Wonderful, page 62
Ten minutes later, we were all slipping inside one of the longest limos I’d ever seen. The girls were all in fancy evening gowns, dresses that had been loaned to us by big designers that I’d never heard of. Anna assured me they were important, though, and I had a feeling their gowns probably cost more than our new recording equipment. The guys were dressed more simply, but in much nicer clothes than what they usually wore. Even I was dressed better than my average attire, wearing black slacks, a partially undone button-up, and a one-button jacket. I looked nicer than I had for my wedding, although I kind of missed the Underoos. I should have brought ‘em. Evan would have gotten a kick out of that, and by the look on his face, he could use the distraction.
Because while everyone looked amazing, they also looked nervous. Things were being fidgeted with left and right—clasps on clutches, buttons on jackets, rings on fingers, and multiple bouncing knees. Wanting to ease the tension I felt building, I said, “Hey, when this is over, you guys want to go to The Rusted Pipe? It would blow Cody’s mind if we showed up.”
Matt and Evan grinned. Griffin frowned. “Do you know how many afterparties there’s gonna be tonight? With celebrities and shit. And you want to go to The Pipe?”
I thought about it for a half-second, then nodded. “Yeah. Wanna come?”
He pondered it for a moment more, then shrugged. “Sure, why not.”
Matt snickered at that, then relaxed back into his seat, and I knew he was finally looking forward to something.
The car quieted after that, everyone lost in their own thoughts, and once again, I felt nerves eating away at my stomach. I wasn’t sure what was going on with me, but I knew I didn’t like it. Kiera pulled out her phone and started typing. At first, I thought she was checking in with Denny and Abby—they were back in Seattle, watching over Gibson—but then I saw the now-familiar design of the social media site Denny had made me join. The bird one. She sent something into cyberspace, and I knew it was on my behalf. Denny had said I could do it from my phone, but 99 percent of the time, the messages came from Kiera on her phone. No one seemed to notice or care, which made me think if she ever got tired of it, I could just hire someone to be me. But damn it, that felt like lying. At least if the messages came from Kiera, it was basically me talking. She knew everything I might want to say.
“What are you doing?” I asked her, just wanting to talk about something. Anything.
“Tweeting your fans,” she casually said, like that sentence somehow made sense. Then she held up the phone and showed me what she’d sent. “About to head into the Grammys. Wish me luck.”
The whole thing made me roll my eyes. I couldn’t imagine that anyone really cared that I was sitting in a car on my way to not-win an award that we shouldn’t be up for in the first place, but apparently, people did care. As I watched, comment after comment came rolling in. Reading all of them ate up a decent chunk of time, and before I knew it, the limo was pulling up to the venue. I glanced outside and felt my mouth fall open as I absorbed the absolute chaos: people, cameras, celebrities, more people, more cameras, more celebrities, all highlighted by a garish, bright-red carpet.
“Fuck me,” I muttered, then I flashed a glance at Matt. He might not get out of the car if he noticed what was waiting for us. But apparently, he’d already considered that. While everyone else was looking around and letting out nervous-but-excited screeches, his eyes were glued on his shoes. Smart. I wished I’d thought of that. And I liked crowds.
The car stopped in the drop-off zone, and the driver got out to walk around and let us out. Knowing we didn’t have much longer, I leaned forward and said, “Hey, no matter what happens tonight, I just want you to know, it’s been an honor performing with you guys, and I already feel like we’ve won.” I paused to grin at them. “We did it. We did everything we wanted to do. All of us.” I shifted my focus to take in the girls. Without their support and encouragement, the guys would have fallen apart on the road. I’d seen it happen. They were just as much a part of our success, and winning or not winning some award didn’t change that.
“Love you guys,” Evan said, smiling.
“Love you too, man,” Matt replied.
Griffin sniffed and dramatically wiped a non-existent tear off his cheek. Then he started singing “Can You Feel the Love Tonight,” and as one, we all leaned over and shoved him against the wall. He was laughing when the driver opened the door.
Kiera and I were sitting closest to the exit, so we’d be doing this first. Kiera’s eyes were wider than normal, and she looked a little pale, but she smiled at me and nodded; she was ready. I exhaled a quick breath, then slapped on a smile like this was something I did every other day. I stepped out of the limo to the roaring sound of screaming, and a million flashing lights. I was both blinded and deafened, and that actually made it a little easier. I extended my hand out for Kiera, and when she joined me, I swear the sound doubled. She laughed a little as she stood beside me, and I could clearly see the disbelief in her eyes. How is this real life? I laughed in agreement, because this was too surreal to be real, then I led her down the path to our future, clenching her hand the entire time.
Inside wasn’t much better. Instead of being swarmed by strangers, we were surrounded by celebrities who looked vaguely familiar; I was much better with music than faces. The more I was approached by people, the more I wanted to just sit somewhere quiet and wait for our category to be over with. Or leave. Maybe we could go and come back when it was time to perform. We’d already been filmed entering; who would notice if we weren’t there for the bulk of the show? I thought to mention the idea to Kiera, but then a guy approached us with instructions to follow him to our seats. Feeling like it was too late to bail, I reluctantly let him escort us.
Kiera could sense my mood, or I’d complained enough that she knew I didn’t want to be here. She spent a lot of time trying to engage me in idle chitchat, talking about things that were simple and easy—Abby probably wanting kids after babysitting Gibson, what songs we should play at their wedding, whether we should soundproof our bedroom. Well, that one was my suggestion, but I firmly believed we should seriously consider it, especially if our house was going to be constantly filled with friends, family, and one day, kids. Seemed like a no-brainer to me.
But as time wore on—as our category drew nearer—something happened to me. I felt sick, nauseated to the point where I was sure I was about to throw up. And I couldn’t stop moving. It was like my fight-or-flight response was at a ten, but I couldn’t do anything about it except sit there and stew. Conversation dried up as I stopped answering Kiera’s prompts. Then I started kissing her wrist, over and over and over. Even I knew it was getting obsessive but feeling her skin underneath me helped calm me. If I could have sat in her lap with her arms around me, I would have. I wasn’t even sure why I felt this way. It didn’t matter if we won or not, but every time I thought that, a tiny part of me screamed in protest. A part that…wanted to win. It was stupid, meaningless, but fuck, it was definitely there. A desire to be wanted, appreciated, liked for something other than my face, my body, liked for something that truly mattered to me. I wanted to know my words mattered, my thoughts mattered, my talent mattered. And fuck, I was terrified I wouldn’t measure up. But still…hadn’t I already, just by being nominated? Why wasn’t that enough? It made no sense.
My knee started bouncing when the two actors announcing our category walked onto the stage. Fuck. I can’t do this. I need to leave. Kiera’s hand went to my knee, stopping my ceaseless energy. Not able to stand it anymore, I leaned over and whispered, “I’m nervous. I’m really fucking nervous. I never get nervous. What the hell is wrong with me?”
She gave me a smile that was so calm; it was bizarre to me. “You’re human,” she said. “And I think it’s pretty safe to say that everybody in here is nervous on some level.”
Laughter filtered around the room as the announcers made some joke that I didn’t even hear. The blood was rushing through my body so fast; all I could hear was my raging heartbeat. And still, Kiera looked peaceful, like we were sitting in our favorite movie theater back home watching a rom-com. It boggled me. “You’re not nervous,” I said, a little irritated.
Kiera gave me a smile that was full of warmth and mystery, like she knew something I didn’t, like she had a crystal ball, and she knew exactly how this was going to play out. If she did, I’d appreciate a heads-up. Because they were playing clips of all the bands now, and I was genuinely going to hurl.
Then she leaned forward and whispered two words that evaporated every single nerve in my body. “I’m pregnant.”
I was positive I hadn’t heard her right, but I was too stunned to ask her to repeat it. I just stared at her with wide eyes and a dropped jaw. But like she heard me, she smiled and nodded, confirming my unasked question. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my fucking God…we’re having a baby.
Reaching for her face, I pulled her to my lips, barely coherent of the audience screaming and cheering. My mind was whirling, dazed. She’s pregnant. Holy shit, she’s pregnant. I tenderly kissed her as I felt the tears burning behind my closed lids. I kissed her over and over, light, gentle kisses that felt like laughter. I wanted to laugh, I wanted to cry, I wanted to ask her how it was possible. I thought she’d been on the pill. I thought we were going to wait. I had a dozen questions, I had a thousand comments, I had a million kisses…but someone was trying to get my attention.
I could feel someone grabbing the back of my jacket, vaguely heard my name being said over the sound of hundreds of people clapping, but it was Kiera pushing me back and motioning for me to stand up that finally brought the reality of the moment crashing down around me. Everyone was looking at us, and the guys were wearing gigantic grins as they waved me up. I didn’t think all this fuss was because they’d heard Kiera, which meant…holy shit…did we win?
Evan shoved me forward, toward the aisle, and the girls were all standing, clapping, and crying, so yeah, I was pretty sure that meant we won. Shit. We won. And Kiera was pregnant. And I couldn’t deal with all of that happening at the same time. I felt drunk as I stumbled down the path toward the stage, and if my mind had been spinning before, it was a hurricane now. I kept looking back at Kiera, wondering if all that had really happened, or if I was dreaming right now. But by the smile she gave me, I knew I hadn’t hallucinated that. She was pregnant. She was going to be a mom. I was going to be a dad. Fuck, I was going to be a dad. Fuck, I just won a Grammy.
Someone handed me a gold statue of a gramophone. Someone else congratulated me, gave me a quick hug. My eyes were watering so badly that I could barely see anything, but I did notice Matt and Evan step back, the pair of them holding Griffin by his shoulders so I could take centerstage. Fuck. I really wasn’t sure if I could talk right now. But I had to try. I had to acknowledge this moment somehow. Damn it, why didn’t I write a speech? I should have; my mind was too turbulent for coherency.
“Oh…wow…I don’t know what to say.” I genuinely didn’t. And the moisture in my eyes was thickening, along with the lump in my throat. Just get through this, then you can fall apart. “I want to thank…” My voice broke on me as a tiny sob escaped. Retreating a step, I pressed the back of my hand to my mouth to stop myself from having a full-on breakdown. Swallowing repeatedly, I struggled for control. It wasn’t happening. Shaking my head, I told the room, “I’m sorry. My wife just told me she’s pregnant.”
I stepped back as the tears dropped to my cheeks. The crowd erupted in another chorus of cheers, like they were all friends of mine, excited over the news. The guys cheered too, jumping on my back, socking me in the shoulder, and hugging me until I laughed. It relieved the tension, washing away the emotional dam.
Discreetly wiping my cheeks, I pulled myself together so I could do my job. Feeling like I was literally on top of the world, I stepped up to the microphone and tried to convey my gratitude in a few short sentences. “Well, I can honestly say that this is the best day of my life.” I took a moment to find Kiera in the crowd, to absorb the loving smile she was giving me. With a grin, I swept my eyes over the whole room. “I want to thank every single person who has ever supported us. Your dedication has meant the world, and we wouldn’t be here without you. I may be overly emotional right now, since I’m about to be a father, but I really do love each and every one of you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.”
I stepped back again with a small wave, then I glanced at Evan and Matt to see if they wanted to add anything. Matt, I was positive, wouldn’t step up to that microphone if I paid him, and Evan shook his head, content with what I’d said. Even Griffin looked happy to leave it alone. Of course, he probably just wanted to get started on the celebratory drinking. Too bad he had to wait until after our performance. A performance I couldn’t wait to give.
Damn. I never would have imagined tonight turning out like this, and as I tossed my arm over Evan’s shoulders and left the stage with him, I was so glad I’d braved the nerves and done it, that we all had. We’d come so far, so fast. We’d made mistakes, but we’d done our best to correct them. We’d poured our heart and soul into that album, and we’d given our all at every single performance. We’d done our best, and we’d officially been recognized for it, and I was so fucking proud. Of my friends, of my family, of our fans…of all of us.
My phone blew up for the rest of the night, everyone sending me their congratulations. Hailey called me when we were back in the limo, heading over to The Pipe after a brief appearance at an afterparty sponsored by the label. We’d mainly gone to appease Griffin, but it had turned out all right. Justin and the rest of Avoiding Redemption had been there. Sienna too. She’d walked up to us, given us a brief congratulations for the win, then she’d left us alone, as she’d promised. I had to admit, I was impressed she was finally keeping her word, and I hoped she’d learned a lesson from all of this. Being on top didn’t mean anything if you stomped on everyone around you to get there. There was something to be said for good, old-fashioned kindness and respect. Or maybe I was still being naïve. If I was, I was okay with it; I’d rather be naïve than jaded.
“Oh my God,” Hailey said in a long, drawn-out sigh. “You killed me tonight. Killed. Me. That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen, and I’m so happy for you. For both of you.” Then she squealed so loud that I had to hold the phone away from my ear. Kiera grinned, clearly having heard her.
“Thank you,” I told her. “We’re excited, and I can’t wait for you to meet your niece or nephew.”
She gushed some more, then we disconnected, and I just sat there, stunned. It still hadn’t completely sunk in. Kiera smiled at me, her thumb running over the back of my hand. “You’re really pregnant?” I asked. It wasn’t the first time I’d asked her that either. More like the thousandth.
With a giggle, she nodded. “Yes. Doctor confirmed, I am most definitely pregnant.”
I could only shake my head in wonder. “How?”
Unfortunately, Griffin heard me ask that. Leaning forward he said, “Seriously? You still don’t know how to make a baby?” With a dramatic sigh, he shifted to look at Kiera. “I’m so sorry you’ve had such an inadequate partner for so long. I’d offer my services, so you’d know exactly what you’re missing, but Anna and I don’t share anymore. Sorry.”
He shrugged while Anna grinned, and Kiera smirked. I flipped him off. “I know how, obviously,” I paused to indicate her doctor-confirmed pregnant body, then I frowned. “I just don’t understand…how. I thought you were on birth control?”
Kiera flushed as she glanced at all the people listening to the details of our sex life, then she shrugged and said, “I guess there was a bad batch of pills. Packaged wrong or something. The odds were still pretty low, but…here we are. The baby is due in September,” she beamed.
Still dazed, I just stared at her for a moment. Tonight certainly was a night of slim chances. As I leaned forward to kiss Kiera, I heard Matt quietly say to Rachel, “You don’t take the same ones, do you?” I pulled back to laugh. Matt noticed my amusement and flipped me off. He loved Rachel more than I’d ever seen him love anything outside of music, but he definitely wasn’t ready to be a dad yet. He might not ever be ready for that; Evan and I should start another bet.
The long, sleek limo looked massively out of place pulling up to the crumbling exterior of The Rusted Pipe. Like he agreed with that thought, the driver lowered the partition and asked, “Are you sure you want me to let you out here?”
Nodding, I told him, “Yep, thanks. And I’ll get the door.” It probably wasn’t a good idea to leave a car running in this neighborhood, not even for the few minutes it would take to let us out.
Matt told him to come back at closing, then we all hurried out of the vehicle. We were ridiculously overdressed for this place, but I knew once we got inside, everything would be fine. A lot of the old regulars were still here, and I was expecting a warm reception. I wasn’t disappointed.
Cody noticed us the second we walked through the door. Everyone did actually, and the room erupted into cheers, whistles, and claps. It was enough to make me shake my head in disbelief, but I tossed up a hand in a friendly wave of appreciation. We headed to the bar while everyone watched and whispered.
Cody shook his head. “Damn, Grammy winners in my bar. Never thought I’d see that. Congratulations, guys. We watched the whole thing on TV.” He stuck out his hand, shaking with each of us in turn. Then he twisted around and grabbed a top-shelf bottle of whiskey, one that was clearly never touched; it was covered in a thick layer of dust. “Tonight, we bust out the good stuff,” he said. As everyone sat down on rickety stools, Cody winked at Kiera. “Except you. We’ll get you something without alcohol.” He turned his eyes back to me. “A special congratulations to you, Papa Kyle.”
Anna snorted and murmured, “Daddy Kyle.”
