Wonderful, page 3
Before I could answer, Caroline cleared her throat. Kiera’s eyes widened, and I knew she’d suddenly remembered our guests. I reached out for her, wanting to fix this in some way. “Kiera, I can explain.” I wasn’t sure what there was to explain—a sex tape was pretty self-explanatory—but I didn’t know what else to say.
It didn’t matter, though, because Kiera didn’t want to hear it. She held up her hands, warning me to keep my distance. Tears dropped onto her cheeks, killing me. I’m so sorry. Before I could say it, Kiera turned from me and ran toward the stairs. I begged her to wait, but she didn’t. She ran into our room, and I heard our door slam shut.
Married one day and already doors were being slammed shut again. Not a promising start.
Chapter 2
FAMILY
I wasn’t sure what I should do. I knew I needed to go talk to Kiera, but I felt like I should give her some time to calm down. Plus…I wasn’t sure what to say. Except I’m sorry, and that didn’t feel like enough. Kiera already had to tolerate my past constantly rearing its ugly head and biting her on the ass. This—a visual, graphic reminder of who I used to be—felt like too much. Was this what finally drove her away from me? I hated not knowing, I hated her being upset and alone, and I really hated feeling her parents’ eyes on me. I might or might not have just lost Kiera, but I was fairly certain I’d just lost them. Goddamn it.
Inhaling a deep breath, I pulled my gaze from the stairs and slowly twisted toward the couch. Caroline’s eyes were wide as she stared at me; she occasionally flicked glances at my pocket, and I had an undeniable urge to hide my sin from her. Shifting my hips slightly, so the SD card was as far from her as I could get it, I looked over at Martin. His light brown eyes were narrowed in anger as he studied me, and I knew he was furious with me for hurting Kiera. I was too. For once, we agreed on something.
I held up my hands in a placating position. “That wasn’t supposed to happen. I didn’t mean to tell her like that…” I felt stupid just saying it. Was there a good way to tell your wife you had a sex tape with another woman in your pocket? No…there really wasn’t.
Martin crossed his arms over his chest. “What on Earth were you thinking, Kellan? How could you have been so reckless. Filming something like that…you had to have known it would get out one day, that it would hurt people you care about.” I opened my mouth, but he continued before I could respond. “It was irresponsible of you and disrespectful to your future…bride.” He frowned on the word “bride,” and I had a feeling he was just as upset by that as he was by the tape.
I paused for a moment, debating how best to explain myself, then I simply gave him a small nod in surrender. I really didn’t have a good argument anyway. It sounded like a good idea at the time wouldn’t win him over. Sighing, I shook my head. “I should go talk to her. Explain…” Somehow.
Martin gave me a stiff nod. Caroline smiled encouragingly. I started walking toward the stairs, then stopped and headed into the kitchen. I wanted this damn thing out of my pocket before I did anything else. Opening a junk drawer by the stove, I found a lighter shoved in the back. Flicking it on, I carefully burned the edge of the SD card before tossing it in the trash. That should make it unreadable, right?
When I was upstairs, I lightly tapped on the bedroom door, then cracked it open. I paused before entering; I probably shouldn’t assume I was welcome. “Kiera…can I come in?”
I heard movement, then a soft, “Yeah.”
Hesitating, I tried to determine her level of unhappiness, but that one word wasn’t giving me a lot to go on. “You’re not gonna…throw anything at me, are you?”
She laughed. Taking that as a good sign, I pushed open the door and stepped inside. Small smile on her face, Kiera shook her head at me. “No, it’s safe.”
Closing the door behind me, I made my way over to the bed. That was when I noticed what Kiera was doing. I stopped moving as I stared at her, ice flooding my veins. She’d taken off her wedding ring, and she was holding it in her fingers like she was debating what to do with it. The world started closing in on me as the thought of her giving it back to me crashed around my brain. Did I finally lose her? No…I can’t handle that.
Both wanting and not wanting to know where her head was at, I quietly asked, “Are you leaving me?” Fuck. Please say no.
My gaze was glued to the ring in her hand while my heart pounded in my chest and my eyes burned with tears waiting for permission to fall. Kiera immediately slid the ring back on her finger, breaking its hold on me, and I slowly lifted my eyes to her face. There was sympathy in her expression, but I wasn’t sure what that meant. Soft smile on her face, she held her arms open in invitation. “No, of course I’m not leaving you.”
I wanted to believe that, wanted to believe this hadn’t changed us and we were still having the beautiful, peaceful day we’d woken up to, but how could she not think differently of me? She had to be hurt, had to be upset, had to be…reconsidering. Seeing my confusion, my hesitation, Kiera sat up on her knees and grabbed my T-shirt. She pulled me into her, lacing her arms around my neck. Her tenderness relaxed me, and I melted into her embrace, wrapping my arms around her tight. In my ear she told me, “I was remembering all of the reasons why I love you so much. I was appreciating everything you do, and everything you are. I was falling in love with you, all over again.”
Her words were everything I wanted to hear, but I was still shocked at hearing them. I drew back so I could look at her. “You find out, the day after we get married, that I have a sex tape with another girl…and that makes you fall in love with me again?” Because I still couldn’t quite believe it, I felt her forehead. She had to be ill, it was the only logical explanation.
Kiera laughed and pulled me onto the bed until I was lying beside her. “Well, no, the tape doesn’t thrill me, but…” she paused to rest her head on my shoulder, “there is so much about you that does, and I won’t let this one thing ruin it…ruin us.”
Relief and understanding hit me hard. She was letting it go, she was willing to work it out with me, she was staying with me. Thank God. Smiling, I kissed her forehead. “Have I told you today how much I love you?”
She cuddled into my side, tossing a leg over mine and resting her head on my chest. Heaven. “Probably, but I’ll never get tired of hearing you say it,” she said.
We were quiet for a moment, enjoying each other’s comfort, and then I broke the silence and apologized. “I’m really sorry, Kiera. I never meant for you to find out about that.”
She shifted to look at me, concern on her face. “I don’t want you to hide things just because you think the truth will make me unhappy. We’ve gotten into trouble too many times that way already.”
That was certainly true. I nodded. “You’re right. And I think I would have told you eventually…although definitely not the morning after our wedding night.” That was a conversation that absolutely could have waited…until our tenth anniversary. Maybe our twenty-fifth. Of course, I would have had to remember the tape with Joey to tell her about it. Mentally kicking myself, I confessed my cluelessness. “But to be honest, I kind of forgot about the tape with Joey.”
“How do you forget making a sex tape with your roommate? I would have thought something like that stood out,” she asked, studying my jawline.
Right…I supposed it would have stood out if it had been my one and only time doing something like that. But it wasn’t. Great. Kiera wasn’t going to like this. Seeing the suspicion in her eyes when she looked up at me, I sighed and shook my head. “I really am sorry, Kiera. She asked…I didn’t care. I didn’t really say no to a whole lot back then and she—” Closing my mouth, I forcefully stopped myself from going into unnecessary detail with her. Keep it brief, keep it simple, keep it apologetic. “I wasn’t thinking about the future, about what I was leaving behind…and I’m sorry.” So very sorry.
She sat up. Eyes slightly narrowed, she said, “That’s not the only tape you made, is it?”
I instinctively cringed, and I could see the weariness in her eyes as I nonverbally answered her question. “I’m so sorry, Kiera.”
Disbelief was all over her face as she crossed her arms and shook her head. “Oh my God…I married Ron Jeremy.”
I tried not to laugh, I really did, but I couldn’t help it. Her comparing me to a porn star was just too funny. Kiera lightly smacked my shoulder when the laugh escaped me. The disgruntled look on her face was adorable, but I knew the feeling behind it was genuine; she wasn’t happy about this. Honestly, I wasn’t either, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it now. I couldn’t recall every person I’d made a tape with, and some I’d never gotten their names, so there was no way for me to even begin collecting those tapes. It was what it was. All I could do now was comfort Kiera and hope this didn’t bite me in the ass later.
Sitting up, I grabbed Kiera’s hands and wrapped her arms around my waist. Holding her to me, I rubbed my palms up and down her back in a soothing pattern. It worked, and I felt her relax against me. She was quiet a moment, then she said, “They’ll never all stay hidden, Kellan. Not once your band hits the airwaves. Not once your name is well known. Once people know they can make money off of you…those tapes will be everywhere.”
I wanted to assure her that wouldn’t happen…but I couldn’t bring myself to give her false hope. She was probably right. If the D-Bags ever became something more than what we were now, the past I’d shared with a handful of girls would become a path to pseudo-fame and potential wealth. And sadly, I didn’t know the girls well enough to know if they’d turn that down. God, I was an idiot. I kind of wanted to go back in time and slap myself. Or punch myself. In the junk.
I gave Kiera a remorseful smile. “I know…and I can’t apologize enough.”
Kiera’s expression was one of sympathy, and I was a little surprised to see it. I thought she’d be angry or disappointed, but she just seemed…sad. “It’s not my body being peddled, Kellan. You don’t need to apologize for something you did years ago. I just…I feel bad that your intimate life is going to be so…public.”
Her worrying about me in all of this was heartwarming, but my body being exposed like that wasn’t what I was worried about. “I don’t care about that.” I cupped her cheek. “I just don’t want it to hurt you.”
She leaned into my hand and let out a long, steady breath. “Well, at least I’ll be prepared for it.” She smirked, and I loved seeing the humor behind the expression. “And it’s not like I’m ever going to watch them.”
I had to laugh at that. No…she definitely shouldn’t ever watch them. Roles reversed, I couldn’t watch her and keep my sanity intact, so I had to believe it would be the same for Kiera. Well, at least I could protect her from that. But still…if tapes started coming out, if people started talking about them…would she feel differently about us being together? Could she really handle this? Handle me? God, I hoped so.
Like she could see that my mind was still spinning, Kiera gave me a warm smile and playfully said, “You’re such a whore.”
Amusement and relief flickered through me as I shook my head at her. If we could joke about it, then we were okay. Not wanting to worry about it anymore, I pulled her back down to the bed so we could cuddle a little longer. She melded into my body, more on top of me than beside me, and I smiled as I rubbed her back. Making all of those sex tapes…those moments didn’t even come close to the thrill of just holding Kiera. From the very beginning, being near her had unraveled me.
I could have lain in bed with her all day, reveling in her comfort, but we did have things we needed to do today, people we were supposed to be visiting with. A fact I was reminded of when our door was knocked on, and I heard Caroline’s concerned voice. “Kiera, honey, is everything okay?”
Removing myself from underneath Kiera, I stood up. Kiera looked a little disappointed, but she sat up and told her mom, “Yeah, come on in.”
My stomach tightened with unease when Caroline walked into the room. Up until this point, she’d seemingly liked me; I wasn’t sure if she still did. She gave me a smile, but there was uncertainty in her green eyes. She didn’t trust me, that was obvious. And understandable, I supposed.
Kiera beamed at her mom like nothing in the world was wrong, but I could tell Caroline wanted to have a serious conversation with her. Knowing that would go smoother if I wasn’t present, I leaned over and kissed Kiera’s cheek in goodbye. “I’m going to go call Gavin…and check on my car. I’ll see you in a minute.”
Kiera nodded at me and kissed my fingers. I left the room with a strange feeling in my stomach. A part of me wanted to know what Caroline was going to say about me…the rest of me didn’t. I was pretty sure it wasn’t going to be flattering. Hopefully, I had a lifetime to make it up to Caroline, to prove to her and Martin that they were wrong about me. Kiera was safe in my hands. I would never do anything to hurt her. Well, anything from here on out. My past occasionally socking her in the gut was an entirely different story.
Martin was glaring at me when I stepped off the stairs. Still angry then. I knew I should talk to him, or more accurately, listen as he vented his frustrations on me, but I really did want to check on my car, and I needed to call Gavin. I gave him a “just a minute” finger, then headed outside before he could object. I exhaled a deep breath once I was out of the house, glad for the momentary reprieve from his judging eyes, then I headed over to the Chevelle.
I was on edge as I walked around my car, inspecting her. If Joey so much as chipped the paint so help me God…Thankfully, my baby looked the same as when I’d parked her. Guess Joey didn’t have a death wish after all. Although she was seriously pushing it. I was not looking forward to meeting up with her tomorrow. Fuck.
Feeling slightly better, I pulled out my cell phone as I headed back to the house. Calling Gavin made me nervous for an entirely different reason, and I had a really hard time hitting the connect button. I’d never called him before. Never texted him either. Not talking to him was still far more natural than talking to him, and I had to clear my throat about a dozen times as the phone rang. Relax…it’s fine, you’re fine.
Right. Totally fine.
I almost hung up, but just as I moved the phone, I heard the line pick up, heard Gavin’s voice in my ear. “Kellan…hello, I’m glad to hear from you.”
My heart thudded in my chest as I paused on my doorstep, hand on the doorknob. I swallowed again so I could speak. “Um…yeah…hey.” Rolling my eyes at myself, I took a step back and tried to sound more like a fully functional human being. “I was just wondering…would you want to come over to my place for breakfast? Kiera’s parents are in town visiting, and I’d love for everyone to meet.”
“I would love that,” he answered, and I could hear the smile in his voice.
“Okay, uh, good. Sorry, I would have called sooner, but Kiera and I…well, we got married last night. We’ve been…celebrating.” I had to smile after saying that to him; Kiera would kill me if she could hear me.
Gavin softly laughed. “Well, congratulations. I’m sorry we missed the ceremony.”
A trickle of guilt hit me, then I felt surprised for feeling guilty. Cringing, I told him, “We didn’t have an actual ceremony. We just…exchanged rings at Pete’s. But that’s enough for me. She’s my wife.”
He laughed again. “And in the end, that’s all that really matters. But…if you ever do decide to make it official…I would love to be there. We all would.”
My throat damn near closed up on me, and I had to swallow again to relieve the pressure. “Yeah, of course. Kiera wants that, so…yeah, I’ll let you know when.”
“Thank you, Kellan,” he warmly told me.
My eyes started burning, and I shook my head in annoyance. Why was talking to him yanking me from one emotion to another? I went my entire life not talking to him, and I’d been fine. Well, mostly fine. What had changed?
I’d finally let him in…that was what had changed. And it fucking terrified me.
Not wanting to dwell on that, I gave him directions to my house. He told me he’d be there in about thirty minutes and after our goodbyes, I disconnected the call. Letting out a burst of cleansing air, I opened my front door and was immediately met with Martin’s cool voice. “Kellan, I’d like to have a word with you, please.”
Containing a sigh, I nodded at Martin, then shut my front door and solemnly walked back into the living room. When I was in front of him, I quietly said, “I’m sorry about Joey. I didn’t know she’d—”
Martin cut me off. “That’s not what I want to talk to you about.” He lifted his eyebrows. “You married my daughter without telling us? Without inviting us? Without…asking my permission?”
My lips twitched with that last one, but I wisely didn’t comment on it. Instead, I told him, “We didn’t intentionally exclude you. It was kind of a…spur-of-the-moment thing. We were at the bar, I asked her to marry me right then and there. We exchanged rings…and now she’s my wife.”
His brows bunched in confusion, and he started to open his mouth. Knowing exactly what he was going to say, I shook my head and objected to his unspoken argument. “No, I married her. I consider what we did binding. She’s my wife in all the ways that matter, and that’s a commitment I take very seriously.” Maybe not in the past, when it had applied to others, but when it applied to me, when it was Kiera…absolutely.
I held eyes with Martin, wanting him to understand me, wanting him to believe me. His lips pursed as he thought. “So…you married my daughter—in a bar—with no officiant, no license, and no family present? That’s not nearly good enough for my daughter. You know that, right?”
I gave him a polite nod. I was very aware that wasn’t enough. “We’re going to have a ceremony, going to make it official. I just…I couldn’t wait another day to marry your daughter.”
