Pack of Her Own, page 20
“Rest, darling,” she said, “I’m going to clean this up.”
I nodded and she disappeared from the bed toward the bathroom. My bottom ached, but it was a good sore, and I felt so damned good I could just stay in bed for the rest of my life. But the longer she was gone, the more my brain decided to betray me.
Why had Wren hesitated? Dr. Maru had told me how the mate bite worked. There was no reason for her not to do it, right?
I tried to push those thoughts out of my head. It was just surprise that made her freeze. That’s it. That’s all it was.
At least, that’s what I was going to tell myself. Even so, I still grabbed Alton the stuffed wolf and cuddled up with him as I heard the shower turn on in the bathroom. It didn’t do much to stop the fear that started spiraling in my head.
* * *
I waved good-bye as once more Wren’s Jeep left her cabin without me. I understood. I wasn’t that clingy girlfriend who couldn’t be away from my lady for more than a few minutes at a time. I refused to be that person.
The wolves had gone off on their search for a witch, leaving me here alone to try to understand what had happened this morning. Since then, she had been a little more distant than normal. Or it was just something that was in my head. I mean, from the outside looking in, it probably was no different, but with the way my mind was spiraling, I was certain something was wrong.
If I really thought about it—a dangerous idea for someone like me—she had seemed almost different since the moment she returned from Silva. Maybe that time away had given her a chance to think clearly about dating me. Maybe there was something wrong with me.
Was it Heather? As jealous as I felt of their closeness and the fact that Heather was part of Wren’s pack, I did not feel that Heather was competition. I could feel Wren’s strong emotions. I had no idea how, but I could feel them. And they didn’t spike when she saw Heather like they did when our eyes met and neither of us could look away.
The farther Wren traveled, the more my abdomen ached with her loss. I groaned and went back into Wren’s cabin, as much a home to me now as my apartment with Misty had been. I glanced at her liquor cabinet, considering for a brief moment, before shaking my head. It wasn’t worth it. I was never one who could hold my alcohol. I had never been able to build up a tolerance.
The cabin was far too silent for comfort, and I found myself wandering around. In Wren’s bedroom I stared at the huge bed that still smelled like her and resisted the urge to curl up with nothing but the pillow and little wolf Alton. Then I caught a glimpse of the leather-bound journal Wren had been poring over for the past couple of days.
Was it something in that journal that was forcing Wren to back away from me? Did it tell her something that made her scared of whatever this was between us? It was all happening so fast, so hard, that it was almost difficult to believe. Whatever it was that made Wren what she was—and it was still hard to believe—had brought the two of us together, I was certain of it.
The lure of that damned journal was too great. I grabbed it and slipped into the armchair on the other side of the room, putting my feet up as I flipped slowly through the pages. The topics sounded unbelievable to my human mind. The first topic was already frightening: Apex Alpha Werewolves—wolves that had a fourth, monstrous form that could take them over during times of great mental or physical distress. Wren was pretty hot as her hybrid form, barring the claws that could tear me to shreds, and adorable as a full wolf. It was hard to imagine her as a monster.
I flipped through more pages. Omega Wolves were a rare opposite of an Alpha wolf; Pack Bond—something that happened between the Alpha and their pack when both parties allowed it. As I read the info, it was similar to what Wren and I had, but I wasn’t a wolf. Then, near the back of the book, was a topic that read True Mates.
If I wanted to know what was going on with me and Wren, and everything, this would be a way.
“True mates,” I spoke aloud as I read. “Or fated mates. Each wolf has the potential to meet their one true mate. An Alpha’s mate, or Lupa or Lupo, is often considered a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. There is a mate for every wolf, but there are no guarantees that they will find each other—” I cut myself off when my eyes caught something interesting. I couldn’t read it, though. It said more about mates, but whatever had been written had been crossed out so vehemently that the rest of it was illegible. In the margin beside the scratched-out words was a scrawled handwriting.
“Humans cannot be mates. They cannot handle the power, the magic. Humans must not be subjected to our magic.” I read aloud, already feeling the tears welling up in my eyes. The rest of the page finished: “Finding one’s true mate is extremely rare, with only the luckiest wolves finding them. This has brought rise to the belief that true mates are a gift from the Mother of Wolves and not to be taken lightly.”
Was that what Wren was worried about? Being stuck with one person as her mate for the rest of her life? Or was it because I was human? Or transgender?
Was that the reason she was pushing me away? Because I was…different?
I wiped my eyes, scanning the couple of pages again to make sure I didn’t miss anything. “The bond between true mates does not require the mate bite to start, but it must be done to bring the bond to completion. In some cases, true mates have developed mate bond characteristics even shortly after meeting, such as tapping into each other’s senses—” Well, that explained what happened in the forest when I was running so damned easily. “And feeling each other’s emotions and sharing in great physical pa—” I shut the journal and tossed it back onto the bedside table.
I wondered if Wren had read this already. If so, why hadn’t she mentioned this to me? Maybe she was just tired, and I was reading into things far too much. Maybe I was just seeing things, projecting my own feelings onto her because she wasn’t as present as she had been a couple of days ago. Of course she wasn’t. She was an Alpha, and one of her pack had a problem that she had to take care of, and that was important too. I couldn’t be mad at her for helping someone else. And I knew it must be difficult to take all these new things in stride.
I shook my head and left the bedroom. I grabbed my keys and phone and then headed out to the truck. I couldn’t just sit here doing nothing or I was going to fall apart. There was nothing wrong between us. I believed that. I needed to believe that.
Because if there were something wrong, what would I be able to do to change it?
* * *
I was beginning to feel like I spent more time at the diner than I had at either Rory’s or Wren’s cabins by now. I was tucked into the booth in the far corner, nursing my third—fourth?—glass of Coke.
I knew there were things that I should probably be doing. I knew there were things that I could go out to find to do. But even with the best of intentions, I found myself here, desperate for something that reminded me of Wren. The entire diner smelled like her—or she smelled like it, anyway, but it didn’t matter. I was comfortable here. I didn’t want to wait at home like I was nothing but her pet.
Though that wasn’t a terrible daydream either.
I hid my blushing face in my hands as the image popped into my head. Me, kneeling on her bed, wearing nothing but a thick leather collar that had a tag dangling from it. Proclaiming me as her property. My thighs started rubbing together almost of their own volition, and I quickly banished all of those thoughts before they could get me into trouble.
“Hey, Nat, you okay?” I glanced up at Alisha, who was standing behind the bar. She gave me a sideways smile. “Just checking on you. Don’t want the boss lady to come back and think I wasn’t taking care of her beau.”
I laughed with her, but it was far too forced for comfort. “Don’t worry about it. I just miss her.”
“You’ve got it bad, girly.”
I sighed. “You have no idea.”
“Let me know if you need anything.”
I started to say it was all good when the scent of food drifted from the back room. “Yeah, I mean, I could use a burger and fries if that’s cool.”
“No tomato, no onions?”
I smiled. It tickled me that she knew how I liked my burger. It wasn’t like I was in here every day. “Yeah, thanks.”
The distraction of food was a welcome one and I did my best to savor it, pulling up an e-book on my phone to try to take my mind off Wren and everything else that was tumbling about in my brain. That’s why I didn’t look up when the bells on the diner door rang and clacking heels stomped around the diner.
“Natty!”
My head wrenched up with a terrifying crack.
“M-Misty?”
The woman standing beside my table was tall with the five-inch heels that she always wore. Long blond hair artfully hung down just past her shoulders. Her face was contoured until her cheekbones looked sharp enough to cut steel. Lips, ruby red and full, parted slightly with every breath as ice-blue eyes moved up and down me and the seat I was in. Her clothes, like her makeup and hair, were immaculate: jeans that were tight enough to bounce a quarter off her ass, a tight tank top that showed off her chest and stomach, and a classy three-quarter-sleeve denim jacket.
Everywhere she went, she wanted to be the center of the universe—and most of the time she succeeded.
“I can’t believe you’re sitting in the middle of this one-horse town, and I can’t believe you made me drive all the way here to rescue you!”
“R-rescue me?”
“Duh! I mean you left the city without a damned word!” Her voice was loud and almost a screech, earning stares from the couple of other diners and from Alisha behind the counter. I caught her eyes and gave the smallest twitch of my head. This was my mess. She didn’t need to get involved.
“I left because I needed to get away.”
She laughed, the sound full of scorn. “Yeah, get away. From what, Natty? Me? Well, clearly that isn’t working so well. I mean, look at you!”
I looked down at my loose jeans and simple T-shirt. Sure, not the most feminine of outfits, but it was comfortable.
“You look like you’re not bothering to put any effort in! Like you don’t care if people see you as a woman anymore!”
“Of course I care,” I said, “but I don’t need to go all-out all the time to please everyone else. I am who I am, and that needs to be enough.”
She laughed again and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest—and not in the good way. Flashbacks of my life bombarded my mind, and I could feel myself tearing up as I lowered my eyes.
“And what are you eating?” She continued like she couldn’t care less about what her words were doing to me. “A burger and fries? Do you know how many carbs and fat there are in all that? What happened to the diet we had you on, huh? We wanted you looking your best, remember? The meds did such a number on your body. It was me who helped you through all of that.”
“Yeah…I know. I know you did.” My voice sounded far too soft and weak.
“Then you remember how much we sacrificed, Natty. How much I sacrificed for you. We were in this together, Natty. I can’t let you throw all that away!”
I wanted to yell at her, to scream at her. I didn’t throw it away. I had let myself think I was in a healthy, loving relationship with a woman who wanted me to be my true, honest self. It wasn’t that, but I had thought it was all I could ever have. Now, with Wren, things were easier. At least they had been. But no matter what I wanted to do, I couldn’t even lift my head to look at her.
“Excuse me.” A woman’s voice cut into Misty’s tirade. “Ma’am, it would be appreciated if you could take a seat and keep your voice to a more reasonable volume.”
Now I did look up, watching Misty turn upon the newcomer. She was shorter than Misty, brunette hair cut into a cute pixie that helped frame a sweetheart face. She wore a brown sheriff’s deputy uniform, complete with badge and a pistol in an unsnapped holster.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Deputy Dawg! Am I making life a little more interesting around here? A taste of what you’re missing on black-and-white TV?”
The deputy looked my way. “Natalie, is this woman bothering you?”
I was about to shake my head when Misty screeched: “Of course I’m not bothering her! I’m her girlfriend!”
The deputy’s face turned cold toward Misty, a hand on the butt of her weapon. “Ma’am, I don’t know who you are, but you are not Natalie’s girlfriend. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
“Excuse me? Why should I have to leave?”
“Because you are disturbing the good people of my town, and you need to leave. Now.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Go, now, or I will personally escort you out at gunpoint. Then we’ll get into my squad car, and I will drive you out of town and leave you by the side of the road to walk back to the city.” She gave Misty an evil smile. “How does that sound?”
“Fine. Fine! I’m leaving!” She turned back to me. “I’ll see you later, Natty. I’ll help you put yourself back together. I promise.”
She stormed past the deputy and out of the diner. Applause started from the other diners the moment the door closed behind her, and the tension in the air dissipated. Yet in my head I still couldn’t help but think about all that Misty had seen me through. Starting my transition, living with her and her family for years before we moved out together. They had saved me from my family. I owed Misty so much. It made me feel sick. I pushed the half-finished burger and fries away and rested my head on the table.
“I’m Danaan Rias. Wren’s told me all about you, Ms. Natalie. That’s how I knew that woman was not your girlfriend,” the deputy said as she slipped into the seat across from me with a soft smile. “Are you okay?”
“Sure. You know, I’m just fucking peachy. Wren is off dealing with something that I can’t really help with, my toxic-as-shit ex-girlfriend just made a scene in the middle of Wren’s diner for the whole town to see, and I’ve got shit to deal with that Dr. Maru tells me is fucking important.” I slammed my forehead against the table hard enough to make sure it hurt. “Plus, I’m pining massively for my new girlfriend, the gorgeous owner of this diner, who I only met like two weeks ago and now there’s shit going on between us that I have no fucking idea how to fix.” I looked up at her, knowing there was a red welt on my head. “So, yeah. I’m just fine. How are you?”
“I think it’s safe to say better than you.” She smiled and offered me a napkin. “You’ve got something on your forehead.”
The napkin came away with a few drops of ketchup and fry crumbs. “Thanks, Danaan.”
She shook her head. “Call me Rias. Everyone does.”
I looked her up and down. “You’re one of Zeke’s?”
“Not quite. I am a deputy of this fine county’s sheriff’s office, but I’m not one of Zeke’s family.”
I raised an eyebrow to her. “Wait, you know about all the…”
“Yup. Hard not to with the number of us in town.” She laughed. “You think Wren and Hikaru and Zeke are all we have here?”
“I mean, that’s all I know of. And Heather, of course.”
She reached over and stole a fry from my plate.
“So, what’re you?” I asked, lowering my voice to make sure the conversation stayed private.
“You can’t tell?”
I gave her a blank look. “Should I be able to?”
“I guess not.” She stole another fry. “I just figured, you know, you seem to be so damned popular with us supernatural folks that I figured you’d be able to tell with a look.”
My gut clenched. Suddenly, I could feel Wren and her frustration and impatience tightened in my stomach. And underneath those feelings, there was a sense of fear. Had she felt my response to Misty? I shook my head to quickly dismiss the thought. I was overthinking it. I had to be. But even if that were true, I wasn’t being stupid. Wren was putting up walls, and I didn’t know why.
“I’m not that popular,” I muttered. And getting less so every day, I added silently. I shook my head, trying to clear those kinds of thoughts. I needed to be better.
“What?”
I shook my head. “Nothing. So, are you going to tell me, or do I have to guess?”
She smiled. She lifted a hand and waggled her fingers in the air. “I’m a witch.”
I stared at her. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
Chapter Twenty-nine
Wren
“You have got to be kidding me.”
I stared at Natalie and Deputy Rias. Together with Heather, we had commandeered the kitchen table in the deputy’s home, a simple bungalow set back in a massive yard that encroached on the wild forests surrounding most of the town.
“There was a fucking witch here the whole time and we didn’t even know?”
Rias shrugged. “You didn’t ask.”
I glared at her. I was already pissed about what had happened with Misty, and finding out about the witch wasn’t making it easier to focus.
I’d never seen her out of her deputy uniform before, but her choice of baggy cargo shorts and tank top suited the warm night. I could admit that she looked good, but my eyes were constantly drawn to my mate. Natalie was still in jeans and a T-shirt, and my mind was pulling off her clothes bit by bit. Revealing her underwear, her bra, seeing if they matched, and then getting a glimpse of what was hiding beneath them.
I shivered and pulled my attention back to the situation at hand.
“I’ve been here for years. How didn’t I know that you were a witch?”
“Again, you never asked. And I don’t exactly go around advertising. The term witch hunt takes on a very real meaning for people like me.”
“That makes sense,” Heather interjected. “We spent most of the day in the city, hunting down leads on a coven to try to get them to help us.” She grabbed a piece of pizza from the open box in the middle of the table. “News flash—they weren’t interested.”
