Waves of Guilt, page 9
Chapter 16
It was after 10 a.m. when I awoke from my fitful sleep, which had been punctuated by nightmares involving David, Rory and Luke. I had been by the sea, as images of the three males loomed from the waves, their faces contorted in agony before disappearing under the water, then resurfacing lifeless, floating face down and being carried away towards the depths of the English Channel. I had cried out in vain as I swam against the strong tide, unable to grab the unfortunate souls, struggling against Craig’s arms desperately trying to bring me back to safety on the beach.
What time had I gone to bed? I couldn’t remember, but it must have been well after midnight. I remember the whiskies I had used as a sleeping draught. My throat was dry, and my head was now pounding. I could hardly open my eyes, and my hair felt stiff after being soaked with so many tears. My pillow was still slightly damp, and the duvet lay in a heap on the floor.
Memories of last night flooded back. I’d had to cling to the bannister as I made my way upstairs before collapsing into bed, my world spinning due to the effect of the alcohol. My body was dehydrated and exhausted after the abuse I’d inflicted upon it. I’d sought oblivion and found it, but the relief was temporary. The shock and confusion of last night remained, and I had yet to process it.
I felt sweaty and desperately needed a shower, but I still felt unsteady and was afraid of slipping over and having an accident. Firstly, I needed water to rehydrate, then coffee. The thought of food made me heave. I made my way slowly downstairs and poured myself a large glass of water which I drank, looking out into the garden. The warm sunshine had dried up yesterday’s rain, and everything was looking fresh and healthy. Much better than I must look, I mused, as I’d yet to look at myself in the mirror. The water had stayed down, so I poured another glass and went to find my handbag and some painkillers. I normally didn’t take them on an empty stomach, but this was an emergency and compared with the alcohol I’d inflicted on myself, it paled in comparison.
My laptop was still open on the sofa, and my mobile was next to it. I sat down, closed the laptop and checked my mobile. There were numerous notifications, emails, breaking news items and texts.
From Craig.
Morning, Sarah. Hope you are OK. Hope you have a good day XX.
Normally, I would have responded, but I hadn’t the energy. Besides, he might phone me back, and I was in no state to speak to him at the moment.
From Laura.
Sarah. Didn’t get a chance to speak to you much at the funeral. Hope all is well with you. Let’s meet up again soon XX
I sighed. I enjoyed meeting up with Laura, but just at that moment, I couldn’t face arranging a get-together with her.
Now, I felt ready for a coffee. Usually, I liked my coffee with plenty of milk, but this morning called for a strong black cup. As the coffee dripped through, a squirrel ran along the fence, then jumped down and started to dig in the lawn. I tapped on the kitchen window, and it fled, no doubt it would wait until I had gone before returning to bury something else.
I went back to the lounge and stretched out on the sofa. Just when I seemed to be making progress in rebuilding my life, the pain of David’s death returned, but not only was I reliving the dreadful last days, I now had to face the possibility that there was doubt surrounding the circumstances of his death. Or was there? In the cold light of day, the only conclusion was confusion. It might well rhyme, but it didn’t help in any way.
However, before I jumped to the wrong conclusion and made an idiot of myself, I needed to think through the facts. I also wanted to discuss this with someone, and the obvious person was Craig, but would he want to be involved, and would it hamper our relationship? Just at that moment, I was an emotional wreck. However, one thing was certain, I could not let last night’s discovery pass without further investigation.
Chapter 17
For the second day running, I was waiting to pick up Craig at Broadstairs station. I had finally gathered the courage to contact him mid-afternoon, after taking a shower and grabbing another few hours sleep. I still felt tired but not completely washed out as I had earlier in the day.
Craig had needed to spend the day finishing the first draft on another assignment for Clare before coming over to see me. Thus it was now approaching ten past six in the evening, and Craig’s train was running to time according to my National Rail app.
My car window was open, and I heard the train pull into the platform, so I quickly checked my appearance in my car’s vanity mirror. I didn’t often wear make-up, there wasn’t much need to, but today, I’d used concealer under my eyes and foundation to try to smooth out my blotchy skin. I hoped I didn’t look too awful.
A stream of passengers made their way past my car, and I craned my neck towards the gate to spot Craig. My spirits lifted as I spotted him striding towards me.
‘Hi,’ he said as he opened the passenger door and climbed inside. ‘Thanks for picking me up, I could have walked, you know.’
‘Don’t worry. It’s no trouble.’
‘The traffic is awful at this time of day, otherwise, I would have driven,’ said Craig.
I nodded as I waited to pull out into the traffic.
‘Besides, I get a bit of a walk to the station, which is good after working on my laptop all day.’
‘Thanks so much for coming over. Did you get your article done?’
‘I made good progress, and I’ve sent it to Clare. She still wants to see my first attempt on each assignment, just until I get more established. I don’t mind as it saves me having to do a major re-write if she has problems with it.’
‘So, it’s all going well with Clare, so far?’
‘I think so. She’s a tough cookie, but she gives good advice. Hopefully, I won’t get the push, well, not until I upset her about something,’ joked Craig.
‘She’s OK on the whole, just watch she doesn’t try to overload you with work. Sometimes she can be a bit inconsiderate.’
‘I’ll try to be assertive,’ said Craig.
‘Dinner won’t be until 7 ish, I’m afraid. I went up to Marks and Spencer to get a few things, but the traffic was so awful up there that I didn’t have time to go home before picking you up.’
‘Don’t worry. It’s nice to have someone to make meals for me. I can hardly complain.’
‘I’m surprised you aren’t sick of me and my worrying,’ I replied. ‘I’m not very good company at the moment.’
‘Look. As I said on the phone, we need to have a proper chat about what you found last night. As I’m more removed from it, shall we say, I might be able to help? Get things in perspective, sort of thing. It’s not a problem, so don’t keep apologising.’
‘I’ll try not to. It’s just with everything that’s happened recently, I feel a bit vulnerable, and I don’t trust my judgement.’
‘Well, you should. You gave Rory the correct advice, and hopefully, we might see some updates in the next few days on the local news. Perhaps some arrests?’
‘That would be good. Rory texted me to say they arrived in Norfolk this afternoon.’
‘That’s good.’
We turned into my road, and my eyes fixed on my neighbour’s house, but there was no sign of Cyril. I’d decided that even if he was there, I wasn’t going to behave like I had yesterday. I could bring whoever I wanted back to my own house, and I was planning to stride past Cyril, just giving him a cheery wave.
‘Right, here we are,’ I said, getting out and collecting my shopping from the boot.
‘Here, let me take the bags,’ said Craig, as I opened the front door.
We kicked off our shoes, and Craig brought the bags into the kitchen as I switched on the oven.
‘Can I do anything?’ he asked.
‘Yes, decide which wine you’d like,’ I said. ‘There’s two bottles of white in the fridge and a red on the side.’
‘This is a great restaurant,’ said Craig. ‘The sauvignon blanc looks good.’
‘Well, it’s got a nice label,’ I said. ‘Can you pour us both some? The glasses are in the cupboard.’
‘I’ll just pop to the loo,’ said Craig.
I busied myself, putting the salad in a bowl, piercing the film on some microwaveable new potatoes and putting a quiche in the oven.
Craig returned, poured the wine, and we took our glasses into the lounge.
‘Cheers,’ said Craig. ‘I know it’s not a celebration, but I always say that when I’ve got a glass of wine.’
I smiled. ‘It’s nice to have someone to share it with. I shouldn’t have any after the whisky I had last night, but it would be rude not to.’
‘It’s good to see you smile,’ said Craig. ‘If a drop of wine helps, then it can’t be a bad thing.’
‘Dinner will be about twenty minutes, so if you want, you can read those two documents. You don’t have to, though. I mean, you can leave it until later.’ I felt conscious that I was fussing and not expressing myself very well.
‘I’ll have a look at them,’ said Craig, smiling.
‘I’ve still not managed to open the ones which are password protected though.’ I woke up my laptop and pointed at the two documents which I’d saved on to the desktop. ‘There they are. I’ll go and lay the table and sort out a few things.’
I left Craig alone and returned to the kitchen. It felt so good to have someone else in the house, someone to share my burdens. My earlier doubts had gone, and I was pleased I’d made the phone call.
Chapter 18
‘So, what do you think?’ I asked as we sat in the lounge after dinner. I was hoping that Craig could provide clarity by being a fresh pair of eyes. My past life with David was clouding my thought processes, and I needed someone more remote from the whole situation.
‘Well, I agree with what you told me on the phone,’ said Craig. ‘It certainly looks as though David was preparing the information for a journalist. The first document looks like a summary and background information on Excelor, and this GF wants more controversial details to spice up the story.’
‘Yes. But there was one thing which struck me as odd, and that’s the email. I mean, it’s not affiliated with a company or organisation.’
‘Yes, I thought that. I wondered whether it’s because he’s doing something on the side and doesn’t want his publication to know about it, well, not yet,’ added Craig.
‘Good point. It could be that.’
‘Or he’s freelance. That’s another possibility.’
I nodded and sipped my wine.
‘So, I guess you’ve tried some password possibilities?’ asked Craig.
‘I’ve tried a few. I’m pretty sure David used to use dates which were significant for him.’
‘But nothing so far.’
‘No. The thing is, he might just have added another random character, and that will mean there are too many alternatives.’
‘There are methods of unlocking password-protected files,’ said Craig. ‘It’s not something I’ve ever tried, but I know you can do it. I did a quick search whilst I was on the train.’
‘Oh, well, google them on the laptop.’
‘OK. I’ll try to find the sites I thought were the best.’
As Craig researched on the laptop, I closed my eyes.
‘Are you OK?’ asked Craig.
‘Yes, just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.’
Craig turned his attention back to the laptop. ‘Ah, here’s some instructions about opening password-protected files. Want to look?’
I scrolled down the page. ‘It looks a bit complicated to me. What do you think?’
Craig looked at the site again. ‘Yes, it does. Also, it says it doesn’t always work. It depends on the length of the passwords. So, most people recommend this software. You can download it, and it’s not very expensive.’
‘So shall we do it?’
‘Well, we can, but I just wondered whether I should ask my brother whether he thinks this is the best one to buy. It might be worth waiting a day or so before launching into it. As it’s not urgent, I mean.’
‘Good idea. It’s better to use the most trusted one, and thanks for your help, Craig. I really appreciate it.’
‘I’ve not done a lot, but I’m glad you asked me.’
‘It’s brought it all back again about David’s death. Just when I thought that I was starting to move on.’
‘It must be hard for you,’ said Craig, sighing. ‘Remember, there’s no need to pursue this. We can just forget it.’
I shook my head. ‘No, I don’t think I can. Not now I know half a story. I need to see if I can find out what David was up to.’
‘I don’t want to sound negative, but it’s always possible that we can’t open the files, though,’ said Craig. ‘I don’t want to dash your hopes, but you have to realise that.’
‘No, I realise that, but as long as I feel I’ve done what I can, then I’ll be satisfied.’
‘OK. There is just another thing I wanted to ask,’ said Craig. ‘Did you check David’s emails?’
‘I did, shortly after he died. Just to check whether there was anyone else I should contact or whether he had any meetings arranged that I should cancel.’
‘And?’
‘Well, I don’t remember anything at the time. And thinking about this latest discovery, I don’t remember any to someone called Geoff, or GF. You can check again. The email account is still on there.’
Craig nodded and opened up David’s emails. I remained silent whilst he read through them. ‘I can’t see any,’ said Craig. ‘He must have deleted them.’
‘So he deleted his emails, but it seems that he pasted the details from one into a document.’ I sighed. ‘What a mess.’
‘Do you have David’s mobile still?’
‘No, the police didn’t return it to me.’
‘What about his mobile bills, there might be a number listed which he called. Have you got those?’
‘He went paperless. I don’t have any bills. I cancelled his number when he died, besides, I wouldn’t be able to log on to his account if I wanted to.’
Craig sighed. ‘The thing is, Sarah. I know you may think he was with this Geoff before he died, but I can’t see any way of proving it. Presumably, the police were satisfied when they found his body? Nobody saw anything suspicious.’
‘I realise that, but I just wondered whether this person put David under too much pressure and that’s what drove him to kill himself.’
‘But that would be cutting off his source of information, wouldn’t it?’
‘I don’t mean intentionally, I just mean if their discussions were, oh, what do I mean, too upsetting? What if it made David think too much about the past, and it caused a sudden onset of deep depression?’
‘Well, it’s possible, but getting someone to admit that’s what he did is another matter, and besides, it’s hardly a crime.’
‘It might not be a crime, but isn’t it unethical to pressurise someone vulnerable?’
‘I don’t know,’ replied Craig. ‘I’m out of my depth, I’m afraid.’
‘David always felt guilty that he hadn’t fought against what was going on.’
‘I accept that, after all, you knew him better than me,’ said Craig.
‘I thought I did,’ I replied.
‘I know, it’s hard, I do appreciate it. Having these suspicions is one thing, but proving any involvement is entirely another.’
‘The other thing that’s bothering me is that there was never any explanation for the traces of drugs found in David. What if Geoff gave them to him?’
‘Again, it’s all supposition,’ said Craig. ‘Drugs aren’t that difficult to get hold of.’
‘You mean through a dealer?’
‘Not necessarily. A friend, an acquaintance, the Internet?’
I stared at a fixed spot on the wall, trying to get my head around our discussion. ‘David didn’t have that many friends. It’s sad, but he didn’t.’
‘I know I keep dashing your suggestions, but it’s just the way I feel.’
‘I want you to be honest with me,’ I replied. ‘It’s no good if I go off at a tangent.’
‘OK, well, as long as you don’t feel I’m being too critical.’
‘Not at all.’
Craig sighed. ‘There is one other thing we could try. I mean, to do with the email. You could contact this Geoff.’
I felt a bit shocked at Craig’s suggestion. ‘Oh, I’m not sure. What would I say?’
‘Well, I’m not sure at the moment, either,’ laughed Craig. He thought for a few moments. ‘Well, perhaps it’s best just to be straight with him. Tell him that you’ve come across some documents and you wonder whether he was working on something with David. Ask him if he met him before he died. That sort of thing.’
‘Oh, gosh, I’m not sure. Well, I guess it’s worth a try.’
‘Think about it.’
‘But what if he doesn’t respond?’
‘Well, we aren’t any further forward.’
‘But say he does respond. He could lie. If he was involved in some way, he won’t want to tell me what happened. He will just deny meeting David.’
‘I know,’ said Craig, looking rather downcast. ‘Perhaps it’s not such a good idea. It’s just something that occurred to me.’
‘I’m glad you suggested it. I didn’t think of doing it.’
‘Perhaps instead of speculating, we should just do it and see what happens?’
‘I think I need to think about it first. I don’t want to rush into it just now,’ I replied. Craig’s observations had been salient, but I wasn’t sure whether it took me any further forward. I shared the rest of the wine, but it was merely a few millilitres each. I quaffed it back in one go.
‘Shit!’ I exclaimed. ‘I’ve drunk almost half a bottle of wine. I won’t be able to give you a lift to the station. Sorry.’
‘I’ll get a cab, don’t worry. Look. Let’s think about things again. What’s your gut feeling about David and what happened in the last couple of days before he died?’ said Craig.
