Delphi Complete Works of Booth Tarkington (Illustrated), page 792
PIKE
[grimly]
Talk plain; talk plain.
HAWCASTLE
My dear young friend, imagine that a badly wanted man appears upon the pergola here and makes an appeal of I know not what nature to one of your fellow-countrymen, who — for the purposes of argument — is at work upon this car. Say that the too-amiable American conceals the fugitive under the automobile, and afterward, with the connivance of a friend, deceives the officers of the law and shelters the criminal, say in a room of that lower suite yonder.
[His voice shows growing excitement as a man’s shadow appears on the shade of the window nearest the door.]
Imagine, for instance, that the shadow which at this moment appears on the curtain were that of the wanted man — then, would you not agree that a moderate and reasonable request of your fellow-countryman might be acceded to?
PIKE
[swallowing painfully]
What would be the nature of that request?
HAWCASTLE
It would concern a certain alliance; might concern a certain settlement.
PIKE
If the request were refused, what would the consequences be?
HAWCASTLE
Two years, at least, for the American, and the friend who had been his accessory. Altogether I should consider it a disastrous situation.
PIKE
[thoughtfully]
Yes; looks like it.
HAWCASTLE
[with sharp significance]
If this fellow-countryman of yours were assured that the law would be made to take its course if a favorable answer were not received — say, by ten o’clock to-night — what, in your opinion, would his answer be?
PIKE
[plaintively]
Well, it would all depend upon which of my countrymen you caught. If it depended on the one I know best, he’d tell you he’d see you in hell first!
[The two remain staring fixedly at each other as the curtain slowly descends.]
THE THIRD ACT
SCENE: A handsome private salon in the hotel the same evening. There are cabinets against the walls, buhl tables, luxurious tapestried chairs, etc. At back, double doors, wide open, disclose a brilliantly lit conservatory and hall with palms and oleanders in bloom. On the left a heavily curtained window looks out upon the garden; on the right is a closed door. Unseen, an orchestra is playing an aria from “Pagliacci.”
The rise of the curtain discloses PIKE sitting in a dejected attitude in an arm-chair. He wears a black tie, collar and linen as before, black trousers, a white waistcoat, cut rather low, and a black frock-coat— “Western statesman” style — not fashionably cut, but well-fitting and graceful.
MARIANO passes through the conservatory at back bearing a coffee-tray. LADY CREECH, in an evening gown of black velvet and lace, follows with stately tread. HORACE, in evening clothes, follows, with MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY on his arm; she is in a handsome, very Parisian, décolleté dress. They are deep in tender conversation.
ETHEL follows, on the arm of ALMERIC. She wears a pretty evening gown, ALMERIC in evening clothes; her head is bent, her eyes cast down.
A valet de chambre enters the salon from the hall. He touches an electric button on wall near door. RIBIERE comes quickly and noiselessly from the room to the right. They stand bowing as VASILI enters through the conservatory. Valet immediately closes the doors. VASILI wears an overcoat trimmed with sables, a silk hat, evening clothes, and white gloves; order ribbon in his button-hole.
PIKE
[as VASILI enters]
I’m mighty glad you’ve come — I’ve been waiting.
VASILI
[to RIBIERE, and speaking in undertone]
You have telegraphed for the information?
RIBIERE
Yes, sir.
[Valet, with coat, hat, etc., goes out, followed by RIBIERE.]
VASILI
I have dined with an old tutor of mine. Once every year I come here to do that.
[Valet returns with vodka and cigarettes, which he places on a table, immediately withdrawing.]
VASILI
[with a keen glance at PIKE]
And you; I suppose you dined with the charming young lady, your ward, and her brother, as you expected?
PIKE
[turning away sadly]
Oh no, they’ve got friends of their own here.
VASILI
So I have observed.
[Sips vodka.]
PIKE
Oh, I don’t mind their not asking me.
[With an assumption of cheerfulness.]
Fact is, these friends of hers are trying to get me to do something I can’t do —
VASILI
You need not tell me that, my friend. I have both eyes and ears; I understand.
PIKE
[troubled, coming near him]
I wish you understood the rest, because it ain’t easy for me to tell you. Doc, I’m afraid I’ve got you into a pretty bad hole.
VASILI
[smiling]
Ah, that I fear I do not understand.
PIKE
[remorsefully]
I’m afraid I have. You and Ivanoff and me — all three of us. This Hawcastle knows, and he knows it as well as I know you’re sittin’ in that chair, that we’ve got that poor fellow in yonder.
[Pointing to the door on the right.]
VASILI
Surely you can trust Lord Hawcastle not to mention it. He must know that the consequences for you, as well as for me, would be, to say the least, disastrous. Surely you made that clear to him.
PIKE
[grimly]
No; he made it clear to me. Two years in jail is the minimum, and if I don’t make up my mind by ten o’clock
[VASILI looks at his watch]
to do what he wants me to do —
VASILI
What does he want you to do?
PIKE
The young lady’s father trusted me to look after her, and if I won’t promise to let her pay seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars for that — well, you’ve seen it around here, haven’t you —
VASILI
I have observed it — that is, if you refer to the son of Lord Hawcastle.
PIKE
Well, if I don’t consent to do that, I reckon Ivanoff has to go back to Siberia and you and I to jail.
VASILI
He threatens that?
PIKE
He’ll do that!
VASILI
[looking at him sharply]
What do you mean to do?
PIKE
There wouldn’t be any trouble about it if it was only me. That would make it easy. They could land me for two years
[swallowing painfully]
or twenty. What makes it so hard is that I can’t do what they want, even to let you and Ivanoff out. It ain’t my money. All I can do is to ask you to forgive me, and warn you to get away before they come down on me. This feller’s got me, Doc. Don’t you see how it stands? Ivanoff can’t get away —
VASILI
No; I think he can’t.
PIKE
They’ve got this militia all around the place.
VASILI
I passed through the cordon of carabiniere as I came in.
PIKE
[urgently]
But you could get away, Doc. Up to ten o’clock you can come and go as you choose.
VASILI
[rising]
So can you. You have not thought of that?
PIKE
No; and I won’t think of it. But as for you —
VASILI
As for me
[rings bell near door]
— I shall go!
PIKE
That’s part of the load off my mind. I can’t bear to think of the rest of it. I haven’t known how to tell that poor fellow in there.
[Valet enters.]
VASILI
[to valet, indicating the door on the right]
Appellez le Monsieur la.
[Valet goes to the door, opens it, bowing slightly to IVANOFF, who appears. Valet withdraws.]
[IVANOFF is very pale and haggard looking, but his clothes have been mended and neatly brushed. He comes in slowly and quietly.]
VASILI
[in the tone of a superior]
You may come in, Ivanoff. Some unexpected difficulties have arisen. Your presence here has been discovered by persons who wish evil to this gentleman who has protected you. He can do nothing further to save you unless he betrays a trust which has been left to him.
[IVANOFF swallows painfully, and looks pitifully from VASILI to PIKE.]
PIKE
[coming down to IVANOFF, standing before him humbly]
It’s the truth, old man. I can’t do it.
[IVANOFF’S head falls forward on his chest.]
IVANOFF
[in a low voice]
I thank you for what you have tried to do for me.
[Gives PIKE his hand. PIKE turns away.]
VASILI
You have until ten o’clock.
[Valet appears in the doorway.]
Mon chapeau et pardessus.
[Exit valet.]
In the meantime my friend believes Naples a safe place for me.
[Valet returns with his coat, hat, and gloves.]
And so, auf weidersehn.
[Dismisses the valet with a gesture.]
PIKE
[going to him and shaking hands heartily]
Good-bye, Doc, and God bless you!
VASILI
To our next meeting.
[Exit briskly through the upper doors. As they close behind him, IVANOFF’S manner changes. He goes rapidly to a table, picks up the cigarettes, which are in a large silver open box, and touches the bottle of vodka significantly.]
IVANOFF
I thought so — Russian!
PIKE
What!
IVANOFF
That man, your friend, who calls himself Gröllerhagen, is not a German — he is a Russian — not only that, he is a Russian noble. I see it in a hundred ways that you cannot.
PIKE
Whatever he is, he helped us this afternoon. I’d trust him to the bone.
IVANOFF
I have felt it inevitable that I should go back to Siberia. A thousand times have I felt it since I entered these rooms.
[He goes down toward the window.]
PIKE
I know you feel mighty bad, but perhaps — perhaps —
IVANOFF
There is no perhaps for me. There was never any perhaps after I met Hélène.
PIKE
[scratching his head]
Hélène!
IVANOFF
Hélène was my wife, she who sent me to Siberia, she and my dear, accursed English friend.
PIKE
[thoughtfully]
What was his name?
IVANOFF
His name — it was Glenwood. I shall not forget that name soon.
PIKE
What was he doing in Russia?
IVANOFF
I have told you he had contracts with the Ministry of Finance — he supplied hydraulic machinery to the government. Does the name Glenwood mean anything to you? Have you heard it?
PIKE
[profoundly thoughtful, pauses, looking at IVANOFF sharply]
No.
[Then to himself.]
And there must be a million Hélènes in France.
IVANOFF
I prayed God to let me meet them before I was taken. But I talk too much of myself. I wish to know — you — you will be safe. They can do nothing to you, can they?
PIKE
[with assumed cheerfulness]
Oh, I’m all right — don’t worry about me.
[Loud knock at the upper doors.]
IVANOFF
[despairingly]
It is the carabiniere.
PIKE
Steady.
[Looks at watch.]
Not yet. Go back. We won’t throw our hands into the discard until we’re called. We’ll keep on raising.
[Exit IVANOFF through door on the right, closing it after him.]
[PIKE scratches his head and slowly says: “Hélène.” Then calls: “Come in!”]
[MARIANO opens the upper doors from without and bows.]
MARIANO
Miladi Creesh — she ask you would speak with her a few minutes?
PIKE
All right! Where is she?
MARIANO
Here, sir.
PIKE
Come right in, ma’am!
[LADY CREECH enters.]
LADY CREECH
[frigidly]
I need scarcely inform you that this interview is not of my seeking.
[She sits stiffly.]
On the contrary, it is intensely disagreeable to me. My brother-in-law feels that some one well acquainted with Miss Granger-Simpson’s ambitions and her inner nature should put the case finally to you before we proceed to extremities.
PIKE
Yes, ma’am!
LADY CREECH
[crossly]
Don’t mumble your words if you expect me to listen to you.
PIKE
[cordially]
Go on, ma’am!
LADY CREECH
My brother-in-law has made us aware of the state of affairs, and we are quite in sympathy with my brother-in-law’s attitude as to what should be done to you.
PIKE
[in a tone of genial inquiry]
Yes, ma’am; and what do you think ought to be done to me?
LADY CREECH
If, in the kindness of our hearts, we condone your offence, we insist upon your accession to our reasonable demands.
PIKE
[sardonically]
By ten o’clock!
LADY CREECH
Quite so.
PIKE
You say he told all of you? Has he told Miss Ethel?
LADY CREECH
It hasn’t been thought proper. Young girls should be shielded from everything disagreeable.
PIKE
Yes, ma’am; that’s the idea that got me into this trouble.
LADY CREECH
I say, this young lady, who seems to be technically your ward, is considered, by all of us who understand her, infinitely more my ward.
PIKE
Yes, ma’am! Go on.
LADY CREECH
[loftily]
She came to me something more than a year ago —
PIKE
[simply]
Did you advertise?
LADY CREECH
[stung]
I suppose it is your intention to be offensive.
PIKE
[protesting]
No, ma’am; I didn’t mean anything. But, you see, I’ve handled all her accounts, and her payments to you —
LADY CREECH
[crushingly]
We will omit tradesman-like references! What Lord Hawcastle wished me to impress on you is not only that you will ruin yourself, but put a blight upon the life of the young lady whom you are pleased to consider your ward. We make this suggestion because we conceive that you have a preposterous sentimental interest yourself in Miss Granger-Simpson.
PIKE
[taken aback]
Me?
LADY CREECH
Upon what other ground are we to explain your conduct?
PIKE
You mean that I’d only stand between her and you for my own sake?
LADY CREECH
We can comprehend no other grounds.
PIKE
[solemnly]
I don’t believe you can! But you can comprehend that I wouldn’t have any hope, can’t you?
LADY CREECH
One never knows what these weird Americans hope. Hawcastle assures me you have some such idea, but my charge has studied under my instruction — deportment, manners, and ideals — which has lifted her above the mere American circumstance of her birth. She has ambitions. If you stand in the way of them she will wither, she will die like a caged bird. All that was sordid about her parentage she has cast off. We have thought that we might make something out of her.
PIKE
[in a clear voice, looking at her mildly]
Make something out of her — yes, ma’am!
LADY CREECH
[quickly]
Make something better of her. We offer her this alliance with a family which for seven hundred years —
PIKE
Yes, ma’am — Crecy and Agincourt — I know.
LADY CREECH
With a family never sullied by those low ideals of barter and exchange which are the governing impulses of your countrymen.
PIKE
Seven hundred years —
[fumbling in coat-pocket]
— why, look here, Mrs. Creech!
[At this LADY CREECH half rises from her chair with a profound shudder, sinks back again; PIKE continues.]
I’ve got a letter right here
[takes letter from pocket]
that tells me your brother-in-law was in business — and I respect him for it — only a few years ago.
LADY CREECH
[angrily]
A letter from whom?
PIKE
Jim Cooley, our vice-consul in London. Jim ain’t the wisest man in the world, but he seems to have this all right, and he says Mr. Hawcastle —
LADY CREECH
[exploding]
Mr. Hawcastle!
PIKE
[placatingly]
Well, I can call a person Colonel or Cap or Doc or anything of that kind, but I just plain don’t know how to use the kind of words you have over here for those things. They don’t seem to fit my mouth, somehow. Just let me run on my own way. I don’t mean to hurt your feelings. Anyway, Jim says your brother-in-law was in business in Russia.
[Up to this point he has gone on rapidly, but after the word “Russia” he pauses abruptly as if startled by a sudden thought and slowly repeats.]
“In business in Russia!”
[He rises.]
LADY CREECH
This is beside the point entirely!
PIKE
It is the point! Now, between us, ain’t Jim right? Ain’t it the truth?
LADY CREECH
[angry and agitated]
Since some of your vulgar American officials have been spying about —
PIKE
[with controlled excitement]
Your brother-in-law was in business in Russia; so far, so good.
[Leans upon back of chair watching her, eager, but smiling cordially.]
I don’t say he was peddling shoe-strings on the corner or selling weinerwursts —
[grimly]
Talk plain; talk plain.
HAWCASTLE
My dear young friend, imagine that a badly wanted man appears upon the pergola here and makes an appeal of I know not what nature to one of your fellow-countrymen, who — for the purposes of argument — is at work upon this car. Say that the too-amiable American conceals the fugitive under the automobile, and afterward, with the connivance of a friend, deceives the officers of the law and shelters the criminal, say in a room of that lower suite yonder.
[His voice shows growing excitement as a man’s shadow appears on the shade of the window nearest the door.]
Imagine, for instance, that the shadow which at this moment appears on the curtain were that of the wanted man — then, would you not agree that a moderate and reasonable request of your fellow-countryman might be acceded to?
PIKE
[swallowing painfully]
What would be the nature of that request?
HAWCASTLE
It would concern a certain alliance; might concern a certain settlement.
PIKE
If the request were refused, what would the consequences be?
HAWCASTLE
Two years, at least, for the American, and the friend who had been his accessory. Altogether I should consider it a disastrous situation.
PIKE
[thoughtfully]
Yes; looks like it.
HAWCASTLE
[with sharp significance]
If this fellow-countryman of yours were assured that the law would be made to take its course if a favorable answer were not received — say, by ten o’clock to-night — what, in your opinion, would his answer be?
PIKE
[plaintively]
Well, it would all depend upon which of my countrymen you caught. If it depended on the one I know best, he’d tell you he’d see you in hell first!
[The two remain staring fixedly at each other as the curtain slowly descends.]
THE THIRD ACT
SCENE: A handsome private salon in the hotel the same evening. There are cabinets against the walls, buhl tables, luxurious tapestried chairs, etc. At back, double doors, wide open, disclose a brilliantly lit conservatory and hall with palms and oleanders in bloom. On the left a heavily curtained window looks out upon the garden; on the right is a closed door. Unseen, an orchestra is playing an aria from “Pagliacci.”
The rise of the curtain discloses PIKE sitting in a dejected attitude in an arm-chair. He wears a black tie, collar and linen as before, black trousers, a white waistcoat, cut rather low, and a black frock-coat— “Western statesman” style — not fashionably cut, but well-fitting and graceful.
MARIANO passes through the conservatory at back bearing a coffee-tray. LADY CREECH, in an evening gown of black velvet and lace, follows with stately tread. HORACE, in evening clothes, follows, with MADAME DE CHAMPIGNY on his arm; she is in a handsome, very Parisian, décolleté dress. They are deep in tender conversation.
ETHEL follows, on the arm of ALMERIC. She wears a pretty evening gown, ALMERIC in evening clothes; her head is bent, her eyes cast down.
A valet de chambre enters the salon from the hall. He touches an electric button on wall near door. RIBIERE comes quickly and noiselessly from the room to the right. They stand bowing as VASILI enters through the conservatory. Valet immediately closes the doors. VASILI wears an overcoat trimmed with sables, a silk hat, evening clothes, and white gloves; order ribbon in his button-hole.
PIKE
[as VASILI enters]
I’m mighty glad you’ve come — I’ve been waiting.
VASILI
[to RIBIERE, and speaking in undertone]
You have telegraphed for the information?
RIBIERE
Yes, sir.
[Valet, with coat, hat, etc., goes out, followed by RIBIERE.]
VASILI
I have dined with an old tutor of mine. Once every year I come here to do that.
[Valet returns with vodka and cigarettes, which he places on a table, immediately withdrawing.]
VASILI
[with a keen glance at PIKE]
And you; I suppose you dined with the charming young lady, your ward, and her brother, as you expected?
PIKE
[turning away sadly]
Oh no, they’ve got friends of their own here.
VASILI
So I have observed.
[Sips vodka.]
PIKE
Oh, I don’t mind their not asking me.
[With an assumption of cheerfulness.]
Fact is, these friends of hers are trying to get me to do something I can’t do —
VASILI
You need not tell me that, my friend. I have both eyes and ears; I understand.
PIKE
[troubled, coming near him]
I wish you understood the rest, because it ain’t easy for me to tell you. Doc, I’m afraid I’ve got you into a pretty bad hole.
VASILI
[smiling]
Ah, that I fear I do not understand.
PIKE
[remorsefully]
I’m afraid I have. You and Ivanoff and me — all three of us. This Hawcastle knows, and he knows it as well as I know you’re sittin’ in that chair, that we’ve got that poor fellow in yonder.
[Pointing to the door on the right.]
VASILI
Surely you can trust Lord Hawcastle not to mention it. He must know that the consequences for you, as well as for me, would be, to say the least, disastrous. Surely you made that clear to him.
PIKE
[grimly]
No; he made it clear to me. Two years in jail is the minimum, and if I don’t make up my mind by ten o’clock
[VASILI looks at his watch]
to do what he wants me to do —
VASILI
What does he want you to do?
PIKE
The young lady’s father trusted me to look after her, and if I won’t promise to let her pay seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars for that — well, you’ve seen it around here, haven’t you —
VASILI
I have observed it — that is, if you refer to the son of Lord Hawcastle.
PIKE
Well, if I don’t consent to do that, I reckon Ivanoff has to go back to Siberia and you and I to jail.
VASILI
He threatens that?
PIKE
He’ll do that!
VASILI
[looking at him sharply]
What do you mean to do?
PIKE
There wouldn’t be any trouble about it if it was only me. That would make it easy. They could land me for two years
[swallowing painfully]
or twenty. What makes it so hard is that I can’t do what they want, even to let you and Ivanoff out. It ain’t my money. All I can do is to ask you to forgive me, and warn you to get away before they come down on me. This feller’s got me, Doc. Don’t you see how it stands? Ivanoff can’t get away —
VASILI
No; I think he can’t.
PIKE
They’ve got this militia all around the place.
VASILI
I passed through the cordon of carabiniere as I came in.
PIKE
[urgently]
But you could get away, Doc. Up to ten o’clock you can come and go as you choose.
VASILI
[rising]
So can you. You have not thought of that?
PIKE
No; and I won’t think of it. But as for you —
VASILI
As for me
[rings bell near door]
— I shall go!
PIKE
That’s part of the load off my mind. I can’t bear to think of the rest of it. I haven’t known how to tell that poor fellow in there.
[Valet enters.]
VASILI
[to valet, indicating the door on the right]
Appellez le Monsieur la.
[Valet goes to the door, opens it, bowing slightly to IVANOFF, who appears. Valet withdraws.]
[IVANOFF is very pale and haggard looking, but his clothes have been mended and neatly brushed. He comes in slowly and quietly.]
VASILI
[in the tone of a superior]
You may come in, Ivanoff. Some unexpected difficulties have arisen. Your presence here has been discovered by persons who wish evil to this gentleman who has protected you. He can do nothing further to save you unless he betrays a trust which has been left to him.
[IVANOFF swallows painfully, and looks pitifully from VASILI to PIKE.]
PIKE
[coming down to IVANOFF, standing before him humbly]
It’s the truth, old man. I can’t do it.
[IVANOFF’S head falls forward on his chest.]
IVANOFF
[in a low voice]
I thank you for what you have tried to do for me.
[Gives PIKE his hand. PIKE turns away.]
VASILI
You have until ten o’clock.
[Valet appears in the doorway.]
Mon chapeau et pardessus.
[Exit valet.]
In the meantime my friend believes Naples a safe place for me.
[Valet returns with his coat, hat, and gloves.]
And so, auf weidersehn.
[Dismisses the valet with a gesture.]
PIKE
[going to him and shaking hands heartily]
Good-bye, Doc, and God bless you!
VASILI
To our next meeting.
[Exit briskly through the upper doors. As they close behind him, IVANOFF’S manner changes. He goes rapidly to a table, picks up the cigarettes, which are in a large silver open box, and touches the bottle of vodka significantly.]
IVANOFF
I thought so — Russian!
PIKE
What!
IVANOFF
That man, your friend, who calls himself Gröllerhagen, is not a German — he is a Russian — not only that, he is a Russian noble. I see it in a hundred ways that you cannot.
PIKE
Whatever he is, he helped us this afternoon. I’d trust him to the bone.
IVANOFF
I have felt it inevitable that I should go back to Siberia. A thousand times have I felt it since I entered these rooms.
[He goes down toward the window.]
PIKE
I know you feel mighty bad, but perhaps — perhaps —
IVANOFF
There is no perhaps for me. There was never any perhaps after I met Hélène.
PIKE
[scratching his head]
Hélène!
IVANOFF
Hélène was my wife, she who sent me to Siberia, she and my dear, accursed English friend.
PIKE
[thoughtfully]
What was his name?
IVANOFF
His name — it was Glenwood. I shall not forget that name soon.
PIKE
What was he doing in Russia?
IVANOFF
I have told you he had contracts with the Ministry of Finance — he supplied hydraulic machinery to the government. Does the name Glenwood mean anything to you? Have you heard it?
PIKE
[profoundly thoughtful, pauses, looking at IVANOFF sharply]
No.
[Then to himself.]
And there must be a million Hélènes in France.
IVANOFF
I prayed God to let me meet them before I was taken. But I talk too much of myself. I wish to know — you — you will be safe. They can do nothing to you, can they?
PIKE
[with assumed cheerfulness]
Oh, I’m all right — don’t worry about me.
[Loud knock at the upper doors.]
IVANOFF
[despairingly]
It is the carabiniere.
PIKE
Steady.
[Looks at watch.]
Not yet. Go back. We won’t throw our hands into the discard until we’re called. We’ll keep on raising.
[Exit IVANOFF through door on the right, closing it after him.]
[PIKE scratches his head and slowly says: “Hélène.” Then calls: “Come in!”]
[MARIANO opens the upper doors from without and bows.]
MARIANO
Miladi Creesh — she ask you would speak with her a few minutes?
PIKE
All right! Where is she?
MARIANO
Here, sir.
PIKE
Come right in, ma’am!
[LADY CREECH enters.]
LADY CREECH
[frigidly]
I need scarcely inform you that this interview is not of my seeking.
[She sits stiffly.]
On the contrary, it is intensely disagreeable to me. My brother-in-law feels that some one well acquainted with Miss Granger-Simpson’s ambitions and her inner nature should put the case finally to you before we proceed to extremities.
PIKE
Yes, ma’am!
LADY CREECH
[crossly]
Don’t mumble your words if you expect me to listen to you.
PIKE
[cordially]
Go on, ma’am!
LADY CREECH
My brother-in-law has made us aware of the state of affairs, and we are quite in sympathy with my brother-in-law’s attitude as to what should be done to you.
PIKE
[in a tone of genial inquiry]
Yes, ma’am; and what do you think ought to be done to me?
LADY CREECH
If, in the kindness of our hearts, we condone your offence, we insist upon your accession to our reasonable demands.
PIKE
[sardonically]
By ten o’clock!
LADY CREECH
Quite so.
PIKE
You say he told all of you? Has he told Miss Ethel?
LADY CREECH
It hasn’t been thought proper. Young girls should be shielded from everything disagreeable.
PIKE
Yes, ma’am; that’s the idea that got me into this trouble.
LADY CREECH
I say, this young lady, who seems to be technically your ward, is considered, by all of us who understand her, infinitely more my ward.
PIKE
Yes, ma’am! Go on.
LADY CREECH
[loftily]
She came to me something more than a year ago —
PIKE
[simply]
Did you advertise?
LADY CREECH
[stung]
I suppose it is your intention to be offensive.
PIKE
[protesting]
No, ma’am; I didn’t mean anything. But, you see, I’ve handled all her accounts, and her payments to you —
LADY CREECH
[crushingly]
We will omit tradesman-like references! What Lord Hawcastle wished me to impress on you is not only that you will ruin yourself, but put a blight upon the life of the young lady whom you are pleased to consider your ward. We make this suggestion because we conceive that you have a preposterous sentimental interest yourself in Miss Granger-Simpson.
PIKE
[taken aback]
Me?
LADY CREECH
Upon what other ground are we to explain your conduct?
PIKE
You mean that I’d only stand between her and you for my own sake?
LADY CREECH
We can comprehend no other grounds.
PIKE
[solemnly]
I don’t believe you can! But you can comprehend that I wouldn’t have any hope, can’t you?
LADY CREECH
One never knows what these weird Americans hope. Hawcastle assures me you have some such idea, but my charge has studied under my instruction — deportment, manners, and ideals — which has lifted her above the mere American circumstance of her birth. She has ambitions. If you stand in the way of them she will wither, she will die like a caged bird. All that was sordid about her parentage she has cast off. We have thought that we might make something out of her.
PIKE
[in a clear voice, looking at her mildly]
Make something out of her — yes, ma’am!
LADY CREECH
[quickly]
Make something better of her. We offer her this alliance with a family which for seven hundred years —
PIKE
Yes, ma’am — Crecy and Agincourt — I know.
LADY CREECH
With a family never sullied by those low ideals of barter and exchange which are the governing impulses of your countrymen.
PIKE
Seven hundred years —
[fumbling in coat-pocket]
— why, look here, Mrs. Creech!
[At this LADY CREECH half rises from her chair with a profound shudder, sinks back again; PIKE continues.]
I’ve got a letter right here
[takes letter from pocket]
that tells me your brother-in-law was in business — and I respect him for it — only a few years ago.
LADY CREECH
[angrily]
A letter from whom?
PIKE
Jim Cooley, our vice-consul in London. Jim ain’t the wisest man in the world, but he seems to have this all right, and he says Mr. Hawcastle —
LADY CREECH
[exploding]
Mr. Hawcastle!
PIKE
[placatingly]
Well, I can call a person Colonel or Cap or Doc or anything of that kind, but I just plain don’t know how to use the kind of words you have over here for those things. They don’t seem to fit my mouth, somehow. Just let me run on my own way. I don’t mean to hurt your feelings. Anyway, Jim says your brother-in-law was in business in Russia.
[Up to this point he has gone on rapidly, but after the word “Russia” he pauses abruptly as if startled by a sudden thought and slowly repeats.]
“In business in Russia!”
[He rises.]
LADY CREECH
This is beside the point entirely!
PIKE
It is the point! Now, between us, ain’t Jim right? Ain’t it the truth?
LADY CREECH
[angry and agitated]
Since some of your vulgar American officials have been spying about —
PIKE
[with controlled excitement]
Your brother-in-law was in business in Russia; so far, so good.
[Leans upon back of chair watching her, eager, but smiling cordially.]
I don’t say he was peddling shoe-strings on the corner or selling weinerwursts —









