A River of Ash and Bone, page 11
I drew back, torn between bolting out of the tent and ignoring him when a warm arm brushed against mine.
“You don’t speak to her like that,” Nix commanded, his entire body vibrating with hostility. I looked at him, partly in surprise, but also in irritation. I needed to fight my own battles. I wanted to. “You don’t speak to her at all.”
I bristled at his high-handedness, tapping my foot anxiously. The man scowled at Nix but remained silent.
Nix followed my gaze to Anna, eyes narrowing as he immediately put the pieces together and realized she was somehow involved, even if he didn’t quite know how yet. “You had no right,” he said sternly, angrier than I thought he could get. Clearly, I’d gauged him wrong if I’d thought he liked to avoid conflict.
She just shrugged, looking unrepentant. “I think the people deserve to know, don’t you? We wouldn’t want to keep secrets. What do you see in her anyway?” she snickered. “Hair the color of dishwater and a face so thin, you’d think she’s perpetually sucking on a lemon.”
“Caramel,” Nix muttered under his breath.
She laughed again. “Excuse me?”
He frowned, his voice growing louder as he dressed her down. “I said her hair is fucking caramel. But if anyone would know dishwater, it’s you. Isn’t that right, Anna? So why don’t you head back to the kitchen and do the only thing you’re good for besides spreading your legs?”
Her gasp echoed in the now quiet tent. Several people’s faces were visibly red from restraining their laughter or gasps. Anna looked to the people sitting around her for a defense, but not a single person spoke up despite the visible discomfort on their faces. Damn, not even her friends thought she was worth sticking up for? She stomped her foot and leveled a glare in my direction that would’ve turned me to ash had she the ability.
She spun on her heel, and I had to give it to her, she held her head high throughout her march toward the kitchen. As soon as she was out of sight, voices rose in volume, whispers and laughter filling the tent. I felt a brief flash of sympathy, but it faded the second I remembered that she’d revealed a personal conversation to everyone.
It was surreal, like one of those shitty old-world books I’d found that was set in high school. Didn’t we have bigger things to worry about? We should’ve been pulling together for the sake of our survival, not fighting over inconsequential shit like men.
Nix leveled a glare at the room, quieting the murmurs, before walking out of the tent and into the cool night air like he had all the time in the world.
I followed behind him, my body instantly relaxing at the sight of the stars above me, the absence of everyone’s glares, and the sudden silence. When he stopped several feet away from the empty center of the camp, I took it upon myself to break the tension. “Caramel, Nix? Really?”
He blushed–blushed!–ducking his head and taking a step back. Fuck, it completely destroyed any lingering irritation at him for interfering.
“Wait,” I pleaded, suddenly desperate for him to not leave or feel embarrassed. I rounded the wooden bench he had inched behind, catching his sleeve with my hand. I used that grip to stand on my tiptoes, then leaned in to press a soft kiss to his cheek, nose brushing against the evening stubble lining his jaw. “My hero,” I whispered in his ear. He shuddered against me, hand snaking out from between us to press against my lower back–
The moment was broken by the intrusive sound of laughter nearby. An answering smile tugged at the corner of Nix’s mouth, and I stepped back to let him step away if he still wanted to. Instead, he placed a gentle hand on my arm and tugged me away from the small cluster of people that lingered nearby.
“Are you okay?” he murmured when we were once more out of earshot.
My grin faded as I came back to reality and I shook my head, suddenly weary. I’d had so much constant interaction over the past few days that my head was spinning. All I wanted to do was find a nice, quiet place and think. What was I going to do now that everyone knew the truth about how John had died? At least Naia and Nerese hadn’t looked like they hated me. Who knew what Anna had told everyone, though? She could have twisted the story any way she liked.
“River,” he said quietly.
“Yes, Nix?”
“What do you want to do?”
I looked at him in surprise. Not one of them had ever asked me what I wanted to do. They always commanded, ordered, directed.
I sighed, looking up into the starlit sky and wishing my father had taught me about the constellations. They had always intrigued me. I’d found a tattered storybook once, in which a girl that found herself lost navigated her way back home using the North Star. When I was younger, I thought following the North Star would lead me to my dream home, a safe and cozy sanctuary just for me. After I had pestered my dad for months to follow the North Star with me, he finally explained that it didn’t work like that. He hadn’t wanted to crush my dreams. It seemed like a cruel joke that I’d find my way to a camp with security and food, and yet be there under these circumstances. Still somehow ostracized, still ready to flee at a moment’s notice.
“I’d like to sit by the fire,” I said softly. I could pretend none of this was happening, recline on the couch, and have some mockery of normal.
He nodded, leading us back to the cabin. Once we arrived, I changed into a clean pair of clothes, splashing cool water on my face and tying my hair back. There, some modicum of control. Given how exhausted I felt–deep down to my bones–I expected to see my hazel eyes lined by dark circles, but when I looked in the mirror, I saw no outward manifestation of my troubles. My hollow cheeks were filling out, and I had the beginnings of a natural blush.
Was I prepared to go back to scavenging? To irregular meals and starvation, sleepless nights, and violence?
I exited the bathroom to see Nix stoking the fire. The flames turned his hair a burnished red, highlighting his pale skin and casting shadows around the high-ceilinged living room.
He was stunning.
I sat on the couch, reclining against the arm and tucking my feet into the middle cushion. I lay on my side, feeling Nix’s eyes on me as I watched the fire crackle and pop.
“We used to have a fire every night on the outside,” he murmured. He strode over to me, ignoring the empty seats around us and only hesitating a moment before taking a seat at the other end of the couch.
If I was being honest with myself, I would admit that I left my legs tucked close just in case he chose to sit there.
“Isn’t that dangerous? You didn’t attract zombies or thieves?”
He huffed a rough laugh. “My father didn’t care. How dare he lose a comfort due to others? We were targeted often because of it and were expected to defend our territory each and every time. To everyone else, if we were bold enough to burn a fire all night then surely we had enough resources to live comfortably–resources that they could take. He said it was good for us, that it would toughen us up.”
His disdain for his father was clear in his voice.
“You don’t like to fight as the others do,” I guessed.
“I do what needs to be done,” he corrected. “But no, I don’t enjoy feeling my fist split bone or the blood and gore that follows.”
“They don’t look down on you for it?”
His face darkened. “My father doesn’t appreciate it, as I’m sure you could guess.” He cracked a small smile. “My brothers could care less. There’s more than enough thirst for violence and control in each of them to make up for any I might be lacking.”
“What do you do instead? If they take care of the zombies outside and work camp security and disputes?”
Only after I’d finished asking did I realize how rude it sounded, but he just smiled, and a dimple appeared on his left cheek. It was the first real smile I was seeing from him, and I was enraptured by it. “I swim in my free time, help watch and care for the children, settle disputes in Merikh’s stead, and check on the elderly and the livestock. I also manage job assignments and keep records on the food stock.”
“Sounds fulfilling.”
Clearly, he could hear the envy bleeding through my tone because his expression grew pleading. “Would it be so bad?” he murmured.
I shifted slightly, tucking my legs closer and admiring the sharp cut of his jaw. “What?”
His shadowed green eyes met mine. “Being here? With us?”
“I’m not sure it matters, Nix. Circumstances being what they are and all. Besides, who knows how many other creepy perverts you have hanging around?”
“You don’t have to be alone anymore. You could be happy here, we’d just need to give the others time to calm down.” His eyes widened slightly as he processed what I said. “What do you mean, creepy pervert?”
I closed my eyes. I’d been trying to make light of it and just… forgot. I made a split second decision to come clean with him. He deserved honesty.
“John. He tried to force himself on me,” I said quietly. “I told Halli, and Anna overheard, as did Grey, and Anna ended up telling everyone. Not… that part, but the stealing. And the killing. It’s the reason for whatever just happened back there.“ I was worn out and didn’t have the patience to go about it tactfully for the second–third–time that day.
“He what?” Nix flew to his feet, looking at me incredulously.
I lifted a shoulder and looked back toward the fire.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” he asked between clenched teeth.
“I didn’t think it mattered,” I said flatly.
He ran a hand over his face, continuing into his dark curls, and crouched next to where I was sitting. “I didn’t know,” he muttered. His expression was tortured. “You’ve been fetching our food, cleaning our place, sleeping on our floors, following us around like a dog. Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because I thought it didn’t matter!” I exclaimed, sitting up straight.
“Of course it matters,” he thundered. Then he blinked, shaking off his anger and sighing. His shoulders slumped. A strong hand lifted to grip my knee, both comforting and heat-provoking. “I’m sorry. Do the others know? Besides Grey?”
“No. I didn’t know if you’d accuse me of lying and maybe just kill me on the spot. I thought it would be safer to get a feel for things first, for the kind of people you were and the type of camp you lead. Until then, I thought it would only make things worse.”
Nix’s face crumpled. He nodded once and stood, exiting the cabin. I couldn’t decide if I was happy or upset by his absence. I definitely didn’t expect him to just walk out like that.
I spent what felt like forever staring into the flames and wondering where everyone was when Nix walked through the front door, balancing two bowls of soup.
It was a peace offering, him bringing me dinner like I had brought his meals to him.
“Here.” He handed me the chipped porcelain bowl filled with the very same spiced soup that I’d dropped earlier. I was ravenous and scarfed it down within seconds. My stomach growled for more, but I knew better than to get used to eating too much food and being unable to meet that standard once I was gone.
I left him by the fire to brush my teeth and was surprised to find him still sitting in the armchair when I returned.
“You’re sleeping with me tonight,” Nix said as he crouched down to collect my bowl. I turned wide eyes to him, savoring his rough laugh. “I’m not making you sleep on my floor, sunshine. Come on.”
His room was shrouded in darkness, with only the light of the candle in the corner. As my eyes adjusted to the change in lighting, I was able to make out a large bed and clothes hamper in the corner, along with a short nightstand.
Nix busied himself by fiddling with something on his dresser, before stripping off his shirt almost shyly. What I could see of his skin was gold draped over muscle. He left his sweats on and slid into his bed on the right side, leaving the left open for me.
What would it be like? To hear his staccato breaths in the darkness and know that his body was so close to mine? Nice, I surmised. It would feel comforting. And… tempting.
I eased my way into the bed awkwardly, laying stiffly several inches away from him. “Where are the others?”
“Probably fighting,” he mused. “Some of the camp likes to get together and place bets. There’s not much for entertainment here.”
“Is the safety worth it? The stagnation?”
“It’s immeasurable. Do you think… Would you have ever told us about… you know? I know you said you wanted to get a feel for things first.”
A fist squeezed my heart at the pain dripping off his words. I suppose in a way I understood. We’d formed a tentative friendship, he and I, even somehow based on the fundamental belief that they were justified in their actions and I was not, and now it had been upended. He probably felt guilt, and upset. “I’m glad you know, okay? And if I’d have known what kind of man you are… I would have told you right away. I know it doesn’t… excuse what I did. There’s no way of knowing if he still would have tried if he wasn’t infected, but, well, he was. Because of me. So I–um–” I shut my mouth against any more awkward stuttering, grateful it was dark so he couldn’t see the pink that I was sure stained my cheeks. It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep my train of thought, knowing that he was so close.
“Thank you for saying that,” he whispered, his voice low. “But there’s no excuse. None. Maybe we were too surprised, or hypocritical, to acknowledge that in your place we would’ve likely done the same, or maybe we saw you standing there, hungry and scared, and thought…”
He trailed off and shifted onto his back. As he turned, his arm brushed the thin fabric at my waist, quickening my breaths. It was an accident, but it brought my entire focus down to the distance between our bodies. The touch was so innocent, but inexplicably charged with tension. “Nix,” I murmured, rolling onto my back as well, so that my arm was lying between us as well. My heartbeat sped up as his hand brushed against mine and a strange, warm feeling took root in the pit of my stomach.
Nix made a sound low in his throat, and I felt his hand twitch when his fingers briefly touched mine. “You’re stunning. Have I told you?”
“No.”
“You looked so… beautiful standing among all the wreckage when we first found you. Body at your feet like an avenging angel, and your eyes, they were so clear.”
“I was covered in scars and filth.” I bit my lip against any further protests. I wasn’t ashamed of my looks per se, but I know they weren’t exactly a turn-on.
“Look at how you’ve survived,” he murmured. “Skin kissed by the sun and body finally getting the nutrients it needs. You’re glowing.”
I shifted my hand closer, heart in my throat at my boldness, entangling it with his in one smooth motion. His breath hitched as he clasped mine back. Then he was pulling, rolling me sideways into his body. My head landed on his chest, and my other arm ended up slung across him. He sighed deeply, causing my head to rise just slightly. I flashed back to when I slept in Grey’s bed, to how similar the two scenarios were. To think that I’d gone from lonely nights to… this. Heart racing, skin flushed, head dizzy.
I clutched him tightly, shuddering in his strong embrace. The arm that encircled my back flexed as he gripped my hip. We were aching for one another, breaths stuttering as more of our skin touched while we settled into a comfortable position. He groaned low and deep as I shifted over him. I turned to check his expression, surprised to find his lips a scant distance from mine. They parted beneath my gaze, and his cool breath caressed my neck.
Oh whatever.
I surged forward, capturing his mouth with mine. I swallowed his moan, unable to suppress a whimper of my own as I savored the feel of his soft lips. Even after reading about experiences like this, I never imagined I’d have one or that it would feel so damn good. He kissed me back just as passionately, not dominating the kiss, but meeting me touch for touch, allowing me to set the pace. I didn’t know if I was any good, but I was too drunk on lust to care.
After a couple of minutes of gentle, desperate kisses, I realized I was rocking my hips against his bent leg. I moaned quietly, biting back the sound as he kissed me harder. His hand circled from my hip to my core, gently cupping me over my shorts. I writhed, desperate for more pressure and moaning as he stroked me. It was unlike anything I’d felt before and I had to wonder how I’d lived without it these past few years.
“Fuck,” he groaned against my lips. “Just like that.”
“Keep touching me,” I commanded between kisses. He broke our kiss to trace my lower lip with his tongue before sliding it inside my mouth and twining it with mine. It was warm and wet, sinful and dirty and delicious. I sighed into his mouth, using my hand to brace myself against his chest. His hand delved beneath my shorts to circle my clit slowly, and my head fell empty. Fuck, it was so good. Leagues more pleasurable than the quick unpracticed movements I’d tried previously with my own hand. It was electric.
My moans grew louder as pleasure radiated through my body at his firm touch. I rocked my body into his ministrations, meeting him stroke for stroke, tiny whimpers falling from my lips.
“You like it?” he murmured. “Want me to stroke you till you come? Slide my fingers into your soaking wet cunt until you squirt all over my hand?”
I shuddered, definitely not expecting sweet, shy, Nix to have such a filthy mouth. His words spurred me on, and I rode his hand faster, hips undulating as he rubbed me. “Yes,” I hissed, determined not to be outdone by his sexy as fuck dirty talk. Sure I’d never done it before, but I’d fantasized enough, read enough detailed books, I got the general idea. “Want your fingers deep inside me, want to fuck myself on you until I come all over your hand.”
His groan was profane as he eased a finger inside me, quickly escalating to two once he realized how soaked I was. Even with my limited experience, I was determined not to feel shy about declaring what I wanted–taking what I wanted. Even if I felt the slightest bit embarrassed at the obscene sounds filling the room from how soaking wet I was.
