Delphi Complete Works of Booth Tarkington (Illustrated), page 261
“Well, that kind o’ mixes it all up more’n ever.”
“Yes, it seems so; but Abraham Lincoln wasn’t mixed up about it. When some people told him that God was on our side, he said the important thing was to find out if we were on God’s side. That was the whole question, you see; because either side could make up a god, the kind of a god they liked and wanted; and then they’d believe in him, too, and fight for him — but if he was only a made-up god they’d lose. President Lincoln didn’t want to have a made-up god on his side; he wanted to find God Himself and find out what he wanted, and then do it. And that’s what Lincoln did.”
“Well, I don’t understand much of all that!”
“No? Then suppose you look at it this way: The South was fighting for what it believed to be its rights, but we weren’t fighting for our rights; we were fighting for the right. The South was fighting for what it believed to be its right to split the Union and be a country by itself; but we were fighting for ‘Liberty and Union, now and forever, one and inseparable.’ It wasn’t only the Union we fought for; it was Freedom. The South wanted freedom to leave the Union; but the reason the South wanted that freedom to separate from us was because we wanted the Freedom of Man. There’s the reason we had the certain knowledge that we were going to win the war. How plain and simple it is!”
Ramsey didn’t think so. He had begun to feel bored by the conversation, and to undergo the oppression he usually suffered in school; yet he took a little interest in the inexplicable increase of fervour with which his grandfather spoke, and in a shoot of sunshine which somehow got through the foliage of the walnut tree and made a bedazzlement of glinting fine lines in one spot, about the size of a saucer, upon the old man’s head of thick white hair. Half closing his eyes, drowsily, Ramsey played that this sunshine spot was a white bird’s-nest and, and he had a momentary half dream of a glittering little bird that dwelt there and wore a blue soldier cap on its head. The earnest old voice of the veteran was only a sound in the boy’s ears.
“Yes, it’s simple and plain enough now, though then we didn’t often think of it in exactly this way, but just went on fighting and never doubted. We knew the struggle and suffering of our fathers and grandfathers to make a great country here for Freedom, and we knew that all this wasn’t just the whim of a foolish god, willing to waste such great things — we knew that such a country couldn’t have been building up just to be wasted. But, more than that, we knew that armies fighting for the Freedom of Man had to win, in the long run, over armies that fought for what they considered their rights.
“We didn’t set out to free the slaves, so far as we knew. Yet our being against slavery was what made the war, and we had the consciousness that we were on the side of God’s plan, because His plan is clearly the Freedom of Man. Long ago we began to see the hints of His plan — a little like the way you can see what’s coming in August from what happens in April, but man has to win his freedom from himself — men in the light have to fight against men in the dark of their own shadow. That light is the answer; we had the light that made us never doubt. Ours was the true light, and so we—”
“Boom—” The veterans had begun to fire their cannon on the crest of the low hill, out at the cemetery; and from a little way down the street came the rat-a-tat of a toy drum and sounds of a fife played execrably. A file of children in cocked hats made of newspapers came marching importantly up the sidewalk under the maple shade trees; and in advance, upon a velocipede, rode a tin-sworded personage, shrieking incessant commands but not concerning himself with whether or not any military obedience was thereby obtained. Here was a revivifying effect upon young Ramsey; his sluggard eyelids opened electrically; he leaped to his feet and, abandoning his grandfather without preface or apology, sped across the lawn and out of the gate, charging headlong upon the commander of the company.
“You get off that ‘locipede, Wesley Bender!” he bellowed. “You gimme that sword! What rights you got to go bein’ captain o’ my army, I’d like to know! Who got up this army, in the first place, I’d like to know! I did, myself yesterd’y afternoon, and you get back in line or I won’t let you b’long to it at all!”
The pretender succumbed; he instantly dismounted, being out-shouted and overawed. On foot he took his place in the ranks, while Ramsey became sternly vociferous. “In-tention, company! Farwud march! Col-lumn right! Right-showdler harms! Halt! Far-wud march. Carry harms—”
The Army went trudging away under the continuous but unheeded fire of orders, and presently disappeared round a corner, leaving the veteran chuckling feebly under his walnut tree and alone with the empty street. All trace of what he had said seemed to have been wiped from the grandson’s mind; but memory has curious ways. Ramsey had understood not a fifth nor a tenth of his grandfather’s talk, and already he had “forgotten” all of it — yet not only were there many, many times in the boy’s later life when, without ascertainable cause, he would remember the sunlight falling upon the old man’s white head, to make that semblance of a glittering bird’s-nest there, but with the picture came recollections of words and sentences spoken by the grandfather, though the listener, half-drowsily, had heard but the sound of an old, earnest voice — and even the veteran’s meaning finally took on a greater definiteness till it became, in the grandson’s thoughts, something clear and bright and beautiful that he knew without being just sure where or how he had learned it.
Chapter II
RAMSEY MILHOLLAND SAT miserably in school, his conscious being consisting principally of a dull hate. Torpor was a little dispersed during a fifteen-minute interval of “Music,” when he and all the other pupils in the large room of the “Five B. Grade” sang repeated fractions of what they enunciated as “The Star Span-guh-hulled Banner”; but afterward he relapsed into the low spirits and animosity natural to anybody during enforced confinement under instruction. No alleviation was accomplished by an invader’s temporary usurpation of the teacher’s platform, a brisk and unsympathetically cheerful young woman mounting thereon to “teach German.”
For a long time mathematics and German had been about equally repulsive to Ramsey, who found himself daily in the compulsory presence of both; but he was gradually coming to regard German with the greater horror, because, after months of patient mental resistance, he at last began to comprehend that the German language has sixteen special and particular ways of using the German article corresponding to that flexible bit of a word so easily managed English — the. What in the world was the use of having sixteen ways of doing a thing that could just as well be done in one? If the Germans had contented themselves with insisting upon sixteen useless variations for infrequent words, such as hippopotamus, for instance, Ramsey might have thought the affair unreasonable but not necessarily vicious — it would be easy enough to avoid talking about a hippopotamus if he ever had to go to Germany. But the fact that the Germans picked out a and the and many other little words in use all the time, and gave every one of them sixteen forms, and expected Ramsey Milholland to learn this dizzying uselessness down to the last crotchety detail, with “When to employ Which” as a nausea to prepare for the final convulsion when one didn’t use Which, because it was an “Exception” — there was a fashion of making easy matters hard that was merely hellish.
The teacher was strict but enthusiastic; she told the children, over and over, that German was a beautiful language, and her face always had a glow when she said this. At such times the children looked patient; they supposed it must be so, because she was an adult and their teacher; and they believed her with the same manner of believing which those of them who went to Sunday-school used there when the Sunday-school teachers were pushed into explanations of various matters set forth in the Old Testament, or gave reckless descriptions of heaven. That is to say, the children did not challenge or deny; already they had been driven into habits of resignation and were passing out of the age when childhood is able to reject adult nonsense.
Thus, to Ramsey Milholland, the German language seemed to be a collection of perverse inventions for undeserved torment; it was full of revolting surprises in the way of genders; vocally it often necessitated the employment of noises suggestive of an incompletely mastered knowledge of etiquette; and far inside him there was something faintly but constantly antagonistic to it — yet, when the teacher declared that German was incomparably the most beautiful language in the world, one of the many facets of his mind submissively absorbed the statement as light to be passed inward; it was part of the lesson to be learned. He did not know whether the English language was beautiful or not; he never thought about that, and no one ever said anything to him about it. Moreover, though his deeper inward hated “German,” he liked his German teacher, and it was pleasant to look at her when that glow came upon her face.
Sometimes, too, there were moments of relaxation in her class, when she would stop the lesson and tell the children about Germany: what a beautiful, good country it was, so trim and orderly, with such pleasant customs, and all the people sensible and energetic and healthy. There was “Music” again in the German class, which was another alleviation; though it was the same old “Star Spangled Banner” over again. Ramsey was tired of the song and tired of “My Country ’Tis of Thee”; they were bores, but it was amusing to sing them in German. In German they sounded “sort o’ funny,” so he didn’t mind this bit of the day’s work.
Half an hour later there arrived his supreme trial of this particular morning. Arithmetic then being the order of business before the house, he was sent alone to the blackboard, supposedly to make lucid the proper reply to a fatal conundrum in decimals, and under the glare and focus of the whole room he breathed heavily and itched everywhere; his brain at once became sheer hash. He consumed as much time as possible in getting the terms of the problem stated in chalk; then, affecting to be critical of his own handiwork, erased what he had done and carefully wrote it again. After that, he erased half of it, slowly retraced the figures, and stepped back as if to see whether perspective improved their appearance. Again he lifted the eraser.
“Ramsey Milholland!”
“Ma’am?”
“Put down that eraser!”
“Yes’m. I just thought—”
Sharply bidden to get forward with his task, he explained in a feeble voice that he had first to tie a shoe string and stooped to do so, but was not permitted. Miss Ridgely tried to stimulate him with hints and suggestion; found him, so far as decimals went, mere protoplasm, and, wondering how so helpless a thing could live, summoned to the board little Dora Yocum, the star of the class, whereupon Ramsey moved toward his seat.
“Stand still, Ramsey! You stay right where you are and try to learn something from the way Dora does it.”
The class giggled, and Ramsey stood, but learned nothing. His conspicuousness was unendurable, because all of his schoolmates naturally found more entertainment in watching him than in following the performance of the capable Dora. He put his hands in and out of his pockets; was bidden to hold them still, also not to shuffle his feet; and when in a false assumption of ease he would have scratched his head Miss Ridgely’s severity increased, so that he was compelled to give over the attempt.
Instructed to watch every figure chalked up by the mathematical wonder, his eyes, grown sodden, were unable to remove themselves from the part in her hair at the back of her head, where two little braids began their separate careers to end in a couple of blue-and-red checked bits of ribbon, one upon each of her thin shoulder blades. He was conscious that the part in Dora’s shining brown hair was odious, but he was unconscious of anything arithmetical. His sensations clogged his intellect; he suffered from unsought notoriety, and hated Dora Yocum; most of all he hated her busy little shoulder blades.
He had to be “kept in” after school; and when he was allowed to go home he averted his eyes as he went by the house where Dora lived. She was out in the yard, eating a doughnut, and he knew it; but he had passed the age when it is just as permissible to throw a rock at a girl as at a boy; and stifling his normal inclinations, he walked sturdily on, though he indulged himself so far as to engage in a murmured conversation with one of the familiar spirits dwelling somewhere within him. “Pfa!” said Ramsey to himself — or himself to Ramsey, since it is difficult to say which was which. “Pfa! Thinks she’s smart, don’t she?”... “Well, I guess she does, but she ain’t!” ... “I hate her, don’t you?”... “You bet your life I hate her!”... “Teacher’s Pet, that’s what I call her!”... “Well, that’s what I call her, too, don’t I?” “Well, I do; that’s all she is, anyway — dirty ole Teacher’s Pet!”
Chapter III
HE HAD NOT forgiven her four years later when he entered high school in her company, for somehow Ramsey managed to shovel his way through examinations and stayed with the class. By this time he had a long accumulation of reasons for hating her: Dora’s persistent and increasing competency was not short of flamboyant, and teachers naturally got the habit of flinging their quickest pupil in the face of their slowest and “dumbest.” Nevertheless, Ramsey was unable to deny that she had become less awful lookin’ than she used to be. At least, he was honest enough to make a partial retraction when his friend and classmate, Fred Mitchell, insisted that an amelioration of Dora’s appearance could be actually proven.
“Well, I’ll take it back. I don’t claim she’s every last bit as awful lookin’ as she always has been,” said Ramsey, toward the conclusion of the argument. “I’ll say this for her, she’s awful lookin’, but she may not be as awful lookin’ as she was. She don’t come to school with the edge of some of her underclo’es showin’ below her dress any more, about every other day, and her eyewinkers have got to stickin’ out some, and she may not be so abbasalootly skinny, but she’ll haf to wait a mighty long while before I want to look at her without gettin’ sick!”
The implication that Miss Yocum cared to have Ramsey look at her, either with or without gettin’ sick, was mere rhetoric, and recognized as such by the producer of it; she had never given the slightest evidence of any desire that his gaze be bent upon her. What truth lay underneath his flourish rested upon the fact that he could not look at her without some symptoms of the sort he had tersely sketched to his friend; and yet, so pungent is the fascination of self-inflicted misery, he did look at her, during periods of study, often for three or four minutes at a stretch. His expression at such times indeed resembled that of one who has dined unwisely; but Dora Yocum was always too eagerly busy to notice it. He was almost never in her eye, but she was continually in his; moreover, as the banner pupil she was with hourly frequency an exhibit before the whole class.
Ramsey found her worst of all when her turn came in “Declamation,” on Friday afternoons. When she ascended the platform, bobbed a little preliminary bow and began, “Listen, my children, and you shall hear,” Ramsey included Paul Revere and the Old North Church and the whole Revolutionary War in his antipathy, since they somehow appeared to be the property of the Teacher’s Pet. For Dora held this post in “Declamation” as well as in everything else; here, as elsewhere, the hateful child’s prowess surpassed that of all others; and the teacher always entrusted her with the rendition of the “patriotic selections”: Dora seemed to take fire herself when she declared:
“The fate of a nation was riding that night;
And the spark struck out by that steed in his flight,
Kindled the land into flame with its heat.”
Ramsey himself was in the same section of declaimers, and performed next — a ghastly contrast. He gave a “selection from Shakespeare,” assigned by the teacher; and he began this continuous misfortune by stumbling violently as he ascended the platform, which stimulated a general giggle already in being at the mere calling of his name. All of the class were bright with happy anticipation, for the miserable Ramsey seldom failed their hopes, particularly in “Declamation.” He faced them, his complexion wan, his expression both baleful and horrified; and he began in a loud, hurried voice, from which every hint of intelligence was excluded:
“Most pottent, grave, and rev—”
The teacher tapped sharply on her desk, and stopped him. “You’ve forgotten to bow,” she said. “And don’t say ‘pottent.’ The word is ‘potent’.”
Ramsey flopped his head at the rear wall of the room, and began again:
“Most pottent potent gray and revenerd signers my very nobe and approve good masters that I have tan away this sole man’s dutter it is mose true true I have marry dur the very headman frun tuv my fending hath this extent no more rude am I in speech — in speech — rude am I in speech — in speech — in speech — in speech—”
He had stalled. Perhaps the fatal truth of that phrase, and some sense of its applicability to the occasion had interfered with the mechanism which he had set in operation to get rid of the “recitation” for him. At all events, the machine had to run off its job all at once, or it wouldn’t run at all. Stopped, it stayed stopped, and backing off granted no new impetus, though he tried, again and again. “Hath this extent no more rude am I in speech—” He gulped audibly. “Rude rude rude am I — rude am I in speech — in speech — in speech. Rude am I in speech—”
“Yes,” the irritated teacher said, as Ramsey’s failing voice continued huskily to insist upon this point. “I think you are!” And her nerves were a little soothed by the shout of laughter from the school — it was never difficult for teachers to be witty. “Go sit down, Ramsey, and do it after school.”
His ears roaring, the unfortunate went to his seat, and, among all the hilarious faces, one stood out — Dora Yocum’s. Her laughter was precocious; it was that of a confirmed superior, insufferably adult — she was laughing at him as a grown person laughs at a child. Conspicuously and unmistakably, there was something indulgent in her amusement. He choked. Here was a little squirt of a high-school girl who would trot up to George Washington himself and show off around him, given the opportunity; and George Washington would probably pat her on the head, or give her a medal — or something. Well, let him! Ramsey didn’t care. He didn’t care for George Washington, or Paul Revere, or Shakespeare, or any of ’em. They could all go to the dickens with Dora Yocum. They were all a lot of smarties anyway and he hated the whole stew of ’em!
