Into the Light, page 30
part #2 of Dark Angel Series
The club incident happened over a month ago now and nothing had changed. Lex flew to London for two weeks and had only returned yesterday. I was yet to see him, the only reason I knew he landed was the ever so warm text, simply stating… landed.
I kept myself busy with the black and white gala that our firm was throwing in conjunction with a cancer charity. Bulls and Eric came up with the idea; by some miracle they managed to get Adriana involved. She was far from being her normal self, but slowly, she was starting to function as a human being again. She had come over twice this week so Andy and Amelia could play. We chatted briefly and she even ate some lunch. Rocky and Bulls were flying in tomorrow with Will. Thankfully, Emily being the fantastic women she was, offered to babysit all the kids that night so we could enjoy the event. The sad part was I had to send Lex an invite via his new assistant, Montana. Don’t even get me fucking started on that.
The night before the gala, I laid awake in bed, waiting for him to come home. I switched on the lamp as I felt him crawl into bed. I looked at the clock, 2:45am.
“Where were you?” I asked, a slight tremble in my voice.
“Caught up in a meeting, sorry.”
“It’s 2:45am? Really, Lex, do I look like I came down in the last shower?”
“I know what time it is, and frankly I’m tired.”
He turned over with his back towards me, I switched the lamp off and with every morsel in my body, I held back the tears. I had no idea how to proceed from here, he still wouldn’t talk and my thoughts were spiraling out of control so much that I had even drawn up divorce papers. It had finally come to that and tomorrow night would be the decider.
I woke the next morning to find him at the breakfast table with Amelia sitting in her highchair. They were laughing and I couldn’t help but notice how happy he was, his eyes sparkling again, but the moment he saw me standing in the doorway his demeanor changed. He became cold and distant. If I knew what I had done, then this would have been easier to deal with.
“I have that black tie event tonight for my firm. Will you still be able to make it?”
“I said I would, didn’t I,” he responded coldly.
That night I stood in front of the mirror, dressed and ready to go. The event started in fifteen minutes, his tux still hung waiting for him to come home. His phone rang several times; he didn’t text nor did he call so I left with a heavy heart, trying to make sense of how much longer we could go on like this. The papers were sitting in our study, hidden in my file; all you have to do is serve them, Charlie, and this nightmare is over.
“Charlie!” Eric called out, his sun-kissed tan looked fabulous against his tux.
“Hey, E.” I managed to smile.
“He’s not with you, is he?”
I shook my head, I was strong, I couldn’t let this get to me. Not tonight.
“Well, I need to meet me a man tonight. Charlie, my sex life is drier than the Sahara desert.”
“Eric, I thought you were seeing that actor… the one that’s in that soapie?”
“Yeah, well, kinda. Turns out soap actors are drama queens.”
“You don’t say?” I laughed, and it felt nice.
Bulls made her entrance with Rocky who immediately hit up the bar. I asked her what was wrong and she rambled on about how he was complaining that he had blue balls. Like he could talk. I had blue fucking vagina from no sex in months. I was hitting up my rabbit any moment I had alone time. Good ole’ faithful bunny hadn’t been used for over a year and suddenly it’s rabbit season.
I mingled in the crowd, saying hello and doing the social thing, there in body but my mind elsewhere. I lied through my teeth when I was asked about Lex; thank god I was a lawyer and knew the art of showing no emotions. I would have been on my fifth champagne when a familiar voice said my name. I turned around and it was none other than Julian Baker.
“Julian?”
He stood there before me and I would be lying if I said he had no effect on me whatsoever. He hadn’t changed one bit, his looks on par with the ever so dashing Christian Bale. Maybe his hair was cut a little shorter, his chiseled jaw freshly shaven, and he smelled so fucking amazing that my blue vagina may have skipped a beat.
“If it isn’t the gorgeous Charlie Mason.”
“Edwards… Charlie Edwards,” I corrected him.
Yeah, but for how much longer? Stop right there, Charlie.
“Right, of course. So tell me, gorgeous, how have you been?”
Fuck, did I slightly melt at him calling me gorgeous? No, you didn’t, Charlie, you are just mad at your husband.
“Good. And you? Are you still living in New York?”
“No, I moved to LA not long ago.”
Oh.
We chatted about his move, and surprisingly it felt just like old times. We laughed about life in general; never once did he ask about Lex. Thank god. And maybe it was my paranoia, but he was standing awfully close.
“Dance with me, gorgeous.”
“Julian… I don’t think it’s such a good idea.”
“Why? Your husband didn’t care enough to attend this event and celebrate this milestone of yours. Why can’t an old friend celebrate with you?”
“Because we were more than just friends, Julian.”
He held out his hand, and reluctantly, I took it. There was something comforting and familiar about his touch, something I craved so desperately, intimacy.
We danced slowly, the song setting the mood. We remained quiet for a few minutes, just enjoying the moment. I knew I was I playing with fire here, I mean I was going to marry this guy. I’d planned to have kids with this man. I did things to him in the bedroom that could only be described as ferociously kinky. I needed to back away now, before it was too late, the voices in my head were screaming at me.
It was almost like he knew; he pulled me in closer and whispered “Gorgeous, I’ve missed you.” And this time I knew there was more to this as I felt him inhale my scent with his eyes closed.
I was at a loss of what to do, my head telling me to run with my vows still intact, but the hurt Charlie, the one that yearned for her husband who pushed her away, was enjoying this moment and missed the feeling of being wanted.
“I should have fought harder for you…I let him win.”
“It wasn’t a game, Julian.”
“But he won.”
“Did he?” Fuck, I didn’t mean for that to come out. I was hurting and I wanted to hurt Lex for hurting me, for giving up on our marriage, on us.
“Gorgeous, I still love you.” His stare was boring into me.
He said the words that every part of me wanted to hear. Just not from him.
“Tell me you still feel the same.” I could hear him begging for me to say yes.
“Julian…I do still love you, but I’m not in love with you and certainly not in the way you deserve to be loved. You can’t erase the past, and for a while, we were happy.”
“And now…leave him Charlie. He doesn’t deserve you.”
“Maybe he doesn’t, Julian. But I made a commitment. I made vows, I carried his child. I can’t just let go of that.”
Julian remained quiet, his lips were only inches from mine and I knew that if I didn’t do something drastic at this moment, my marriage would be officially over. I moved my head sideways and gently rested it on his shoulder. We continued to dance, our bodies so close that I was heavily ignoring his hard cock pressed up against me. Like seriously fucking kill me now.
My stare moved towards the bar and I saw him standing there. Watching me intently, but this time his stare was of pure rage, the shade of his eyes dark and vengeful. It was the same stare he had given me the moment he saw my engagement ring the first time we ran into each other at the restaurant.
“Julian, I need to go…”
“Gorgeous, please stay, I need this…” It was a plea.
“I can’t…I love him, Julian.”
“Don’t…please just stay.”
I pulled away and he held onto my hand before I reluctantly let go.
I walked over to the bar, knowing that I had a shit fight on my hands. I don’t know why. He didn’t want me, he didn’t love me. He was just a shell of his former self.
“You’re late.”
“Does it matter,” he answered coldly “Old habits die hard.”
“They certainly do, don’t they Lex?”
He took a swig of his bourbon and grabbed my wrist, pulling me towards the exit I dragged my heels begging him to stop as I was on the verge of tripping but he didn’t listen. Instead, he led me down the path of the garden and we found ourselves in the parking lot. I recognized his car immediately, parked in the dark corner. “Let go of me!”
He refused to listen as he just stood there, eyes flashing.
“What, Lex? Now you’re jealous? Tell me, does it hurt? Does it hurt to know that someone else wants me? Does it hurt that for a moment it made me come alive, another man’s words made me feel alive?”
“Charlotte…” he growled.
“What? You gave up on us… our marriage is on the verge of over and I don’t even know why! You won’t fucking talking to me… you don’t even want to see my face!”
He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and I recognized it immediately.
“Tell me what the fuck this is?” he yelled.
“You can read,” I said calmly.
“You want a fucking divorce?”
“Lex, I just can’t do this anymore. Day by day I’m dying inside”
His nostrils flared; I was seriously pissed off at him but the last thing I expected was for him to push me on the hood of the car, the force knocking the wind from me. He forced his lips on mine, and I tried with every fiber of my being to push him away, he deserved to be pushed away, but I missed him, so much. I didn’t know what this meant, but right in this moment, did I care? For a moment he was mine again, and I’d take it while I could.
He pulled away, I sat up struggling to catch my breath.
His eyes, that stare…
I waited for what seemed like forever.
Is this it? We’re we finally over?
He turned me around in a split second, and pushed me back down onto the hood. I let out a small whimper, the force scared me, it felt wrong on so many levels. I should have felt degraded but I was so far from it; he was my husband for crying out loud.
The sound of his belt clicked and without warning he rammed into me; I bit my lip attempting to muffle my moans. I’m not sure if he took this as an invitation but he did it harder. I cried tears, a mixture of happy and sad, feeling the salty liquid run down my face because I missed him, in every way possible. It was pleasure and pain all rolled into one fucked up ball.
“You belong me to, Charlotte. Do you understand? Every inch of this body belongs to me. I am your husband and only I get to fuck you, I get to fuck this pussy. It is wet for me, and only me.”
I struggled, the ache in my belly forming and I was close, and it was quick… the build-up and I knew if he spoke again I would come undone.
He leaned over and pulled me in, harder and faster, his pleas driving us both to an explosive finish.
“Mine…” he cried out. “You are my wife, Charlotte…”
And then we were done.
Somewhere in our heated moment, he pulled away. I couldn’t do this. I had missed him so much and knew that having this moment, having a chance to feel him again, I just knew I couldn’t go back to the way he treated me. I missed being loved, desired.
“Lex…I can’t do this anymore…”
“You can’t leave me!” he cried. “I saw him, I saw you look at him.”
“Julian is…”
“It’s my fault. All this is my fault… I was terrified Charlotte, of losing you. Just the way Adriana lost Elijah. Her pain… it’s unfathomable. So I did the only thing I knew how…I pulled away… distancing myself from you because I was terrified that if I continued to be this happy, the hurt would kill me if anything happened to you. I would die a slow, excruciating death, just like Adriana.”
“You’re my husband,” I sobbed. “You’ve hurt me beyond comprehension, but I can’t imagine life without you.”
He swiftly closed the gap between us; this time he gently caressed my face. All in this one touch I knew that I couldn’t leave him, and no matter how much he had hurt me the past few months, I held onto the hope that somehow he would remember what we were about.
“I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am. I didn’t know how to deal with this. I was so angry, at everyone, at the whole world.”
“The grief, Lex, swallowed all of us.” The truth hurt more than anything, no matter what we couldn’t erase the pain we all felt over losing Elijah.
He wrapped his arms around me “Let’s go home, baby. I need to make love to you all night in our bed.”
And he did, all night ‘til the sun rose, he made love to me. Devouring every inch of me, in our bed, our home.
In the morning I awoke, with his body curled into me. My phone beeped; I reached over but Lex grabbed my hand and placed it on his cock. It was throbbing and it only meant one thing…
I didn’t have time to even finish that thought. He slid inside me and I moaned, my body sore and tender from being ravaged on the car and the all night sweet loving.
“I can’t get enough of this…Charlotte. Being inside of you…my beautiful wife.”
We came in sync, out of breath. I leaned back, unable to move my muscles.
“Go ahead, you can check your cell now,” he chuckled.
“I forgot… whoever it is can wait.”
“I bet he can’t.”
“Lex…”
“If that cell beeps in the next minute, I get to fuck that pretty little arse of yours right now…”
“And if you’re wrong?” Please don’t be wrong!
The cell beeped.
“Show me the text,” he demanded
I grabbed my phone and slid the screen, two texts in a row, and of course it was Eric.
OMG Charlie, Matthew McConaughey is working out at Venice beach! Meet me there in ten minutes.
Hurry up woman! My wank bank is in need of a refill!
“Looks like you won, Mr. Edwards, what a shame…”
“If you weren’t soaking wet again I would somehow think you were trying to weasel your way out of this. Now shut the fuck up and bring your beautiful ass here.”
And in the morning sunshine in the light of day, he took me in our bed, again.
Chapter 28
Lex
She was still sat in the same spot that I left her in last night, against the window pane staring out to the backyard. The plate of food I left beside her remained untouched. The house was eerily quiet, my mother had taken Andy for a few days to give Adriana some time to sleep, but she didn’t.
The same nightmare played over and over in my head, the screams that echoed down the hospital hall as the monitor beeps increased in pitch and the doctors rushed in. The sign that he was finally gone.
When his casket was lowered into the ground I held onto my sister who stood perfectly still. I knew I was losing her, too, the grief insurmountable, and not once did she speak, nor did she shed a tear. She was catatonic. It frightened me, the once bright future ahead was now unknown. I prayed every night that she would pull out of this coma; I couldn’t lose my sister. She was my blood, my family, and I wanted to shield her from the pain. I wanted the old, annoying Adriana back, faults and all. I wanted her to tell me ridiculous jokes only to laugh before she reached the punch-line, the kind that only she found funny. Most importantly, I wanted her to be a mother to this little miracle that defied all odds to make it into this world. If I was being honest that’s what hurt me the most, watching her son grow more and more each day. To witness him not being embraced by his own mother. It wasn’t her fault; she had to deal with this in her own way. She lost the love of her life and I couldn’t conceptualize her pain, not in a million years. Nor did I wish it upon me, and with this decided, I did the unthinkable…I found myself pulling away from Charlotte.
At the funeral, Charlotte placed her hand on my forearm and I felt my body instantly recoil. She pulled away, the hurt in her eyes cutting me deep. It was my way of dealing with the grief, I was crippled inside and love became a foreign concept. Why do we love when in the end it is taken from us and we are left to die a slow death?
I spent every moment I could in the office, desperate for a distraction. If I wasn’t there, I was at Adriana’s house, trying to bring her back to life. In the mornings I would spend it with Amelia, the guilt eating away at me that I wasn’t home sharing the responsibility of our daughter, but distance made the pain hurt less. Charlotte tried to bring it up a few times but I simply walked away from the conversation. She knew not to touch me, and therefore, our conversations became limited to Amelia and the talk of the weather.
After a while, Adriana slowly started to come around, but all around her the memories were a painful reminder of what she’d lost. While we saw improvement, the breakdowns quickly accompanied it. It was almost like she refused to move on with her life. My mother was at her wit’s end, afraid of her daughter doing something drastic; my father finally suggested that she get some professional help. I knew that Charlotte was visiting Adriana and those were the times I rushed home to get changed and make sure I was gone before she returned.
The sounds of the traffic echoed in the background as I sat in my office alone. It was well into the night, what time…I had no idea. The dim light of the lamp was the only thing illuminating the room. My bourbon sat on my desk, enticing me with its ability to erase the nightmare I was living.
Last night got the better of me, and for that reason alone I knew I couldn’t see her tonight. When I saw Charlotte dressed in those skinny, ass-cupping jeans and that slinky top…that top… my weakness was engulfing me and my inability to fight off that side of me that wanted her, the side that so desperately needed to be buried in her, meant that I had make her loathe me.
