A River of Ash and Bone, page 9
“What happened next?” I prompted softly, my voice shaking. “Is that how you got this?” I traced the scar from his temple to his jaw, noting the bumpy texture under my fingertips.
He cleared his throat, his hand flexing where it lay near my hip. “Yes, that’s how I got my scar. I killed the few zombies that were lingering outside and then pulled my mother’s body out with Hailey’s help. Then I buried my parents–what was left of them–by digging a deep trench in the pouring rain with a shovel that I found in a nearby shed while Hailey watched.”
It was somehow worse knowing that it wasn’t over yet. Knowing that although they both escaped that situation, somewhere further along his journey, his sister became another one of the many casualties of this hellscape and my heart broke for him. Losing both parents in one night, and in such a brutal manner. My tears soaked his shirt as I wept quietly.
“Don’t cry for me, sweetheart,” he whispered. His hand stroked the side of my face that he could reach, wiping away the wet trails on my cheek.
“Finish your story,” I murmured desperately, eager to get his pain into the moonlight and out from his soul where it festered. My stomach churned as I waited for him to continue.
“Hailey grew despondent. I had to tow her along everywhere we went. I killed the zombies, found us food and water, continued our search for shelter. Eventually, she stopped crying, and hopelessness consumed her. She had been so soft and kind before, and my parents had sheltered her as best they could. I tried my hardest, but I was so bitter and tired. One day, I left to gather food from a nearby grocery store and it took longer than usual due to the number of undead gathered around the storefront. I returned to find Hailey’s body, foam spilling out of her mouth and an empty bottle of pills that she must have stolen from the last store we went to. And to think, we’d been so excited to stumble on a pharmacy that hadn’t been cleared out. Apparently, we weren’t excited for the same reasons.”
I clutched him tighter, as if I could somehow hold in all his broken pieces, and he held me closer in turn. He was whispering now. “She left me a note. She had planned it, the pills, the paper, the pen. She’d been waiting. She told me that she was so sorry she couldn’t do it anymore. That this life was too much for her, and that she was ready to see our parents and be at peace.”
I felt his body shake slightly under mine and reached a hand up blindly to wipe at the wetness on his cheeks. “What did you do?”
“We never left the immediate area where my parents died, like we had some kind of tether to their graves, so I buried her next to them. The sun was shining that day and it felt wrong, like an affront to her burial. I felt that the sky should weep like I did, as it did for my parents. Now I’m grateful that at least someone was smiling down on her. She deserved better.” He sighed, an exhale I felt to the very core of my being. “I wanted to join her. I laid by their grave for days, killing any zombies that came near, and sleeping near the mounds like a puppy. I thought maybe if I didn’t eat, or drink, I would just fade away and join them.”
I cried harder, for the boy that wanted nothing more than to be with his family, who had lost everyone close to him. He turned then, enveloping my body with his, allowing me to sink into his chest and resting his head atop mine. We clutched each other tightly, as if the other person would be ripped away if we let go.
“Days later. I got up, stomach growling, vision doubled. I couldn’t die. I didn’t have it in me. Something was pushing me to live, to survive. So I scavenged and I fought and I persevered. I was a nomad for a long time. An entire year passed before I stumbled on Caelan while he was scavenging. He brought me back to everyone. Practically adopted me into the fold.”
He drew his hand back from my hip to trace small circles on my back.
“I blamed myself for a long time. If only I had done something sooner, found the pills earlier, recognized the signs of her depression, made her life even easier. The triplets helped me realize that there was nothing more I could have done to fix things. Maybe, just maybe, if we had found this place, she would have made it, but she didn’t, and I’ll live with that for the rest of my life. Helping out at this place gave me an outlet for the pain inside me, the violence.”
I held him tighter, memories of my dad flashing through my mind and compounding my sadness. God, I missed him so fucking much.
“I always thought I was so lucky that my family had survived when others didn’t. I’d dreamed of us making it out of the city and onto a little homestead somewhere, out in the wilds where there were fewer zombies. It was foolish of me,” he admitted, squeezing my arm gently. “And I lost them anyway, not even to the zombies we spent so many years defending ourselves against, but to human fucking cruelty.”
My body shuddered as I tried to stop myself from crying. I was supposed to be comforting him, how could I do that if I was even more affected than he was?
He kissed the top of my head. “No more tears, sweetheart.”
I sniffled, burrowing my face into his warm chest. I mourned for the boy who became a man that day, grieved his losses like they were my own. I knew what it was like to lose your only family. He was so much more than I’d given him credit for; he’d suffered so much pain and loss, but I had treated him like some privileged, pampered boy who’d never suffered a thing in his life. I was ashamed. No wonder he’d panicked when I was under the water for so long the other day. Did he think that I hated being here so much I would take the same escape as his sister did?
“You don’t have to worry about me,” I murmured. It hurt. Hearing someone’s pain always hurt, but I tucked his story along with all the others I carried with me nonetheless. A living, breathing tribute to the people who didn’t make it.
My eyes were heavy and stinging, so I squeezed them shut to ease the strain.
“Sleep,” he whispered, and as my tears continued to drip onto his shirt, he began to hum softly.
When I woke, Grey was gone. My legs were tangled in his navy sheets and the sun shone directly onto my face, blinding my swollen eyes. I blinked blearily, turning on my side to watch the trees just outside the window bend in the breeze. I’d spent almost my entire life with nature–many nights were spent sleeping in clearings and knolls and the odd tree–but never quite getting to see it. I was always on guard, listening for groans and the patter of feet or the chatter of voices. Here I had the luxury of relaxing. Of enjoying. Circumstances aside, I supposed I was at least grateful for the break before I had to get back out there.
I stretched languidly, rising from the bed and padding over to the pillow on the floor. I beat it several times, making sure to rid it of any dust before placing it back on the bed. My cheeks were tight from the tears I had shed last night, eyes puffy and irritated. Though I felt much better, like I’d had an emotional reset. Why was crying so goddamn cathartic? Ugh, emotions were going to be the death of me. I hadn’t cried like that since my dad died and since that wasn’t all that long ago… my track record was suffering.
“River,” Grey blurted as he swung the door open to find me standing and not in bed where he’d left me. His face softened as he took in my rumpled sleep clothes, tangled hair, and puffy face. “Breakfast. Nix and I grabbed our food this morning.” He winked. “Don’t tell Merikh.”
I gave him a conspiratorial smile. His blonde hair was half up, half down today, several shorter strands having escaped and worked their way into his face. I decided to test our tentative new relationship, striding toward him until we stood inches apart and tucking the loose hair behind his ear, gently stroking his cheek as I did so. He shivered slightly, eyes shuttering and head tilting into my touch.
I withheld a smile. Would it be so bad if I didn’t hate him? No, I decided. It wouldn’t. I couldn’t help viewing him differently after last night. I was still angry with him, but he hadn’t taken me from the city, instated a rigid set of rules, and prevented me from leaving. He’d even shared his bed with me. Even if he was complicit in keeping me here… It wouldn’t be the end of the world if I allowed myself an ally. If I clung too tightly to my hatred and anger, I would become someone I didn’t recognize.
I met his deep brown eyes, admiring how they turned amber in the bright sunlight and smiled widely. “Thank you, Grey.” I hoped he knew just what I was thanking him for. The warm bed, holding me all night, his confessions.
He smiled back, slightly puzzled, but clearly pleased by my change in attitude. I took a few steps out the door… then hesitated, darting back to slide my arms around his waist. His body jolted from the impact, a low chuckle rumbling through his chest where it was pressed against my head. His arms found their way to my back, holding me just as tight.
“I meant it,” I whispered. “Thank you.” I impulsively rose onto my tiptoes, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek before making a quick retreat to the bathroom as I’d first intended.
When I finished splashing my face with cold water, because holy shit I looked like a mess–I couldn’t believe he’d let me anywhere near his face–I walked out to the kitchen and took a seat at the table beside Nix and across from Grey and Caelan.
“Where’s Merikh this morning?” I queried between bites of bacon.
“Filling the guard shift at the wall.”
I frowned, remembering that since John died, they were a person short. I brushed off the flash of guilt, spearing my eggs angrily and stirring the food on my plate.
“You’ll accompany me to the garden,” Grey commented. “Then after that, I’ve been tasked with disposing of a group of zombies that have been hovering too close to the outer barrier.”
“I thought you had the gate? And what does it matter if they’re out past the car barrier anyway?”
“If they make it through the car barrier, we have further precautions like ditches and spikes and even small explosives. We try to avoid shooting them, even though it would take care of them at a distance because we don’t want to attract more and waste ammo. The goal is to avoid being overrun or overwhelmed. If we have undead constantly testing the barriers, it could compromise their structural integrity over time. So we usually give groups a few days to wander away on their own, but sometimes they’re scarily persistent, attracted to the noises and smells from inside the camp, and we need to take care of them ourselves. The people who leave for scouting missions shouldn’t have to deal with it.”
“That makes sense. I want to come,” I declared. I could use a good outlet for my anger. What better than killing zombies? Sure it was gross and a little morbid, but excellent exercise. Plus, it would ensure that I didn’t become complacent.
Caelan smirked. “Our bloodthirsty girl.” He laughed. “Pay up.”
I frowned, looking from Caelan to Grey and Nix as I tried to figure out what the hell he was talking about.
“Caelan bet Grey that you would ask to go along,” Nix explained.
“What did you bet?” I asked curiously.
Caelan’s smile was roguish. “I bet our dear darling Grey I could have his next turn for when you sleep in his room.”
I rolled my eyes, finishing my breakfast and standing hastily. “So we can go now?” I was practically vibrating with excitement, ready to see Halli again. I wanted to know more about the camp and… I wouldn’t hate having a friend.
It was rare, but sometimes when I was younger I would meet someone around my age when their group traveled through, trading secrets and stories during the little time we had, but they always left.
Always.
The path to the garden snaked around the building where the older children received their lessons. Apparently, their curriculum was a mixture of old-world information and life skills. They taught them things like gardening, scavenging, prepping food, mending clothes, self-defense, reading, writing, history, and math. I was a little envious. My dad had taught me most of those things; he’d done the best he could, but what would it have been like to receive such a well-rounded education from the safety of a camp? All the survival things I’d learned had been largely from experience and necessity. Not pleasant.
I slipped my shoes off, holding them by their shoelaces as I tiptoed down the path. It was lined with purple, yellow, and red flowers that made the air smell sweet, and the soil felt cool and soothing beneath my bare feet. The sounds of the voices coming from the school building faded as I made my way farther down the path and toward the sprawling gardens.
Grey loped behind me, stopping every so often to speak with someone. He took his role in the camp seriously, addressing issues and solving problems wherever he went. For all that he was bloodthirsty, he was a good mediator. Unlike Caelan, who seemed to have no such patience whatsoever for problem-solving and dealing with people.
Long stretches of the garden were fenced in by a mesh netting, only coming up to about my knees. I ran my finger along the cucumber vines snaking across either side of me, admiring the extensive herb section, along with a few other patches of vegetables that were only just sprouting.
I turned to speak with Grey when I found Halli kneeling in an empty section of dirt near the right side of the space, hands buried in the soil and her long pink skirt trailing behind her.
I walked up shyly, unsure of how to approach. What if I was bothering her?
“River,” she greeted me warmly, tucking a stray curl behind her ear.
I grinned, leaving Grey to his conversation with one of the camp cooks and lowering myself down beside to her. “What are you doing?”
“I’m trying to plant this section of squash. We’re low on seeds, so I’m really hoping that these take. Usually, with a lot of our vegetables, we can replant the fresh seeds to grow more, but after the blight destroyed our last batch of crops, we only have the few that survived along with what we’ve scavenged, and what we’ve dried.”
“Well, how many did you dry?”
She winced. “There was a leak in the area where we stored a lot of the dried seeds, and the moisture caused most of them to rot. I’m nervous that anything we find now in stores is going to be old and most likely decayed. Finding them still preserved would take a miracle and a dark, dry storage area.”
How would they feed everyone if they weren’t producing enough fresh food to supplement meals? Their camp was in the middle of nowhere, and every building nearby was surely picked clean of food and supplies. I absently played with the hem of my shirt. “I remember Anna mentioning that you were low on food, but Merikh said not to worry.”
Halli rolled her eyes dramatically. “Don’t get me started on Anna.” Her eyes flicked to Grey, who stood nearby speaking with the dark-haired man that was usually watching the large fire behind the cooking tent.
“You don’t like her?” I asked with a laugh.
“I’m not sure anyone does,” she retorted. “Least of all anyone she considers ‘competition’ for literally any man around her age.” Halli glanced once more at Grey, making sure he was occupied, before leaning in to whisper. “You mentioned wanting to know more about how to get out of this place?”
Relief filled me at the fact that I wouldn’t have to awkwardly switch topics from gardening to security measures, and a little sadness too. I could so easily see us being friends.
“They forced me to come here,” I whispered back fervently, feeling the hot burn of shame in my chest. How would it look to her, someone who’s also experienced life outside these walls, wanting to leave the safety of camp voluntarily? “I was just fine on my own, and I liked being independent.”
She grimaced, brushing the dirt from her hands before clasping mine. Her deep brown eyes, so dark they were almost black, scanned my face like she was making sure of something before she nodded grimly. “I can’t say I understand, and you’d better say goodbye before you leave, but alright. The main entrance has two guards at all times, and the perimeter is monitored daily by a group of ten people that take turns. There’s also a person stationed at each of the four lookout points at each corner of the camp.”
My face fell. “That’s more security than I thought.” Great for protection against raiders and outside threats, bad for me and my escape.
Her hesitation was telling. “We’ve… There’s been a few issues. Recently.” She worried her bottom lip, clearly debating whether or not to continue.
“Like what?” I urged.
She sighed, her words escaping in a rush. “We dealt with raiders in the past, people thinking that they could come in and take over. They only attacked us once, but we patrol often just in case. Obviously, there are a few blind spots, but for the most part, it’s pretty covered. Although more recently… There’s been a group hanging nearby, causing trouble. We found a body last month, a few feet away from one of our scavengers that had been missing for over a week,” she whispered, checking again to ensure no one was listening and leaning in. “He wasn’t too skinny, had a bag full of supplies, and looked like he’d been fairly clean before–well, before. There were no signs they’d been bitten by zombies, just plain old corpses with stab wounds, and they were each holding a bloodied knife. Considering we’ve had some noise disturbances in the past month that drew more zombies to the area, and a few of the traps had been sprung inside the barrier, Caelan decided to amp up security in case they’re casing the place before making a move.”
I frowned. “And everyone is just going about their day like there’s nothing to be worried about?”
The guilty expression on her face instantly cleared up my confusion. “Only a few people know. Merikh and John didn’t want to worry everyone, so they decided to keep it on a need-to-know basis. They only told me because I kept bothering them about sending out scavengers for more supplies and they wanted me to know why we’re restricting the number of outside tasks.”
