Nix looked over, eyes glinting with heat at the way my top was falling off my shoulder. I leaned against the armrest, throwing my feet in Grey’s lap and meeting Nix’s stare.

  I guess I wasn’t over the tension with Merikh, because with the way Nix was looking at me, it was like I’d never even cooled down.

  Grey talked while he rubbed my feet absentmindedly, and I squirmed at the feel. His thumb caressed the arch of my foot, leading me to draw in a sharp breath.

  “Are you even listening, sweetheart?” Grey asked with a smug smile. He knew what he was doing.

  I was still wet from my encounter with Merikh, my body wound tight. Nix smirked, swiping a thumb across his lower lip and shooting me a knowing wink.

  Fuck, was I that obvious? I squirmed again, feeling the roughness of my shirt rubbing against my over-sensitized breasts, the rise and fall of my chest excruciating as my breaths came faster. I arched my back as Grey lifted my foot and placed a soft kiss to the inside of my ankle.

  Nix groaned in unison with me, hand placed in front of his pants like he was either hiding or stroking his desire.

  Logically, I knew I could use this, use them. I could endear them to me with sex and promises, right up until the moment I left.

  But I wouldn’t.

  “You really don’t mind sharing?” I asked with a lifted brow.

  Grey glanced at Nix, a smirk fixed on his wicked mouth. “I don’t know, how badly do you want it?”

  “You know I want her,” he said, voice gravelly.

  “It would seem that you get both, sweetheart. The real question is, can you handle both?”

  I answered his question with an eager moan. Grey began sweeping his large palm in wide strokes across my leg, up to my thigh, then back down to my ankle. Every pass got higher and higher to my aching desire, and his hands were warm and rough on my skin.

  The two friends exchanged a look, and Nix beckoned me over to his chair with a hand. I rose slowly, kissing Grey firmly on the lips before sauntering over to where Nix sat by the fire.

  A knock on the door interrupted us. It couldn’t be Caelan or Merikh, as they’d just walk right in. Who else would knock this late?

  Grey and Nix exchanged glances, and Grey stood up to get the door. A distinctly female voice grated on my nerves. Anna stood on the threshold, cheeks flushed, and lips pursed in a pout.

  “I just wanted to check on River, she left awfully soon,” Anna said with fake concern, peeking past Grey to peer inside. Her eyes lit up when they landed on me. “There you are! Everyone was worried when you left, but I told them you were just overwhelmed, and that it had nothing to do with Thomas.”

  I gritted my teeth. What was she getting at? I didn’t have enough experience with manipulation to guess what her game was.

  She continued. “Of course, we all know that you don’t really want to be here, so it only makes sense that you wouldn’t want to stay longer to get to know everyone.”

  Grey took a heavy step forward, but I held up a halting hand and approached Anna. I was seething with anger. I couldn’t tell if it was because she had just reminded me of everything I had been trying so hard to forget or because she had the guts to come to their cabin and run her mouth just to upset me.

  I stopped a few feet away from her and looked her up and down with disdain. Her cheeks grew flushed with indignation as she waited for a response, but she kept up her innocent facade.

  “It’s a pity you left the gathering just for me, Anna. I’m sure there are just as many people cursing the fact that they’re not getting any tonight now that you’re not there to service them as there are gossiping about me. I hope I’m not overstepping; that’s just what I heard about you.”

  Sure, there was no issue with sleeping around. Hell, I was contemplating fucking four guys at once. Three guys, damn it. But I knew she would take it as an insult, incensed that I dared bring up her other conquests in front of the few unattainable men in camp that she just wouldn’t stop pursuing.

  Her lip curled as I walked up to Grey where he stood with a firm mask in place and arms crossed, and kissed him gently on the lips. He unfolded his rigid body, gripping my waist with one scarred hand, and reciprocated. I pulled away after a few seconds, feeling flushed and disheveled, my point having been made.

  “I think it’s time you leave now,” I said cheerfully, giving her a little wave and withholding a smirk. Her face was a dull red, and she was practically vibrating with words unsaid. When she didn’t make a move to walk away, I swung the door shut in her face with a small thud.

  It was only then that I allowed myself to take a deep breath. Nix’s eyes were wide where he sat watching me on the couch, and Grey looked stunned.

  “Marking your territory, sweetheart?” Grey rumbled approvingly.

  I wanted to laugh, but I was so damn tired. Just exhausted. I wanted to laugh it off, and rejoin them both. At the very least, I wanted to sit in front of the fire and relax, but it all felt wrong somehow. She’d achieved her goal of tainting my night. The thoughts came rushing back in full force.

  “I’m heading to bed,” I said flatly. I pretended not to notice their concerned looks. “I’ll be sleeping in Merikh’s room. I don’t feel like watching him throw a fit because I avoided it again.”

  Nix opened his mouth to respond, but I walked out, heading down the hall to use the bathroom and brush my teeth. Once I was finished, I re-entered the hallway, listening to the fervent whispering coming from the direction of the kitchen, and headed to Merikh’s room. I eased the door open, allowing my eyes to adjust to the darkness.

  A king-sized bed filled the room, dark blankets covering its surface. One solitary black dresser sat up against the far wall underneath a window that had steel bars running across it. At least someone hadn’t grown complacent sitting in this settlement.

  Nothing good ever lasts.

  I peeked through his drawers, seeing if I could find anything to hold against him or at the very least, anything that told me more about him, but there was nothing.

  I shifted my eyes to the large bed.

  Did I take a pillow and blanket and open myself up to getting humiliated when Merikh came home and decided I didn’t deserve those luxuries? Or did I sleep without them and stew all night over the fact that I was forgoing comfort just because some self-obsessed man on an ego trip said so?

  Ugh.

  Fuck it. I settled on the empty stretch of floor on the right side of the bed–opposite the side with the window and dresser–and stretched out, pillowing my head on my arms. The sound of a home in use met my ears. Dishes clanking from the kitchen, the water running through their system somewhere. It was soothing.

  I didn’t let myself get used to it.

  A muffled sound woke me. I listened closely, relaxing when I heard the creak of the bed as someone turned over. Then, a deep sigh sounded.

  Merikh.

  It was only after a few seconds passed that I realized there was something soft under my head, that I was no longer freezing, but warm and toasty. I opened my eyes to find that there was a pillow beneath my head, and the blanket that had occupied the end of Merikh’s bed was draped over my body.

  I squeezed my eyes shut when he got out of bed, pretending to be asleep so we didn’t have to make awkward conversation. He walked over to my side of the bed, standing still for a long moment before I heard the rustling of clothes. I could only cross my fingers and hope my cheeks weren’t turning pink.

  It wasn’t too long before he left the room. I gave it a few minutes, making sure he wasn’t going to come back in before stretching languidly and sitting up. My head spun with the movement, and I grimaced as I unstuck my tongue from the roof of my dry mouth. I was a little surprised that he didn’t wake me up just to be spiteful. I hated to admit it but maybe there was a nice bone somewhere in his body.

  I took my time getting ready, feeling somewhat subdued. For once, there was no big urgency pressing down on me to do anything. I threw on an oversized shirt and a pair of shorts–fuck it still felt so nice to feel the wind on my bare legs as opposed to stiff and tight jeans to protect myself from scrapes and bites–and used the bathroom that was right next to Merikh’s room.

  Once I was finished and headed out to the kitchen, I was surprised to hear the low murmur of whispers. Not just any whispers either, there were no careful not to wake her up whispers here. No, these were fervent and angry. Secretive. I stopped just out of sight, the hallway hiding me from the kitchen and living room around the corner, and listened carefully.

  “Whoring herself out,” someone hissed quietly. “You don’t care that she’ll fuck anything that makes eyes at her?” they said bitterly. Who the hell… Merikh.

  “She wouldn’t do that, man. Are you so fucking jealous that she won’t choose you that you’ll just make shit up now?” Nix whispered loudly.

  “I am not making shit up,“ Merikh growled. “Did you know I’ve heard whispers about your girl making plans to run away still?”

  A sharp breath, and then silence. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Why did I feel weirdly guilty that he’d just told Nix that? Surely, he knew, right? He wasn’t naive enough to think that just because we’d started doing… whatever we were doing, I’d stick around.

  I adjusted my stance, switching my weight from one foot to another, when the floorboard creaked underneath me. I squeezed my eyes shut in consternation, hoping that maybe they wouldn’t have heard it.

  Several seconds passed before I heard, “Why don’t you come on out, princess. Not sure if you learned this from your many books, but eavesdropping is bad,” Merikh said drolly.

  I frowned, rounding the corner and pretending like I wasn’t mortified to have been caught.

  Nix was staring at me, eyes wide with hurt and something. “You’re still planning to leave,” he said flatly. He absentmindedly fiddled with the bracelet on his wrist while he waited for a response.

  I didn’t… What could I say? I bit my bottom lip, searching desperately for the blasé attitude that had come so easily days before.

  I ended up going with a shrug, neither confirming nor denying, but that was enough for Nix. He frowned, his mouth twisting into a sneer. It looked wrong on his face, out of place and unwelcome. “Were you just playing us for fools so that you could sneak away easier?”

  “That’s not–I would never–” It dawned on me with increasing horror that that exact thought had crossed my mind the other day. When had I become someone I disliked so much? “I never said I’d stay!” I argued helplessly. “It was never even an option.” I crossed my arms, feeling uncomfortably defensive.

  “So you were using us,“ he said with disgust, curling his lip.

  Anger flooded through my veins, replacing the hurt and the shame as Merikh just stood by, expressionless. “What did you expect?” I hissed. “That I’d get some dick and suddenly want to stay here forever? I’m not welcome here and I don’t even have a skill to offer! I don’t belong here. Especially not as your fucking maid. I don’t have to be using you just because I still want to leave.”

  Nix flinched and took several steps back from me, coldness filling his eyes and turning them glacial. A shaft of sunlight fell across his face, highlighting his strong jaw and full lips. He looked like some kind of dark angel, just missing the wings.

  “Then go,” he said thickly.

  “Excuse me?”

  “Go!”

  I looked at him incredulously and backed away slowly, easing the door open behind me and pretending I didn’t see the hurt flashing across his face as I walked out. Merikh didn’t say a word, ignoring my exit and looking at Nix with concern. Nix, who never moved, never spoke, aside from the stiffening of his body.

  I turned and ran. It must have been only several minutes of freedom, breathing the cool, brisk air and admiring my surroundings before I thought of the look on Nix’s face when I ran. Betrayal, hurt, pain. Only glimpses, but enough. I was finally getting what I wanted, what I spent every day obsessing over, so why didn’t it feel good? Why did I care if he was upset? A sudden tightness gripped my chest, and I fought the urge to double over. My vision blurred, and when I tried to swallow, I realized there was a lump in my throat.

  It was just when I started to slow that I collided with a body, no longer looking forward as I should have been but lost in my thoughts.

  “River,” Caelan exclaimed. My eyes darted to the rest of the camp behind him, and I rolled my eyes in frustration, holding back a pitiful laugh.

  My freedom gone, just like that.

  “I’m going to grab lunch, come with?”

  “Do I have a choice?” I snarked.

  Hurt flashed across his face. I took a moment to force my roiling emotions into something less volatile and nodded. He fell in step beside me, seeming to sense I was in a weird mood.

  “Why are you running way out here?”

  “I needed to clear my thoughts and the forest air helps. Apparently, Mom used to preach about the benefits of woodland air compared to all the other types. My dad used to say that she had no idea what she was talking about, clearly the sea breeze is the best.”

  “Apparently?”

  I laughed bitterly. “She died when I was four. Too young to really remember, too old to forget random little details that I’ve half convinced myself I made up. Most of what I know is from my dad. The worst part is that she didn’t even get infected with Paleo, just some other terrible disease that no one had treatment for. Maybe she would’ve lived if we’d been here. At least you have herbs and people trained in first aid.”

  Caelan frowned. “I’m sorry, baby. I... had no idea.”

  “How would you have?” I said with a shrug. My insides were twisting, winding, churning at what I’d just done back in the cabin. I could barely think about anything other than the sound of Nix’s voice.

  Caelan made small talk with me the whole way to the food tent and the entire time my mind kept flashing back to Nix, the look on his face. He’d fully expected me to leave, and why wouldn’t he? I was here against my will… right?

  When we got to the tent, we joined the back of the line instead of jumping ahead. It was almost as if Caelan knew I needed the extra time. I dreaded the awkwardness of going back to the cabin, and it was obvious in the way I dragged my feet. I was filled with more emotions than I knew how to handle. I was familiar with disappointment, with grief and fear and confusion, but not this festering emotion laced with a heavy guilt twisting up my insides at the thought of facing them again.

  I was only just starting to calm down when I realized how foolish my plan had been. To leave in the middle of the day with nothing but the clothes on my back and no supplies or weapons? Experiencing a taste of true domesticity for the first time in my life had made me reckless.

  “You alright?” Caelan asked gently before we entered the cabin.

  I spared him a smile and nodded. After all, he had no idea what he’d interrupted. I sucked in a breath as we walked through the door, eyes immediately landing on Nix where he sat at the table, quiet and withdrawn. He played with his bracelet, Merikh watching him warily, while Grey was speaking with exaggerated hand motions, trying to cheer him up.

  His gaze zeroed in on me as I entered, full of confusion and hurt. He stood in one fluid motion, slender body stretching to his full height as he walked out of the room. He left Grey mid-sentence, shutting the door to his room so loudly that we all heard it.

  “What’s his problem?” Caelan asked as he set the plates on the table. Grey started offering him an explanation in a low murmur while I met Merikh’s stare. He looked at me as though he knew that I was secretly relieved I hadn’t made it out of the camp. I wondered if he knew as well as I did that even if I had made it to the gates, there was every chance I wouldn’t have walked out. I shook off my apprehension and joined them at the table. When Grey finished speaking, Caelan stood to bring Nix his plate, sparing me a disappointed glance.

  “You’ll be on the couch tonight,” Merikh declared once we finished eating in relative silence.

  Regret built in my chest the longer I pictured Nix’s crestfallen face as I walked away. I felt shame of all things, like I had to have been seriously unworthy to make the most steadfast man here get so upset. Odd that sleeping on their floors was supposed to be a punishment and yet I felt like being relegated to the couch was even worse, a silent chastisement, an acknowledgment of their collective disappointment in me. It was all communicated in undertones: the assumption that things had changed throughout the week, that feelings had formed, and loyalties had shifted. No one spoke up and said it, but it was clear we’d somehow gotten comfortable and let the lines blur, and now it was time to face the consequences.

  I just nodded.

  I spent the day doing nothing. No following the guys around, no one watching me like I would steal their supplies and bolt any second. I had wanted to feel like I wasn’t being scrutinized every second, so why instead did I feel like nobody cared? Wasn’t that what I’d been hoping for?

  I sighed, brushing my hands off onto my pants and adding to their general grimy appearance. What was one more stain?

  Halli laughed from somewhere off to my right, having left me alone for a bit to get my thoughts gathered. She insisted that gardening was a great tool for mindfulness, but I was just sweaty and bored to tears.

  I looked up when I heard the faint sound of clanging and yelling in the near distance. I turned to face Halli, who waved her hand, dismissing my concerns. She ended her conversation and took a second to wipe the sweat from her forehead before heading in my direction.

  Correctly interpreting my confusion, she launched into an explanation. “It’s the anniversary soon, so we’re gathering supplies to have a big bonfire in the center of camp.”

  I rubbed the spot between my eyebrows, realizing all too late that just because I wiped my hands off on my pants, didn’t mean they were completely free of dirt. Halli laughed, pouring some water from her canteen onto the rag that was looped through the belt on her skirt and wiping the mark from my forehead. The breeze felt cool against my wet skin, and when I sighed contentedly, she brushed the rag along my cheeks as well.

 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35