Witches Be Crazy, page 25
“Alright, mista Dungar, I guess it’s back to the quest!”
The blacksmith responded by punching him square in the face. Gilly and Rose both gasped as Jimminy’s limp body fell over.
“He said this detour wouldn’t involve us almost getting killed.” Dungar explained nonchalantly as he picked up his friend’s limp body and tossed it over his shoulder. “Well ladies, I’d say it was a pleasure … but it wasn’t. Good luck with your pest control.”
“Wait!” Rose called out. “What is this quest you’re on?”
“Something dangerous, illegal, and I probably shouldn’t even have told you anything.”
“I want to come with you!”
“Are you crazy?” Gilly reprimanded her. “You don’t even know this man, and he just told you it’s dangerous. Absolutely not, Rose. Your place is here.”
“What do you mean my place is here? Gilly, I’ve spent my whole life here. Every day I read stories about adventures and quests and the wonders that await me out in the world. Now I finally have a chance to have an adventure of my own.” She stared at Gilly pleadingly. “I can’t stay here anymore.”
“Rose, you’re all I have. I can’t risk losing you.”
“Hey!” Dungar cut in. “I didn’t even invite you!”
“I can only spend so long whiling away my time in a library.” Rose continued, ignoring him. “I want to do something with my life. I don’t want to just know about the world, I want to experience it! A life spent in safety is a life devoid of fulfilment, that’s what Thathery always said.”
“Very well …” Gilly conceded.
“No!” Dungar demanded.
Raising a finger to silence the blacksmith, Gilly continued. “If you are to tread into danger, then I shall accompany you. I could never forgive myself if anything were to happen to you.”
Rose squealed with excitement. “YAY! Let me go pack some things quickly!”
As she ran off, Gilly turned to Dungar. “I do not wish to infringe upon your quest, but I thank you for allowing us to accompany you.”
“Look.” Dungar stated firmly, dropping Jimminy to the ground. “If she wants to go out into the world on a quest then that is her business. But if you fear danger then you should not be coming with us.”
“If we are to encounter danger then I assure you that I am more than equipped to deal with it.”
“Not the kind of danger that we are up against.”
“And what kind of danger is that?”
Dungar sighed. Reasoning with people was a lot harder than he thought.
“I have not ever dealt with men before.” Gilly informed him. “But I am familiar with your penchant for bravado. I am not sure how little you think of me as combatant, but I promise you that anything you can handle I will be able to as well.”
“And what if I told you that I don’t know if I will be able to handle this?”
She paused for a moment, considering his response. Apparently she was not expecting any level of humility.
“Why would you attempt such a quest then?”
“Because someone has to.” He grunted, picking up Jimminy again. “Give my regards to Rose. And if you love her, then you will not come with us.”
Gilly had no response as he walked away carrying Jimminy. It was much easier to simply decline their help rather than attempt to convince them to kill the most powerful woman in all the land. The fact that they had come from a town comprised solely of women and had been propagated to distrust men would only serve to impede further.
As he reached the town gates he breathed a sigh of relief and continued his trek north. They were so close now. He couldn’t see the capital yet, but he knew enough to continue heading north. Given the sun’s spot in the sky, he only had about an hour of travel time before it would be dark. That would be ample time to put some distance between them and the town before setting up camp.
Walking in silence like this was quite comforting. He found himself wondering why he didn’t think to knock Jimminy out more often. He was slightly cumbersome to carry, but it was a fair trade off. In light of recent events, Dungar had to admit his growing attachment to the man. He had gone from having one friend who couldn’t speak to having one friend who spoke far too often, and it was slightly more bearable than he would have figured. Still, silence was nice, especially when it didn’t involve coping with death. All was well for now.
As the sun began to slump and the flowery fields became bathed in the warm glow of twilight, Dungar began to wonder what the queen was like. He had heard tales of her beauty so larger than life that it seemed almost impossible she could live up to expectations. But any talk regarding her personality was all but non-existent. It seemed unlikely she would be boisterous and insufferable like Bibi given her reputation for reclusiveness. He imagined her more like a femme fatale, coolly stalking her prey and ensnaring them with her charms. But none of that explained how or why she kills. He had a bad feeling that somehow magic was involved, especially if Sir Lee was to be believed.
The sun had now almost vanished beneath the cover of the horizon and Jimminy was finally starting to feel a little bit heavy, so Dungar decided to set camp for the night. The temperature was perfect as the faint Star Field windsong could be heard whistling around him. Trees weren’t exactly numerous in these parts, but they were populous enough for him to steal a few branches here and there to get a fire going. He laid Jimminy in a particularly fluffy looking patch of grass as he produced Nobeard’s flint from his pocket and arranged a rock formation for a campfire. It had been a long and quite unsettling day, and he was so happy to be at rest that he drifted off to sleep almost immediately.
“WAKEY WAKEY, EGGS AND BAKEY!”
Dungar sat bolt upright. He had slept clear through the night and well into the morning given how high the sun was. But the sun wasn’t the only thing above him. The perky grin of Rose also loomed overhead.
“Morning! Just so you know I don’t actually have eggs or bacon.” She informed him. “I just like saying that. Oh! I do have some bread though. Here!” Without waiting for a response, she shoved half a loaf of bread into the face of the groggy blacksmith, who quickly swatted it away as he tried to grasp the situation.
“Morning, mate!” Jimminy called to him as he sat next to Gilly at the fire. “You didn’t tell me you invited the ladies. Look at you being all social! I’m proud of ya.”
Still drowsy from his sudden awakening, and acclimating to the situation, Dungar just pointed at Gilly and grunted.
“You. Me. Words.”
Nodding, Gilly set her bread aside and excused herself from the campfire as the blacksmith hauled himself to his feet. He didn’t even know what he was going to say to her as they made their way behind a nearby outcrop. Casually, he leaned against the rocks while his new companion maintained her perfect posture with hands behind her back. They spent a moment simply looking at each other before Dungar finally spoke.
“Are you going to make me actually ask what you know I’m going to ask?”
“Fair enough.” Gilly agreed. “After discussing what you said with Rose, we came to the conclusion that you would not be risking your life without confidence in your abilities on an endeavor unless the circumstances were dire. Therefore, I felt honor bound to provide you with my assistance.”
“Ah c’mon, mate.” Jimminy’s voice called out from the other side of the rock. “More the merrier!”
“Jimmy! Privacy!”
“Wots that?”
“It means he doesn’t want us listening.” Rose’s voice informed him.
Dungar put his face in his palm, defeated. “Fine.” He relented, throwing his hands in the air. “You want to come that bad? Come then.”
“Yay!” Rose exclaimed, leaping behind the rock and giving Gilly a big hug.
The blacksmith glowered at Jimminy as he too emerged from behind the boulder, cheeky grin firmly in place.
“Grab your things.” Dungar ordered the group. “We’re leaving now.”
Without waiting for them, he set off in Jenair’s general direction. He knew they would have no trouble catching up, so his early departure left him a few moments to grumble in peace. Sure enough, before he had made it too far the trio were hot on his heels.
Gilly, in addition to the armor and sword she wore, carried several skins of water as well as a large pouch containing various breads and produce. Rose, on the other hand, had bogged herself down with several bags all filled with books and clothes. She resembled a pack mule the way she had herself all laced up. However, her bogged down body bore no infringement upon her spirit as she was clearly elated to finally be under way. Sharing her spirit, Jimminy was once again compelled to burst into song.
Way hey and away we go
To the castle to vanquish our foe
Now we got two ladies in tow
Way hey and away we go.
EVERYBODY!
Up until this point in the adventure, all of Jimminy’s breaks into song would end at that. He would belt out his piece and be done with it. But not on this day. Rose’s eyes lit up after the first verse, and by the time it was over she was completely captivated.
“That was amazing!” She praised. “Did you just make that up?!”
“’Tis to the tune of our old marching song from the foreign legion.” Jimminy proudly informed her. “We always used to make up lyrics. But no one was better than me!”
At that, they began singing it together repeatedly and enthusiastically, swaying to the rhythm as the marched confidently out of the Star Field and into a thicket.
“Sing with us, Gilly!” Rose called out amid laughs as she grabbed the woman’s hands and began dancing in a circle with her. Although she did not sing, the innocent smile on the former guard’s face marked her reluctant playful enjoyment.
The mirth began to die down as the group entered the thicket and treaded onto the marked path to Jenair. The bright rays of sunlight shining from above grew dim as they became eclipsed behind the leafy canopy. The dirt path was well travel worn and packed down hard by the soles of a hundred thousand boots.
Dungar hoped the city wasn’t too much farther away. The day’s trip had been short thus far, but already his patience was beginning to wear thin. Fortunately, the rest of the party was all but oblivious to his souring state of mind.
“So wot’s the deal with you two ladies anyway?” Jimminy asked the girls.
“What do you mean?” Gilly responded.
“Well are you two … Er, well, y’know …” He stammered, moving his hands in the air as he struggled to come up with words or gestures.
“… Sisters?” Rose finished with a very confused look on her face.
“YES!” He exclaimed quickly. “Yes, sisters! Yup, that is exactly the word I was looking for. I like words. Don’t you like words, mista Dungar?”
“No.”
“Is he always in such a good mood?” Rose asked.
“Mista Dungar? He’s a delight!”
“Shh!” Gilly interjected, motioning for the group to stop. “There’s something here.”
Everyone came to a halt and peered cautiously at their surroundings. Gilly moved Rose behind her into the center of the group as she felt at her sword while Dungar just glared at both sides of the trail with fists clenched just begging for something to try his patience. Several paces ahead of them, four figures stood up from their bushy cover and strutted onto the path. They were identically dressed in hooded green tunics that blended perfectly with their surroundings.
“Those are quite the senses you’ve got yourself, blondie!” One of them called has he removed his hood. He was a handsome man, a little bit older than Dungar, with short black hair and a winning smile vaguely reminiscent of Rainchild’s.
“Hello!” Jimminy called to them, unruffled by the situation as ever.
“HEY! THAT’S OUR WORD!” The man screamed back, causing everyone to jump. All eyes wide and staring at him, he quickly cleared his throat and the sly smile appeared again.
“Alright so here’s how this works! You relinquish all of your worldly goods to yours truly and in return I will refrain from shivving you in the nether regions with this here pointy object!” He pulled out a small knife and held it up for them to see. “That’s right folks, this is a stick up!”
He sauntered over to the group, one hand open to receive goods while the other brandished the knife rather half-heartedly. Gilly was the first he approached, and she looked him up and down with a raised eyebrow.
“C’mon there, pretty eyes.” He smooth talked her whilst raising the knife to her neck. “Anything you donate goes to the poor.”
“And what poor is that?” She quipped, totally unfazed.
“Well, mostly ourselves really. We’re very poor, you see.”
She continued to meet his gaze unflinchingly for a few more moments before shrugging and handing him her bags. Rose followed suit with hers as well while Jimminy removed the rock from his pants and handed it over. The man looked at it confusedly before looking back up at Jimminy.
“It’s all I got, mate.”
Between Jimminy’s stained and ripped clothing and a funk that was now beginning to emanate from him, it wasn’t a difficult claim to believe. So the man tossed the rock into one of the bags and moved on to Dungar.
“What about you there, smiley?” He gibed.
Very calmly, the blacksmith reached up and grabbed the hand that held the knife to him. The bandit’s eyes immediately went wide as he listened to the sound of his fracturing carpals. Dungar then used his other hand to grab all the bags before driving his knee into his robber’s stomach hard enough to lift him off the ground.
“I’m poor too.” He growled flippantly at the mugger who was now wheezing in the fetal position.
At the sight of their fallen comrade, the other three bandits removed their hoods and cracked their knuckles.
“You want these!?!” Dungar yelled to them as he threw the bags to the ground and put up his fists. “Then come and get em!!!”
Surprisingly, the three highwaymen actually did charge at him. Secretly pleased to have willing individuals on whom to work out his frustration, Dungar rushed the trio and simultaneously tackled all three of them. It quickly devolved into a flail fest wherein all participants would blindly swing their fists, hoping to connect with something. Outnumbered but not outmatched, Dungar shrugged off all their paltry blows as he tirelessly continued to lay into the three of them, even grabbing and throwing one.
During all the fighting, Jimminy and Gilly took to picking up all their belongings and then carefully helping Rose lace her cargo up again. Afterwards, Gilly offered them each some rations to munch on as they casually watched the unfolding violence, none of them feeling an inclination to jump in.
Eventually, with a busted lip and several new tears in his clothes, Dungar was the last fighter still on his feet. Two of the bandits lay in crumpled heaps on the ground while the other had been put into a tree at some point. Feeling better but still a bit agitated, Dungar looked back at his allies who stood in the same spot. Rose and Jimminy both wore big grins as they clapped a polite applause while Gilly studied Dungar curiously with her arms folded and head cocked to the side.
“You’re welcome.” He redundantly grunted at the group before they resumed making their way down the path.
“Why did you do that?” Gilly inquired curiously.
Dungar gave her a strange look, hoping she was kidding. Her facial expression indicated otherwise.
“Did you miss the part where they were going to steal our stuff?”
“I did not. I surrendered my belongings as requested.”
“Well I didn’t feel like surrendering my stuff. I like my stuff. He would have put me down for it, and if I am going to go down then I will go down fighting.”
“An honorable notion, perhaps. But does one retain their valor if they go down fighting a fight that need not be fought?”
Dungar had no response to that. Fortunately, they had now emerged from the thicket and onto the manicured rolling green hills of the plains of Jenair. They could see the city now. The tall stone spires of the castle, the firm ivy-covered walls, and the ominous looking plume of black smoke that appeared to be billowing from within.
TWENTY-THREE
Join the Fight That’ll Give You the Right to be Free
Granted there had been many a hiccup during their journey, but Stranger’s story made it seem like they had more time. They couldn’t be too late already. Royal weddings were supposed to last for a week or more, and the whole city was supposed to be drunk and partying the whole time. Now that he thought of it, wedding week would have been the perfect time for a royal assassination. But nothing ever seemed to go according to plan anyway.
Ominous smoky plumes aside, the city of Jenair appeared to be a scenic and tranquil place to live. The white stone walls capped with red contrasted beautifully with the vibrant green fields of the countryside giving the capital a rather fairytale appearance. The city’s location was advantageous militarily as well. It had a perfect view of the wide open fields that surrounded it from the hilltop on which it sat. None could approach without being seen. Fortunately, their small group did not present a threatening appearance.
“It looks just like the illustrations!” Rose gushed, awestruck.
“Why is smoke billowing from it?” Gilly asked.
“Alright listen to me very carefully because I’m only going to explain this once and it will be very quick.” Dungar informed the girls. “The ‘queen’ isn’t actually a queen she’s some woman from a faraway place who has already destroyed Farrawee, probably other places too, and she’s now moved on to ours so we’re here to kill her and I thought we had more time but we don’t so let’s get moving, ok? Ok.” Without waiting for a response, he began hurrying towards the capital.
