Into the Light, page 14
part #2 of Dark Angel Series
“Yes! And the pink one too. Well, it was a two-for-one sale!” Kate laughed.
“Oh, I missed you guys!” I couldn’t help but pull them into an embrace. I was so happy that even though my life would soon be overwhelmed with a baby, Eric and Kate had found one another.
“Stupid hick-town whore stood on my Gucci loafers,” Eric complained.
“I thought she was a hoe?”
“She upgraded to whore when I caught her snogging that redhead dude in the corner.”
“Isn’t that her cousin?” I asked.
Eric and Kate laughed in unison. “Ohhh, naaassty…”
“Well, stupid hick-town whore had her eyes on my husband,” I shot back confidently.
“Husband? Charlie, are you telling porksies?” Eric asked.
“Eric, it’s porkies,” Kate corrected him.
“No, I’m not telling porkies which by the way have you suddenly turned into a British gay man? We got married,” I announced.
“SHUT THE FRONT DOOR…but not the back. Back Door Betty is back in style…wait, my God, are you kidding me? When, how? And why didn’t you tell me if you knew?” Eric scolded Kate.
“Because it’s not my business to tell. I’m no bigmouth Betty,” she replied.
“Guys, seriously, who cares? Point is, hick-town hoe needs to hoe on out and stop eyeing my husband.”
I felt his arms wrap around my waist. “Who had their eyes on your man?” he asked while leaning in to kiss my neck. Kate and Eric stood there with these stupid shit-eating grins on their faces. They held onto each other just staring at the both of us.
“Erin, the wedding whore. Also known as Elijah’s cousin.”
“Oh, her... Yeah, I’ve met her.”
“When you say met do you mean fucked?”
“Charlie!” Eric gasped. “Well, did you?”
“Please. I’m not even going to dignify that with a response if you think that I would even go there.” I squeezed him tightly, very happy with his answer.
Eric was quick to pipe up. “I bet her ferret is like a wizard’s sleeve. I’m sure I heard it whistle when she walked.”
Well, after that everyone erupted into a fit of hysteria.
“Okay guys, seriously, I love you both but please stop grinning at us like that. Yeah, I get it, you’re happy but it’s kinda creepy,” I said.
“It’s just, Charlie... I’m so happy!” Eric happy-clapped. “And the baby is gonna be a stunner. The next Miranda Kerr!”
“And if it’s a boy?” Lex asked.
“The next Harry Styles.”
“Please don’t compare my son to One Direction,” I scolded him.
“But wait till you see the pics of him tanning in Greece with a familiar looking blonde female... Does the name Taylor Swift pique your interest?”
“Oh, it piques mine, and pitches my tent! I heard they were seen on a yacht making out and her latest song is about him,” Rocky chimed in.
“Are we seriously having a conversation about some One Direction guy?” Lex asked.
“I’m afraid so. Trust me, after a while you just learn to block out the meaningless drivel,” Bulls intercepted.
“Okay guys, let’s hit the dance floor. Let’s show these hick-town whores how real folk dance!” Eric hollered.
It was close to midnight when the music stopped and Adriana and Elijah said their goodbyes. I pulled Lex aside; it was now or never.
“Lex... I need to do this now.”
“Do what?” he asked, stroking my face.
“I need to tell you...show you... I need to finally let this go.”
He remained silent but he understood. We said our goodbyes and quickly slipped out. It was late, but I needed to set this free. I wanted to wake up tomorrow and start fresh with him. I told him I would drive even though he argued with me being pregnant and tired but I knew where I was going; I could never forget.
Twenty minutes later we stood at the gates. Lex looked at me confused but he didn’t ask questions yet, he just let me do what I needed to do. I walked towards the small gap in the fence, and moved the fence slightly so we could squeeze through. Most people would be terrified being here but it was one of the only places where I felt at peace, the solitude that I constantly craved. I hadn’t been back here since last year and suddenly I felt guilty, like I let life sweep me away. It was pitch black, only the slight hint of the moon. I followed the path; every step, every turn was memorized. In the corner near the sleepy willow tree I made my way until I saw it.
It sat there, the stone looking slightly worn. I placed my hand on it and knelt down on the ground, wiping away the dirt that covered the name.
Althea Olivia Mason
03.12.1935 - 10.16.2005
In loving memory
May your soul rest in peace and your wisdom live long in those you shared your life with.
“Lex, I want you to meet my grandmother, because without her life wouldn’t have gone on. She held my hand through my darkest times when her own demons were battling against her. In the end I lost her, but I need to tell you now why I so afraid to fall in love with you again. Why from the moment I saw you in the restaurant I tried to deny any feelings I still had for you. Why I pushed you away, why I lied to you that day in the hospital.”
“It all started during the summer break of 2005, exactly sixty days since the last time I had seen you...”
Chapter 14
Lex
Since the moment I first spoke to Charlotte at the restaurant, I knew there was more to this than what she was letting on. I didn’t think I would be standing in the middle of a cemetery late one night, and I couldn’t help but feel uneasy, but I remained silent, allowing her to do what she needed to do. I followed her lead to a section of tombstones that sat underneath a large willow tree. I watched her kneel down and wipe her hand across the stone, its words now visible as I read it with my own eyes. It was her grandmother.
She showed no sign of being scared; it almost looked like she was at peace sitting on the cold dirty floor, not at all affected by her eerie surroundings. She began to speak so I knelt down beside her and listened to her words, the words I knew that would finally explain the missing piece of the puzzle.
“It all started the summer break of 2005, exactly sixty days since the last time I saw you...”
August 2005
I sat at the dining table, staring at the envelopes in front of me; four to be exact. I always wondered why people said that it was probably their most nerve wracking moment, something I never understood…until now. I looked up at the clock, it was a quarter past three. Gran said she wouldn’t be home till three thirty so I waited, I couldn’t do this alone.
At exactly three thirty she strolled through the kitchen carrying a basket of apples. She was making her famous homemade apple pie, my favorite. She saw me anxiously sitting at the table. Placing her basket down she put on the kettle, apparently tea solved the world’s problems, and placed two cups on the counter. She prepared the tea and placed the cups on the table, one in front of me.
“Sweetie, take a sip please. We knew this day would come. What lies inside those envelopes does not define who you are.”
I took her words in; she was right. No matter what happened I would do what I wanted to do; I wanted to be a lawyer. I took a sip of my tea and opened the first envelope from Stanford University. I read the words...‘Congratulations Miss Mason’. I stood up and kissed the letter thanking my lucky stars that I had at least one option, one path to walk down. I opened the second; it was from Columbia...the same words repeated. I jumped again. The third one I opened had the logo of Berkeley embossed on the envelope, and again the words lit up my face. Gran sat there with a wide smile spread across her face and I knew she was proud of me. The final envelope made me nervous. I carefully opened it...‘Welcome to Harvard University, Miss Mason’. I pushed the chair out of my way and hugged Gran as tight as I could. The tears ran down my face but these were happy tears, not the sad ones I had grown accustomed to.
“Honey, you did it. What a great achievement!”
“I can’t believe I got into Harvard. This is… just wow...” I took a moment to take it in.
“You always had it in you; sometimes you need to see the dark side in order to appreciate the light.”
She was right, as always, and that night I lay in bed unable to contain the excitement that I felt. It had been such a long time that I had felt this normal. It was 1am and sleep evaded me. I was feeling slightly ill, but I kept palming it off as excitement. It was a new chapter of my life and no matter what, I had to move on. The possibilities were endless, and for a brief moment I wondered what he was doing. Was he with her? What did it matter anymore? I was going to Harvard. Fist pumping the air, I couldn’t believe my lucky stars. I turned over, falling asleep, dreaming of this new life I was about to embark upon.
The next morning I sat there quietly staring at the bowl of cereal that looked a pile of vomit.
“Honey, is everything okay? You look awfully pale today.”
“Yeah, um sure...just didn’t get much sleep… you know, too excited.”
“Well, eat up and then let’s take you to Doctor Flannigan, just to make sure everything’s okay?” Worried, she pushed a strand of hair away from my face.
“Gran, I’m okay... now. Just the cereal looks.. .can you please move it away?”
It was too late, I projectile vomited into the kitchen sink, stupid nerves. Now she would definitely send me to the doctor. What was it with old people and their obsession with visiting the doctor for the tiniest little thing? It was just nerves, that’s all.
“Oh honey, don’t think you’re getting out of it now.”
An hour later we sat in the waiting room. Doctor Flannigan, who turned out to be a she, called my name. Gran offered to wait in the waiting room so I walked in unsure of what exactly I was being tested for.
“Miss Mason.”
“Charlie, please.”
“Charlie. Your grandmother tells me you haven’t been sleeping well and you’ve been vomiting.”
“Well, the sleeping thing was due to other circumstances and the vomiting only happened once.”
“Charlie, have you been having unprotected sex?”
“Um, no, I haven’t even been having sex.”
“When was the last time you had intercourse?” Oh shit were we really going there? I didn’t want to drudge up the memory. I closed my eyes for a brief moment, trying to block out the memory of our last time on the cliff top.
“I don’t know, like two months ago.”
“Did you use protection?”
“Uh yeah, I was on the pill back then.”
“Back then?”
“Yes, I stopped sometime after that.”
I didn’t like where this was going, my heart was beating fast and I wanted nothing more than to stop speaking. I placed my clammy hands on my thighs, rubbing the palms of my hands along my jeans with a slight tremble. Where was she going with this...?
“Charlie, would you mind peeing into the cup?” I grabbed hold of it barely making my way to the toilet that sat just outside her office. The nerves had now fully taken over as I struggled to pee; this cannot be happening. Sitting there on the toilet, I knew I only had moments before she would check up on me. I searched my brain; I was always on the pill back then. No, we didn’t use condoms, but I was on the pill... I was always careful to take the pill. Teen pregnancy was the hottest topic in high school. I wasn’t stupid. I took the fucking pill every night before bed, except that one night... the night that I found out about the baby.
I handed the specimen back as she dipped a thin cardboard strip into it. I couldn’t look, instead staring at a herpes chart that hung on the wall. Oh my god STDs? I was so fucking stupid. No, Charlotte, don’t do this to yourself; he said he wasn’t sleeping with her and you believed him. God knows how many other people he had slept with. I realized in that moment it was almost like I knew nothing about him. I was so naive... I would never ever make this mistake again. Just breathe everything is going to be okay... IT HAD TO BE OKAY.
It felt like hours later when she pulled the stick out, her face showing no emotion. She pulled her chair back to her table and reached out to a shelf beside her desk and pulled out some pamphlets, laying them before me.
“Lex, it was positive... I was pregnant,” she cried softly.
I sat still, shell-shocked at the revelation. Not only had I left her without saying goodbye, I left her pregnant with my child. Everything made sense now, why she was holding back, why she couldn’t forgive me, recalling the clues she gave me… about leaving us. But the baby...what happened to our baby? I closed my eyes knowing that the next part was probably something I didn’t want to hear. Something that would bring my mistakes up to the surface to be laid out in front of me, a big red marker pointing out where I failed, and how I failed her... and our baby.
“I didn’t even have a choice on whether or not I wanted it, the blood work came back and I was around four months pregnant. It was too late, I had no choice but to keep it and all I could think about was the fact that I would have to look at this kid every day and be reminded of you, that there was no escaping you.
“I thought about finding you, but I was still heartbroken. I had no idea Samantha’s baby wasn’t yours, so in my eyes you were still the man that betrayed me and left me standing alone. The one thing that I did know though was that this baby didn’t deserve to be second best. It didn’t need to compete with the other child you were raising. I was broken Lex, so broken and unable to pull myself out of this depression that was spiraling out of control.
“My grandmother was the only one that knew. I was in a dark place, a very dark place. I struggled to see any light in this situation. What did I know about raising a baby at eighteen? This wasn’t the life I wanted... at least not without you. I cried myself to sleep every day, I barely ate... I barely moved. My grandmother would rock me to sleep on our swing porch. But I was sad... so unbelievably sad that I had failed to see it wasn’t only me that had demons. She was sick… very sick.”
She paused to retrieve something from her purse. It was a photo, it looked familiar. Moments later I realized it was the same as the one hanging on her wall, but this time she didn’t have the blanket covering her, and her stomach... the bulge standing out against her skinny frame. I stared at it, shocked, unable to swallow, the pain intensified as I studied the photo in the dark of the night as we sat there. My poor Charlotte… how could I have done this... but our baby... what happened to the baby, I thought again. I prepared myself for what I thought she did, the only thing that could have possibly happened, she must have had the baby adopted. Closing my eyes, to think, somewhere out there I had a seven year old kid? My silence masked the turmoil that had overcome me; how the fuck could I have done this...to her? Out of all people…I love her more than life itself. Yet I pushed her into this nightmare, leaving her scarred for life.
“I remembered the day it all finally came crashing down, the darkest day of my life, the day that I screamed your name hoping that somewhere you would hear me and pull me out into the light.”
I twisted my body, trying to get comfortable. It was no use. I couldn’t lie on my stomach, so I moved to lie on my back. Great, now I had to pee again. I got up and peed for like the hundredth time that morning, then decided it was pointless and walked outside to sit on the porch swing.
It was early morning; the sun was shining brightly on the porch, the sounds of birds & crickets chirping in the distance. I looked up to the sky, perfectly blue, except for these dark grey clouds coming in from the east. I knew they predicted heavy rain and possible thunderstorms later in the day. I wasn’t surprised Gran wasn’t home; she normally conducted all her errands before 7am. If only I could be so productive.
My stomach grumbled slightly, oh food... again. I had no appetite despite what my body told me. I knew at my last appointment that Doctor Flannigan wasn’t pleased with my weigh in; I had lost weight. I sat there remembering the lecture she gave me.
“Charlie. You’ve lost quite a lot of weight. Is the morning sickness still occurring?” Doctor Flannigan asked.
“Uh...no”
“So have you been increasing your food intake?”
“Uh... just eating the same.”
“So what did you eat today for breakfast?”
“Um...I had a glass of water” I lied. I hadn’t had anything.
“Charlie, we’ve discussed this, it’s not healthy. There are so many risks. I realize this isn’t an ideal situation for you, but this baby needs nutrients which it will get if you eat a well maintained and balanced diet” She handed me another ‘what to eat when you’re expecting’ pamphlet which was lucky because I threw the other one out.
“I’d like to see you in two weeks. I expect to see these scales increase in number, do you understand?”
“Yes, Doctor Flannigan.”
Her words played heavily on my mind. I angrily got up and walked into the kitchen. Grabbing a bowl of granola, I walked back to the porch swing.
“There, you happy?” I asked the baby.
My body jerked forward as this unfamiliar feeling jabbed my stomach. I placed my hand quickly on the spot it came from, rubbing it slightly till it happened again.
It was the baby.
Unwillingly, I smiled, my first smile since this all unfolded. My baby kicked. I placed my hand back on my stomach hoping it would happen again, but nothing. Wow, I never thought the feeling of a baby moving inside you could bring so much joy. I raced inside and grabbed more food, stuffing my face, hoping that it would happen again. I waited on the porch for Gran to come home, unable to contain the excitement I felt.
I sat there for two hours wondering where she was; it was unusual for her. It wasn’t long after that a very sullen Annie, our next door neighbor, walked up the front path; I only had to look at her face to know something was very wrong.
“Annie... is everything okay?” I asked worriedly.
She looked drained, her normally cornflower blue eyes looked grey. Her face pale, streaks of tears staining her face. “Charlie, your grandmother. She’s… in... she’s in hospital. I’m so... I’m so sorry, Charlie.”
