Seeking Home, page 23
part #1 of Family Bonds Series
“But the income potential—”
“Doesn’t matter like it used to.”
Ken was quiet, his mouth set in angry lines, and Tanner had to fight down an urge to placate him. To find a way to make things work. But Sabine was right. He had done too much for other people.
He now had to think for himself. And for Sabine.
Ken pulled in a quick, hard breath. “I know how you struggled on this place. I know how tight money was. You never did manage to finish that house, because you couldn't afford it."
Tanner fought down a rush of annoyance with his father-in-law, resisting the urge to point out the obvious. He couldn’t finish the house because of Dana’s demands.
The past month had been a true eye-opener for him. Being on the ranch, hearing Sabine’s perspective on how things went, had shifted his perceptions. Shifted the blame he had been carrying like barnacles and that had smothered a healthy grieving.
But woven through all of that was Sabine. How much he cared for her. How much he hoped he hadn’t ruined any opportunity he might have with her.
"And now I can afford it. Before, there were too many things that needed to happen that were out of budget." Tanner tried to keep his tone even, tried not to let himself grow angry. This was Ken’s daughter he was talking about. He wasn't about to put her down in front of him.
"You were always afraid to give that girl what she wanted," Ken cried out. "She was never important enough to you to give her what she needed or wanted."
Tanner was barely able to hold his temper. And as he watched Ken and listened to him, he realized what the man had been doing. All this time he had been manipulating him, tilting him into thinking that Tanner had to treat Dana the same way that Ken and his wife had. All her life Dana had gotten whatever Dana wanted. And then she met Tanner and she wanted him. Maybe she just wanted a father for her daughter. He still wasn't a hundred percent sure of her motives. Maybe she saw all the land he owned and thought she was getting some rich rancher like on television shows. Someone with an airplane and unlimited cash at hand. Then slowly the reality sank in, and she didn't want the life that Tanner had offered her.
"I'm not getting into that right now," Tanner said. "But I think you need to know that I don't feel obligated to buy into the business with you anymore."
Ken looked like he was about to burst a blood vessel, his face was so dark. "And what is the alternative? Being with that woman—"
“Be very careful how you talk about that woman. She’s the woman I love."
"What about Dana? You loved her too, didn't you?"
"I did love her, yes," Tanner said. "But you know yourself that things weren’t easy for us the last year. How often was she at your place? How often did you take her and Paulette out to places I couldn't afford to take her? How often did you raise her expectations to places I reach?”
"We were just trying to do for our daughter what was important to us."
"Well, it wasn't important to me."
"And that was the problem, wasn't it? Do you think this new woman you're with—"
“Her name is Sabine, and her daughter's name is Olivia. And I'll thank you not to talk about them in that tone of voice."
"How long do you think it'll be before she gets tired of what little you can offer her?"
"I think I can offer her a lot. And I think what I can offer her is what she wants."
Ken snorted. "You have no idea what a woman wants. You have no idea how difficult it can be to try and keep up with their demands. You really have no idea."
And as Tanner heard those words, another realization dawned. Clear as the blue sky above him. Ken had probably spent his whole life trying to keep his own wife happy, satisfied with material goods. That's why this business was so important to him. It was going to be the big break he’d been waiting for. It would finally give him enough income to give his wife what she wanted.
“Unfortunately, that’s your problem, isn't it?" Tanner said. "I'm sorry to do this to you in this way. However, I know this is not the life I want. Yes, I'd be making way more money than I've ever seen in my life, but I found out money doesn't take sorrow away, money doesn't ease pain. I have a legacy here that money can’t buy.”
And, Lord willing, a woman who still cared for him. Even just a little.
He fingered the gold nugget around his neck, the reminder of his legacy. A legacy he wanted to pass on. Hopefully with Sabine at his side. If she would have him.
And if not?
He pushed the question aside. If not, he would have to find a way to convince her. Even if it took him months. He wasn’t going anywhere. He was staying in Rockyview where he belonged.
"I can't believe you're doing this," Ken said. “I can't believe you're walking away from this opportunity."
"Again, I'm sorry you feel like I'm leaving you in the lurch. But I think we both know, deep down, this was never going to work. This business and its potential income will not solve your problems.“
Ken looked up at him, his expression holding a hint of desperation. “So what do I do now? How do I tell Louise?“
In that moment, Tanner saw his own past relationship with Dana and realized how pathetic it had been.
“I’m sorry, Ken, but that's something you have to deal with on your own.”
Ken slowly stood, looking as if the weight of the world was hanging on his shoulders. But Tanner wasn't about to take that away from him. Ken had created his own situation, and no matter what Tanner did, nothing would really change. The one thing he had learned living with Dana was that enough was never enough. There was always another thing, one more toy, one more adventure, and they were always just out of reach until they weren't. And then there would be the next thing.
"I wish you luck," Tanner said, holding out his hand to Ken. "I hope you can find someone or something that will work for you. But it's not me."
To his surprise, Ken took his hand and gave it a firm shake.
"You’re a good man," Ken said. “I’m sorry this won’t happen.” He hesitated, as if about to say more then shook his head. “I better go.”
And with a shrug he released Tanner's hand and got into his truck.
Tanner watched him drive away, a feeling of utter relief washing through him. He had come so close, so close to making one of the biggest mistakes of his life.
He glanced over at the cabin. Sabine’s truck was gone. He knew she was taking Olivia to school today. Getting started on her life here. Today the cows were coming, and Sabine would be busy.
As for him?
He sent up another prayer, hoping he was doing the right thing.
He had another job to do.
Chapter 15
Well, the trucks were gone.
Sabine parked her truck by the cabin and turned it off. Despite all the self-talk she had given to herself all the way to town and back, she still had to stifle a deep-seated sob. For a moment she had held onto hope.
No, for longer than a moment. Ever since she and Tanner shared that first kiss, hope had been a warm, soft thing that had been slowly growing bigger and bigger. She should know better, she told herself, blinking away unexpected and very unwelcome tears.
Why should she think that Tanner would be different than any of the other men in her life?
He doesn’t owe you anything, she told herself. You’re the one that pinned your hopes on him.
Dear Lord, help me to focus. Help me to realize that Olivia is my focus. Olivia is my priority. She’s the one I have to take care of. My own heart will heal.
She got out of the truck, hoping beyond hope that those words would become true. Because right now she didn't know what to think or what to feel.
She grabbed her purse and walked into the house, tossed it on the bed, and looked around. She wasn't sure when she would be moving into a bigger house, but it would be nice to have the space eventually. It was getting harder and harder to keep things organized. Next weekend she and Olivia would have to clean out their apartment and make arrangements for their furniture to be put in storage until they could move into the other house.
But Monday, this was all officially hers. This cabin, the land it was on, the barns, the yard, the pastures in the fields, and the other house that she would eventually move into.
She pulled open her laptop and opened the spreadsheet that she’d been working on for the past week.
After she dropped Olivia off at school, she had gone to the tractor dealership and finagled the deal to lease a tractor for the next half year.
So it and the cows were coming today, as was the hay she had bought from Mr. Anderson.
She sure hoped the grass came in before she ran out of feed.
She pushed the laptop away and stepped outside, determined not to let what had happened today color this moment. She looked around, taking it in and letting thankfulness take over. This was hers. This was all hers.
She closed her eyes and lifted her face to the sky, sending up another prayer of gratitude.
Thank You, Lord. Help me to be faithful with what You have given me. Help me not to want or need more.
She paused, then added another prayer.
Please, Lord, help me to guard my heart. Help me to get past this unexpected pain.
She opened her eyes and looked around again, gratitude filling her heart once more.
Who would've ever thought that the girl once known as Slobbine Ragowski would come back here as the owner of a ranch?
A ranch that had been in Tanner’s family for generations.
The thought surfaced, and she had to beat it down. Selling the ranch was Tanner’s choice. She was here now, and she was making a name for herself. On her own terms.
Head high, she walked over to the barn just as she heard a vehicle coming down the road.
A large diesel truck came into the yard, pulling a lowboy with a tractor parked on it, and behind that, came another truck with the trailer carrying a front-end loader.
She frowned, staring, trying to figure things out. The second truck was Tanner’s, and the tractor wasn’t supposed to arrive until later today.
What was going on?
The diesel truck stopped in the middle of the yard, and a young man jumped out of the cab, carrying a clipboard.
He walked over to her, and she met him halfway.
"Are you Sabine Radowski?”
"Yes, I am."
He thrust the clipboard at her and a pen. “Can you sign, please?”
She scribbled her signature on the bottom of the paper, still puzzled as to what was happening. Then Tanner pulled up beside the truck carrying the tractor, parked, then turned off the engine.
He stepped out and slammed the door shut and then stood there a moment, looking at her.
She had to fight the leap of joy the sight of him gave her, but braided through that was a puzzlement as to why he was here and why the front-end loader of the tractor she was leasing was sitting on the trailer behind his truck.
"What's going on?" she asked. “I thought you left with Ken.”
Tanner bit his lip, then, shoving his hands in the back pockets of his pants, walked toward her. He stopped a few feet short, as if giving her space.
"I went to the dealership and found out you were leasing a tractor,” he said.
“Yes. But this isn’t the one I wanted to lease.”
“That one was too small, and I’m surprised the dealership was willing to lease it to you.”
“It was all I could afford.”
He adjusted his hat on his head, fidgeting. “Well, I saw a better tractor. And I thought I would buy it.“
Sabine shook her head, trying to settle the rattling thoughts. “Why are you buying a tractor, and why is it coming here?”
While they were talking the driver of the truck had started the tractor with a roar and was now backing it off the trailer.
Sabine said nothing more to Tanner, still perplexed.
The driver turned the tractor off and got out.
"Is it okay over here?" he yelled.
“That’s good,” Tanner called out.
The young man nodded and sauntered over to his truck. As he started up the truck, Sabine turned her muddled attention back to Tanner.
"What's going on?"
Tanner took a few steps closer to her, giving her a hesitant smile. "I stuck my neck out, that’s what's going on," he said. "I knew you needed a tractor. The one you were going to lease wasn’t powerful or big enough so...well...I bought one for you. Early birthday present.”
“My birthday was a month ago,” was all she could manage, still not sure she heard him correctly.
“So, late, then.”
Sabine was struggling through this, trying to process it. "You bought... You bought this tractor?"
"Yeah, I have a bunch of money stashed away. Money that I got when I sold a place I shouldn't have. When I sold a place for the wrong reasons."
He took a few steps closer. “That was mistake number one. I came very close to making an even bigger mistake, but you stopped me in time. You were right. Going into partnership with Ken wasn't going to change or fix anything. I wasn’t able to give him what he needed nor should I have tried. So, I didn't do it."
"You didn't... You didn't do what?" His words were a jumble in her mind, and she hardly dared believe he was saying what she hoped he was.
“I didn't go into partnership with him. I called it all off."
“So what are you doing instead?”
She realized as soon as the words spilled out of her lips what a silly question that was. It was really none of her business.
And yet, she sensed it was.
“I’m hoping that I can come here. Be with you.” Tanner swallowed, looking sheepish. "I care so much for you. I didn't think my heart would have room for any more love. You managed to find your way into it. I wish I was better with words, I wish I was as smooth as my brother, but I'm not. I'm just a rancher who doesn't have a ranch. And right now, I don't even know if I have my heart anymore. You and Olivia have managed to steal it. Cheesy as it may sound, it’s the absolute truth. I... I love you."
Those words, those precious words, were they really coming from him? Were they really directed to her?
"Pardon me?"
He gave her a crooked smile. “You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you? Okay, I will. I love you, Sabine Radowski. I love you more than I ever thought I could love someone again. I love you, and I love your daughter, and I want to be part of your life and hers. I don't want to move away, I want to stay here. If you don't want me, I understand. But you may as well know I'm not going anywhere. I’m staying in Rockyview. I’m still hoping to teach Olivia how to make a willow whistle. I’ll be around to help my grandmother move out, and I’ll probably be coming back here from time to time to make sure you're taking care of my legacy. See how things are going. See if you’re taking good care of this tractor here. So, essentially, I’m staying here. I don't care if I need to bag groceries or work at my future cousin-in-law's hardware store, I am not leaving."
His words were like water to her parched soul, and suddenly she couldn't stand it anymore. She took a few steps, closing the gap between them, and placed her hands on his shoulders. As soon as she did that, he caught her by the waist, his hands holding her tight.
"You really mean that, don't you?" she asked, breathless.
"More than I’ve ever meant anything in my life." Tanner pulled her just a little closer, a small invitation. She leaned into him, he met her halfway, and their lips met in a deep, warm, soft kiss. Then he was holding her more tightly, his kiss deepening, and she was clinging to him, all those pent-up emotions she had been feeling for so long finally able to find expression right here, right now.
A few breathless moments later, she drew away. He fingered a hank of hair away from her face, his hand cupping her chin, his eyes looking deep into hers.
“I don't have as much to offer as I would like, but whatever I have is yours.”
"What you mean is, you don't have much to offer, you bought me a tractor," she said with a light chuckle.
He smiled and kissed her again.
"You’re really quite something, aren’t you? An all-around amazing person,” he said.
“With a lot of loans,” she added, expressing one of her deep concerns. “And some interesting history.”
“I might be able to help you with some of that. But you are truly amazing. You're your own person, with your own strength, your own beauty, and your own amazing abilities. You just have to be you, and I think that’s more than enough for me."
They stood there awhile, as if cementing this moment into their minds. Into their lives.
"I imagine Olivia is at school?" he asked.
"Yes, she is."
“How is she doing there? Is she nervous about starting a new school?”
His concern for Olivia tipped any second thoughts she might have had right out of her mind.
"A little. I stayed with her until I had to go to the dealership. And when I left she told me I didn't need to come until it was time to pick her up from school."
"The cows are coming today?" Tanner asked.
"You sure seem to know a lot about my business," Sabine said with a light laugh.
"Well, if things go the way I hope they will, your business will be my business as well."
Sabine bit her lip, still hardly daring to believe this was actually happening. That this wonderful, handsome man was giving her his love and his heart.
"I'm hoping when this is all done, when the cows are all settled, that we can go to school and pick Olivia up together,” Tanner said.
"That would be more wonderful than you realize."
"She's a wonderful girl. And I hope she can forgive me for the rough start we had."
"She's easily mollified," Sabine said. "A kitten, a horse, maybe a dog. All will be forgiven.”
“I don’t know about the kitten or dog, but I'm sure I can do something about the horse."
