A River of Ash and Bone, page 23
Caelan didn’t respond, which I supposed was an answer in and of itself.
I bit my lip, curling up against his side and using the silence to think about how I was going to fix things.
Hours passed like that. Caelan couldn’t stay long, and the others came and went, but not Merikh. It was well into the night when I gave up waiting for him. I was trying not to be concerned, but I couldn’t remember a time he’d ever not come home and opted to stay elsewhere instead.
I walked into Grey’s room, leaning against the doorway as I watched him read in bed, using a tall candle on his nightstand.
“You’re done sitting in the living room?” he asked as he looked up from his book.
“I didn’t peg you for a reader.”
His smile was sharp. “Careful, sweetheart. Are you calling me a neanderthal?”
“That’s a big word for you,” I teased with a smile, walking into the room and perching at the end of his bed. “If the shoe fits…”
He set his book aside, then tackled me without warning. My laughter was swallowed by his mouth as he kissed me deeply once he’d maneuvered me into his lap.
“No deflecting.” He pulled away, breath coming slightly faster. “Caelan told me what happened earlier.”
I groaned, throwing myself back against the bed. “Is he ever gonna come back?”
Grey’s mouth twisted. “He’s just… processing his emotions. He’ll be okay, and then whenever he comes back, you can talk.”
I grumbled, still somehow trying to insist that it wasn’t a big deal.
“Enough about Merikh,” he growled, pulling my thigh over his legs.
The part of me that was too scared to take chances chanted for me to walk away. Merikh was too difficult, too controlling. It would be impossible for us to coexist without clashing. The honest part acknowledged that this could never work with just the other three. They were a package deal, and damn if I hated that I didn’t hate that fact. Truth was, even when I’d fought with Merikh every day, pushed his buttons, and deliberately went against his orders, I still found him intriguing. Fascinating. Now the path was clear, and it was time to make some hard decisions, and face some hidden truths.
I could hear his voice coming from the living room.
Why was I so shy all of the sudden? I should just march out there and… and what? I shook my head, waiting until the voices quieted. Several deep calming breaths later and I forced myself to walk out of the bedroom. Maybe he’d left already, and the conversation would get postponed again. That wouldn’t be the worst thing, would it?
Except when I turned the corner of the hallway into the main room, he was sitting in the large armchair to the left of the fireplace, expressionless.
A quick glance around revealed that everyone else had left. It seemed I wasn’t the only one eager to get rid of this constant tension. I guessed I should make the most of the fact that the cabin was finally empty of people.
My footsteps were silent as I made my way over to where he was sitting. He didn’t acknowledge my presence, just kept staring into the flames. I almost winced as I heard my words repeated back to me in my head. Horrible… Disgusting… Selfish.
I took a seat at the edge of the couch on the side nearest him, and settled into the cushions, waiting for him to speak, I supposed. After a half hour of stubborn, weighted silence, I dared a glance over in his direction. His eyes were heavy-lidded, his loose waves in disarray. His tongue darted out to lick his lower lip, and I quickly looked away.
I decided to go with a blunt approach. “I’m sorry.”
His head turned to face me slowly. When he didn’t speak, I continued. “I didn’t tell you about John because I didn’t know what kind of man you were. I was afraid you would call me a liar, or treat me worse somehow because I’d accused your friend of something terrible. I thought him being infected was enough, and that I shouldn’t have to keep throwing out reasons why his death was justified. I was… still struggling with feeling guilty over taking his things in the first place when it was clear whoever had left them was nearby and coming back, and your words calling me a thief and blaming me for his getting infected had struck home. My dad raised me to make choices that I could sleep with at the end of the day, but that was the first time I fell short. I was ashamed, even though I knew I needed the food to survive.” I was babbling now, filling the silence with a spill of words and emotions. Now that I’d started explaining myself, I found it hard to stop.
He still didn’t say anything. This wasn’t even our biggest issue. I’d railed against him for taking me here, for all this shit with Colby, at every turn I’d been spitting in his face, even after he got me out and meeting new people when I’d started to become withdrawn and shy after the whispers and rumors spread. He could have given me tasks like scrubbing toilets or following around strangers when I first arrived, yet he’d gone easy on me instead. Fetch meals, sleep on the couch, clean the cabin. All normal, non-invasive jobs, and he’d only grown harsher when I refused to comply.
I took a deep breath, ready to give him a truth I hadn’t told another soul. A fraction of honesty that laid me bare. “I think… that maybe a small piece of me wanted the decision to be taken out of my hands. To come back here with you,” I said softly. His eyes widened. “I was too prideful to say yes if you had just invited me. I had to be forced, had to feel like I had no choice. Maybe I didn’t tell you about… him because I thought you’d let me go, and I couldn’t stomach one more day of scavenging by myself and trying to survive just to wake up and do it all over again.” My voice broke. “I didn’t know about Colby and his wife. I’m sorry that I assumed.”
When he spoke, his voice was deep, almost hypnotizing. “I’m sorry I didn’t set you straight,” he rasped. “I didn’t want to have to justify my actions, and I wasn’t ready to have that… obstacle between us gone.”
That was exactly how it felt now that he’d put it into words. I hadn’t been ready to reconcile the reasons I was angry because I was too scared of what would happen with those buffers removed. He was the last one, and I knew that if I fell for him too, I’d never be able to leave. It was terrifying to someone who’d been on the run since she was born, to find something that made her put down roots. I’d been hiding from it this whole time, but not anymore.
I inhaled deeply, then stood. Merikh looked up at me, the light of the fire playing with the shadows across his face.
“I really am sorry,” I whispered. I’d said my piece, but I couldn’t force him to accept it. I turned to leave, stopped only by the grip of a hand on my wrist. He was standing now, still saying nothing.
Butterflies filled my stomach as he pulled me closer, using his hand on my wrist. When I was inches away, he used that hand to slide up my forearm to grasp my bicep. My eyelids fluttered shut as he leaned in to press his face against my neck and inhale. To think that I’d been holding on to my hatred so strongly just the day before, and today I was finally letting myself feel everything I’d been shoving down and pretending didn’t exist. The smell of smoke and sweat against his skin, the long length of his dark eyelashes resting against his pale cheekbones.
I inhaled sharply as he nuzzled the junction of my neck and my shoulder with his lips, his stubble scraping my skin deliciously.
“I don’t know if I want your apologies, princess.” His tongue darted out to run delicately along my neck, his breath hot against my skin. “Maybe I want something else,” he whispered.
I couldn’t hold back my shiver and placed a hand against his shoulder where he was leaning down so I could keep myself steady.
He broke away to stare at me, putting a small amount of distance between us.
My chest heaved as I watched him, and the movement of his fists clenching and unclenching repeatedly by his sides caught and held my attention.
“Be very sure,” he bit out.
This was uncharted territory; the desires we’d been suppressing for weeks, the attraction we’d been ignoring in hopes it would go away, it was all coming to a head. Each shouted word and bitter insult some kind of twisted foreplay.
The tension swelled as we stared at each other, the air growing thick and heavy, seconds passing by where we resisted the urge to act without thinking, without speaking, until we both said fuck it and met in the middle in a flurry of tongues and teeth. His lips on mine were sinful, parting for me just right.
“Fuck, you taste good,” he murmured. A small whimper escaped me when he pulled away. “Not here.”
Merikh grabbed my hand, leading me around the corner and to his room. I was breathless with anticipation, all those forbidden feelings of want and need rushing up to consume me.
He pulled my shirt up and over my head, leaving me completely bared, and tossed me onto the bed like I weighed nothing. I landed with a small bounce and a tiny laugh, admiring the way his dimples popped when he smiled in return. He was wickedly handsome when he grinned. He kicked his shoes off, maneuvering so that our bodies were aligned with him hovering over me.
I sighed happily when he took my mouth again, our kisses hot and messy, eyes widening when he took my hands from where they rested on his hips and lifted them up over my head, planting them in the pillows against the headboard. The angle made my back arch and chest thrust upwards against his. I gave an experimental tug, judging just how committed he was to restraining me. He didn’t budge an inch, instead smiling lazily at my attempt. Maybe I should’ve been annoyed or irritated, but I found that I loved the feeling of being at his mercy.
He kissed along my jaw and stopped to tug my lobe with his teeth. His heated words whispered into my ear. “So good for me, princess.”
I shivered at the feel of his breath caressing the shell of my ear, hips rocking and seeking friction, only to find empty air. I whimpered out of frustration, writhing under his attentions.
“You want relief, hmm? I’m not sure you deserve it. Teasing me all these weeks, walking around in your tiny little fucking shorts, moaning so loudly I can hear you down the hall at night, touching my brothers in front of me. You make me want. You make me ache.”
“Yes,” I groaned, attempting to tug my hands from his grip over my head and get him to fucking move.
“Keep your hands above your head. Or do you not want to come?”
I huffed, frustrated beyond belief that he wouldn’t just touch me already. I was crawling out of my skin with need.
“I asked you a question, princess.” His voice was firm, steadfast, and doing delicious things to my insides.
“Fine. Yes.”
“Yes, what?” One hand began playing with my breast, teasing the nipple into a firm point. I could’ve sobbed at the touch, so close and yet not enough, not enough at all.
I was practically snarling. “Yes, I want to come.”
Merikh tugged at my nipple before capturing it in his mouth, teasing it with his tongue, and then working it over with his teeth. I moaned, my eyes shutting against the dueling sensations.
“I like that,” I murmured.
I couldn’t see his face, but I just knew he was smirking. “Good. So good for me,” he murmured, pulling off my nipple with a pop, deft fingers just trailing along my skin now. “Love these tits, soft and small, puffy pink nipples begging to be sucked. Perfect for me.”
I bit my lip, unbelievably aroused by his filthy words, his freely offered praise. I groaned in response, hips caressing the air once more. I would’ve believed him to be unaffected by his need if not for his blown pupils, the tight grip of his hand holding my wrists captive, and his sharp breaths against my skin.
“Gonna fill you up with my cock, with my come,” he groaned as his hand drifted down to tease my dripping wet slit. “Just like I should’ve weeks ago when I walked in on you fucking spread open for them all.”
He watched me with hooded eyes, his hair hanging in his face and flushed cheeks working together to form a messy, desperate picture that I loved. His long fingers delved into my wetness, stretching me open. They were rough inside me, calloused and strong and stroking me oh so good. Every few seconds he slid upwards to stroke my clit, just teasing touches, before going back to my entrance.
I groaned, long and loud. “Yessss.”
“Yeah? You like that, princess?”
I shuddered, bucking upwards so that our bodies were in contact. He took the hint, draping his body over mine. “Merikh,” I gasped.
“That’s right,” he murmured. “Let me hear it. So fucking wet, just for me. All mine.”
I moaned louder, captivated by his possessive, experienced touch. A second long finger dipped inside me, stroking and thrusting at varying speeds. “If I take my hands away, will you be good and keep them above your head?”
I hesitated, wondering when I became someone who would roll over and submit without a fight. But I was so desperate to come, anticipating the rigid length of his cock filling me up, and I knew that if I was obstinate, he would deny me. I nodded slowly in response to his question. I let my thighs fall open under his ministrations, helping him along by lifting up when he pulled my pants off and scooting upwards an inch so that my hands could grip the slats along the headboard.
He immediately went back to teasing me, gathering my wetness and using it to rub my clit in small circular motions. My jaw dropped when he withdrew his fingers and licked them sensually before sucking them into his mouth.
“You taste delicious, River,” he groaned. “So fucking sweet.”
I rubbed my body against his front by undulating my hips, biting my lip when I felt his hardness behind his shorts. “I want to taste you, too,” I murmured.
“Not yet, not this time,” he rumbled. His eyes shuttered as he inched his shorts down to his thighs, grabbing his throbbing cock and squeezing it tightly at the base. The veins on his neck corded as he gritted his teeth, eyes just slits as he said, “I don’t want our fun to be over too fast, but just fucking look at you. Bared for me, skin flushed, needy and desperate.” His moan was tortured.
“Now,” I declared, trying not to sound too commanding so that he didn’t start all over.
He pulled his shirt over his head in one smooth movement, then finally, he notched himself at my core, smirking when I whined impatiently then sliding in inch by torturous inch. It was all too much, the burn and stretch of being filled, his hot skin sliding against mine, the sound he made when he entered me.
“So tight,” he gritted out.
“Shit, you’re bigger than I thought,” I commented with a strained laugh as he pushed in farther.
He gave a rough laugh in response, dropping a kiss on my lips before snapping his hips forward and filling me in small strokes. I could just barely taste a hint of myself on his lips, and I was desperate to touch all that delicious, exposed skin.
He must have seen that in my eyes, as he gestured toward my hands with a small nod. I sighed in relief, bringing my hands down to slide across his abdomen, over his shoulders, and around his neck.
His groans were low and needy, increasing with each thrust of his hips. His forehead met mine, and each heavy exhale fanned across my lips. I slid my hand from his neck to his cheek, stroking my thumb over his cheekbone and jaw. It was too much, too close, too sensual, too life-changing.
I kissed him roughly, admiring his swollen lips and moving my hands down to grip his hips, sliding over the small of his back. He caught on, his strokes quick and deep, hitting some gratifying spot inside me perfectly. My pleasure kept building, bringing me higher and higher until I was seconds away from the edge, yet still somehow missing whatever I needed to push me over.
His deep blue eyes, made darker from lust, filled with understanding. His hand trailed from the breast it had been idly caressing to stroke my clit. “Come for me,” he commanded as he thrust several more times. “Come with me. Give it to me, all mine.”
His unapologetic possessiveness and dominance threw me over the edge, and I came with a cry, squeezing his cock as it jerked inside me. He groaned, tucking his head against my neck as his body shook. I gripped his upper arms tightly, nails digging into his skin as I felt myself contract around him. We stayed locked together like that as the sensations worked through us.
Eventually, he lifted his head and shifted his body to my right, no longer resting on me. I lamented the loss of his weight–it had been oddly soothing–but was grateful to finally take a deep breath. We were both covered in sweat, still breathing heavily as we lay side by side, but there was none of the awkwardness or regret I would have expected.
I glanced down at his torso, looking my fill at what I’d been too busy to examine earlier. I looked past his glistening golden skin, the muscles and veins tracing their way across his abdomen, to the deep, ragged scar that lie diagonally across his entire front.
“How?” I asked quietly. I didn’t expect an answer, but I would still ask. It had to have been so painful to still be scarred so deep. He could have died from that injury, and I found the thought to be incredibly painful.
An eternity passed as our breathing slowed and my overheated skin started to cool from the air sliding across it.
His laugh was harsh. “You sure you wanna do this now? Might ruin your afterglow.”
My shrug was tiny. “If you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to, but… I’d like to know about you.”
He waited so long, that I thought he’d decided not to tell me after all. Then… “I was outside one night,” he said softly. “My dad had kicked Nix out, and he had no weapons on him. He’d…” he trailed off, and I fought my insecurities to lay my hand on his arm where it rested next to mine. Hopefully, it wasn’t too familiar, or too awkward, though I wasn’t sure how a comforting touch would be after what we had just did. He made a small, grateful sound, then continued. “He’s told you?”
I made a noise of assent.
Merikh nodded. “He’d been treating him terribly,” he said frankly. “We’d established the camp by then, but my dad liked to lead by example, taking us on scouting and scavenging missions all the time for supplies. Plus, my dad couldn’t treat Nix how he wanted around others, not if he wanted to be liked. So on this particular trip that Caelan had stayed behind from, he sent him out for the night and flipped the locks on the little house we were staying in. I snuck out after he’d gone to sleep, and was just about to bring Nix in, because fuck what my dad wanted, when we realized there were a couple of zombies nearby that we hadn’t spotted until it was too late. I sent him back inside the house because what could he do without a weapon? He tried to refuse, but he was already banged up from earlier and he would’ve died in seconds without a way to defend himself.”
