Seeking Home, page 8
part #1 of Family Bonds Series
“Fine. Do what you want.”
“Will you join us?”
He shot her a warning look, and she seemed to know not to push anymore.
He could go to town and get something to eat there.
And that doesn’t sound pathetic at all. Eating by yourself.
Tanner ignored the voice. He would sooner be pathetic than have to sit with Sabine and Olivia at the same table he’d sat at with Paulette and Dana. Be reminded again and again of his loss.
Chapter 6
“How are you doing?” Tanner asked as he tied up his horse to a tree at the top of the hill they had just climbed up.
Sabine groaned as she dismounted, moving slowly.
It was Friday, the second day of riding. This morning she had almost changed her mind about going out with Tanner again, but she was determined not to show any weakness, so she dragged herself out of bed, fed Olivia, and took her to the house. Nana Bond had told her Tanner was already outside with the horses. So she headed out herself and helped him saddle up, fighting the stiffness from yesterday.
“This is where I should say, ‘I’m fine, no problem,’ but I would be lying, because I can’t stop moaning.”
Tanner’s laugh made her smile despite her stiff and sore muscles.
“If it’s any consolation I was hobbling around yesterday as well.” He took her horse’s halter rope to tie it up, and she didn’t even try to stop him. She was beyond pride at this moment.
“Just sit down and swat mosquitoes, and I’ll pull out the lunch Nana packed.”
“That sounds great,” Sabine said, taking him up on the offer. But thanks to a light breeze whispering through the trees above and the grass below, she had no mosquitoes to swat.
With another groan she eased herself onto the ground in the shade of the trees, pulling her hat off and arching her back. It was an especially warm spring day and the sun had beaten down on them as they rode up the open side hills.
Tanner tied Two Bits up with a quick loop of the rope, pulled a couple of bags out of his saddlebags, and came to join her.
“Your order, madam,” he said with mock seriousness as he handed her one of the plastic bags.
“Can I see the wine list?” she teased as she took it from him.
His laugh at her comment created a warm fuzzy. Ever since she had met him he’d been uptight, aloof, and reserved. It was good to see him even a bit relaxed.
“Not sure Nana packed wine though she does love a sip of a crisp Riesling from time to time. Or so she told me,” Tanner said, sitting down beside her, his legs crossed.
“She’s quite the woman,” Sabine said as she pulled a sesame-crusted bun out of the bag. As she took her first bite, the crunch of cucumbers, the tang of the dressing, and the juiciness of the ham and turkey combined to make her mouth water. “Wow, this is phenomenal,” she mumbled, wiping her lips with the paper napkin Jennie had kindly provided.
“Food always tastes better when you’ve been outside for awhile,” Tanner said. “But even so, Nana always did make a great sandwich, or bun in this case. And, I should tell you, the buns are homemade as well.”
“She’s my new hero,” Sabine said, taking another bite then easing out a sigh of complete satisfaction. “When I grow up I want to be like her.”
Another chuckle, another flash of warmth.
“She also baked an extra batch of cookies because she knows you like them.” Tanner shot her a warm smile that softened his features and created a tug of attraction.
“I haven’t eaten so many homemade cookies in my life,” Sabine said, inspecting the bag. Sure enough, another bag nestled inside, holding at least half a dozen cookies.
“Didn’t your mother ever bake cookies?” Tanner asked.
“She wasn’t around when I was growing up. She died when I was four, so it was always just me and my dad, and he wasn’t the cookie-making type.”
“I’m so sorry. I think I knew that.”
She smiled her forgiveness. “It was a long time ago.”
“Do you have any memory of her?”
“I have one memory of her picking lilies from the garden and letting me carry them into the house. Another one of her sniffing some flowers and getting stung by a bee.” She smiled at the recollection then looked over at Tanner, remembering that he too had lost his mother when he was young. “What about you? How old were you when your mother passed away?”
““Garret and I were about nine. She worked a lot at the local sawmill and struggled with depression. So when she came home for work she would often go up to her room. Then, one week I was gone to a Bible camp. Garret stayed behind. When I got back, she was gone. A year later she died. Thank goodness we were here with my grandparents when it happened. We had a home. A family to take care of us.” He paused, his gaze wandering over the valley stretching out below them then up to the mountains so close.
His napkin was snatched by a breeze, and as he leaned forward to catch it, she caught a glint of gold from a chain around his neck.
Tanner caught the direction of her gaze, then looked down, pulling it out. “I see you were looking at this.”
“Sorry, didn’t mean to stare, but I don’t remember seeing that before.” And as soon as she spoke she felt like smacking her head. As if she was keeping such a close eye on Tanner.
But he didn’t seem to notice or care.
“I got it yesterday. From my nana. It’s a raw gold nugget. It was part of a bracelet that was handed down from generation to generation. There’s a story attached to it.”
“Really? Sounds intriguing. What’s the story?”
Tanner shrugged, dropping the nugget back behind his shirt. “It’s just a family legend.”
“Legend makes it even better. But if you don’t want to tell me—”
“No. No, that’s fine. It’s just been such a part of our family history, it doesn’t seem that interesting anymore.”
“I’d like to hear it.”
Tanner was quiet a moment, and once again Sabine wondered if she had overstepped. It was hard to say with this at-times prickly and standoffish man.
“It goes way back to the 1800s. My great-great-great-grandfather August Bond had come up from the U.S. heading toward the Klondike looking for gold. He stopped over, here at what became Rockyview and there he met a young native girl named Nukinu. They fell in love, and he decided to stay. Thought he could find his fortune in a different way. Then one night, Nukinu showed them something her father had warned her not to show any white man. It was a leather pouch with five gold nuggets in it. They weren’t from around here. Nukinu’s father had traded them from a Kootenai native. August took one look at those nuggets and decided he had to go find the source of them. So he crossed the mountain and went looking. She pined for him, hoping he would come back, or so we were told.” Tanner paused, a faint smile curving his lips.
“August finally realized his mistake and came back, telling her that she was his treasure, or some such thing. Who knows? My nana was the one who told me the story, and she’s quite the romantic. Anyhow, Nukinu actually took him back. They settled here in the Valley, and August started ranching. The nuggets were passed down through the generations. They eventually ended up in the hands of my papa, who also ended up owning the ranch. My nana loved those nuggets in the story so much my papa made a bracelet for her out of them. She wore it all the time.” He stopped, looking down at the nugget.
“Is that a nugget from the bracelet?”
Tanner nodded. “She said she took the bracelet apart and made a necklace out of each of the nuggets. She’s giving one to my brother Garret and to my cousins Hailey, Shannon, and Naomi as well.”
“That’s a rich heritage. I never knew that story.”
“Like I said, it’s family lore. I’m not a hundred percent sure how accurate it is, but it makes for a good story. Apparently, the Shadow Woman, that figure you can see when the sun hits Mount Hartley just right, came out of my family’s legend as well. Nukinu told August that she saw the figure in the mountain when she was feeling lonely. And she thought of him, and hoped that wherever he was he might see that figure as well and come back to her. And he did.”
“She must’ve been a patient person, or they shared a unique love. I don’t know if I’d be able to take some guy back if gold or money was more important to him than staying.”
“She seemed pretty forgiving.”
Sabine pulled a cookie out of the package, eating it slowly as she thought of the story Tanner told her. She knew of the Shadow Woman. Everyone in the town of Rockyview did. It had taken her a while to make it out, but once she saw it, she spotted it every time she and her father came to town.
To learn that the Shadow Woman was a part of Tanner’s heritage created a gentle touch of envy for the deep roots he and his family had in this community.
“That’s a fascinating story. I didn’t know that was all part of your family history.”
“It’s quite the heritage,” Tanner said.
She wanted to ask him how he could walk away from all of that. But considering that his walking away meant she had been able to buy the ranch, she let the question stay buried.
“Well, you picked a perfect spot for a picnic,” she said, leaning against the tree. The hill they sat on overlooked the valley cut by Hidden Creek.
“My cousins and I used to ride up here when we were all together,” Tanner said.
“Did that happen often?” Sabine asked.
“Once or twice a month for sure.” Tanner wiped the crumbs of the cookie he had finished off the front of his shirt. “Shannon, Hailey, and Naomi’s mom was divorced, and when she would go on dates she would drop the girls off. Sometimes for a whole weekend. They stayed in the cabin, but sometimes they’d stay in the house, and we’d stay in the cabin. Just depended on what mood they were in. They were kind of bossy, but Garret and I were usually okay with that.”
“Sounds like you all got along?” Sabine found herself stifling a flicker of envy at the pictures he evoked.
“We were kids, we had fights, competitions. But we had a lot of laughs together. Lotta miles put on horses coming up into these mountains. Sometimes Papa would come along and tell us stories.”
He paused, as if remembering those stories, those times. Once again she felt a pull of sadness that he was willing to walk away from it all.
“Where is everyone now?” she asked.
“Shannon works as a nurse in the hospital in town, but she’ll be moving away in a couple of months as well,” Tanner said. “Garret is off working as an engineer overseas. Some kind of megaproject that he tried to explain to me but I don’t understand. Hailey is living in Kelowna, and Naomi...she’s in Halifax, taking care of her fiancé. He’s dying of cancer.”
“That must be difficult,” Sabine said. “It’s sad how the family has scattered.”
“My nana sure thinks so. Once upon a time I thought we would all end up settling here. Nana keeps praying for it, so who knows. She has a strong faith. Unfortunately, faith only takes a person so far.”
“What do you mean?” The cynical tone in his voice sparked the question.
Tanner shrugged, dismissing it. “What about you? Do you have family around?” His question clearly showed he didn’t want to delve further into his comment.
She would have liked to know more about the state of his own faith life but sensed that was a dead end.
“No. My mother moved from Yellowknife to Rockyview,” she said. “She met my dad, and they got married. But I know from my dad that she never spoke much about her family or stayed in touch with any of them. I sensed a mystery there but I never found out. My father was an only child and inherited his ranch from his father, but he didn’t have any siblings so I didn’t have any cousins, just an older grandfather with a heavy accent who wasn’t terribly fond of little kids. You’re pretty lucky to have grown up with family.”
“Yeah. It’s been a blessing. We’ve had a lot of good times here.”
And now he was selling the ranch, the one thing that, it sounded like, anchored the family. She felt guilty that she was taking all that away. But then she reminded herself she was only taking what was being offered to her. It had been Tanner’s choice to sell the place.
“Anyhow, my grandmother said she gave me this necklace to remind me of my past and where I came from. She also gave me a Bible. And told me that was to show me where I should be going. It was a sweet thought, but...”
Sabine waited for him to finish the sentence, but he brushed the crumbs off his legs and stood, signaling the end of the conversation. “If you want to see the rest of the upper pasture we should probably get going.”
Again, that move away from anything hinting of faith. But again, she wasn’t pursuing that. She and Tanner were only connected as buyer and seller. No need trying to deepen the relationship.
“I don’t know if I’ve been sitting long enough,” Sabine grumbled, but she got to her feet anyway. “I can’t believe you’re not more sore.”
“Oh, I’m sore,” Tanner said. “But I can’t admit that to a city slicker like you.”
“I’m not a city slicker,” Sabine said. “Just a temporary city dweller.”
She took the halter rope from Tanner’s hand but let her eyes drift over the landscape below her. To think that she could see this whenever she wanted. It seemed too much. What had she done to deserve this?
To her disappointment and dismay, her throat thickened with emotion. She blinked quickly as tears threatened. Where was this coming from?
“Are you okay?” Tanner asked.
She swallowed, blinked again, then gave him a quick smile. “Just feeling a little overwhelmed. Wondering if I’m up to the task and if I deserve it.”
“I think you can do it,” Tanner said.
Sabine shot him a knowing look. “Really? I didn’t get that impression on Monday.”
“I just got caught unawares.”
“When you saw Olivia,” she finished for him.
“Yes. I’m sorry, but—”
“Grief is complicated. And everyone grieves in their own way.”
“Are you missing your husband?”
Sabine shook her head. “I know it sounds bad, but I wasn’t that terribly sad when he passed away. He hadn’t really been a part of my and Olivia’s life for the last few years. Home once in a while to get some clean clothes, then off on the road again. I’m pretty sure he was unfaithful, not that I could find any evidence of it.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Tanner said. “That must be hard.”
“It was hard two years ago,” Sabine said, slipping the reins over Two Bits’ head. She lifted her foot, pushed off, and swung her leg over the saddle, thankful that the horse stood quietly while she settled herself in. She looked over at Tanner, who seemed to be waiting for her to say something more. “I think the biggest thing I struggle with now is guilt. We only had a true marriage for a while and yet because of his death I ended up being able to come back here. Buy this place.”
“That’s not your fault,” Tanner said, climbing into the saddle himself. “Maybe just be thankful. Take it as a gift.”
“Easier said than done. I’m not used to gifts.” Sabine realized how self-pitying that sounded.
He held her gaze and once again that latent attraction seemed to spark between them. As if a line was strung between them, taut, humming with tension.
She shook her head, breaking the connection, knowing she couldn’t allow it.
She pulled her horse back, motioning for Tanner to go ahead to lead.
“This last field isn’t as big, so it won’t take as long,” he said, glancing at his watch. “If you’re up for it, I wouldn’t mind taking a back trail, up through the hills. We should get a really good view of the Shadow Woman from there.”
“I don’t know. Your grandmother is taking care of Olivia...” She hesitated. Though her inner thighs ached and her hips throbbed and she felt guilty about Jennie watching over Olivia, she wasn’t ready to go back.
But she felt she should at least sound responsible.
“I know you want to. I can see it on your face.”
“Sorry. I thought I was being more ingenious than that.”
“Let’s just say you’d make a lousy poker player. As for my nana, she told me last night how much she’s enjoying spending time with Olivia.” Sadness trembled across his features and she wondered if he was thinking about his own daughter.
Sabine wanted to press him on that. Wanted to ask him, as he had asked her, how he felt. Where he was in his grief process. But they didn’t know each other well enough for that. Besides, he was slowly taking over too much of her thoughts as it was, and she had no intention of letting him intrude further into her life.
“Also, Nana asked me to invite you and your daughter for dinner tonight,” Tanner continued.
“Really? She didn’t say anything about it to me when I dropped Olivia off.”
“Must have forgot,” Tanner said. “But she told me to make sure to ask you. My cousin, Shannon, will be coming, and she said she would bring supper.”
“I vaguely remember her,” Sabine said, casting back to try to pull up a face to go with the name.
“Unlike my mother, her mother got married, so her name is Shannon Deacon. Medium height. Auburn hair, freckles. Quiet. Well, quieter. Of the three sisters Hailey was the spunkiest. Naomi was more reserved as well.”
A vague memory teased. Three girls often standing together when it was time to catch the bus. Laughing, enjoying each other’s company. Sabine remembered feeling envious of their closeness. Of the fact that they had each other.
“You’ll like her. She’s really friendly.”
For a heartbeat she was going to ask if he would be there as well but then realized that would make her sound like some breathless teenage girl. He probably wouldn’t be there if Olivia was.
“Not having to think about making supper would be amazing.” Last night she was so sore and tired all she could manage was grilled cheese sandwiches. Thankfully, Olivia was in high spirits. She had played with a dog called Misty, held a baby called Emma, and enjoyed her time with the twins, Hope and Cash.
