Wonderful, page 42
Finally, the day of the party arrived, and as far as I knew, Kiera had no idea all her friends would be visiting her soon. It was hard not to give it away, to act nonchalant, like today was just another day. I was calm on the surface but bouncing around like a little kid on the inside. But then Kiera did something that sent a spike of trepidation straight through me. We were relaxing on the bus, Kiera working on her book while I worked on lyrics, when the sound of typing stopped, and Kiera reached across the table and wrapped her fingers around mine. The look on her face was one of intense relief and utter satisfaction, and I knew exactly what it meant; I often had the same look on my face when I finished a song. She was done with her book, and if she was finally done, then she might let me see it. I really wanted to read her thoughts on how we got together; I was also full of an almost catatonic terror.
“You’re finished? Do I finally get to read it?”
Kiera looked torn as she locked eyes with me. I saw a matching terror in the depths of her hazel eyes, but even still, she turned the laptop toward me. It made it a little easier to know that we were both facing our fears when it came to this book. And she loved me. I couldn’t ever forget that.
Setting down my notebook, I held Kiera’s gaze a little longer, then turned my attention to the computer. I scrolled to the top of the document, and Kiera shot out of her seat like she’d been stung. I instantly stopped what I was doing and looked up at her. She was visibly trembling as she shook out her fingers. Maybe this was great in theory, but in reality, it was just…too much. Because she looked ill, and I kind of felt the same way.
“I can’t just peacefully sit here while you read it,” she said, then she scanned the bus like she was looking for an escape.
Feeling bad that I was obviously hurting her, I started closing the laptop. “If it bothers you, I won’t read it.”
She shook her head at me. “No, I want you to. I just…can’t watch you do it.”
I reopened the computer. She was being strong; I could be too. Kiera started heading toward the cubbies, but a sound outside stopped her. There were fans hovering around the parking area, hoping to catch a glimpse of one of us. They were typically quiet, but now they were yelling and screaming like a mini concert was going on outside. Maybe one of the guys was back? Although they usually didn’t scream quite so loudly for them. But then someone knocked on the bus door, and I knew it wasn’t one of the guys. They wouldn’t knock. Unless it was Griffin. He was still knocking around Kiera and me, and even if he was doing it to be a jackass, I fucking loved him for it.
I went over to open the door for Griffin, but it wasn’t him. “Sienna? What are you doing here?” There was literally nothing she needed on this bus. She could just call me if she needed to tell me something.
“Can I come in?” The look she was giving me was sweet, shy…weird. By her face, you’d think she was standing in the doorway of my bedroom, demurely asking me to make love to her.
I stepped back, indicating that she could come inside with a sweep of my hand. She paused beside me, looking like she was a breath away from kissing me. “Thank you,” she murmured, and that was when I realized…the way the bus was parked, all the fans could see us. And from the show she’d just put on, they all had the same incorrect assumption about what we were going to do in here. Damn it. She’d just photo-op’d me on my own bus. Had she come over here just for that?
Because there was nothing I could do about it now, I kept my expression neutral as I closed the bus door. I even made myself ignore all the shouted questions and remarks coming from the fans: How long have you and Sienna been together? When are you getting married? We love you two together! Please don’t ever break up!
Sienna’s demeanor was entirely different once she was on the bus. She was bright, bubbly, friendly, and no longer looking like she utterly adored me. She greeted Kiera like they were best friends. “Kiera! Lovely to see you.”
Kiera’s response was a lot less enthusiastic. “You too.”
“What is it?” I asked Sienna, positive she’d had yet another “brilliant” idea that she wanted to run by me.
She turned to face me, her smile a mixture of playfulness and innocence. “Can’t a girl drop in on her friends? I’m used to having people around me, but this tour it’s just been my security and me on the bus. Gets a little lonely.”
I was sure that was true, and while I sympathized, I didn’t let myself forget that she was a major part of the manipulative force in my life right now, as that moment outside had just shown. Along with her next words.
“Would you two like to ride the next leg of the tour with me?”
My mouth opened to tell her no, but Kiera beat me to it. “No, it’s all right, we’re fine here.” I pressed my lips together, glad that Kiera had taken that one for me. I probably wouldn’t have phrased it as nicely.
Sienna pouted like she was truly disappointed, then she said something about the offer always being open to us. And of course it was. The fans would go crazy if I hopped on her bus.
Wanting out of this mess, I edged past Sienna and grabbed Kiera’s laptop. Turning to our “guest,” I said, “I was actually going to rest a little bit before the show. Hope you don’t mind.” But if you do, I don’t really care. Sienna shook her head and shrugged, because regardless of her expression when we were in public, she didn’t have a thing for me. I was simply a tool for her to use when it was convenient to use it. Annoyed, I twisted back to Kiera. “You okay?” I asked her, indicating Sienna with my eyes.
Kiera gave me a firm nod, then lightly touched her laptop. “I’m more worried about you reading this.”
Completely understanding that feeling, I leaned over and kissed her cheek. “It won’t change how I feel about you.” It might change how I felt about myself, but definitely not her. I’d felt her internal struggle during that time. I already knew how conflicted she’d been and how much worse I’d made it by not communicating. If I’d only told her how I felt about her—that first night, before anything had happened between us—everything would have been different. Still painful, but very different.
Already hating myself, I ducked behind the curtain. I heard Kiera mention something to Sienna about the random photographers that had been stalking that club in North Carolina, and I paused to listen to Sienna’s response. She brushed it off like it was a completely normal occurrence for her, and maybe it was. I honestly had no idea what her day-to-day life was like. All I knew was that she hadn’t looked surprised or upset to see them, and that was a giant red flag for me.
Suppressing a sigh, I sat on our bunk and opened Kiera’s laptop.
My pulse raced as I began Kiera’s story, and I wasn’t sure what was making me more nervous: reading about me or reading about Denny. Probably both. It was clear to me right away that Kiera had been overly interested in me, even from the beginning, from that first moment when she’d seen me on stage. And I was struck by the fact, that even back then, she had seen deeper inside me than any woman I’d ever known. She saw me on that stage, the real me.
Her thoughts on our first official meeting made me laugh. She’d been just as embarrassed as I’d thought she’d been. And more attracted to me than I’d realized. The way she described me…I knew I was good-looking, I wasn’t blind, but she made me sound like a god, like some mythical creature that couldn’t actually exist. It was surreal the way she saw me, the way she watched me from that day forward. She’d noticed…everything. She just hadn’t interpreted it correctly.
Like me leaving her after our first time together. Jesus. She’d thought I’d screwed her and then fled to avoid dealing with her. Pump and dump. She hadn’t realized there’d been feelings involved for me. She hadn’t realized she’d broken my heart when she—
I almost shut the computer when I got to her “reunion” with Denny. I couldn’t read it. I couldn’t stand the fact that if I hadn’t left her, if I’d come back earlier, then maybe that wouldn’t have happened. Or maybe it would have. She’d loved him, heart and soul, and it had taken her a long time to trust me enough to let go of him. A really long fucking time. Because I’d made her doubt me, time and time again.
Skipping past their love scene, I came across my stumbling-drunk scene. I was floored as I read it since I didn’t entirely remember that night. I’d come home wasted, then I’d been an asshole, and she’d still helped me, still longed for me, in a way. She’d wanted me to care about her, to care about our night together, and I had—so fucking much—but I’d successfully hidden that fact from her, and it had hurt us both. Because after that drunken night, I was just a straight up dick to her.
Reading about all the jerk comments that I’d said to her made me want to slap myself. God, this was harder to read than her sex scene with Denny would be. I kind of wanted to skip it too, but I knew I had to read it. I’d done it, I had to take ownership of that fact. Instead of talking to her like a fucking adult, I’d verbally attacked her over and over again. Why did she ever fall for me? I certainly hadn’t made it easy for her.
A voice in the real world just about made me jump out of my skin. “Sienna left.”
Adrenaline rushed through my veins as I looked up to see Kiera standing by our bunk; my heart was thudding in my chest. “I didn’t hear you come in. You scared the piss out of me.”
She gave me a brief smile, then her expression turned solemn as she sat on the edge of the bed. “Do you hate me?” she asked, looking extremely nervous about my answer.
I stared at her for a long time, not sure what to say. Did I hate her? No, absolutely not. Did I hate myself? Fuck yes. Closing her computer, I crawled out of the cubby to sit beside her on the edge. I could feel her nervousness as she waited for my response, and I hated myself even more for putting her on edge. I just…needed a minute.
“I’m so sorry…for all the pain I put you through.”
Her eyes glistened as she stared at me in disbelief. “For all the pain you put me through? I’m the one who cut out your heart, then handed it back to you in pieces.”
Very, very true. And still not her fault. Not entirely. “I haven’t gotten that far in the story yet. I’m still at the part where I’m an asshole.”
Small grin on her face, she bumped my shoulder with hers. “I kind of like it when you’re an asshole.”
I knew from reading the book that her comment was not true, but it made me smile regardless. “I’ll keep that in mind,” I told her. The humor faded as the guilt resurfaced. Wishing I could rewind time, I studied her face. “But I mean it. I really am sorry. I should have just been honest with you. I wanted to tell you how I felt…I just…couldn’t. It was too hard.”
Looking remorseful, she nodded. “I know. But you don’t have to apologize. What I did to you was so much worse. Sorry isn’t a big enough word to cover it.”
There was nothing I could say to that, so I lifted my lips into a semblance of a smile and wiped the tear off her cheek. Kiera cringed, her eyes heavy with regret. “I’m so sorry about the scenes with Denny. I shouldn’t have let you read those.”
I put a finger on her lips to stop her. “Don’t. I understand. I knew going into this that a story about us was also going to be a story about the two of you. And it should be. He was a big part of your life, and I’m okay with your history. It made you who you are. And I happen to be in love with who you are.” And that was a truth I couldn’t deny. Being with Denny had shaped a part of her personality, helped form the person sitting beside me, and while I sometimes wished I could be her first real love, like she was mine, I also understood that we might not have ended up the same—if we’d even met at all. Events had to play out the way they did so we could be who we were now. And I loved who we were now.
Still, I had to confess what I’d done. Letting out a tension-relieving laugh, I told her, “I couldn’t read about it, though. I, uh, skimmed a few parts. I hope you don’t mind.”
Shaking her head, she tossed her arms around me and held me tight. She nuzzled against me for a moment, then she kissed my neck and said, “I love you, you know?”
I let the pain of the past slip away as I rubbed her back. Seeing a golden opportunity to tease her, I smirked and said, “I know you love my hair.” She pulled back to look at me, and I could barely keep my expression even as she pursed her lips in irritation. “I mean you really love my hair…almost obsessively so. I had no idea.” I was stretching our honesty pact by saying that. I knew she loved playing with my hair, and she was constantly looking at it, but it had surprised me to read just how much she liked it. Honestly, my hair was almost another character in the book. I was really glad I’d never taken George up on his offer to cut it.
Kiera’s cheeks reddened. Because I couldn’t resist, I gave her a playful grin. “And my abs.” Referencing an internal comment she’d made during our infamous hallway meeting, I said, “Would you like to try etching them with a marker? I’ll let you. Although edible paint is a lot more fun.”
She pushed away from me, annoyance on her face as she stood up. Laughing, I pulled her onto my lap. She giggled when she collided with my body, and I delighted in the fact that the past was far enough behind us that it was getting easier and easier to let it go.
Kiera brought her hands up to the hair she loved so much, tangling her fingers around the long strands. Voice deep and sensual, she told me, “I’ll etch you if you etch me.”
Abso-fucking-lutely. That sounded even better than the night I’d already mapped out for her. Shifting her around so she was straddling me, I murmured, “Deal.” Then I sealed it with a kiss. The girls would understand if I told them plans had changed…right?
My hands darted under Kiera’s shirt, alternating between caressing her and tickling her. She giggled between kisses, and I wondered if we had time to sneak away before the girls arrived. So of course, that was when the girls arrived.
“Well, this is familiar.”
Kiera only mildly startled at being walked in on. Sadly, we were getting pretty used to it. But when she noticed who was here, her jaw dropped almost to her chest. “Jenny?”
I smiled at Jenny as she laughed and said, “Surprise!”
Kiera let out a shriek of joy and shoved off me to get to her friend. I grunted at the force she’d used, then grinned as I watched my wife’s exuberance. Tears were in her eyes when she squeezed Jenny tight. And then she noticed that Jenny wasn’t alone. She listed off her girlfriends as she spotted them: Kate, Rachel, and her friend from school, Cheyenne. I was so glad that we’d managed to get them all here for her. It made my chest ache to see the happiness on Kiera’s face.
Kiera looked between her girlfriends and me, like she knew I was behind this. “What’s going on?” she asked.
Griffin and Anna were back from shopping. Griffin looked exhausted as he crashed into a chair, bags falling from his arms. Anna looked like she’d just taken a six-hour nap and was ready to go all night long. She wrapped an arm around Rachel and handed Kiera a solid black bag. I noticed Griffin smirk as Kiera took it, and I could only imagine what was inside it.
Kiera opened the bag and almost immediately closed it. Her face bright red, she turned to me and said, “Okay, seriously, what the hell is going on?”
Standing, I walked over and put an arm around her. “We’re officially getting married next month, and Anna and Griffin just tied the knot, so we”— I motioned toward Anna—“decided a little celebration was in order.”
Anna cradled her stomach so she could bounce on her toes. “Dual bachelorette party, Kiera!”
Kiera looked absolutely stunned, floored that all of her closest girlfriends would drop everything to fly out here and help her celebrate. She hugged each of them, then turned to me with awe on her face. “You arranged all of this?”
I gave her a smile and a shrug. “Our lives are crazy. When moments to remember happen, you have to pause a second to appreciate them. Otherwise, none of this is worth it,” I said, indicating the bus and our surreal situation. “And getting married to you is definitely a moment to remember.” One I was going to cherish forever.
Kiera’s eyes turned watery as she gazed at me. I wanted to hug her, kiss her, hold her forever, but Griffin spoiled the moment by saying, “And while you guys are drooling over dudes, we’ll be swimming in a sea of half-naked babes.”
He’d gotten up from the chair to stand behind Anna, and she elbowed him for his comment. Kiera looked back at me, unease in her eyes, and I shook my head. “We’re just going to a bar after the show tonight.” The last thing I wanted was for her to spend the entire night thinking about me being surrounded by nearly naked women. I wanted her to have nothing on her mind but her friends. And me half-naked. Or fully naked, in her mind at least.
Griffin instantly tossed me a put-out look. “I said I wanted a strip club.”
He had. Loudly. At every opportunity. He might be practicing monogamy now, but he still loved leering at half-naked women. “And I said I wanted a bar. If you want to do separate bachelor parties, then by all means, go to a strip club tonight. But I don’t feel like celebrating my marriage with overpriced alcohol and glitter.”
Griffin eyed me with annoyance. We’d discussed this enough that he knew I meant it. I’d rather we celebrate together, but I wasn’t going with him if that was his choice. He also knew none of the other guys would go either, not even Deacon or his friends—he’d already asked—so unless he wanted to go alone, which he didn’t, then he’d be joining us at a regular bar. Where he’d probably pout until we got him wasted. After that, he’d be fine. Needless to say, getting him fucked up was our top priority.
Griffin rolled his eyes in reluctant acceptance, then made a You’re so whipped noise. I grinned at him. I didn’t mind being whipped, not one tiny little bit.
Kiera turned to her sister, her brows still bunched in concern. “And what exactly are we doing tonight?” she asked. There was wariness in her voice, because she also knew Anna and Griffin were a lot alike, and she had to suspect what Anna had in store for her, especially after Griffin’s “drooling over dudes” comment.
