Kinnporsche, Volume 4, page 11
“Mr. Tankhun, we’ll be using the teeth and bones to test the DNA, and the results will take some time,” the doctor explained calmly. “There’s still a possibility that this person is not your bodyguard.”
Khun sniffed. “But if it is him…I don’t want him to stay here alone. While we wait for the DNA results, can I take his body to the temple?” he asked through his sobs. “If it’s really you, Pete, I want you to rest in peace. You don’t have to suffer anymore… I love you like one of my own little brothers!”
Khun gently stroked the plastic sheet. The image sent an arrow straight through my heart. I couldn’t breathe. It was pure agony, the same feeling as when I’d lost my parents. I’d always been afraid of losing another person close to me, and today, that wound had ripped back open. The fear I’d kept buried deep in my most fragile of hearts had fully reawakened.
“Fuck the Minor Clan! Fuck them all!” I cursed, punching the wall. I didn’t register any pain as my knuckles hit the plaster. I lunged at Arm to grab the car keys from his pocket and stormed out of the room.
“Porsche… Porsche! Where are you going?” Kinn moved to grab me, but my rage burned brighter than every other emotion; I could no longer control myself.
I stormed out to the van and hurried to unlock it. My fear had entirely dissipated, replaced by the need for revenge. All I wanted was to charge up to the Minor Clan’s house and bludgeon those motherfuckers until they joined my friend in death.
I lost myself to the fire blazing in my heart, ready to burn everything to ashes. I didn’t even notice Kinn running up behind me until I felt his strong arms wrap around me, stopping me from taking another step forward. Kinn kept shouting, trying to bring me back to my senses, but I thrashed against his hold and tried to shake him off, not caring about anything else.
“Porsche! Get a hold of yourself! The fuck are you doing?! Porsche!” Kinn strained against me as I struggled, holding me tightly from behind.
“Let me go! I’m going to kill those bastards! I’ll kill them all!” I raved like a madman. Although I’d only known Pete for a little while, I loved him as a true friend—I admired his sincerity, his caring heart, how he always had my back. If it had been Tem or Jom who’d died, or even Pol or Arm, I would still want the same vengeance. I hated anyone who dared to take away a good friend from me.
Pete, it shouldn’t have ended this way. You were too good for all of this. You were a good friend and a good bodyguard. You went beyond the call of duty.
Please, I don’t want to lose anyone else.
“Porsche! Calm down! You need to come to your senses!” Kinn succeeded in pulling me back. He grabbed my shoulder and shoved me against the van door, keeping me pinned.
“Calm down?! Didn’t you see what those bastards did to my friend?!” I roared, not caring that we were fighting in a public parking lot. At least we were in the VIP section, so there wasn’t anyone walking by.
“Please calm down first. I’m just as angry as you are, but you need to listen to me! If we charge in there now, the only thing that awaits us is more losses. It’s no use.” Kinn used all his weight to pin me down. I kept struggling, but I started to lose my strength—maybe my grief was cutting through the anger. My body went limp against the van.
“I’ve already lost one friend. What more do you want me to lose?!” I demanded, my whole body starting to tremble. The lump in my throat grew until it reached all the way to the bottom of my chest. My heart’s old wounds throbbed; images of my parents filled my head, overlapping with Pete’s body in that plastic bag. No matter how long it had been, I couldn’t let go and make peace with losing the people I loved.
“Porsche! I promise I’ll sort everything out. I’ll do everything in my power to exact our revenge on the Minor Clan, but you need to listen to me: It’s too risky. If you go in now, nothing good can come of it.” Kinn softened his voice to soothe me, but I didn’t feel comforted at all.
“I’m serious—how could you let Pete go in there on his own?!” I yelled, panting with rage.
“I’m sorry. I can’t change the past. Pete was a loyal bodyguard. I saw him as a younger brother…” Kinn’s face looked ashen, and his eyes were stricken with guilt. I knew he must be beating himself up, that deep down, he probably felt the same as I did. He was just better at suppressing it.
“Tell me, why were you always so suspicious of Vegas? You’ve never given me a clear answer.” I stopped struggling and finally asked what was on my mind. “Even after Big’s death, you barely gave me an explanation, just that he stole confidential documents and sold them. You never told me what you were doing with the Minor Clan or what beef you had with them. Why did you send Pete? What the fuck is really going on here?!”
Kinn had never told me what caused the rift between the Major Clan and the Minor Clan. Even after all that shit went down with Big, Kinn only gave me short, curt answers. I didn’t want to pry, but with everything that was going on now, I felt like I was owed an explanation. The timeline of events was starting to match up, and I could tell there was some secret Kinn was keeping from me. In the end, this was where we’d ended up—with Pete dead.
Now that Pete’s gone, don’t I have the right to know what the hell is going on? If not, then I don’t want to get close to anyone ever again. I’m afraid death will take them away from me…
“It’s not like I didn’t want to tell you,” he said. “I just thought it wasn’t the right time. But you have to calm down first.”
“What the fuck are you waiting for? Who’s next, huh? Pol, Arm, even my little brother? Chay and I live in your goddamn house! Do we have the right to know anything?” I demanded, staring at Kinn’s face.
“Porsche, calm down… I’ll take care of everything. I’m just asking for you to be careful and take things one step at a time.” Kinn looked at me imploringly. “Please?”
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “Then tell me. Give me one reason not to wipe out the Minor Clan right now!”
“Everything has to be done with caution,” he told me. “The Minor Clan is entangled in many of our businesses. I need to find their conspirators, as well as anyone else involved, to be as thorough as possible. At home, we got rid of Big, but at the company…it’s more complicated. There are many shareholders, and I need to find additional evidence they can’t refute. And Father and I have agreed that we don’t want outsiders or other rival families to know we have internal problems. There are people ready to stab us in the back at a moment’s notice if we show weakness. If we act too hastily, the company will be in trouble—people on the outside will know how rotten things are within the family.
“I want to take care of things slowly. We have to be quiet and utterly meticulous so no one else can take advantage of the situation. Father and I know that if others realize the Major Clan and Minor Clan are on the outs, then Khun, Kim, Father, even you—none of us will be safe. Our rivals will use the opportunity to take our businesses down and kill us all.”
I began to settle down, little by little, silent sorrow replacing my simmering rage.
“Porsche, I promise I’ll explain everything to you,” said Kinn. “But can it be after we get through this? The Minor Clan is desperate for power over the Major Clan, so they’ve done so many careless, terrible things… But, please, don’t be reckless.”
Kinn’s hand came up to gently cup my face. I lowered my head, the tightness in my chest unraveling into sobs.
“But Pete…Pete’s dead!” I burrowed my face into Kinn’s shoulder and cried, unable to hold back. My tears soaked into Kinn’s shirt, and my whole body shook. Although the DNA results weren’t back yet, all evidence pointed to the body being Pete’s; the description was too perfect. There was no use in denying it.
“I promise I’ll…‘take care’ of the Minor Clan,” Kinn said, holding me tighter. The warmth of my lover’s embrace couldn’t fill the emptiness in my heart. I didn’t want to accept the truth that Pete really was dead. I wanted to believe that everything that had happened today was just a terrible dream.
The drive back was somber. Pete’s body was still at the morgue. We were going to pick him up tomorrow for the funerary rites. There were no words to be said in the car; we sat there lost and confused as silence enveloped everything, even our hearts.
When we got home, Kim was leaning against the door. Nont stood behind him, crying.
Chay was hugging his knees on the front steps. He ran up to us the moment he saw me.
“Hia! It’s not P’Pete, is it?” he asked, his eyes full of hope. He must’ve heard the news, or at least part of it. Arm had probably called to inform everyone else at home.
I could only stand there, unmoving, unable to answer my brother’s question.
“Khun. Are you okay?” Kim asked his older brother. But Khun brushed past everyone wordlessly. Keeping his composure, he walked up the stairs and immediately disappeared into his room.
“P’Pete…” Chay called out Pete’s name again. I didn’t say anything—that was enough of an answer for him.
The bodyguards at the house looked back at us with mournful expressions as we returned from the hospital with red, tearful eyes. Gloom silently wound its way through the whole house.
I went back to my room with Kinn. Neither of us said a word. I hated this suffocating atmosphere more than anything. Although I’d calmed down somewhat, grief still filled my chest.
What Kinn had said to me…his words had enough weight to give me pause. I didn’t want to make things more complicated than they already were. Despite how much I wanted to destroy those Minor Clan bastards, I had to hold back.
I couldn’t help but blame Kinn, though—he’d had a hand in this. No matter how skilled or experienced Pete was, Kinn shouldn’t have let him go in alone. It was utterly careless. I couldn’t believe Kinn had been naive enough to assume Pete had already gone home too.
I wanted Kinn to receive his fair share of the bad karma.
“Porsche, where are you going?” Kinn asked as I picked up my wallet and the keys to the BMW. I needed to go somewhere where I could breathe, where I could process everything that had happened. Right now, I wanted to be alone. My mind was completely numb.
“I’m going out,” I said evenly, no emotion coloring my voice. “I promise I won’t go to the Minor Clan.” I wasn’t planning on running away, exactly, but I needed to take a step back and give myself some time.
“No…I can’t let you go,” Kinn said, pulling me into a loose hug. “I know you don’t want to even look at me right now, but I…I need you to stay close. The situation is dangerous. I’m afraid something might happen to you. Besides, at a time like this? I need you, Porsche.” Kinn hugged me tighter and dropped his head onto my shoulder. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him, despite my anger. I knew he’d never intended for Pete to die—but it was still his error in judgment that got us here.
“Then I won’t go…but I want to be alone.” I pried Kinn’s hands off and put my things away.
“As long as you’re still in this house. That’ll be enough.”
“Then get out of this room… I need time. Let me be alone for a while.”
Kinn nodded, agreeing easily. He gave me one last regretful look before stepping out of the room.
I collapsed onto the couch, letting my mind wander. I’d only just gotten to know Pete, but he was one of the few good people in my life.
I can only hope your good spirit will lead you to a better place, Pete. From this moment on, wherever you are, whomever you meet, I hope the merit you’ve made will free you from these people.
Don’t come near anything like all this in your next life. I want you to be free, to find happiness without needing to serve anyone or having to face such terrible things. Your smile and your sincerity will always be remembered.
I’ll think of you as my good friend, always.
I let my emotions flow until I was too tired to hold my eyes open any longer.
***
Evening came, and Arm knocked on my door to tell me of tomorrow’s plans.
“At six in the morning, Mr. Tankhun will go to pick up Pete and take his body to the temple. Are you coming with us, or will you follow later?”
“I’m going,” I said.
“Right. We’ll meet at six in front of the house…”
“Have you told Pete’s grandma yet?” I asked.
“Mr. Kinn will do that himself,” Arm explained. “But he doesn’t want to do it over the phone, in case Pete’s grandparents can’t handle it.”
“So…”
“He’s already sent people to Chumphon to bring them to Bangkok by plane. Then Mr. Kinn will tell them in person.”
“Mm,” I hummed in acknowledgment.
“Um…I saw Mr. Kinn pacing in the foyer,” Arm added. “Can you let him back in to your room, at least to sleep? I think he feels guilty enough already.”
“No…”
“He went to Mr. Tankhun’s room, but he got chased out. He won’t go to Mr. Kim’s room, out of concern for Chay. That boy is completely listless—he won’t speak a word to anybody.”
I knew well how everyone felt. Chay was probably just as badly affected as I was. When I was busy, I’d often entrusted him to Pete—and Chay, like me, also carried the memories of losing our parents. He was probably still in shock.
“Just leave him like that.” I did feel a sliver of empathy for Kinn, but what could be done when he was at least partially responsible for this?
Arm nodded and let me go back into the bedroom. I washed up, changed, then collapsed onto the wide, empty bed.
I tossed and turned, unable to sleep. I wasn’t tired, wasn’t hungry, wasn’t feeling anything at all; there was only emptiness. I could only hope that time would heal my heart.
Dad, Mom… Why does the memory of that day keep coming back to haunt me?
The bitter past kept returning. I missed my parents from the bottom of my heart. Losing them without having the chance to say goodbye was more painful than anything. I could never really accept that hard fact of life—that meetings would always be followed by partings. When it was Big or anyone else, I had felt sad for a moment, but I wasn’t anywhere as close with Big as I was with Pete. At this point, I just couldn’t accept that he was gone.
After waking up in the middle of the night, I couldn’t go back to sleep. When morning came, I changed into a black shirt and formal-looking slacks to meet everyone like we’d agreed.
Kinn himself came to knock on the bedroom door, just before dawn, to get washed up and changed. The cooks already had breakfast waiting; Pol called me over to eat, but at a time like this, I couldn’t stomach it. Neither could anyone else.
Khun, Kim, and Chay came down to gather in front of the house, and we piled into the van to go to the hospital together.
Khun was despondent, his eyes red and swollen. It looked like he’d been crying all night. Arm and Pol had to prop him up to get him from one place to the next because he was still in such a daze.
When we got to the morgue, the cop from yesterday handed a plastic bag with the gathered evidence to Khun, an uneasy expression on his face.
“This was the ring worn by the deceased,” he said with difficulty, “and this is the Major Clan’s crest… And most significantly, we found a partially burned business card. It’s still legible, bearing the name Pongsakorn Saengtham…which is Pete’s legal name.”
Khun began to cry even harder.
There might’ve been a shred of hope that the cop was mistaken and that we should wait for the DNA results, but finding Pete’s name made it real.
Khun insisted we take his body to the temple and perform the religious rites so Pete could rest. Although the cop said he was only about 70 percent certain about the evidence, he really couldn’t argue against Khun.
We brought Pete to the temple and arranged for a grand funeral. All the evidence had been gathered, so we had permission to cremate him. At first, Khun had wanted a hundred-day vigil, but a lot of the senior bodyguards objected to the idea since Pete had died of unnatural causes; the proper rites needed to be completed to ensure his spirit could rest peacefully. These may have been their personal beliefs, but Khun listened to them. He only wanted to do right by Pete, so he agreed; the funeral was shortened to a more appropriate seven days.
We were all busy at the temple sala for the entire day.10 Even though he still needed Pol and Arm to help prop him up, Khun took charge of every step of the funeral arrangements, from picking the coffin to finding the florists and arranging the photo memorial outside. Kinn, Kim, Chay, and I helped coordinate with the temple and took care of the tables and seating, recruiting the other bodyguards to help carry things around.
Kinn came over to speak to me. “I’ve sent someone to investigate the Minor Clan’s house, and there’s nothing out of the ordinary, but the car Pete drove has gone missing,” he said gravely. “When we checked the Highway Department’s cameras, there was no trace of his car—they only had images of him driving out of the Major Clan’s house. The surveillance footage from after he arrived at the Minor Clan’s house is missing.”
“And you can’t do anything else?” I asked. Everyone else may have accepted that this was Pete, but in my heart, I couldn’t help but hope that it was all just a big misunderstanding.
“The Minor Clan’s side has police on the take too. It’s no surprise that it’s been difficult to gather evidence, but I’ll try my hardest.”
“Just do whatever you can. It might be hopeless, but until the DNA results are here, I don’t want to believe that it’s Pete.” I did believe it…but even so, I wanted to do everything I could for Pete.
“Pete’s grandparents are here,” Nont told Kinn, who took a deep breath and walked out of the sala. I followed after him.
As soon as Pete’s grandma and grandpa got out of the car and saw their grandson’s name on the sign outside, both of them nearly collapsed. Khun and Kinn ran up to help support them. I couldn’t bear to look, so I turned away, biting my lip to keep myself steady.
