Into the Light, page 8
part #2 of Dark Angel Series
My period…
In a panic I scrolled through my phone unable to locate my calendar. My hands shook as I fumbled through the apps, finally locating it. I went back through the months; I got my period like I normally would but my shot…SHIT. Unable to calm down, I searched in panic and there it was, the reminder to get my shot over a month ago.
“Miss, can I help you?”
Staring blankly into her face, I knew I would be lying if I smiled and said everything was okay. I didn’t need help, not when I knew why I was feeling so off. Without warning I fell to the floor vomiting as I cried. A scurry of assistants came to my side with a bucket and cold towel. The voices surrounded me but my body shook, the heaving persistent. Gasping for air I struggled to breathe, another person handing me a paper bag. I took it from her, placing it on my mouth and sucking in the air. I was having a panic attack. In the midst of this breakdown I motioned for my cell. Shaking hands scrolling through the screen, my vision blurred, I found Bulls number. I dialed it and passed it onto the lady beside me. I don’t know how long I was there for, not until I heard that familiar voice that told everyone to back the fuck up.
An hour later I sat on my bathroom floor beside Bulls in a catatonic state staring at the five pregnancy tests, all a different brand, all laying side by side marked with the two blue lines that had decided my fate.
“Charlie. Five tests can’t be wrong. They’re all positive.”
I sat in silence. Not even blinking as I watched, hoping for a miracle that the lines all became one. Just one line. My vision clouded, why was this happening? The lines were staring me in the face, nothing could make them change. Closing my eyes I prayed that this was some awful dream and at any moment I would wake up and everything would be back to normal, but minutes later I opened them, the reality a huge slap in the face still staring at me. Bulls shifted closer to me, placing her arm around me, pulling me into her.
“Look girl, I’m sorry but I gotta ask. Whose?”
Turning to face her, I searched her eyes for any sort of judgment. She was my best friend and if anyone understood it would be Bulls. I closed my eyes again, remembering the past few months. Who I fucked, where I fucked, when I fucked, and what the fuck did I use? I rambled through my thoughts which were causing my head to ache, a migraine imminent. Condoms… I used condoms… I gave head… He fucked me in the ass. My body sunk and the weight of my actions caused me to shake again; any self-respect I had for myself disappeared along with my dignity. I was a whore... slut... whatever you want to call it. I said the names to myself, my head screaming on repeat.
“Bulls… I don’t know.”
“Oh girl, it’ll be okay. Look at Will. Rocky and I couldn’t have been in a worse situation but we made it work and look at him. My life wouldn’t exist without him.”
“But you had Rocky.”
“Yes, I know, but why on Earth would the father not want to be part of his baby’s life?”
“Because it’s all too complicated. Bulls, I can’t do this… I can’t be a single mom and have to look at this child every day and see the face of its father. I don’t understand how this happened.” It wasn’t a question, because no matter how it was answered it wouldn’t erase anything.
“Well sweetie, it’s quite simple. You got caught up in the hot sex and forgot about Mr. Jizzy and his million buddies.”
“Bulls, I married him.”
“What?” She raised her voice, her eyes wide in shock.
“That last night in the Hamptons, we got married. Don’t ask me how he pulled it off, I still don’t know but it happened. He kept asking me to marry him and he took me to the house. Outside in the gazebo, the man, he performed the ceremony.”
“Are you fucking with me? You married Lex? You are Mrs. Edwards?”
“Please don’t tell anyone. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“So you are married to Lex and this may be Julian’s baby? My God, Charlie. It’s like Melrose place.” She shook her head, muttering something to herself.
I don't know how long I sat there, numb, unable to process how fucking foolish I felt for being caught up in all this. I didn’t cry, not one single tear had been shed since my breakdown in the drug store. Maybe I should have, I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I was unable to feel the pain now. Like I had some sort of shield. Staring blankly at the tests, it was hours later when I spoke again.
“Bulls, you need to get back to Will.” It was all I could think of. She had a family that needed her, her son needed her, her husband needed her. Family. Why did that word frighten me to the core?
“Charlie.” She spoke softly, moving a loose strand of hair away from my face and tucking it behind my ear. “They are fine. Do you want me to make you something to eat?”
I laughed out loud, very loud, unable to stop, hysteria finally taking over. The tears of laughter rolled down my face. Bulls couldn’t cook to save her life; the irony wasn’t lost on me even in the state I was in. She laughed along with me and minutes later we both sat there trying to catch our breath.
“Okay, so can I order you something to eat? Charlie, you need to eat, whether you like it or not, it’s not just you that you need to take care of now.”
Of course I knew that. The memories came flooding back to me, the pain now overpowering as the tears that left my eyes were tears of sadness. I couldn’t stop sobbing uncontrollably as the fear set in. I couldn’t be a mother; I couldn’t carry this baby inside me. I couldn’t face that, not alone. Bulls held onto me and sometime during the night I fell asleep curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor.
I awoke the next morning on the floor, a pillow under my head and my grandmother’s knitted blanket covering me. I sat up, quickly searching the room, but it was empty. Wait, did I dream all this?! My body ached as I took in my surroundings. I had slept on the bathroom floor which only meant one thing, I really was pregnant. I heard the click of Bulls heels on my floorboards. She was dressed, ready for work. She must have gone home sometime in the night. She handed me a mug. Thank God, I needed coffee. Taking a sip, I scowled as the taste of tea lingered in my mouth.
“Don’t look at me that way. No more coffee for you.”
“Bulls, a cup won’t hurt.”
“No it won’t, but you don’t know how to drink only one cup a day. Listen, I have the Henderson Court meeting in an hour. Will you be okay? You know I wouldn’t leave but I’ve been working on this case for months.”
“Of course I understand. I’ll just get changed and see you in the office later.”
“Look, I’d rather you rested but I get it. You need the distraction. Just promise me if you feel ill you’ll go home right away? I’ll have my people watching you so don’t try to be a hero today.”
I nodded. Bulls grabbed her briefcase and made her way towards the door, but before she opened it she turned around one last time.
“Charlie, you’ll always have us. Rocky, myself and Will. We are your family. Even when you have lost hope and think you are walking through this pain alone, remember that we are here for you no matter what you decide.”
I smiled the tiniest of smiles that I could muster up. As she closed the door I sunk back onto the floor, my tears falling without my permission. The walls felt like they were closing in, the roof caving. I had to do everything I could to find the strength to just get through this one day, and maybe tomorrow I could start answering the questions that plagued me.
…
As I stepped into the office later that day, I felt different. The confidence that I usually carried with me was shattered. Instead I carried this burden, this thing, this… I couldn’t even bring myself to say the word. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I could this… Do what? Carry on with work or raise this…again that word. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me, like they all knew. In a self-conscious move I scanned my stomach; impossible, I was only, what, a few weeks along? Fuck, I didn’t even know. I would have to get scans, hear the heartbeat. No…not now…not here at work.
“Charlie, you’re back! Do I have stuff to tell you!” Eric glanced around the room and grabbed onto my arm, ushering me into my office. I placed my purse down and sat in my chair. This chair felt like home, the comfy plush leather gave me a sense of power and I loved it. Well, I used to love it. Now flashes of Lex sitting on this chair plagued me. The way he took over, the way he demanded me. I closed my eyes for a brief moment. Memories tortured me every second I continued to breathe.
“Charlie, hey girlfriend,” he called, snapping his fingers in front of me.
“Sorry E… Okay, so what have you got for me?" I focused on Eric because if anyone could make me feel normal for a split second, it would be him.
“Are you okay? I mean despite, you know…and having this bug which, by the way, don’t pass it onto me. I have a hot date with that Latino guy who works out at my gym and shitting through the eye of a needle is not on my agenda.”
“Wait. What happened to that other guy?”
“Long story but the short version is I caught him getting blown by the busboy at La Rouges last week.”
“I'm so sorry! Why didn't you tell me?"
“Girl, you got your own worries.”
“Sorry, I’ve been a really shitty friend.”
“Yes but it’s justifiable, sweetcheeks. Anyway, so guess what?” He clapped excitedly.
“What?”
“Emma fucked Michael last night in the car park downstairs.”
“NOOOO SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!” The pitch of my voice was so high. That was the last thing I expected to come out of his mouth. Michael was one of our associates. I knew he slept around; he tried to hit on me late last year at a benefit but I shut him down faster than you could say hell no. Ever since then it was been nothing but business. Still, this was news. Wow, Emma and Michael?
“Yep, I swear. She didn’t tell me but you know how I get my brows waxed with Lyle down on six? Well, he saw them and texted me last night.”
“Let’s call her in.” I smiled dialing her number. She picked up immediately and I asked her to join us in my office to discuss a brief. She walked in moments later, and I was not surprised when I saw she was dressed differently from her usual attire. A total ‘I got office fucked’ giveaway if I saw one! She wore this thin black pencil skirt that hugged her body in all the right places, her blouse was a chiffon cream color which was slightly unbuttoned and her pumps were new, in fact slightly higher than she normally wore. Oh, she was so trying to impress. This would be fun, interrogation was my specialty. I was a lawyer, after all.
“Morning, Emma. You look awfully nice today. Special occasion?”
“I uh...um thanks, Charlie. How are you feeling?”
“Better. Thank you for asking. So, the Jensen case. I heard you and Michael have been making quite good progress. Ahead of schedule I see?”
“Yeah, we’ve put in a lot of hours as we’re close to closing this one.”
“So I see. And Michael hasn’t been working you too hard? You know, pushing you beyond your means?”
She coughed as I said it; her face had turned bright red as she stared down at the ground shuffling her feet awkwardly. “No, um, not at all. He’s been quite attentive to my, um, needs.”
The silence fell across the room as we waited for which one of us would cave. I knew Eric couldn’t last long and that’s why I loved him. He had no filter and during times like this, his normally annoying trait was a godsend.
“So when you say attentive to your needs do you mean the way he shot his cannonball into your love purse on that red Mercedes downstairs in the parking lot?” Eric asked in a serious tone. How the hell he kept a straight face was beyond me.
“E! Love purse!” I laughed uncontrollably. It was exactly what I needed to hear at this moment.
“OMG Eric, how did you know that?” she asked, panicking.
“Lyle saw you, and don’t worry he won’t say anything because I offered to pay for his next five brow appointments. You owe me big time, girl. Now spill the juice.”
And so she told us the story of how last night unfolded, how for months there had been this awkward tension between them but nothing had come of it. Last night they were working late and he offered her a ride home; before she knew it they were getting it on in the car park.
“And how was it?” I had to ask. I needed this distraction.
She closed her eyes for a second. “It was… I don’t know what to say, like, amazing doesn’t cover it.”
“Emma, are you in love with him?”
“Oh no, nothing like that. It’s just that I’ve never been with a real man, you know? I mean he is thirty-one and I’m twenty-two. The guys my age couldn’t find a G-spot if you handed them a GPS and a tour guide.”
We burst out laughing. I couldn’t argue with her. Eric, of course, in a league of his own, had to throw the question out there that was burning a hole in his pants.
“And…you know…did his goods match up to his feisty personality?”
“Let’s just say it matched and then some.”
Eric and I looked at each other and happy-clapped like old times. It was this that I missed, this carefree chit chat. For a moment I felt safe, but it soon disappeared as I looked down and stared at my flat stomach, soon to be a daily reminder of the mess I got myself into.
I spent my lunch hour working through the mountain of emails that had piled up. My stomach hurt but it was an unusual pain that I was not accustomed too. I asked Eric to grab me a sandwich, maybe I was just hungry. I continued drinking some water as I waited. Suddenly I felt hot; placing my hand against my forehead I could feel I was burning up. I took off my blazer but my skin still felt like it was on fire. Thinking I needed more water, I made my way out of my office to be greeted by Eric. He looked off, but I realized it wasn’t him. It was me. The room started to move and I clasped at my chest as I struggled to breathe. Eric’s voice echoed in the background, his panicked words. I could only see shadows around me till all I saw was darkness.
Chapter 8
Lex
I had every email answered, every meeting scheduled and prepared, the stationary holder in my desk was perfectly organized, I had exactly eighty-two paperclips in that holder, and I even cleaned my keyboard, removing each key and wiping it down. That’s what happens when you work seventy-two hours straight with no sleep.
By Thursday I was losing my mind, bored shitless. I needed a distraction, anything to wake me from this miserable life I was currently living. My cell buzzed and I checked the caller ID. I let out a small laugh when I saw who it was.
“Dude, it’s me.”
There was only one person in my life who called me ‘dude’; it was Rocky. “Wait, did Nikki give you permission to call me?” I asked jokingly.
“Funny, Edwards. Listen, we haven’t organized a bachelor party for Elijah.”
“Rocky, Elijah is not one of those pussy-watching type of guys. You saw him squirming at the strip club.”
“Of course you’d say that, he’s marrying your sister! Listen, Adriana told me next Saturday night is his only free night. Vegas…are you up for it?”
Normally I would have hung up on him ages ago; actually I probably wouldn’t have answered his call. But I had learned to somewhat enjoy his company, or being around other men and doing men type stuff. I hadn’t done this since college.
“I’m in.”
“Tops! All right, so Adriana suggested Elijah’s cousin and two college mates plus your dad.”
“My dad?” That was the last person I wanted to see right now.
“Yeah, why not? Adriana tells me he is young at heart.”
“Look, whatever. Okay, so what have you organized?”
“Nothing. Was hoping you could pull some strings?”
“Leave it to me.”
I pulled out my contacts list and called George, the owner of a few hotels in Vegas. I called in a favor and booked the penthouse suite. I told him the occasion and he said he’d take care of the rest. Done in one conversation.
We arrived at the Palms early Saturday afternoon. It was the only night that everyone could get together. George outdid himself again, pimping out the suite with everything you could possibly imagine. Topless waitresses stood at the door taking our jackets, offering us drinks and basically anything else we wanted. As Elijah walked in behind me, his faced cringed as he avoided looking at the tits that were on parade.
“Okay, so why the Elvis costume?” Scratching my head, his sequins shone back at me like I was watching a burlesque show.
“He is the King and we are in Vegas.”
“Okay, so again, why the Elvis costume?”
“Because I’ve always wanted to dress up as him and seriously I could not do this in Brooklyn.”
The response did not satisfy me but, hey, his prerogative I guess. We made our way to the bar and sat on the stools waiting for the rest of the party to turn up. Over the next hour, four of Elijah’s college friends arrived as well as two of his cousins. He did the introductions and they were a laid-back bunch, not as geeky as I expected, except for the one dressed up in some sci-fi costume. When the hell did this become a costume party? It wasn’t long after that my father arrived.
“Andrew, I’m glad you could make it.” Elijah shook his hand as my dad eyed him up and down, amused by his attire.
“How could I miss my favorite son-in-law’s bachelor party?”
“I'm your only son-in-law,” Elijah quickly interjected with a small laugh. My dad patted him on the back; their mutual admiration for each other was always evident. I turned away, not wanting to be caught looking. If I was being honest with myself, it was the kind of relationship I wanted with him as well if we didn’t butt heads all the time.
