Pack of Her Own, page 22
“Can’t fight!” Heather gasped.
“Don’t fight.”
She convulsed hard enough to pull her face from my hands. I moved in beside her, gripping her neck and forcing her eyes to mine again.
“Don’t fight it. Let her come!”
Suddenly, a wild energy burst from me and engulfed Heather and everything around us. She gasped and cried out, but not in pain this time. The air filled with pheromones and endorphins, and I had no idea what was happening, but I could feel Heather inside me on a primal level I never thought possible. Fur erupted over my skin once more. My ears moved up the sides of my head, and my claws and teeth lengthened. Heather mirrored my shift and bowed down on hands and knees in front of me. Her clothing tore as her body contorted and she screamed as her bones broke audibly, only to be fused back together in a different shape.
She threw her head back and screamed, “It hurts! Oh, Mother, it hurts,” loud and long, until it turned into a howl.
In my half-shifted state, I put my mouth beside her ear and said words without thinking. “Let her come. Free her. Release her.” I turned and placed my lips on her cheek. “Twenty-three years is far too long to be trapped, Heather. It is time to be free.”
She arched back and howled into the night sky—her shift almost completed. But then it stopped, like it wasn’t enough. She was stuck, almost a wolf, but not quite. Her whimper broke my heart, and I grabbed her mostly canine head and pulled it to me. “Be free, wolf.”
Seconds passed and there she was, a rusty-furred wolf standing on unsteady legs in front of me. She was smaller than me, more angular, but her fangs were just as sharp and her claws as threatening as any other wolf shifter. I smiled and she shook her head and ruffled her fur.
“Welcome, sister,” I murmured.
She flung her head back and howled into the night sky. Moments later I joined her, having shifted through the clothing that kept my wolf trapped. Our howls rang through the air, melodies of life that ripped from our hearts.
And then we ran. We ran across the backyard and into the wild fields behind Rias’s house until we left all the trappings of civilization behind.
* * *
The moon was invisible in the darkness of the witching hour by the time my wolf and I padded up to the back door of my house. Heather had been safely returned to the motel room she was staying in for the time being, and I allowed my wolf to lead me back home. The connection with Natalie pulled at us. She was home and waiting for us. My wolf couldn’t wait to see her. I didn’t want to go inside.
We took our time wandering in and out of the tree line around my cabin. Desperation made the need for my mate’s touch almost unbearable, but could I push this relationship further? I had almost bitten her before—almost completed the mating bond.
I didn’t even try to hold back my whimper. There had to be something I could do. Some way to fix this all. What if I turned her? Would she want that?
The diary had the information. It was a long shot—would she even survive the turning? Would she even want to try? I couldn’t make that choice for her.
I shifted back to skin with a long sigh and let myself in the back door. Natalie glanced up from her seat at the kitchen island. She wore nothing but a thin tank top and shorts. A glass of ice sat melting on the counter with something amber pooled at the bottom. A sniff of the air said it was my good bottle of whiskey—and it wasn’t her first glass.
She smiled and her eyes roamed up and down my body. “Sexy wolf.” She laughed and her eyes shone with mirth. “Come here, sexy wolf. It’s time you got your reward.”
I shook my head, but still stepped closer to the beautiful woman in front of me. “Natalie, we need to talk.”
She snorted. “Why start now?” She waved a hand in the air. “We can talk later.” She sauntered over to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. “Right now, I need my Alpha.”
“Nat, I need to know how you knew those words you used tonight. You called yourself Lupa. Where did you learn that?”
She shook her head and stumbled a little with the movement. “Your little book. I read a bunch of it. The word was in there—it came out of my mouth.” She pulled herself tighter against me. “No more talk. Only pleasing my Alpha.”
The words rattled in my mind, reminding me of what happened in the woods only a week ago. This was real. She was my true mate.
But she was still human. I couldn’t have her.
My body had other plans. Without thinking, I captured her lips as she dug her nails into my neck. Sweet pain flooded through me with a rush of endorphins, and I picked her up by the waist. She wrapped her legs around me and I swept an arm across the counter. I set her on the island and in two quick swipes tore away her shorts and shirt, leaving her in nothing but tatters as she tangled one hand in my hair.
“Say it again,” I murmured into her ear.
“My Alpha,” she cried, and electricity shot from my lips on her skin, through my core, and down between my legs. Sweeter words were never uttered, and I needed to reward my mate.
The logical, reasonable part of my brain seemed to be on vacation as I latched my mouth onto her nipple. She arched back as I sucked and pulled it in my teeth. Her gasp was music to my ears, and I felt the fur ripple across my body. My wolf stirred near the surface as I moved to worship her other nipple and she gave me another of those sweet moans.
“My Lupa,” I whispered, feeling my fangs elongate, my ears reach the top of my head. I pulled her to me, her face to my breasts and she returned the favor on my nipples with a fervor. “Mine!” I cried out around the long teeth. I pulled my head up and back, keeping away from her neck. But she worked my nipples like a professional as her hand slipped down between my legs.
She slid her fingers inside me and I reared back as she found the exact perfect spot and kneaded her fingers into it.
“Natalie,” I whispered. “Mine. My mate. My Lupa.” The words slipped out before I could even think about it. My wolf took control and growled as we both cried out in bliss. Then my mouth came down to her shoulder, my sharp teeth dripping with saliva.
It was the speed of thought that saved us both. I pulled my wolf instinct back and tore myself away from my mate. A second later I was across the room, the same response as at Rias’s place earlier. Except this time, as Natalie came down from whatever high she was on, she stayed seated on the counter.
“Natalie…” I said, but the rest of the words failed me as tears fell from her eyes.
She leapt off the island, legs unsteady, but she stuck the landing before she picked up the tattered ruins of her clothes. She shook her head without a word and tossed the clothes aside angrily before turning to glare at me with red, wet eyes.
“Why are you doing this to me?”
“I don’t mean to—”
“I don’t care what you mean to do, Wren!” She ran a hand through that gorgeous hair of hers. “Two weeks we’ve been together, and I swear I feel closer to you than I ever did to my ex after years! I feel you inside me, Wren!”
“I know. I feel it too.”
“Then what is this? What is wrong with me that you keep pulling away?”
I shook my head. “There’s nothing—” I stopped myself. Wasn’t that the whole problem? She was human. It wasn’t fair.
She slammed a hand down on the island counter. “Talk to me! Please! I’m falling apart trying to figure out what is going on! Why are you pulling away from me?”
“Because I can’t do it…”
“I want you, Wren!” She filled the silence between us. “I love you. I want to be with you, and I want to be a part of your pack. I want to be your Lupa. We are true mates. You have to feel it too!”
“I can’t!”
“Why the hell not? I want you to bite me, Wren! It’s in every part of my body. I need you! I am your mate! Please!”
“But I can’t, Nat! I can’t bite you!”
“Why not?”
“Nat—”
“Why?”
I spun, lashing out at the overstuffed armchair behind me. My claws rent through the fabric and stuffing flew into the air as I let my frustration out on the furniture. “Damn it, Natalie!” I shouted. “I can’t do it, okay? I just can’t risk biting you!”
From the look on her face, I figured she’d back off. Maybe cool down a little, maybe not. Instead, there was murder in her eyes as she stalked to me. Even though my fangs and claws were still out, she didn’t seem to care about the danger.
“Tell me why,” she demanded, putting herself easily within biting distance. My wolf roiled inside, desperate to finish what we started, but I pulled her back. “Tell me why and I will leave. You’ll never see me again.” My stomach clenched so hard I almost doubled over. “Just tell me what’s wrong with me that you can’t bring yourself to want me.”
I blurred away from her and put both living room and kitchen between us. My claws scraped deep furrows in the island counter.
“Damn it.” I didn’t want to tell her. If I said it out loud, it would be true. It would be too much for both of us. If I put the words out into the universe, then there’d be no going back.
“Why, Wren?”
“Because we’re from different worlds. Because you aren’t like me.” The words dropped from my mouth before I could rethink them. “Because I can’t let you be a part of my world. We can’t be together.” I refused to meet her eyes.
There was no sound from across the room. When I finally got the courage to look up, Natalie was turned away from me, her shoulders shuddering.
“Nat, please. I don’t want to lose you.” My words seemed to push her into motion. She didn’t look at me as she grabbed her keys and phone from the table beside the front door and walked out. I started after her. She was naked except for a few tatters of her clothes that were left. I couldn’t let her leave like that.
I stopped in the doorway as the clinic truck reversed and turned, and headed down the gravel road away from me. Tears poured down my face as I threw my head back into the air and let out a single, lonely howl.
Chapter Thirty-one
Natalie
I knew I was driving way too fast, but it didn’t matter. I could barely see anything through the tears, but I didn’t care anymore. If something happened, so what? Who would care? Who would even notice that I was gone?
Rory popped up in my mind, but I shook my head. Sure, yeah, she’d be sorry for a little while. It would suck to leave her in the lurch at work. And my stuff was all still at her place, too, so it’d be work to get rid of that. I made a note to ensure I cleaned my things out of my boss’s apartment before anything happened to me. That settled, I focused on getting back to Rory’s cabin.
Yes, I realized I was naked when I got in the truck. No, I didn’t much care at the moment. I needed to get the hell out of there before I did something we’d both regret. I had some clothes still at Rory’s cabin, things that had been forgotten when Wren had brought the rest to her place. Now I was thankful for that, because everything I left behind, I was giving up for good. It’s not like she’d even want to see me again.
Because you aren’t like me!
Her words wouldn’t leave me alone as I drove. And all the while, that stupid feeling of her in my gut ached more and more the farther I went. I guess it was a big deal that I’m transgender. Yeah, I’m not like her. I thought that she’d be able to look past that, but clearly I was mistaken. If only it hadn’t taken her two weeks to figure that out.
Could’ve saved a lot of heartbreak if she’d been honest at the start.
Even as the thought entered my mind, I shook my head. That wasn’t Wren. This wasn’t Wren. Maybe she was being put up to this. Thinking of any situation that would force Wren to throw me away made for a fun game for all of two minutes before my stomach heaved and I felt like I wanted to throw up.
“Wren!” I sobbed, trying my best to keep a clear eye on the road.
But she didn’t want me. One more in a long line of people who didn’t want me. Somehow this was worse than my father’s beatings. It hurt worse than Misty breaking up with me. It hurt so much—I couldn’t think of another pain to compare it to. My heart felt shattered into thousands of pieces, scattered over kilometers of blacktop until there was no way to find them all.
I’d come here to figure out who I was. I found a place to belong, someone to belong with. And now there was nothing.
I didn’t remember the rest of the drive. I barely registered pulling up outside the cabin beside a very out-of-place dark colored sports car. I climbed the front steps in a haze and let myself in.
“Well, it’s about damned time!”
I hit a wall made of Misty’s nauseating voice. “Misty?”
As if summoned, she appeared in front of me. Her eyes roamed up and down and I cringed, trying to hide myself with my hands, but not having any luck.
“That is disgusting. Do you want everyone to see that stupid thing between your legs? Get some clothes on.”
I didn’t move.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
She let out a harsh laugh. “What do you think? I told you that I came back for you. It’s time to go back together.”
“You broke up with me. You kicked me out.”
“Yeah, and now I see that you clearly can’t function without me.” She scoffed, waving a hand at me. “I mean honestly, Natty, what are you thinking?”
“Don’t call me that!” I said, “I hate when you call me that. You know that.”
She shrugged. “Whatever, Natty. Get dressed and let’s get out of here. We’ll put everything right.” She moved toward me like she was going to pull me into a hug. My stomach cramped with nausea and I backed up.
“Get the hell away from me!” I screamed.
She backed off. “Wow, no need to get all menstrual on me.”
“You don’t get it, do you?” I was done with this shit. Done with Misty, done with Wren, done with Terabend, and everything else this stupid vacation brought down. “You abandoned me! You decided you were done and now we’re fucking done! I don’t want to be with you anymore, Misty!”
“Natty, I—”
“No! Get the fuck out of here!”
I heaved in deep breaths, trying to contain the panic that was rising inside. Misty took the moment of silence to move in close, and before I could think her arms were around my neck and she forced her lips onto mine.
Three things happened at the same time: My panic ratcheted up ten notches, freezing my muscles as she pressed herself against me. My mind knew that her lips were nothing—nothing—like Wren’s and I didn’t want her touching me anymore. And the big picture window beside the front door shattered inward.
Wren, covered in silver fur with long claws and fangs and tall ears, stood in the shattered glass. A low growl spread through the room as I found myself able to move again. I pushed Misty away a second before Wren moved, slamming bodily into Misty and tearing her away from me.
She screamed as Wren slammed her against the wall with a roar, one clawed hand holding her aloft by her throat and neck.
“Wren!” I shouted, but she ignored me. Her other hand came up and she drew a single claw down Misty’s cheek. It left a trail of blood, and Misty’s eyes went wider than I’d ever seen them before.
“W-w-who?” She barely managed to get the word out before Wren’s hand convulsed on her throat and she choked.
“Wren! Let her go!”
She shook her head, wild mane flailing behind her. “No!” she growled. “She hurt you!”
“You hurt me, you bitch!” I yelled. “Let her go!”
Her golden eyes flicked over to me, and I saw the heartbreak in her eyes. “Nat,” she said.
“Let her go,” I said one more time, putting as much of an order into my words as I could. “Put her down and get the hell out.”
She dropped Misty, who fell to the floor like a sack of potatoes. She turned and faced me, naked except for the silver fur that covered most of her body. “Natalie, I’m sorry.”
“Save it! Get out—”
My words were cut off by Misty’s scream. “Oh my God! What is that! What the hell is going on?”
Before I could say something to calm Misty down, Wren lashed out. The back of her paw smashed into Misty’s face and sent her sprawling. She didn’t move again.
“What the hell did you do?”
Wren growled. “She hurt you. She made you panic.”
“What do you care?”
“Natalie—”
“No! Fuck you, Wren! You fuck me, then you dump me? Because I’m fucking trans?” I shook my head. “You don’t get to jump through the fucking window and attack someone after that!”
Something I’d said made her cringe, and suddenly the fur and claws disappeared, leaving nothing but smooth, naked skin. Wren’s green eyes wouldn’t meet mine as she looked anywhere but at me.
“It’s not that!” she cried with a shake of her head. “I swear to you, Natalie, it’s not that you’re trans, I promise. There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s me. I swear to you that I love you, that I need you, but I also can’t bear to lose you. I can’t protect you. I can’t make sure no one will come after you again if—”
“Fuck you, Wren,” I snarled, moving past her toward the stairs. “You get to explain to Rory why the window is busted. You get to deal with whatever the fuck you did to Misty. I’m getting some fucking clothing on and I’m leaving.”
“You’re leaving?”
“Yeah. I’m leaving. I don’t want to be here anymore, Wren. I can’t.” I left her in the front room as I headed back to the room I’d claimed when I first came out here. There was a pair of jeans and a purple T-shirt with a unicorn print on it still in the closet, and I pulled on both of them. I hesitated for several minutes, hoping that Wren would be gone by the time I got back down. I needed to get back to the truck.
