this story to anyone else they would've let it end there, but not River.
"Then I started to like the feeling of being praised not just by my parents but by my school, and critics and everyone. I liked the power it gave me; having a paintbrush in my hand and knowing that was the very instrument I could use to finally make people see me. I got a sick thrill from winning, I didn't even care about the other kids who lost, I lived for the feeling of being on top." I admitted,
River took the piece of paper I was drawing on from me and my pencil, he began to draw the sun into my sky, it looked so realistic and detailed, almost like he was born to do so.
"And I live for the escape." He said.
I gazed out my window past the flashes of small towns I'd never heard of and I'd probably never visit or see again, I wondered who lived there and what their lives were like. If things were easy or if things were hard, if they had good families, good lives. And the hardest part for my thriving artist brain is that I'll never know.
I glanced over at River who was still reading The Great Gatsby, I sighed and got up to go to the bathroom. The train bathroom was small and I could feel the railroad tracks when I sat down, which was a strange experience I'd much rather never go through again. Once I'd washed my hands and got back to my seat I noticed Geneviève had taken the liberty of changing seats, so she was with River.
"Use your words Armani," River insisted, he leaned in closer towards me and I arched my body up towards his and closed my eyes waiting for him to kiss me, or do anything to me to take away the agony. But just when I thought he would, he didn't and all he said was,
"If you want something, all you ever have to do is ask." He taunted, before he swung open the door behind me and made his way out.
I was beyond screwed.
The next week had gone by swiftly and I'd gotten a fair amount of schoolwork done, I couldn't wait for Halloween to come around next week even though I knew it was not particularly celebrated here in France. We had exams the week Halloween came around and I'd been studying for it with everything I'd had. Not only because my parents had been calling nonstop to make sure I was doing so but because It was required for me to keep my scholarship.
Keomi, Merilla, Fabian Gene, and I had been studying in our dorm for the past two hours or so and it was clear that everyone was starting to get incredibly bored.
"I'm sick of staring at words all day, I mean who gives a fuck about Roosevelt's New Deal?" Gene groaned, slamming her history textbook shut.
“Right, and why do I need to know why prohibition never worked out in the USA?” Mer added,
“Because those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” I famously quoted,
“No, it’s because we all decided to take the American history course.” Fabian reminded us with a snort.
“The worst decision of my life," Keomi complained burying her face in her textbook.
"Right let's take a break." Fabian agreed sitting up on Keomi's bed, Fabian practically lived there rent-free and Keomi didn’t seem to mind at all. Their friendship was comfortable and I’m certain they wouldn’t have had it any other way.
"We need to get away this weekend, all of us." Merilla encouraged and everyone turned to look at her, including me,
"What do you mean? Because some of us are broke this semester." Fabian protested and Keomi agreed,
“Yeah what he said!” I add warning everyone that I was in no place to break my bank account for a holiday. “Fabian spent all his money on Lego sets.”
"My uncle Claude owns a cabin by Lake Geneva, I could ask him if we could use it for the weekend." Geneviève offered, tying her hair in a ponytail before taking out her cell phone,
"Oh my God Gene that's amazing!" Keomi beamed, "But it has to be all of us, including RK."
"You've got a better chance convincing pigs to fly." Fabian scoffed and Mer swatted him on the shoulder,
"Don't be such a negative Nancy Fabes, Armani text him and tell him to come over, he shouldn't be far I just saw him at the art department when I went down to get my folder." Merilla insisted and I pulled out my phone to text him.
“Why Armani, I can invite him myself?” Gene asked looking slightly insulted.
“Because he can’t say no to her, duh!” Keomi commented winking at me.
ME: Riverrrr
ME: ??
RIVER: I've been summoned…?
ME: Weirdo :/
RIVER: what
ME: Come over to Keomi & I's dorm we have an adventure planned
RIVER: Now?
ME: Yes, now hurry!
Message Read at 15:44
"He says he's on his way," I told them despite not getting a definite answer,
"We need a chance to reconnect after everything you know? It's no secret that things haven't been easy, for any of us since..." Keomi begun but Gene spoke up,
"You need to be able to just say it Keomi, we all need to be able to at least say it if we stand a chance of healing from his loss." Geneviève burst out,
“You’re right, we need to be able to at least bring it up casually, Jace wouldn’t want us to treat his memory like an urban legend.” Fabian interrupted,
“He did have an irrational fear of the phantom of the opera.” Keomi joked and Fabian smiled at her, her eyes twinkled when he did. Fabian always laughed at Keomi’s jokes, even when they were not particularly funny.
"This may be a tad bit controversial but I think it’s too soon." Merilla sighed "And if you want River to come along with us then you need to stop twisting the knife in an already open wound."
"I wasn't trying to-" Gene says, her voice small.
“The truth of the matter is that it’s been almost a year now,” Fabain remarked defensively. “It’s time to let go.”
"Come in!" Keomi and I both called once we heard the knock on the door. Then in walked River, almost too tall for the walkway so he had to lower his head a little bit. Something I had noticed about the never-ending enigma that was River Kennedy was that he was either extravagantly dressed like a passenger about to board the Titanic or he was dressed like he just woke up for a midnight snack. Nevertheless, he looked stunning. There wasn't exactly anywhere for him to sit so I moved aside on my bed so he could sit next to me. He lay down resting his arms behind his head, it killed me how he could be so casual.
“Pourquoi suis-je ici ?” Why am I here, he asked.
"Listen close River, my uncle Claude has a Cabin up in mountains by Lake Geneva." Geneviève began and we all listened in,
"Switzerland?" River asked, "c'est à cinq heures de Paris." That's five hours away from Paris.
"Je sais, que c'est pour ça que nous prendrons le métro." Geneviève clarified, I know that's why we'll take the metro.
"Can you guys please speak English, or speak a little slower, my French isn't exactly the best yet." I smiled guiltily and Geneviève rolled her eyes at me,
"C'est la France, pas la Floride, personne ne doit de traductions à ton cul américain." Geneviève provoked, this is France not Florida therefore nobody owes your American ass any translations. I sure as hell understood that. “Should I switch on my subtitles for you?”
"Geneviève." River stepped in and she immediately flashed me a plastic smile.
"Do you really think arguing is the best way to convince him to tag along?" Fabian warned,
"Look, this is a chance for all of us to get to know each other again, including Armani. Everything has been so hectic with school lately and we thought we could all use a break. We really hope you decide to come along River." Keomi addressed,
“You want me to come with you?” River asked slightly taken aback by the offer and Keomi smiled at him.
“Of course we do.” She assured him gesturing to everyone in the room for clarification,
“We all do,” Geneviève said with an eye roll.
“See?” I whispered to him in encouragement, “I told you they miss you a lot.”
I noticed a slight tint to his cheeks as he appeared somewhat overwhelmed by the love radiating towards him. Like he wasn’t expecting his friends to still want anything to do with him at all.
"When do we leave?" River asked, taking everyone by surprise, but not me, I knew he missed his friends if only he'd admit it. Geneviève got up and checked the calendar on my wall,
"Tomorrow morning, I'll book us tickets online." She beamed, clapping her hands joyously.
I wondered what it would be like alone with River in the mountains, would it get too cold on one of those long autumn nights, How ever would we keep warm?
Chapter 10
Heat In Winter
Part 1
Geneviève and I were in charge of buying the takeaway we'd eat on the way there since the morning metro food was always dry and tasted like sandpaper (according to Keomi). I'd gotten everyone's order except River’s since I didn’t get a chance to see him in the morning but I'd assumed the others that we'd just get something random for him.
Fall mornings in Paris were always cold and everyone was wearing thick coats, jackets and trousers, which was also appropriate considering were going to be spending the rest of the weekend in the mountains. I'd never been to Geneva but everyone else swore they'd gone with their families as kids before.
Now that I thought about it, I hadn't exactly been anywhere. I'd have loved to travel the world and see all the amazing things the earth had to offer, it would be fun to have someone to tag along with me too. Perhaps I'd take Jaadi once he graduated high school but that was far away as he was only in middle school then. I'd be fine on my own I guessed, someday maybe it wouldn’t be so lonely to be so far away from my family.
Fabian and Merilla went out to get some coffee from Fabian's mom's little Café, I didn’t even know Fabian's mom owned a Cafe, which explained why he almost always had coffee in his hand, and was grocery shopping for her so much. Apparently, she had so much money she never had to work another day in her life if she wanted, but it’d always been her dream to have a little coffee shop and bakery, so she figured why not start it once her acting career was over. Keomi insisted on remaining at the train station to wait for River to get there so he wouldn’t lose us, also to make sure he didn’t bail or run away any chance he got which was both actually really nice of her to do and wise. He was quite the slippery person.
Geneviève and I took a taxi over to Lou Lou's Diner to order the food, and I was surprised at how surprisingly well we were getting along. No snide comments, no bitter glares, it was kind of freaking me out and I was wondering how long it would take before she snapped. But if she did it wouldn't be at my dispense, I was hoping to have a relaxing weekend away and I would have that no matter what. Nothing and no one would ruin that for me.
LouLou's Diner was an old Fast food place on St Ives street, it was very popular but clearly not in the early mornings because when Genè and I got there it was practically empty. A dishevelled-looking middle-aged lady was our waitress, she had dark hair that'd greyed over the stressful years and tired-looking brown eyes.
"Can I take your order?" She asked and just before I could reply my phone started to ring in my pocket, so I handed Geneviève the list of food everyone wanted and checked to see who was calling, it was mama.
"Um, Armani I don't see anything for-" Geneviève began but I cut her off,
"Not right now Gene, everything is on the list so please just order!" I burst out sounding a little nervous and she threw her hands up in defeat before turning back towards the waitress to place the order.
I made my way over to one of the booths and answered my phone,
"Binti yangu." Mama advanced when the line connected, "I hope I am not interrupting your studies hm?"
"Not at all mama, I have a free period," I lied knowing I was skipping school today for our trip, "How are you?"
"I'm doing well, I only called because I was alarmed as to why your location was not working," Mama spoke and I swallowed hard, I'd turned it off so she wouldn't be able to know that I was leaving France.
"The wifi on campus never works well, after classes when I'm back in the dorms you will be able to see it," I assured her,
"That's good, I hope you are well prepared for your exams next week hm?" Mama emphasised her tone serious,
"Of course I am, you know me, mama, now I must go. My next class is starting. I'll talk to you soon." I answered and she clicked her tongue,
"You are a busy woman now eh?" She tisked, "You no longer have time for your mother?"
"That is not true, and it was never my intention to give you that impression, but I must go now goodbye my teacher is calling me." I appealed and hung up the phone.
I sighed rubbing my temples, it was so early in the morning and she was already giving me a headache. By the time I was done on the phone, Gene returned with a bunch of paper bags with our food and I helped her carry them and pay for the food before we made our way back into the taxi and on our way to the train station.
Once we arrived there were a number of people who were waiting to get on different trains, we stepped onto the train and showed our tickets to the conductor before noticing our friends in the back row. My boots clunked on the flooring and I nearly tripped over an unravelling in the faded red carpeting. The train had two-seaters so Merilla sat with Keomi, Fabian with Gene and River, and I even though I could tell Geneviève had wanted to sit in my place for whatever reason.
Barely an hour had passed by and everyone was complaining about how hungry they were so I started to hand out the food,
"Okay so, chicken mayo sandwich for Mer." I announced as I began handing out the food, "A berry smoothie for easily motion sick Keomi, breakfast burrito for Fabian, plain French fries and lemonade for Gene, and chicken cheeseburgers for me and River."
Then everyone started laughing and I had no idea why even River found it funny.
"What?" I asked nervously, "What's so funny?"
Keomi was laughing so hard tears began to pool in the corner of her eyes. "Come on guys!"
Just then Geneviève got up and handed River a separate takeaway pack with a knowing smile.
"Garden Salad, your favourite." Gene laughed and River thanked her.
"Okay, that's enough guys." River insisted and everyone turned away, Merilla and Keomi still laughing quietly.
"What is it?" I asked feeling slightly left out,
"I'm a vegan, Armani," River told me and just then I remembered I'd cut Geneviève off when she'd tried to tell me earlier at the diner and I suddenly felt incredibly guilty for not listening to her.
"Oh, I'm so sorry I had no idea!" I burst out in embarrassment, "If I had known I wouldn't have-"
"I tried to tell her but as usual elle pense qu'elle sait tout." Geneviève mocked digging into her fries, she thinks she knows everything.
"It's an easy mistake to make, I never told you," River assured me and I could feel his leg shift towards mine under the table. "And I'm not hungry anyways."
"What do you mean you're not hungry, this is a five-hour train ride, do you seriously not plan on eating anything?" I asked and his gaze shifted to the window,
"No." He simply said and I folded my arms in protest,
"You've got to be kidding me." I retorted in disbelief,
"Not in the slightest," River replied, sinking into his seat and buttoning up his suede black Burberry coat.
"Suit yourself," I advised taking a bite out of my burger, and it was good, really good.
By the time I was done scuffing down my burger River was staring at me like there was something growing on my face,
"Did you want some?" I mumbled, "I thought you were a grass eater."
"Believe me, I'm good." River laughed, his laugh brought heavy rainfall where there was drought, sunshine in winter, and hope where there was none. And it was just as rare too.
"So tell me River, as a vegan, you know the way we meat-eaters mouths water when someone's having a barbecue, does your mouth water when someone's mowing the lawn?"
"Hilarious." River mocked but he laughed anyway,
"I can tell you another vegan joke, I promise it won't be cheesy." I joked and even Geneviève laughed and she was sitting behind us with Fabian.
This was going to be a long journey.
One of the workers on the train was handing out pages from colouring books and crayons to all the little kids. I begged him to give me a page because the artist in me was getting very bored very fast. I turned the image of Barbie in her dream house around so the sheet was blank. I began to draw an image of a clear sky, I drew the clouds and the blue of the sky, and I even added a little rainbow.
"Eat River." I insisted and he just glared at me, "I'm not kidding."
River sighed in defeat and opened up the garden salad Gene had ordered him and took one bite, then two, and closed the pack.
"You're insufferable," River concluded and I smiled. “I don’t like eating on trains, it’s uncomfortable you know?”
“Oh, yeah I can understand that.” I hummed in agreement.
Everyone else on the train had fallen asleep except for River and me. River was flipping through pages of The Great Gatsby and I continued my drawing. Silence wasn't really my thing.
"Sometimes I wonder why I chose to become an artist," I spoke to break the silence and River lifted his eyes from his novel, "At first it was just something I did for fun, but then once my parents realised it was something I was actually good at they couldn't miss the opportunity to showcase my talents at all costs."
"So you do it all to please your parents?" River asked and I paused.
"Maybe at first it was like that, every time I came home with a new trophy or award from winning a competition or entering an exhibit it made them so proud. And they looked at me in a way they never had before, like I was finally worth all that they'd been through for me."
"But that's not it, is it?" River persuaded and if I were telling this story to anyone else they would've let it end there, but not River.
"Then I started to like the feeling of being praised not just by my parents but by my school, and critics and everyone. I liked the power it gave me; having a paintbrush in my hand and knowing that was the very instrument I could use to finally make people see me. I got a sick thrill from winning, I didn't even care about the other kids who lost, I lived for the feeling of being on top." I admitted,
River took the piece of paper I was drawing on from me and my pencil, he began to draw the sun into my sky, it looked so realistic and detailed, almost like he was born to do so.
"And I live for the escape." He said.
I gazed out my window past the flashes of small towns I'd never heard of and I'd probably never visit or see again, I wondered who lived there and what their lives were like. If things were easy or if things were hard, if they had good families, good lives. And the hardest part for my thriving artist brain is that I'll never know.
I glanced over at River who was still reading The Great Gatsby, I sighed and got up to go to the bathroom. The train bathroom was small and I could feel the railroad tracks when I sat down, which was a strange experience I'd much rather never go through again. Once I'd washed my hands and got back to my seat I noticed Geneviève had taken the liberty of changing seats, so she was with River.
