Into the Light, page 6
part #2 of Dark Angel Series
“Because I fucking love her and it hurts like hell.”
I said goodbye, making my way to my hotel room. As I entered the lobby I ran into Victoria who was checking in.
“What do you want, Lex? Don’t worry, the New York Times is retracting that statement so you can keep your pornographic shots of me to yourself,” she moaned.
I took another swig of the bourbon; this time the burning had stopped and the liquid felt smooth as it made its way down my throat. Victoria was decent looking, I mean when she wasn’t so conniving I could see that she was a head turner. Who knows what I was thinking anymore? My mind was spinning and I just wanted to forget everything that happened tonight.
“I don’t care about the pictures anymore. Come with me.”
I pulled her arm and she looked at me confused by my sudden change of heart. I pressed the elevator button and as the doors opened I dragged her inside pressing the button to the penthouse suite.
“What the hell’s wrong with you, Edwards?”
The doors finally opened and I pulled her hand to my door. As I swiped the card, she asked me one more time what was wrong.
“You want to fuck me? Well, get inside before I change my mind.”
Her face lit up like the Rockefeller Christmas Tree as she scurried inside and I closed the door behind us.
July 2005
The voices filtered through the apartment. It was now or never. Avoiding my family since the day it happened would only get me so far. How did they expect me to react? All ‘no worries Mom and Dad you did me a favor by dragging my butt here to San Francisco to stay with my wife and raise a baby I didn’t even want.’ At first I heard my mother. She sounded happy and the words I could make out were those of anticipation, waiting for this baby to arrive. I dragged myself out of bed making my way to the mirror. The beard that had grown on my face annoyed Samantha; that’s exactly why I kept it. The dark circles around my eyes had formed as a reminder of the nightmare I was living. I washed my face briefly before heading out to the living room.
“Alex, sweetie.” My mother held out her arms as her face changed from delighted to worried. She knew not to mention anything about my appearance in front of everyone, something my father had no problem with.
“Well, Alex, it’s nice to see you taking care of yourself. I hope you plan to clean yourself up before returning to work on Monday?”
My father had arranged for me to be transferred to San Francisco General Hospital. What he didn’t know was that I was just about to pull the plug on my medical career. How could I help people when I couldn’t even help myself? His overbearing ways would soon stop if I could just muster up the courage. I needed to stand up to him; I needed to be a man.
“Emily, Andrew – please come out to the balcony. I have prepared some lunch, I know it was a long drive for you.” Samantha ushered my parents to the balcony, leaving me alone with my sister.
Adriana stood there by the window. She didn’t look any better than I did, except no beard of course.
“Adriana, please… Talk to me,” I begged.
Moments passed and not a word was said. Would it always be like this between us? I missed my annoying sister. I fucked it up royally for her. And despite her not so warm behavior towards me, all I wanted to ask about was Charlotte.
“What would you like me to say, Alex?” she huffed in return, folding her arms staring me down till I felt nothing but intimated even though I towered over her small frame.
“I don’t know, Adriana, that you understand.” I hesitated, knowing I was pushing my luck with her.
“Understand?” she shrieked and let out a ‘you’re fucking joking’ laugh.
“Okay, sorry, whatever.”
It was at this moment I realized how alone I was in this, how there was no one I could confide in who could remotely understand what we had. I stood up off the lounge to make my way to the kitchen, abandoning this conversation.
“She left,” Adriana mumbled.
“What?” I couldn’t have turned around fast enough.
“About a week ago. I don’t know where to.”
“What do you mean she left?”
“She left town. To go god-knows-where but I’m not surprised after the humiliation she must have felt.”
“How could you not know where?”
“Because, Alex, she and I no longer talk.”
“So you’ve spoken to her since I left?”
“Yes and no,” she said. “I ran into her the morning all hell broke loose in town. She confronted me and well, Alex, I was hurt. I said things I shouldn’t have. I had no idea this was going on and now I look back and it was so obvious, it was there right in front of my face and the only reason I didn’t notice was because I was too absorbed in my own love life.”
“What did you say to her?” I gritted.
“It doesn’t matter. She’s gone now.”
“Tell me what you said to her!”
“I just told her to stay away…and that…” Her hesitation made me anxious. I knew she said something that would have pushed Charlotte to the point of no return.
“You mustn’t have really loved her if you got Samantha pregnant,” she whispered.
“FUCKING HELL, ADRIANA!”
Placing my head in my hands I tried to ignore the pain that was spreading throughout me again. My poor Charlotte. How could I have been so fucking stupid?!
“Alex, I’m sorry. I was so upset.”
“No, I understand. It was never our intention to hurt you. She worried about you all the time, but we were so deep in this. I loved her. More than you can ever imagine.”
“And now, Alex?”
“Love like that doesn’t just disappear…” My voice faded.
Samantha walked into the room, interrupting our conversation. She must have known we were having a moment and she looked annoyed that Adriana wasn’t screaming at me. As I made my way onto the balcony, Adriana walked beside me, holding onto me. Before we stepped outside she hugged me tight, much to the bemusement of my father.
“Have faith, big brother. The right place and the right time, she will be yours again,” she whispered.
Chapter 5
Charlie
July 2005
“Charlie, look, I’ve had enough of this moping around and wasting your life away.”
I was sitting on the chair, facing the window. Watching the rain fall against the window pane, I stared crippled by the pain that had taken away my reason for living, my reason for breathing. Time was passing by. I didn’t know what day or month it was, I only knew that I needed to escape. The memories were everywhere I looked.
“I’ve spoken to Grandma Mason. She wants you to go stay with her.”
“Grandma Mason? I haven’t seen her in years. Do you mean in Connecticut?” I asked, alarmed. That was on the opposite side of the country. I wasn’t ready to completely let go.
“Yes, Connecticut. I love you, Charlie, but you need to get your life back together. This town is no good for you.”
He was right. The whole town hated me; I was the mistress whore. I had nothing left, I had been stripped bare and all my dirty laundry had been aired for all to see. I ran to my dad and hugged him tight. His overpowering smell of Old Spice comforted me. I buried my head into his shirt clutching onto him for dear life.
“I’ll miss you, Dad,” I sobbed into his shirt.
“Me too. More than you can imagine, kiddo.” He held onto me, kissing the top of my head before letting me go.
I walked up to my room, pulling a suitcase from my closet. I opened my dresser, pushing aside my clothes, looking for it. Underneath my shirts I pulled out the jersey, his jersey. I still hadn’t washed it and I allowed myself to do the one thing I said I wouldn’t do: I lifted it up to my face and inhaled the scent of the fabric. It was him.
I sunk to the ground and held onto the shirt, the tears falling down soaking the fabric. It was finally time to say goodbye. He was never coming back. He chose to leave me, chose to walk away and never return, and so I mustered up the littlest strength I had and finished packing my bags. I stood at the doorway, looking at my room one more time. My bedroom no longer looked inviting, the walls stripped of any memory that reminded me of my best friend. This room, cold and empty, had no more life left in it, so as I closed the door I was saying goodbye to this life. Saying goodbye to Alex Edwards.
I sat there opposite Julian at a restaurant downtown. You could cut the tension with a knife. I wasn’t sure what to say. He grabbed my hand and I noticed the glimmer of hope in his eyes.
“Julian, we need to talk about us.”
He leaned in, cupping my cheek. I knew it was now or never that I had to tell him it was over. I knew where my heart belonged. I studied his face, this beautiful man handing his heart over, and in the moment before he leaned in to kiss me, I smiled. I knew he deserved better and one day he would look back and thank me. Maybe not now, but one day, one person would look at him the way I looked at Lex.
My train of thought was interrupted by a loud commotion. As I turned my head towards it, my mouth dropped at the sight in front of me. It was Lex standing before me with an attractive blonde… Wait, is that Kate?
What the hell?
It all fell into the place.
The flying back and forth coincidentally with Lex’s time here.
The controlling hot boss with a fucked up love life, pining for this one girl.
Blood drained from my face. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Why didn’t I see the signs? Her voice rang in my head... It’s not his fault he lost the girl that he loved.
“Kate?” I asked in shock.
“Charlie?” she responded, quite obviously as equally shocked as me.
“How do you know Kate?” Lex asked abruptly.
She clasped her hand over her mouth as the realization of the situation set in.
He asked why I hadn’t returned any of his calls. Julian stood up, warning Lex to back off. It all happened so fast. Lex punched Julian square in the face, Julian stumbled as he was knocked back, the blood pouring from his face splattering all over my pale blue dress. Kate held Lex back, pleading with him to calm down while I held Julian back. He was covered in blood. I grabbed a napkin holding it gently to his face. I caressed his cheek, overcome by guilt at the pain I was causing him. Why couldn’t Lex see that Julian wasn’t to blame? That big illuminated arrow was pointing right above my head.
“Fuck you, Edwards! She doesn’t want you. If she did she wouldn’t be sitting here with me right now. Game over. Fucking leave her alone!”
Kate’s pleas were repeated. “Mr. Edwards, please don’t do this. You will regret it and lose her forever.”
I laughed at the irony. I was beyond defeated, physically exhausted, my head throbbing, my stomach weak. I needed desperately to sit down and catch my breath. My thoughts were jumbled, this situation was too much. I was tired...suddenly so very tired.
“Too fucking late, Lex. You lost me a long time ago. I was just stupid enough to think it was fixable.”
His demeanor changed, his posture straightening. I waited for him to reveal his true self; he already did by violently blaming Julian, but I didn’t expect him to communicate to me the way he used to, our most intimate form. He spoke in Spanish. As he said the words my brain interpreted them quickly and much to my horror, I understood what he said.
Why can't you see how much I love you? That every moment you aren't with me, I am dying a little every day. This mistake was not mine, you wanted my trust? Well how about you earn mine as well. Not everything is my fault, Charlotte. You want to hurt me for what I did to you? Well you've succeeded. To quote you, I'm done.
I stood there shocked to the soles of my feet by his words.
It was over.
I followed Julian’s lead like a lost little girl but there was one thing I still wanted to say: if only he didn’t react the way he did, if only he didn’t beat Julian to a pulp. Julian well ahead of me, I turned around to be met by Lex’s emerald eyes, now dark and full of pain. “I was here to tell him it was over.”
“Charlie, wait!” Kate called for me. “I’m sorry, I had no idea it was Mr. Edwards. Please, you have to know it was all fake. I was there, Charlie. I was there when Victoria threatened him and he told her to fuck off. You need to trust me.”
“Kate, I’m sorry. I just need to let him go.” I walked out of the restaurant to where Julian was standing.
There in the middle of the sidewalk we both stood, the cold night upon us, yet I was numb, unable to feel anything but guilt. Julian stood before me, eyes blazing, ready to air everything out in the open. No more lies, Charlie… This was my chance to do the right thing.
“Is it true what he said?”
“Let’s go back to my place and clean you up first.”
“Charlie, I asked you a fucking question!”
“Yes, Julian. What he said was true. The truth is, I love him. Despite all his flaws. Greater than you could ever imagine.”
“I’m not going to stand here and beg you to choose me.”
The pain was much more than I imagined. I loved Julian, just not in the same way I loved Lex. They may have been different types of love, but it still hurt like fucking hell. There was only one thing I needed to do, this was it, no turning back… Let go of him, Charlie…you don’t need him as a safety net. Set him free.
That’s what he was, a safety net. My heart only belonged to one man, always did and always would. That man may have told me we were done, but I couldn’t give my whole heart to Julian and that’s what he deserved: a woman who would make him her world.
I slid the ring off my finger and held it before him.
“Charlie…” he barely whispered, his voice hoarse, almost cracking.
“I’m sorry, Julian. You don’t know how much. I wish this turned out differently, I really do, but I can’t live this lie. I can’t help how I feel.”
I held my hand out further, this beautiful ring in all its glory that represented so much that had stood between us. Reluctantly he took it, clutching it in his hands. With a look of sorrow, he leaned in, placing a final kiss on my lips.
He walked away and I called his name. He never turned back.
Chapter 6
Lex
I coughed involuntarily; it was rough, like I'd swallowed a bunch of razor blades. My eyes were shut tight but I couldn't ignore the fire clawing up my throat. Water, I needed water. I struggled to open my eyes. It stung. What the fuck was wrong with me? I gave up trying and fell back to sleep.
Attempt number two: this time I took it slow. As my eyes opened, the bright light stung. It was the fucking sun. I pulled the sheet above my head to block out the light. Something felt off...against my skin. I pulled the sheet tighter against me. What the hell was it? It was wet and sticky. My eyes were still closed but I could feel it against my torso. I placed my hand down searching for this odd thing annoying me, scraping my palm against my body I found it towards my ribcage. I grabbed it and brought it to my eyes.
It was a condom.
FUCK ME DEAD!
Startled by the discovery I sat up unwillingly staring at this piece of rubber that would be the result of my pain. I fucked up big time, what the fuck have I done!
“Nice of you to wake up.” The sound of a voice made me jump. I wasn’t alone.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m guessing you don’t remember any of last night?”
I strained my brain trying to remember what happened. I drank so much...I mean a lot. Like two bottles of bourbon. I ran into Victoria in the lobby, I dragged her to my suite. I remember the shrill in her voice as she unbuttoned my shirt and ran her hands along my chest. She mumbled words like ‘finally I get a piece of you’ and other dirty shit but then it became a blur and I think…well, hoped…I’d blacked out.
“What did I do?” I rubbed my face, wishing this away.
“What do you think you did?”
“Please tell me I didn’t?” Because I would seriously rather poke myself in the eye with a shitty stick than nail this bird.
“And why would you want me to tell you that you didn’t?”
“Because...because...” I couldn’t say her name. It was too raw. I told her I was done but was I really done or was this some mini break? I didn’t know the right answer but I knew enough that I didn’t want to jeopardize anything in the future because I was drunk and fucked up, and I mean big fucking time.
“Just tell me, okay?”
“No, you didn’t,” Kate said. “I stopped it.”
“You stopped it?” I asked, shocked and confused by her comment.
“Yes. I knew you would regret this, so drastic times called for drastic measures.”
“What did you do?” The worry crept in but I was also relieved that nothing happened. It was my fucking lucky day all right, whatever it was that saved me.
“I called Eric.”
“YOU DID WHAT?!”
“I called Eric. He met me and we got access to your suite. Victoria was all over you and, well, she told us to piss off but we said no. If it meant we had to sit here and watch then so be it.”
“And then?”
“She said fine and to watch, I s’pose trying to call our bluff, so we did. You even said to me I was free to join in if I wanted but Eric wasn’t allowed.”
“I’m so sorry, Kate.”
“Apology accepted. Well she got the shits and realized we weren’t going anywhere so she yelled at us then finally got her stuff and left.”
“And the condom with the...” Slightly uncomfortable, I didn’t want to say the word in front of her but I think all sense of professionalism flew out the door kicking and screaming last night. “The…um, you know what’s inside?”
“Oh that’s just coconut juice. Eric thought you needed a lesson. Go ahead smell it.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
As I sat there, I let out a big sigh that Kate saved the day once again. I couldn’t help but feel self-conscious of the fact that I was shirtless as she sat there across from me. She must have sensed it as well as she threw me my Yankees T-shirt which I gladly put on.
I said goodbye, making my way to my hotel room. As I entered the lobby I ran into Victoria who was checking in.
“What do you want, Lex? Don’t worry, the New York Times is retracting that statement so you can keep your pornographic shots of me to yourself,” she moaned.
I took another swig of the bourbon; this time the burning had stopped and the liquid felt smooth as it made its way down my throat. Victoria was decent looking, I mean when she wasn’t so conniving I could see that she was a head turner. Who knows what I was thinking anymore? My mind was spinning and I just wanted to forget everything that happened tonight.
“I don’t care about the pictures anymore. Come with me.”
I pulled her arm and she looked at me confused by my sudden change of heart. I pressed the elevator button and as the doors opened I dragged her inside pressing the button to the penthouse suite.
“What the hell’s wrong with you, Edwards?”
The doors finally opened and I pulled her hand to my door. As I swiped the card, she asked me one more time what was wrong.
“You want to fuck me? Well, get inside before I change my mind.”
Her face lit up like the Rockefeller Christmas Tree as she scurried inside and I closed the door behind us.
July 2005
The voices filtered through the apartment. It was now or never. Avoiding my family since the day it happened would only get me so far. How did they expect me to react? All ‘no worries Mom and Dad you did me a favor by dragging my butt here to San Francisco to stay with my wife and raise a baby I didn’t even want.’ At first I heard my mother. She sounded happy and the words I could make out were those of anticipation, waiting for this baby to arrive. I dragged myself out of bed making my way to the mirror. The beard that had grown on my face annoyed Samantha; that’s exactly why I kept it. The dark circles around my eyes had formed as a reminder of the nightmare I was living. I washed my face briefly before heading out to the living room.
“Alex, sweetie.” My mother held out her arms as her face changed from delighted to worried. She knew not to mention anything about my appearance in front of everyone, something my father had no problem with.
“Well, Alex, it’s nice to see you taking care of yourself. I hope you plan to clean yourself up before returning to work on Monday?”
My father had arranged for me to be transferred to San Francisco General Hospital. What he didn’t know was that I was just about to pull the plug on my medical career. How could I help people when I couldn’t even help myself? His overbearing ways would soon stop if I could just muster up the courage. I needed to stand up to him; I needed to be a man.
“Emily, Andrew – please come out to the balcony. I have prepared some lunch, I know it was a long drive for you.” Samantha ushered my parents to the balcony, leaving me alone with my sister.
Adriana stood there by the window. She didn’t look any better than I did, except no beard of course.
“Adriana, please… Talk to me,” I begged.
Moments passed and not a word was said. Would it always be like this between us? I missed my annoying sister. I fucked it up royally for her. And despite her not so warm behavior towards me, all I wanted to ask about was Charlotte.
“What would you like me to say, Alex?” she huffed in return, folding her arms staring me down till I felt nothing but intimated even though I towered over her small frame.
“I don’t know, Adriana, that you understand.” I hesitated, knowing I was pushing my luck with her.
“Understand?” she shrieked and let out a ‘you’re fucking joking’ laugh.
“Okay, sorry, whatever.”
It was at this moment I realized how alone I was in this, how there was no one I could confide in who could remotely understand what we had. I stood up off the lounge to make my way to the kitchen, abandoning this conversation.
“She left,” Adriana mumbled.
“What?” I couldn’t have turned around fast enough.
“About a week ago. I don’t know where to.”
“What do you mean she left?”
“She left town. To go god-knows-where but I’m not surprised after the humiliation she must have felt.”
“How could you not know where?”
“Because, Alex, she and I no longer talk.”
“So you’ve spoken to her since I left?”
“Yes and no,” she said. “I ran into her the morning all hell broke loose in town. She confronted me and well, Alex, I was hurt. I said things I shouldn’t have. I had no idea this was going on and now I look back and it was so obvious, it was there right in front of my face and the only reason I didn’t notice was because I was too absorbed in my own love life.”
“What did you say to her?” I gritted.
“It doesn’t matter. She’s gone now.”
“Tell me what you said to her!”
“I just told her to stay away…and that…” Her hesitation made me anxious. I knew she said something that would have pushed Charlotte to the point of no return.
“You mustn’t have really loved her if you got Samantha pregnant,” she whispered.
“FUCKING HELL, ADRIANA!”
Placing my head in my hands I tried to ignore the pain that was spreading throughout me again. My poor Charlotte. How could I have been so fucking stupid?!
“Alex, I’m sorry. I was so upset.”
“No, I understand. It was never our intention to hurt you. She worried about you all the time, but we were so deep in this. I loved her. More than you can ever imagine.”
“And now, Alex?”
“Love like that doesn’t just disappear…” My voice faded.
Samantha walked into the room, interrupting our conversation. She must have known we were having a moment and she looked annoyed that Adriana wasn’t screaming at me. As I made my way onto the balcony, Adriana walked beside me, holding onto me. Before we stepped outside she hugged me tight, much to the bemusement of my father.
“Have faith, big brother. The right place and the right time, she will be yours again,” she whispered.
Chapter 5
Charlie
July 2005
“Charlie, look, I’ve had enough of this moping around and wasting your life away.”
I was sitting on the chair, facing the window. Watching the rain fall against the window pane, I stared crippled by the pain that had taken away my reason for living, my reason for breathing. Time was passing by. I didn’t know what day or month it was, I only knew that I needed to escape. The memories were everywhere I looked.
“I’ve spoken to Grandma Mason. She wants you to go stay with her.”
“Grandma Mason? I haven’t seen her in years. Do you mean in Connecticut?” I asked, alarmed. That was on the opposite side of the country. I wasn’t ready to completely let go.
“Yes, Connecticut. I love you, Charlie, but you need to get your life back together. This town is no good for you.”
He was right. The whole town hated me; I was the mistress whore. I had nothing left, I had been stripped bare and all my dirty laundry had been aired for all to see. I ran to my dad and hugged him tight. His overpowering smell of Old Spice comforted me. I buried my head into his shirt clutching onto him for dear life.
“I’ll miss you, Dad,” I sobbed into his shirt.
“Me too. More than you can imagine, kiddo.” He held onto me, kissing the top of my head before letting me go.
I walked up to my room, pulling a suitcase from my closet. I opened my dresser, pushing aside my clothes, looking for it. Underneath my shirts I pulled out the jersey, his jersey. I still hadn’t washed it and I allowed myself to do the one thing I said I wouldn’t do: I lifted it up to my face and inhaled the scent of the fabric. It was him.
I sunk to the ground and held onto the shirt, the tears falling down soaking the fabric. It was finally time to say goodbye. He was never coming back. He chose to leave me, chose to walk away and never return, and so I mustered up the littlest strength I had and finished packing my bags. I stood at the doorway, looking at my room one more time. My bedroom no longer looked inviting, the walls stripped of any memory that reminded me of my best friend. This room, cold and empty, had no more life left in it, so as I closed the door I was saying goodbye to this life. Saying goodbye to Alex Edwards.
I sat there opposite Julian at a restaurant downtown. You could cut the tension with a knife. I wasn’t sure what to say. He grabbed my hand and I noticed the glimmer of hope in his eyes.
“Julian, we need to talk about us.”
He leaned in, cupping my cheek. I knew it was now or never that I had to tell him it was over. I knew where my heart belonged. I studied his face, this beautiful man handing his heart over, and in the moment before he leaned in to kiss me, I smiled. I knew he deserved better and one day he would look back and thank me. Maybe not now, but one day, one person would look at him the way I looked at Lex.
My train of thought was interrupted by a loud commotion. As I turned my head towards it, my mouth dropped at the sight in front of me. It was Lex standing before me with an attractive blonde… Wait, is that Kate?
What the hell?
It all fell into the place.
The flying back and forth coincidentally with Lex’s time here.
The controlling hot boss with a fucked up love life, pining for this one girl.
Blood drained from my face. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Why didn’t I see the signs? Her voice rang in my head... It’s not his fault he lost the girl that he loved.
“Kate?” I asked in shock.
“Charlie?” she responded, quite obviously as equally shocked as me.
“How do you know Kate?” Lex asked abruptly.
She clasped her hand over her mouth as the realization of the situation set in.
He asked why I hadn’t returned any of his calls. Julian stood up, warning Lex to back off. It all happened so fast. Lex punched Julian square in the face, Julian stumbled as he was knocked back, the blood pouring from his face splattering all over my pale blue dress. Kate held Lex back, pleading with him to calm down while I held Julian back. He was covered in blood. I grabbed a napkin holding it gently to his face. I caressed his cheek, overcome by guilt at the pain I was causing him. Why couldn’t Lex see that Julian wasn’t to blame? That big illuminated arrow was pointing right above my head.
“Fuck you, Edwards! She doesn’t want you. If she did she wouldn’t be sitting here with me right now. Game over. Fucking leave her alone!”
Kate’s pleas were repeated. “Mr. Edwards, please don’t do this. You will regret it and lose her forever.”
I laughed at the irony. I was beyond defeated, physically exhausted, my head throbbing, my stomach weak. I needed desperately to sit down and catch my breath. My thoughts were jumbled, this situation was too much. I was tired...suddenly so very tired.
“Too fucking late, Lex. You lost me a long time ago. I was just stupid enough to think it was fixable.”
His demeanor changed, his posture straightening. I waited for him to reveal his true self; he already did by violently blaming Julian, but I didn’t expect him to communicate to me the way he used to, our most intimate form. He spoke in Spanish. As he said the words my brain interpreted them quickly and much to my horror, I understood what he said.
Why can't you see how much I love you? That every moment you aren't with me, I am dying a little every day. This mistake was not mine, you wanted my trust? Well how about you earn mine as well. Not everything is my fault, Charlotte. You want to hurt me for what I did to you? Well you've succeeded. To quote you, I'm done.
I stood there shocked to the soles of my feet by his words.
It was over.
I followed Julian’s lead like a lost little girl but there was one thing I still wanted to say: if only he didn’t react the way he did, if only he didn’t beat Julian to a pulp. Julian well ahead of me, I turned around to be met by Lex’s emerald eyes, now dark and full of pain. “I was here to tell him it was over.”
“Charlie, wait!” Kate called for me. “I’m sorry, I had no idea it was Mr. Edwards. Please, you have to know it was all fake. I was there, Charlie. I was there when Victoria threatened him and he told her to fuck off. You need to trust me.”
“Kate, I’m sorry. I just need to let him go.” I walked out of the restaurant to where Julian was standing.
There in the middle of the sidewalk we both stood, the cold night upon us, yet I was numb, unable to feel anything but guilt. Julian stood before me, eyes blazing, ready to air everything out in the open. No more lies, Charlie… This was my chance to do the right thing.
“Is it true what he said?”
“Let’s go back to my place and clean you up first.”
“Charlie, I asked you a fucking question!”
“Yes, Julian. What he said was true. The truth is, I love him. Despite all his flaws. Greater than you could ever imagine.”
“I’m not going to stand here and beg you to choose me.”
The pain was much more than I imagined. I loved Julian, just not in the same way I loved Lex. They may have been different types of love, but it still hurt like fucking hell. There was only one thing I needed to do, this was it, no turning back… Let go of him, Charlie…you don’t need him as a safety net. Set him free.
That’s what he was, a safety net. My heart only belonged to one man, always did and always would. That man may have told me we were done, but I couldn’t give my whole heart to Julian and that’s what he deserved: a woman who would make him her world.
I slid the ring off my finger and held it before him.
“Charlie…” he barely whispered, his voice hoarse, almost cracking.
“I’m sorry, Julian. You don’t know how much. I wish this turned out differently, I really do, but I can’t live this lie. I can’t help how I feel.”
I held my hand out further, this beautiful ring in all its glory that represented so much that had stood between us. Reluctantly he took it, clutching it in his hands. With a look of sorrow, he leaned in, placing a final kiss on my lips.
He walked away and I called his name. He never turned back.
Chapter 6
Lex
I coughed involuntarily; it was rough, like I'd swallowed a bunch of razor blades. My eyes were shut tight but I couldn't ignore the fire clawing up my throat. Water, I needed water. I struggled to open my eyes. It stung. What the fuck was wrong with me? I gave up trying and fell back to sleep.
Attempt number two: this time I took it slow. As my eyes opened, the bright light stung. It was the fucking sun. I pulled the sheet above my head to block out the light. Something felt off...against my skin. I pulled the sheet tighter against me. What the hell was it? It was wet and sticky. My eyes were still closed but I could feel it against my torso. I placed my hand down searching for this odd thing annoying me, scraping my palm against my body I found it towards my ribcage. I grabbed it and brought it to my eyes.
It was a condom.
FUCK ME DEAD!
Startled by the discovery I sat up unwillingly staring at this piece of rubber that would be the result of my pain. I fucked up big time, what the fuck have I done!
“Nice of you to wake up.” The sound of a voice made me jump. I wasn’t alone.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m guessing you don’t remember any of last night?”
I strained my brain trying to remember what happened. I drank so much...I mean a lot. Like two bottles of bourbon. I ran into Victoria in the lobby, I dragged her to my suite. I remember the shrill in her voice as she unbuttoned my shirt and ran her hands along my chest. She mumbled words like ‘finally I get a piece of you’ and other dirty shit but then it became a blur and I think…well, hoped…I’d blacked out.
“What did I do?” I rubbed my face, wishing this away.
“What do you think you did?”
“Please tell me I didn’t?” Because I would seriously rather poke myself in the eye with a shitty stick than nail this bird.
“And why would you want me to tell you that you didn’t?”
“Because...because...” I couldn’t say her name. It was too raw. I told her I was done but was I really done or was this some mini break? I didn’t know the right answer but I knew enough that I didn’t want to jeopardize anything in the future because I was drunk and fucked up, and I mean big fucking time.
“Just tell me, okay?”
“No, you didn’t,” Kate said. “I stopped it.”
“You stopped it?” I asked, shocked and confused by her comment.
“Yes. I knew you would regret this, so drastic times called for drastic measures.”
“What did you do?” The worry crept in but I was also relieved that nothing happened. It was my fucking lucky day all right, whatever it was that saved me.
“I called Eric.”
“YOU DID WHAT?!”
“I called Eric. He met me and we got access to your suite. Victoria was all over you and, well, she told us to piss off but we said no. If it meant we had to sit here and watch then so be it.”
“And then?”
“She said fine and to watch, I s’pose trying to call our bluff, so we did. You even said to me I was free to join in if I wanted but Eric wasn’t allowed.”
“I’m so sorry, Kate.”
“Apology accepted. Well she got the shits and realized we weren’t going anywhere so she yelled at us then finally got her stuff and left.”
“And the condom with the...” Slightly uncomfortable, I didn’t want to say the word in front of her but I think all sense of professionalism flew out the door kicking and screaming last night. “The…um, you know what’s inside?”
“Oh that’s just coconut juice. Eric thought you needed a lesson. Go ahead smell it.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
As I sat there, I let out a big sigh that Kate saved the day once again. I couldn’t help but feel self-conscious of the fact that I was shirtless as she sat there across from me. She must have sensed it as well as she threw me my Yankees T-shirt which I gladly put on.
