Seeking Home, page 14
part #1 of Family Bonds Series
He shouldn’t have fought with her. Shouldn’t have forced her hand.
But he couldn’t go into that with Ken. The past week he had come too close to that grief, and it was getting harder to keep the loss of Paulette and Dana at bay. But it was also getting harder to whitewash the fact that he and Dana, like Tim and Sabine, had been growing apart long before the accident. That the bonds of their marriage grew more frayed each time Dana took Paulette on a trip away from the ranch. Each time Dana stayed away for weeks at her parents’ place in the city.
Trips that her parents encouraged and, indeed, financed, as Tanner struggled to find a way to keep Dana happy.
“I’m sorry,” he said, hoping he sounded sincere, hoping he acknowledged his father-in-law’s sorrow.
Ken drew in a shuddering sigh, swiping at an errant tear that slipped down his cheek. “It’s just so, so hard.” He gave Tanner a careful smile. “Please, forgive me. I know I’m overstepping. I just...I don’t want to lose you too.”
“My marriage to Dana and my love for Paulette doesn’t change because they’re gone,” Tanner said, dropping back into his chair, turning back to the computer, needing a distraction.
“I’m glad to hear that. I feel like when I’m around you I’m still connected to Dana.”
Tanner felt a flicker of anger that he didn’t mention Paulette. As if Dana was the most important. And, perhaps, she always had been. Their darling daughter, the star in their life. The girl they’d given everything they possibly could to. Whose every wish they had always tried to fulfill.
At the same time he felt constricted and claustrophobic by Ken and Louise’s relentless expectations.
“I’m writing Jennings to see what’s going on,” Tanner said, starting a new letter.
“That’s a good idea. Tell him we’re waiting and growing impatient. Tell him that we need to hear from him soon. This deal has to go through.”
As Tanner composed the letter, half listening to Ken but putting in his own thoughts, he felt a niggle of unease combined with a momentary relief that Jennings was putting them off. It meant he didn’t have to make a final decision.
But he also knew that despite all the emotions he felt right now, there was one fact that Ken had brought up that he had the hardest ducking.
The fact that it was his old car that Dana had been driving when she went out of control and sent herself and Paulette to their death.
A car his father-in-law had been nagging at him to replace with a truck.
It might not have happened had he done so.
The numbers hadn’t changed in the past half hour.
No matter how she juggled them, Sabine was well over the amount she had budgeted for the purchases she had just made. Which meant she didn’t have enough for a tractor.
Sabine shut her laptop, tired of spreadsheets and formulas, her mind still buzzing.
She knew she wouldn’t be able to talk to anyone until Monday. Which gave her what was left of today and all day Sunday to fret about how this would work out for her.
She had been on the phone all afternoon, arranging to get the animals moved, but she couldn’t get a cattle liner until Thursday. Thankfully, Mr. Anderson was willing to hold them until then. In fact, he even said he would throw in two dozen hay bales in case her pastures weren’t up to snuff.
Which she knew they were, but the hay would come in handy to feed them in the corrals before putting them out on said pasture. To get them used to the place.
And how are you going to feed hay bales to two hundred cows with no tractor?
Blank panic shut down her thoughts and she groaned, rubbing her temples.
Just breathe. One thing at a time.
She pulled her thoughts together then glanced at the clock on her laptop. Close to suppertime. But her head ached, and she was emotionally wrung out.
For so many reasons.
On top of blowing through her budget, even worse, a couple of hours ago she had come dangerously close to kissing Tanner Bond. To letting him kiss her.
That was a perilous place neither of them could go. Her head knew that, but her heart...oh her lonely and love-starved heart had let him slip past her defenses. Had felt his strength and let it hold her up.
She could only assume Tanner knew the dangerous dance they were indulging in as well.
The visit from his father-in-law, Tanner’s future business partner, should be reminder enough that they were moving in opposite directions.
She needed to clear her head and walk around the ranch and remind herself that in a couple of weeks she would be managing all this on her own.
She made a quick stop at the bathroom, washing down a couple of pain relievers for the headache that was slowly making itself known. Then she stepped outside, sucking in a deep breath.
Ken’s truck was still parked beside Tanner’s, and Sabine thought back to the angry and annoyed look Ken gave her when he came to the truck. Angry and annoyed. Had she met the man before? Was he one of the creditors her father left hanging when he decided to scoot out of town?
As she puzzled this out she saw Nana Bond’s car pull up beside the two trucks. Olivia clambered out of the back, carrying a grocery bag in each hand. Without even a glance toward their cabin, her daughter rushed up the walk toward the house.
“Can I start cutting up the vegetables?” she called out to Nana Bond, who was also getting some groceries out of the car.
“Just wait until I come,” Jennie called out, shutting the door with her foot. She glanced up and smiled at Sabine. “Well, hello there,” she said. “How was the auction?”
Terrifying. Gut-wrenching.
“I got the cows I wanted.” She took a couple of the bags from Jennie’s full hands and walked with her to the house.
“I’m glad Tanner could be there to help you. He’s got a good eye for livestock. How many did you end up with?” The plastic bags Jennie carried rustled as they walked.
“Most of the Andersons’ herd.”
“Wow. Good for you. I understand they’re top-notch cattle,” Jennie said as she opened the door to the house and walked inside. “Or at least that’s what I heard. A couple of people in the grocery store were talking about the sale. Guess things went pretty high. How did that work out for you?”
Sabine stifled a surge of regret and confusion at the thought that, once again, people were talking about her. “It was stressful,” she managed.
As they walked to the kitchen Sabine heard muffled conversation coming from the office just off the living room. Ken and Tanner probably talking business.
Olivia was already emptying the grocery bags, singing some nonsensical song, bopping in time to her own music. When she saw Sabine she launched herself at her mother, almost toppling her over with a fierce hug. “I’m so excited,” Olivia said when she pulled back. “Nana Bond said I could help her make supper.”
“Um, okay?” Sabine had already planned their own supper and had only come over to get Olivia.
“She said we could eat all together,” Olivia said, immediately hitting the whiney tone that signaled to Sabine she was in for a struggle no matter what she said.
Sabine didn’t want to deal with this right now, but she had to make it look like she was somewhat in charge. Push back a bit.
“But what about our supper?”
“Is it leftover casserole from last night?” Olivia wrinkled her nose, clearly telegraphing her opinion of said casserole.
“You liked it last night,” Sabine said, injecting a warning tone into her voice. Olivia was growing more and more difficult with every passing day. She supposed Olivia was still dealing with the aftermath of a major move and the fact that her mother had been busy almost every day this week.
But still—
“I don’t want Nana Bond to get tired of having us around,” Sabine said, giving it one last try.
“Don’t be silly,” Jennie said, waving off Sabine’s objections. “I love having Olivia around. She’s very helpful.”
“We’re making spaghetti with sauce. From scratching,” Olivia pronounced.
Sabine checked a grin at her daughter’s pronouncement. “Well, that sounds like a new way of cooking.”
Olivia shot her a frown, as if she knew her mother was teasing her, but then turned to Jennie. “Should I start washing the vegetables?” she asked, already rolling up her sleeves and heading to the sink.
“Two of the peppers, one onion, and a carrot should be enough,” Jennie said.
Sabine was about to put in one more protest when she heard the sound of the office door opening. Her heart fluttered foolishly in her chest as footsteps sounded through the living room then came into the kitchen.
She didn’t have to turn around to know that Tanner stood directly behind her. His presence as real as if he had touched her.
“Ken. You’re still here,” Jennie said. Sabine caught a peculiar tone in her voice, one she couldn’t pin down. Almost annoyed, truth to tell.
“Tanner and I needed to nail a few things down about our business.”
Sabine shot a glance over her shoulder at Tanner, flushing when she caught his gaze. Despite the people in the room their eyes locked for a beat longer than necessary.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, shifting his voice lower, creating a subtle intimacy.
“Still struggling, but it’ll all work out, I’m sure.” She sounded more confident than she felt, but she wasn’t opening up in the presence of Jennie and a complete stranger.
“You not feeling well?” Jennie asked, suddenly concerned.
“Just some post-auction jitters,” Tanner said. His light touch on her shoulder unsettled her. It was a mere brush of his fingers. A small connection that, she was confident, was meant to assure her.
But it sent a flurry of shivers down her arm.
As she looked away she caught Ken looking at her again.
Feeling suddenly self-conscious, she picked up the discarded grocery bags and made careful work of folding them. She didn’t want to face this unknown man who had previously looked at her with such anger.
“And did you come down from Calgary today?” Jennie continued her conversation with Ken.
“Yes. Long drive.”
Sabine smiled down at Olivia, who had finished washing her hands and was now scrubbing a yellow pepper as if it contained hundreds of bacteria. “Maybe not so much soap,” she suggested, taking the container away.
“Would you like to stay for supper?” Jennie asked Ken, putting some of the groceries away in the pantry in the corner of the kitchen.
“I’m sure that Ken has plans—”
“Nonsense. I’d love to join you for supper,” Ken said, cutting Tanner off.
“Excellent. We’re about half an hour away from supper yet, so maybe you and Tanner can get a beer or some cider and sit out on the porch.”
“That sounds good.” Ken walked to the refrigerator beside Sabine, and she couldn’t stop herself from glancing sidelong at him as he opened the door. But he wasn’t looking inside the fridge. He was glaring directly at her with the same puzzling anger she’d seen before, and she was at a loss to know what caused it.
Chapter 9
“This is delicious,” Ken said, helping himself to another spoonful of spaghetti sauce. “My compliments to the chef.”
“I helped,” Olivia put in, wiping some spaghetti sauce from her mouth. “Nana Bond showed me how to make the sauce.”
Tanner stifled a brittle annoyance at how Ken’s expression grew hard as Olivia spoke. How he ignored her.
Olivia must have sensed his veiled hostility, because she looked down, fiddling with her fork in a nervous gesture.
“I didn’t know you knew how to cook so good,” Tanner said to Olivia, trying to smooth over Ken’s discomfort.
Even as he did he felt like a hypocrite. He had reacted the same way around the little girl, but somehow watching Ken’s interaction with Olivia made him see how difficult and awkward it was for her.
And for Sabine.
But Olivia didn’t look at him, as if to let him know his compliment was too little, too late.
“I remember how Dana used to get her daughter to help cook as well,” Ken said. “It was always so sweet to see them working together.”
What was he talking about? Dana seldom cooked.
Ken must have sensed Tanner’s confusion, because he sent him a bright smile. “Dana and her mother liked working together with Paulette in the kitchen. Three generations all together.”
“Did Paulette like cooking too?” Olivia asked. But Tanner heard the hesitation in her voice. The careful negotiation through the conversation. He was surprised she even spoke.
Ken frowned but didn’t look at Olivia. “Yes, she did,” was all he said.
Tanner felt sorry for her. She was trying so hard.
He hadn’t been any better to her. Had been so selfish as to think of his own pain and not get past it for the sake of this little girl.
He wanted to say something to her but sensed that sitting here, with Ken, might not be the best time to do it. But he promised himself he would find the time.
“So it sounds like the auction went well for Sabine,” Jennie said, breaking a piece of garlic bread in two.
“It did,” Tanner replied, glancing over at Sabine. At least she didn’t look as pale as she had when the auction was over. “Were you able to resolve everything?”
“I’ll have to wait until Monday to talk to my accounts manager,” she said, her voice tight.
He hoped she could figure this out. Though her husband’s life insurance policy had paid her a hefty amount, he also knew she had put most, if not all, of it toward the down payment on the ranch.
“So what did you buy?” Ken asked.
“Cows, first-calf heifers, a hay rake, and a hay bine.”
“So you figure on doing your own haying?” Ken sounded surprised. “Do you know how?”
“Sabine grew up on a ranch close by here,” Tanner put in, annoyed with his father-in-law for being so rude.
Ken nodded slowly, as if absorbing this information. “So do you really intend on running this place by yourself?”
“I do hope to hire someone to help out on occasion. But yes, I’ll be taking care of the place on my own.”
“That’s interesting. Dana wasn’t as involved in the ranch.” Somehow Ken made that sound like a compliment, brushing aside the frustration that Tanner felt over his wife’s increasing lack of enthusiasm for ranch life. “But she sure enjoyed driving out in the country.” Ken’s voice trembled and he gripped his fork tighter. “Until...the accident...”
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” Sabine said, her voice pitched low, quiet. Acknowledging the man’s pain. “I can’t imagine what kind of pain you’re dealing with.”
“It’s been so hard for me, and my wife. Losing our daughter like that.” He stopped, and Tanner desperately wanted to change the topic, guessing where Ken was going next, but knew how insensitive that would make him.
“Dana was so full of life,” Ken continued, pushing spaghetti noodles around on his plate. “So full of adventure. I just wish she had a better vehicle like a truck. Maybe...” His voice drifted off, and Tanner had to bite his lip at the implied criticism.
Then he caught the look of shock on Sabine’s face. She was staring at Ken as if she couldn’t believe what she had just heard.
“Her car was good enough,” Jennie cut in, her tone defensive.
“I don’t think so,” Ken said, his voice holding an edge of anger. “I think a truck would have made a difference.”
Tanner shot his grandmother a warning glance. And Sabine had turned her attention to Olivia, slipping her arm around her daughter’s shoulders as if protecting her from what Ken was saying.
“I don’t agree,” Jennie said, ignoring Tanner.
Her statement surprised him but her tone even more so. His grandmother wasn’t usually intentionally combative. Especially not with dinner guests. It was something that had been drilled into him and his brother when they lived here. The person who sat at your table was your guest and was to be accorded special privileges. The only thing they weren’t allowed to do was slander the Lord or be rude to the other people in the house.
Though Ken was edging closer to the latter rule.
“It might have saved her life,” he insisted.
His grandmother’s swift intake of breath was audible. She flushed and pressed her lips together, clearly doing the same thing Tanner was. Biting her tongue.
An awkward silence followed Ken’s outburst and his grandmother’s reaction. Ken was still toying with his food, his expression unreadable. Sabine was talking in a low voice to Olivia as if to distract her from the tension that now hummed in the room like a live wire.
Tanner was torn between wanting to ask Ken to please leave, which would be really rude, or asking him to stop talking about Dana, which would be less rude, but more awkward.
“So, Tanner, I need to find someone to move the cattle for me,” Sabine said. Her comment surprised him, but he was thankful for the shift in topic. Thankful for her intervention. “Do you have any ideas who I could ask?”
Tanner shot her a grateful smile. He pulled in a breath and adjusted his mental state.
“Yeah. I do. If Karl Kippers still has his cattle liner you could ask him. Or Adam Trak. I heard he’s in the business as well.”
“Do you know how I can get a hold of either of them?” Sabine asked.
“I’ll look into that for you,” he said. “Elliot or Kane Tye would know if I can’t find out.”
Then Nana asked Olivia to tell Sabine what they saw in town, and soon Olivia was giving them all a detailed description of a bookstore they had stopped in and the fun books there for kids. Plus, it had a corner to play in.
She grew more enthusiastic the more she talked, and Tanner was glad to see her become more animated. He knew she was uncomfortable around him, and he could hardly blame her.
“That’s Evangeline’s bookstore, isn’t it?” Tanner asked.
