In Between Men, page 17
Ray ended the kiss, but kept his lips close to hers as he spoke. “You were right. Next time we’ll do something that we can all enjoy.”
“We’re hungry, Mom. Can we have a snack?” Karl and Jordan were vying for space in front of the refrigerator.
“No! Dinner is almost ready. I made a very nutritious meal for you guys.” She looked up at her husband teasingly, and he smacked her on her bottom.
“I hope you have something special for Daddy to eat.”
“Cute, cute, I’m sure I can find something.” Guilt caused her to hold fast to her smile, like guilt would put smothered pork chops, okra gumbo, garlic mashed potatoes, homemade biscuits, and sweet potato pie on the table. She turned back to the boys when she felt her façade slipping. “You guys go and take a shower, and when you finish dinner will be on the table.” The boys left the kitchen immediately, grumbling but not wanting to do anything to delay their dinner.
Ray went to the stove to check the pots. “This looks good, baby. Do I have to take a shower before I eat too?”
“No, you don’t.” She wondered if he sensed how uncomfortable she felt. He took a plate and started to help himself. “You could wash your hands, though.” He put the plate down and went to the sink to wash his hands. She sat at the table with him, a silly smile still pasted on her face.
“What did you do while we were gone?”
Does he know something? Her heart was pounding so hard and fast that she looked down at her chest to see if it was moving. It wasn’t. Easy, Hope, easy, she cautioned herself. To lie or not to lie was not the question–the question was how big of a lie it was safe to tell. I have to tell him that I went to the party… should I tell him I ran into Tony? What if that bitch Lisa tells Ray that we were talking at the party? Yeah, right, Hope, she’s the bitch, but I bet she wasn’t out last night fucking a man who was not her husband. True… True.
“I went to Ralph’s birthday party for a little while. I didn’t stay very long.”
“How was it?” Ray was eating like it had been ages since he had had a decent meal. The truth is, it has been, Hope admitted to herself.
“It was all right.” Hope sighed and shrugged. “I took Ralph some scotch.” She watched her husband as he continued to enjoy his food. “Since school is about to start I guess I need to start cooking more often.”
Ray looked up from his plate with his eyebrows raised. “Aren’t you about to start school too? I would think that you would be cooking even less often.”
“No … actually, I’ve been thinking that instead of taking two classes, I’ll just take one. I’m gonna try and see if they have something that’s a different night of the week. The time away from home won’t be as inconvenient.”
His eyebrows went up another half inch, and there was a smile on his face. “What brought this on?” Guilt.
“I’ve just been thinking about what you said.” Yeah, right.
“And you’re right. The boys need me right now, and I don’t have to be in such a hurry to get my MBA.”
Ray smiled at her like he hadn’t in a long time. “You know what I said earlier about next time going somewhere we can all enjoy? Forget that. I’m taking the boys camping every other month.”
“The boys asleep?” Ray put down the book he was reading.
“Yes, they are. The boys are asleep, the dishes are washed, and Hope is tired!” She yawned and started walking toward the bathroom.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m going to take a shower.” Another shower.
“Uh-uh.” He patted the sheet next to him. “I want you right here.”
“Ray, I’m tired,” Hope whined. That happens when you’re up all night screwing.
“I have an energy pill for you.”
Hope smiled tightly and walked over to the bed. She really, really did not want to make love. But it was the least she could do.
When he took her in his arms she was stiff. He nuzzled her neck, she was stiff. “What’s wrong?”
First of all, I just told you I was tired. Second, I think that we should wait a while before we make love, because I think I can still smell Tony on me… even though I know that’s impossible.
“I’m fine.” She took his face in her hands and kissed him deeply, and then she kissed him again. She could feel his body responding under the sheets.
Hope stood up and shimmied out of her shorts and T-shirt. She left her bra and panties on and joined him under the sheets. Here goes nothing. She wanted to ask God to make sure that everything was the same or better when they made love, but she refused to bring Him into her mess. She did, however, decide to put her heart–and everything else she had–into it. She reached down and stroked him firmly; she licked her lips seductively when she felt him harden in her hands.
“Mmm, I love you, baby.” She put her lips against his again, but this time she bit him firmly. He tried to catch her tongue, but she moved away before he could.
“I love you too.” Ray stretched out in the bed, more than willing to let her take the lead. She kissed his stomach and nibbled on his pelvic bone before taking him into her mouth.
“Oh baby, that feels so good.” Ray sat up a little so that he could watch her; he placed his hands on either side of her head, and she allowed him to move it up and down. She was excited by his moans of pleasure, and some of her fear subsided. After a few minutes she moved his hand away and kissed him again. Then she pulled her panties aside and eased herself down on him. She waited a minute… she waited for him to push her aside and ask, “What the fuck is going on? Who have you been screwing?”
When he didn’t, Hope realized that she was the same to him. Tony hadn’t knocked any new groove in it, it didn’t fit around Ray any differently, it was the same to him as it had been the last time he used it three weeks ago. She had halfbelieved him when he said a man would know if his wife had been with another man… but until yesterday she never thought that she would ever put his theory to the test.
Hope moved her hips with more confidence and reached behind to caress him. Her deliberately slow movements were driving him crazy, so he placed his hands on her hips and forced her to ride faster and harder. When she felt that he was about to come, Hope shook her head mentally in wonder. He really doesn’t suspect a thing.
“That was great, baby,” Ray said to her as soon as he regained his breath. “Did you come?”
“No. I guess I’m too tired.” She yawned to prove it.
“Give me a few minutes and we’ll go again.”
“No, babe, you go on to sleep. I know you’re tired too.” In a few minutes, after he drifted off to sleep, Hope got up to take a shower. In the bathroom, she couldn’t bear the thought of yet another shower that day. She wet a towel and wiped the stickiness from her thighs and went back to bed.
I fucked my husband and another man in less than twenty-four hours. I wonder, does that make me a whore? It was the last thought on her mind as she fell asleep.
Chapter Twenty-five
For two weeks she played the perfect wife and mother … for two weeks. Then she told Ray she had not been able to get a class that met on a suitable day of the week, and his response brought to the surface the resentment she had been suppressing as part of a self-inflicted penance.
“I know what I said, Ray!”
“Why can’t you wait until next semester? I told you about always waiting until the last minute to do something.” In the last e-mail that she had gotten from Tony, he had asked about her classes. Though she hadn’t answered it, the note had been very encouraging.
For two weeks, Hope avoided Tony’s phone calls and did not respond to his e-mails… for two weeks. She didn’t know what to say, plus she was not the type of café woman that her mother always talked about when she was growing up, a woman who would screw her husband–when she had one–and anybody else’s, always with a smirk on her face. A selfish woman with no morals who left her children unattended so that she was free to go “cattin’ around.”
But Ray didn’t make it easy. Apparently he was oblivious to the effort … to the sacrifice she was making for him. Apparently he didn’t see how depressed she was. Just as long as she cooked something he liked for dinner and sucked his dick on demand, he was happy.
When Ray accused her of being irresponsible again, she looked at him for a long time; she couldn’t decide whether it was disappointment or disgust on his face. In the end it didn’t matter. What was the point, she wondered, in giving up something that brought her so much pleasure for someone who acted as if he had no interest in pleasing her?
Hope sighed and stood up from the table. “I’m so tired of this, Ray. I can’t take it anymore.”
“What does that mean?” Ray looked surprised.
“It means we have to figure out a way to stop arguing about everything.”
“We don’t argue about everything, you argue about everything. All I said was that I don’t like the fact that you are going to be away from the house more often than you said a few days ago. I am still allowed to express my feeling in my own home… or is that a problem for you?”
“No, Ray, it’s not a problem.”
The next day she called her friend.
“Anthony Bolden.” His voice was professional and crisp. She had been very hesitant about making the call, but as soon as she heard his voice she relaxed.
“Hey you.” She was smiling.
“Hey back at you. How are you?” No recriminations, just a man who was glad to hear from her.
“Working. I got your e-mails. My class meets on Monday, and the boys are doing fine. Thanks for asking.”
“And how is Ray doing?” “Ray is Ray.”
He laughed when she said that. “What does that mean?”
“It means that he is the same as he was … the same as he has always been.”
“And are you the same as you have always been?”
She knew he was talking about what happened between them. “I’m not the same.” Her voice was quiet. “I’m glad to be talking to you. I’ve been thinking about you every day.” She had decided that if she called, she had to be honest.
“I guess I don’t have to tell you that I’ve been thinking about you all day. Do you have some time this week? We need to talk.”
“I know. I was thinking maybe I could come to Houston this weekend.” She hadn’t thought about going to Houston until just that second, but as soon as she said the words, she knew it was the right thing to do–well, at least it was what she wanted to do.
“I would love that, baby. Do you want me to send you a ticket?” He had called her baby over and over again the night they had made love, but it sent a jolt through her to hear it in the light of day.
“No, thanks. I think I need to drive. It’ll give me some time to think.”
“Are you sure you can get away for the entire weekend?”
She knew he was asking what she would tell her husband. “At this point, Tony, it doesn’t even matter. It’s what I need.”
Ray didn’t understand why she wanted to get away for the weekend. She made up a story about a woman’s conference in Houston that she had been thinking about attending. He didn’t argue with her; instead, he let his displeasure be known in a thousand different silent ways.
She took a page from his book and remained silent as she made arrangements for the boys to spend the weekend with various friends. Ray would be alone for the weekend, free to do anything he pleased.
When they got up Friday morning he didn’t say anything as she told him he would have to drop the boys off because she wanted to drive his two-seater. He also didn’t say anything when she put her overnight bag in the trunk of his car, or when she handed him the slip of paper telling him where and what time he should drop off the kids.
A good-bye kiss was out of the question. She told him he could reach her by cell phone if he needed anything, but she knew he wouldn’t be calling. And by Friday afternoon she was on Highway 45 traveling eighty miles an hour to Houston.
She called Tony when she was about thirty minutes from his house according to the directions he had given her earlier that day. Pleasure was clearly evident in his voice when they spoke.
“Do you want me to meet you halfway? I don’t want you to get lost.”
“I won’t get lost, I am very good at finding my way around.”
“Well, I’m waiting for you. Get here soon.” She released the breath it seemed she had been holding since she started the trip. Hearing his voice had reassured her… they would have a good weekend. She stopped just short of telling herself she had made the right decision.
Tony was waiting outside when she pulled into the driveway of his Memorial town home. A grin spread across her face that rivaled his. He waved for her to stop and got into the car on the passenger side. “What are you doing?” she asked laughingly as he reached over the seat and grabbed her face. He kissed her loudly along her face and neck, leaving her giggling. “Stop it! Stop it!” Hope closed her eyes and opened them again, trying to control the pleasure she was feeling.
“Pull into the garage,” he instructed, still smiling. She pulled the car in next to his Mercedes. She gave him the key so he could get her bag out of the trunk before getting out. She stretched and yawned, a little tired from the long ride.
“Damn, girl!” Tony walked behind her and put his hands around her waist. “I didn’t know you had legs like that.” She was wearing shorts… hot pants. After making an appearance at work for a couple of hours that morning, she had stopped at a department store to buy something to sleep in. The boxer shorts and T-shirts in her bag had been thrown in for Ray’s benefit. She didn’t know too much about having an affair, but she felt it was safe to assume that sexy lingerie was a plus.
The hot pants and halter top she was wearing had been an afterthought. She had loved them so much that she had left them on and gone to the shoe department and found a pair of sandals that matched the red outfit. Hope held one of her legs out like a dancer and twisted it from one side to the other so that he could fully appreciate them. She leaned back into his bear hug, enjoying the closeness.
“That’s right, you’ve never seen my legs.”
He kissed the side of her neck. “No, I haven’t, not in the light. I do, however, remember how exquisite they felt wrapped around my back. I should have known they were perfect.”
“Are you flirting with me?”
“Nope, just stating the facts, madam.” He released her and she followed him inside. Hope was immediately impressed with his home. The garage led to a rather large family room. It had oversized, plush-looking leather furniture and what looked to Hope like a very expensive home theater system. There was a gourmet kitchen downstairs and a very elegant eating area.
“Wow, this place is great, Tony. Did you go out and get it just to impress me?”
“No. I have something else that I hope to impress you with.” His wink was wicked. “Actually, I bought this place after my divorce. My ex-wife got the house, which she has since sold. I didn’t want to be bothered with a big lawn and neighbors; this place is pretty low maintenance.”
“This place is low maintenance?” Hope looked around and up and down doubtfully. “How many floors is it?”
“Three. Come on, I’ll show you where you’ll be living for the next two days.” There were two bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a small wet bar/refrigerator area on the second floor. One of the bedrooms was his and one was obviously for his daughter. Hope was impressed by the rich color scheme and the immaculateness.
He told her that he had a decorator and that his housekeeper came once a week. The third floor had another bedroom and bath and an open space that Tony used as a combination workout area and home office. She loved his home and felt completely comfortable as they retraced their steps to his bedroom.
“Do you want to unpack?” He dropped her bag on the floor and flopped down on his king-sized bed. He looked up at her with his hands folded behind his head. He hadn’t stopped grinning since he had met her outside. Neither had she. She half screamed, half laughed, flung her hands above her head at the sudden surge of freedom that she felt, and ran toward the bed, flopping down beside him.
She covered her face with her hands, trying to control her urge to scream again. “I can’t believe I’m here.” She turned on her side to look at him, wanting to touch him but needing some reassurance. “Do you think I’m crazy for coming here?” She didn’t allow him to answer the question; instead she vocalized some of the feelings she had been experiencing for the past two weeks.
“We haven’t talked about what happened between us.” He met her eyes but remained silent. “You must think I’m the most fickle woman in the world. After all I said about being devoted to my marriage and my family, I sleep with you at the drop of the hat and then I call you up and …” She took a deep breath and turned so she was resting on her back. She examined the texture on the ceiling as she tried to gather her thoughts. Her mood had gone from exuberant to almost despondent in sixty seconds. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“I don’t know what you’re doing either, Hope, but I’m glad to be doing it with you.” He put his hands across her stomach and pulled her back onto her side so she faced him. “I don’t think you’re crazy, and I know this is hard for you. I don’t know what I’m doing. I know what kind of woman you are, and I believe that you are committed to your family.
“I may have been wrong to open this thing up between us, but I don’t regret it. I’ve been beating myself up these last few weeks thinking that I had ruined our friendship, but when I think about making love to you that night, and when I think about having the chance to be with you again… “ They were looking directly at each other, and Hope was warmed by the intensity that she felt coming from him. “It’s like I have to have you. I’m willing to risk anything.” He ran his fingers across the bare flesh on her arms and she shivered.
