Kinnporsche, Volume 4, page 4
I was absorbed in typing the highlighted words, but as the night wore on, I started to feel hungry. The food here was no good; it was pretty much all vegetables. I didn’t have a single grain of rice in my stomach!
I contemplated telling Vegas I was hungry, wondering if he’d take pity on me. How should I phrase it? ‘Do you have anything for me to eat?’ No, that wouldn’t work. ‘Don’t you want a late-night snack?’ No… Ugh.
I kept debating with myself until I finally built up the courage to turn to Vegas and ask about some food.
“Oh…”
Vegas was asleep, with his book lying flat on his chest. He breathed steadily, faintly snoring. He was probably exhausted. Good! I had two more sentences to type, and then I could sleep.
I felt relieved that I had survived another day. I quickly typed the last highlighted passage, then closed the laptop screen. I got onto the bed and crawled under the blanket. It was so cold in here—it felt more like a refrigerated morgue than a bedroom.
I reached for the light switch next to the headboard when another thought struck me: Would Vegas get cold? My gaze shifted to the sofa. Vegas, dressed in black silk pajamas, was still in the same position, fast asleep. He didn’t have a blanket.
Good! I wanted to let him freeze to death. I even thought about turning down the thermostat even further…but I only let myself imagine it for a moment.
I turned off the light and searched for a comfortable sleeping position. I closed my eyes, ready to go to bed without sparing another thought for Vegas.
“Mom… Mom…don’t leave me,” he mumbled in his sleep. “Please, Mom, I don’t want to be alone.”
I opened my eyes and fumbled for the light switch. I’d assumed that Vegas was lonely and wanted someone to protect him; he acted like an unloved child desperate for affection. That didn’t make me feel bad for him, though—I still hated his guts!
I contemplated walking over to the sofa and pretending to be his father, menacingly whispering in his ear. That’d give him a nightmare frightening enough to scare him to death. Oh, hell, I spend way too much time with Mr. Tankhun. What a stupid idea.
Pushing myself up from the bed, I took a moment to consider my next course of action. Right now, I needed to stay on his good side. It might be a good idea to get Vegas a blanket, so he’d thank me when he woke up instead of yelling at me.
Since it was only the two of us in this room, he would know it was me. He’d feel grateful and think that I cared about him. He would realize that I was a good person and say, “You’re too good to be locked up, Pete. I’ll let you live your life.”
Yes! That’s it, Pete. Remember, you’re a good person! I chanted in my head as I retrieved an extra blanket from the wardrobe. I draped the blanket over him, feeling very proud of myself. Then, I returned to bed and turned off the light once more.
Sweet dreams, Pete. You didn’t have anything to be stressed about today. How nice!
***
The following day, my routine remained the same. I woke up to find that Vegas had already left; his blanket was folded neatly on the bed. He was probably already at the university, taking his exam. Good riddance! I didn’t want to see him when I woke up. He was infuriating!
I took a shower, made the bed, and resumed trying to figure out how to get this goddamn chain off my wrist. I won’t give up, you piece of shit! I cursed at the chain. I tried prying it open and using soap to help slip it off, but it wouldn’t budge. What kind of chain is this, anyway? Why is it so damn sturdy?
“Nop,” I said, rolling my eyes when I saw what he’d brought me for breakfast. It was still the same as always: some sausage, an egg, and a piece of bread.
“Don’t bother asking me for help, Pete,” he said.
“That’s not it,” I told him. “I’m still hungry. Can I get more food? What do you usually eat here?”
“Just ordinary rice and curry. Why?”
“I want that too! I don’t want fucking bread or salad. Do I look like a Westerner?”
“You can’t. I’m under Mr. Vegas’s orders.”
“What? Did he tell you to feed me only bland vegetables and creamy Western food?”
“Just eat it and stop being picky!” Nop snapped, slamming the door in my face with a loud bang.
“Hey! Nop!” I shouted after him. “I’m not eating this!”
Well, who was I kidding? I had to eat this crap eventually. The food here was unbelievable. I was glad Mr. Tankhun liked eating delicious spicy food, not the flavorless garbage I was getting served here.
I spent the rest of the day looking for a way out, napping, walking in a circle, and exercising. I was bored out of my mind. I had the sudden desire to watch TV or sing karaoke. Fucking hell, I really missed Mr. Tankhun.
Nop returned at dinnertime. When I saw the food, I wanted to die for the millionth time.
“Spaghetti carbonara? Where the hell are we, Italy?”
Nop didn’t wait to hear me complain; he left immediately.
The sons of the Major Clan were half European, but they never ate spaghetti. Why would the Minor Clan, who were Chinks through and through, be so obsessed with this kind of creamy, buttery food? I was a Southern Thai guy. I wanted to eat something seasoned and satisfying. These assholes could at least give me a Thai-style omelet!
I was constantly hungry in this place, and it was making me agitated. I was used to eating rice; spaghetti and bread didn’t fill my stomach in the same way. Not to mention Nop only brought me two meals per day: It was either breakfast or lunch—never both—and then dinner. How could I stay alive like this? Was Vegas’s plan to keep me barely fed so I wouldn’t have enough energy to fight him? That conniving bastard!
Crash!
I was startled from my thoughts by the sound of something shattering. I could faintly hear Mr. Kant and Vegas arguing, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. It sounded like they were fighting somewhere far away. Shit, looks like father and son are at odds again. Vegas would be pissed off today, and he’d take it out on me for sure. Think, Pete! Quick, think of something!
The door opened before I could come up with a plan. Vegas stomped into the room, fuming. My life was on the line again. I wished someone would perform a Buddhist life-extension ritual for me—I was knocking on death’s door too often these days. I took a deep breath, bracing myself to face him.
“That motherfucking bastard!” Vegas cursed as he furiously threw everything in his path onto the floor.
I stared at him, petrified. He ripped the sheets off of the bed, his eyes burning with rage. He’d completely snapped, unable to control himself at all. The faded bruise on his face had regained its prominence.
“What the hell are you looking at?” he snarled.
Of course, that was meant for the only soul in this room apart from him: me. I tried to focus and not show him how scared and nervous I was as he glared daggers at me. I didn’t know if it was working or not because Vegas kept coming closer. My heart hammered so hard, I felt like it was about to jump out of my chest.
“Why are you looking at me like that? You think I deserve this?” Vegas hissed, his hand poised to hit me.
I stepped forward swiftly and touched his bruised face with a gentle hand. “Does it hurt?” I whispered.
Vegas was stunned. His anger seemed to waver.
I stood in silence as I looked into his eyes, scared shitless. I wanted to yell at him to stop acting like a thug—but I felt pity for him, too. Every single time he came home, his father screamed at him.
I carefully caressed his bruised cheek, comforting him. “It hurts, doesn’t it? Shh, it’s okay. Everything will be all right.”
After a while, Vegas visibly calmed down. His eyes softened, and he kept them on me as he gently pulled my hand away.
Then he turned around and slammed his fist into the nearest wall to release the rest of his anger.
“Fuck you, you bastard!”
“Vegas, calm down.” I pulled his hand away from the wall, trying to stop him. His knuckles had already turned black and blue.
“Damn it!” Vegas shook me off and slumped on the sofa. “Everything I do is wrong! Have you ever listened to me?”
I watched as Vegas poured out his emotions. It seemed like words weren’t enough to ease his anguish; I’d just made him act out physically. I stood in silence and let him continue to fume.
“Our business is about to fail, and he’s blaming it all on me. It’s going bankrupt because it was corrupt from the start. I never wanted to do it, but he kept forcing me to. He said I was useless and ungrateful for not wanting to help the family. Then when the business went bad, he said it was my fault. I fucking hate it! I hate it all!”
“He must expect a lot from you,” I said in a neutral voice. “You’re his eldest son.”
Vegas looked at me for a moment, then turned away. “Just because I’m his eldest son?” he hissed. “He never asks me about school. He never asks if I’m okay or about what I’ve been through. Not even once. Not even when I was a kid. You know why? He’s never seen me as his son!”
Vegas still looked furious. His eyes had turned red around the rims, and his hands were clenched so tightly that his veins were starting to bulge. Although I despised him with all my heart, I felt sorry for him. Everyone wanted a loving, accepting family. We all wanted to make our families proud, and the essential things that helped us achieve that were the love, support, and protection from our families. But from what Vegas had told me, he’d never had any of that.
“Well…you still have Macau,” I pointed out. “He loves you a whole lot, right?”
“I don’t want him to grow up to be like me,” Vegas said. “Right now, I’m his only sanctuary.”
Why was there no love for the children in this family? There was no one to support these two brothers while they were growing up. All they had was each other.
“I don’t know what’s going on between you and your father,” I said. “But I believe that, deep down, he doesn’t hate you.”
“He doesn’t hate me? Bullshit!” Vegas’s voice shook. “How would you know? He never shows me that he loves me. My mom died when I was young, and I grew up raised by a nanny. Then, my father fired her. It felt like I was alone in this world.”
Vegas gritted his teeth. Every time he mentioned his father, his eyes burned with rage. I could sense a lot of anguish hidden inside him—the motherless child with a father who’d never cared for him. His nanny, who was closest to him, was also taken away when he was young. If I could overlook his own cruelty, I’d have felt incredibly sorry for Vegas.
“I didn’t have a mother either,” I said. I wasn’t sure why I was suddenly mentioning my family. But somehow, I understood his feelings, even if I didn’t want to. “She died when I was young. I never knew who my father was. I don’t even know if he’s still alive. I don’t know why he abandoned us—I never had the chance to ask him. You’re lucky that your father is still alive and provides for you. I never knew my father, and I hardly remember my mother—and I’m an only child too. When I was young, my friends used to make fun of me for being an orphan. But I didn’t care. I still have my grandparents, and I love them with all my heart. You have Macau, who loves you deeply. You love him too, right?”
Vegas was silent. Maybe he was contemplating what I’d said. Then, he asked me, “Did you grow up with your grandparents?”
“Yeah. My childhood was tough. We were poor, unlike you. I had to work to pay for my education and to come to Bangkok. I was fortunate enough to finish high school. There are a lot of people who struggle more than you do, Vegas.”
“And…are you happy?” he asked.
“Yes. Everything is as good as it gets. As long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, I can do whatever I want with my life.”
“Pfft. You’re lucky to be happy with such trivial shit.”
“Isn’t that what life is about?” I said. “Being happy with what we have?”
“Do you read too much philosophy or what?” Vegas scoffed. He got up from the sofa and headed to the bathroom.
“Well, those are the books you have lying around in your room! Have you read any of them?” I yelled after him.
When the bathroom door clicked shut, I let out a sigh. Exhausted, I slouched on the sofa and took several deep breaths. My heart had practically given out in fear. I was terrified, but I had to look as calm as possible. Thank fuck Mr. Tankhun kept making me stay up all night to watch all those soap operas—I’d learned my acting skills from them.
Vegas showered and changed into his pajamas before stretching out on the sofa with a pile of books, just like last night. He put me to work again, typing out highlighted paragraphs in a language I didn’t understand. I stayed focused on typing, acting like I didn’t know Vegas was watching me the entire time. I pretended to be oblivious, behaving as normally as possible. I didn’t want to look at him; I was paranoid!
Then, I felt Vegas’s hand stroke my hair. My body tensed up, a lump forming in my throat, and a shiver ran down my spine.
“You’re a good person, Pete,” Vegas said.
I straightened up and quickly turned to face him. Was he about to remove the chain because he’d seen my strong morals?
“And?” I urged, my heart blooming with hope.
“And that’s it,” Vegas said, looking at me. He took his hand away from my hair and touched his own head instead.
“Oh… Do you appreciate it, though?” I babbled nervously.
Vegas frowned. “What? You’re as crazy as Tankhun. You probably spend too much time with him.” He chuckled. His demeanor had returned to normal; he wasn’t acting like a raging demon anymore.
I sighed, disappointed that I hadn’t gotten the answer I wanted.
“Hey, wait!” Vegas tilted my head with his other hand to make me face him again. I didn’t resist.
“What?” I asked.
“Why are you such an obedient dog lately?” he said, brushing the hair out of my face.
“I’m not a dog,” I muttered.
“You are.” He leaned closer, snickering when he saw how annoyed I was.
Don’t fall for his game, Pete! He’s baiting you. Remember, Pete, you’re a good person! “Fine, whatever,” I mumbled.
Vegas raised his eyebrows at me. “You… How did you learn to make such a pleading face?”
I frowned. Was I really making a pleading face? I bit my lip to stop myself from cursing at him and tried not to get riled up. Do you know I’m suppressing all this cursing? It’s frustrating!
Vegas lightly pushed at my head before lying down on the sofa again. “Hey, is Tankhun nice to you?” he asked, gazing blankly at the ceiling.
“Of course Mr. Tankhun is nice to me!” Except when he was bossy.
“You seem to like Tankhun and Kinn a lot.”
“I like Mr. Kim too, but I don’t see him that often,” I said.
Vegas sighed. “And why do you like those guys so much?”
I stared at him in confusion. I didn’t know why he was acting so sentimental all of a sudden. “Well, I’m…no, everyone from my island is indebted to the Major Clan,” I explained.
“Your hometown is an island?”
“Yup. It’s a small island in the south,” I said. “Back when I was a kid, a tycoon bought the island and banished all the residents who used to live there. He banned people from harvesting the bird nests there, which was the main source of income on our island, and let his men take over our businesses.
“Then, Mr. Korn acquired the island’s bird-nest business. He allowed the local islanders to resume harvesting the bird nests and bought our harvests without skimping out on the price. Anyone who couldn’t find a job could work for Mr. Korn’s company. Everyone on the island adored him.
“I wanted to work for someone as kind as Mr. Korn when I grew up. So, when I finally came looking for a job in Bangkok, I approached his company. I was still young, though, and I got scared when I saw how huge his business was. I ran away and worked odd jobs here and there for a year until I built up the courage to apply for a job in Mr. Korn’s company.
“When he learned where my grandparents were from, he immediately accepted my application, no questions asked. His men even look after my grandparents when they need to visit the hospital. The Major Clan takes really good care of us, especially Mr. Tankhun. When my grandparents visit, he welcomes them with open arms, as if they’re his family too. My grandma probably loves Mr. Tankhun more than me. Whenever Mr. Tankhun goes to the island on vacation, my grandparents pamper him and completely ignore me.”
I recounted it all with a smile. I couldn’t help but think about the time my grandma had to be brought to the hospital for some illness that was common in the elderly. Mr. Tankhun had taken care of everything. I’d never forget the times Mr. Tankhun cared for my family like they were his own grandparents.
Hold on, though—was this really the right time to be reminiscing about my past? I took a quick glance at Vegas. I forgot he might get angry if I praised the Major Clan. I cursed at myself for failing to read the situation. And I thought I might escape a beating today…
“Have you ever considered that those stories were just a lie?” Vegas asked, propping up to rest his chin on his hand.
“Why would my grandparents lie?”
“I don’t know… My dad and Be aren’t that different, I guess. They look like good people on the outside, but they’re rotten on the inside.”
I knew that Mr. Korn had a dark side. But I also knew he always had a reason for everything he did.
“You’re pessimistic,” I told him.
“And you’re naive.”
“That’s none of your business.”
“And what do you think about me?” Vegas asked, his eyes boring into mine.
“You’re a fucking asshole, stup—” I blurted out without thinking. Fuck! Why did I say that? I quickly swallowed the rest of my curses and tried to backpedal. “Well, actually, you have reasons for doing what you do.” I wanted to slap my mouth. Pete, you idiot! You can’t slip up like that!
