Wonderful, page 19
Before I could respond to Griffin, Evan put his hand on my shoulder. A warning and an attempt to soothe me. I wasn’t in the mood for either. As I brushed him off, Matt softly said, “We signed a contract, Kellan. We can’t just walk away.”
My fury instantly shifted to him. “Then they can fucking sue us! I’m not whoring myself out for them. I’m going back to Pete’s. Are you guys coming with me or not?”
Matt flinched at my words, at the look on my face and the heat in my voice. Evan looked torn. So did Kiera. Griffin just looked shocked. And mad. “You are the biggest fucking pussy—”
Before he even finished his insult, I was striding his way, my arm pulled back to shove the rest of those words right down his fucking throat. Evan blocked my way, his hands on both of my shoulders now, firmly pressing me back. I didn’t want to see the look in Evan’s eyes, the sympathy, worry, or even disappointment, so I kept my gaze on Griffin. Matt had a hand on his chest, keeping him away from me. Griffin’s eyes were narrowed in anger, but I was the one about to come unglued. Fuck. You.
Kiera’s voice broke the tense stillness in the air. “Could you give me a moment with my husband, please?”
Rage still pounding through me, I whipped my head around to glare in her direction. Because that didn’t sound like she was on my side. And out of all of them, I thought she would be the one who understood, who agreed. What the fuck did she want to talk about?
Evan released me, and I heard someone dragging Griffin out of the room. Before he left, he yelled, “You talk some fucking sense into him, Kiera! This is bullshit!” My eyes narrowed at hearing that, but I couldn’t stop staring at Kiera. Did she agree with Griffin? Seriously? What the actual fuck, Kiera?
The door closed, and she took a step toward me. There was a level of calmness in her hazel eyes that lit a fire in my stomach. Why was she so relaxed about this? And what the fuck did she think we needed to talk about? There was no discussion to be had here. There was packing and leaving, and that was it.
Anger and resentment loosened my tongue, and before she could say anything, I snapped out, “You gonna call me a pussy too? Think I ought to go ahead and fuck Sienna, just to prove a point?”
Kiera cringed, and I instantly regretted saying it, but my veins were flooded with venom, and I couldn’t calm down; my entire body was tight with tension. Stepping up to me, Kiera grabbed my curled fists. “Kellan…you can’t give up now.”
Bullshit, I couldn’t. Yanking my hand free, I pointed at the door. “Were you in that meeting? Did you hear what they want me to do?”
Kiera swallowed as she nodded and grabbed my hand again. “Yes, and it’s okay.”
I felt like I’d just fallen into some alternate reality; that was the only rational explanation for what she’d just said. “It’s…okay? How is me ‘film fucking’ someone okay?”
Kiera minutely flinched at my words, but instead of agreeing with me, she stepped into my body. She ran her hands up my arms, and it did something to me, extinguished some of the rage, cooled some of the fire. Her fingers laced around my neck, and her body pressed against me. The tension in my muscles was slow to release, but as her thumb stroked the back of my neck, I felt the pressure begin to soften. In its wake, pain and uncertainty leeched in. How can I do this to you? Why would you want me to?
At feeling me relax, Kiera gave me a little shrug and an encouraging smile. “Well, all right, maybe ‘okay’ isn’t the best word. The thought of you being with her is actually a little horrifying.”
Exactly. And that’s why I can’t do this.
Kiera noticed my body tightening and immediately added, “But it’s a necessary evil.”
Necessary? She was the only thing in my life that fit that description. Shaking my head, I wrapped my arms around her. “No, it isn’t necessary.” The residual anger faded as I held her, shifting into frustration, reluctance…fear. Wanting to absorb her comfort, I rested my forehead against hers. “I don’t want to hurt you. And I don’t see how any of this won’t hurt you.”
She pulled back to look at me. “And I don’t want you to give up on your dream because of me.”
I instantly understood what would motivate her to say okay to this, and it hurt because it was so selfless of her. I didn’t want to take advantage of that selflessness. I didn’t want to allow Nick to take advantage of that selflessness. My dream wasn’t worth losing her, and this…even if she was on board with it, this could break us.
Shaking my head, I looked away from her. My dream wasn’t worth us.
She grabbed my cheek, refocusing my gaze on her. “You’re so close, so very close. Just do this one thing to jumpstart your career, to jumpstart the guys’ careers. Then, when you’ve completed your contract terms and you’re the most sought-after band in the industry, find another label. That will prove your point much better than…you know.”
Her comment brought a small smile to my lips. It was short-lived. Feeling a heaviness inside me, I exhaled a long breath and contemplated her argument. I hated that I was even thinking about it, but I supposed I had to at least consider it. Could I suck it up and do this one thing? For our future? For the guys’ future? If she was truly okay with this, did that make a difference? I really wasn’t sure. There were pitfalls along both paths, and I didn’t know how to avoid them.
Finally, after a long moment of silence, I told Kiera, “I don’t want to let the guys down, I really don’t, and I see what you’re saying. But when I said I was through with other girls, I meant it. You’re it for me. I don’t want to touch her.”
Adoration in her eyes, she told me, “I know. And I love you so much for that. But this doesn’t have to affect us if we don’t let it. You’re still my husband. I’m still your wife. Acting like you feel differently on camera doesn’t change any of that. Okay?”
I supposed it didn’t. In theory. But still…
Damn it. Do I give up everyone’s dreams? Or do this and pray that Kiera and I can survive it? The guys would end up hating me if I walked away now. But Kiera could end up hating me if I stayed. But she’s saying she won’t. She’s saying she understands. She’s saying she’ll stay. Will she? Can I do this? Fuck. I really didn’t feel like I had a choice.
Feeling defeat wrap firmly around me, I gave Kiera a slow nod and a sad sigh. “I’m not even sure if I can film a love scene with someone other than you.” Just the thought made me ill.
Kiera ran a hand through my slicked-back hair. “Sure you can. Just pretend she’s me. It wouldn’t be the first time.”
She gave me a teasing smile, and I grinned at her for a second. My smile fell as my mood crashed. “You really want me to do this?”
Kiera bit her lip, and I saw the conflict in her eyes. She didn’t want this to happen, but she did want success for the band. She was torn, same as me, but strangely…she was stronger. “Yes, I do,” she finally said.
I closed my eyes and nodded, accepting her decision. And I hated to admit it, but there was a part of me that was glad she was the one deciding this and not me. It soothed a small portion of the guilt. But then she kissed me and told me she wanted to be there, she wanted to watch it.
“No,” I instantly told her.
She gave me a decisive nod before kissing me again. “I have to, Kellan.”
“Why? Why would you want to see that, Kiera?”
“Because it will be so much worse in my head if I don’t,” she said with a sigh.
My chest ached at the image of her watching me with another woman. If it bothered me, then there was no way I could let her see it. “Kiera, I don’t want this, but if I have to do it, then I want you as far away from it as possible.” I pushed her back and squatted down so I could look her in the eye. “I don’t want to hurt you, and if our roles were reversed, I couldn’t handle watching you with another man.”
“You already did,” she whispered, and the grief and sympathy in her expression nearly brought me to my knees. The pain her words invoked in me was sharp and deep, and for a second, the memories threatened to drown me. She pulled me back from the brink before I was swept under. “I love you.”
She ended her statement with a soft kiss. And another. And another. And before I knew it, my heart was racing, and I was clutching the back of her head, holding her mouth to mine as I deepened the kiss. She moaned in my mouth, and my body surged with need.
Kiera’s breath was as fast as mine as she pulled on my shirt, wanting it off. I quickly stripped it, then sought her mouth again. Her fingers explored my bare skin, each stroke filling me with fire. She tugged on my shorts, and I yanked them off too. Her heated eyes scanned my body for a moment, and I felt completely absorbed by her. I desperately hoped she understood that this was something Sienna would never have. This moment, this intimacy, this connection—it was only Kiera’s.
Her arms aggressively wrapped around my neck, and she pulled me toward the bed. The minute we were on top of it, I started tearing off her damp clothes. I wasn’t sure if it was because I wanted to convince her that no other woman would ever have me, or if it was because I wanted to convince myself that this video wouldn’t change us, but I didn’t think I’d ever wanted her more. I delighted in every section of skin that was revealed to me, but almost as soon as her clothes were gone, I pushed inside her, too eager to wait any longer.
She groaned the word, “Yes,” in a loud, unselfconscious way that made me throb. I murmured her name before pulling back and pressing against her, and I felt the electric energy of our connection in every single part of me. My thoughts evaporated as the profound sensation of making love to her overwhelmed me. Kiera’s hands clenched my skin, her legs rubbed against me, and each time we came together she let out the most erotic noise…I couldn’t help but respond in kind.
Before long, we were both close, letting out fast, noisy breaths, trembling with the building pressure, desperate for a release yet not wanting the euphoria to end. Then Kiera gasped, stiffened, and let out a long, satisfied exhalation. Her nails dug into my back, scraping down my shoulder blades, and I immediately fell over the edge. My climax hit me hard, and I buried my head in her shoulder, groaning into her neck as I came.
We stayed that way a moment, relishing, recovering, then I rolled off her so that I wasn’t crushing her. My eyes drifted closed as peace washed through me. Kiera softly kissed my cheek, and I gave her a small smile. I could feel the tug of relaxation pulling me under, and I didn’t fight it. I wanted to let go for a while, wanted to feel nothing but bliss and contentment. Just for a few minutes.
Chapter 12
NO COMMENT
The day of the video shoot was here, and I was not ready. My heart pounded as I walked toward the bed surrounded in bright lights. Sienna was already lying on top of it, not a single piece of clothing on her. I didn’t want to look at her, but shock froze my gaze. I hadn’t realized we’d be naked for this. I can’t do this naked. That’s just…no.
From somewhere, a guy yelled, “Get his clothes off!”
I turned my head to tell him to go to hell, but hands grabbed me before the words came out, and before I even really knew what was happening, things were being pulled off me. I swung a punch at the person trying to remove my boxers, but somehow, they managed to get them off.
Sienna sat up on the bed once I was naked. She smiled at me in a way that turned my stomach, then she patted the spot next to her. Don’t do it. Turn around and walk away. But my feet weren’t listening to my head, and I trudged forward. Sitting on the mattress, I grabbed the rumpled sheet and covered myself. Sienna’s grin grew.
“I didn’t peg you as the shy type,” she said, pulling on the sheet. I fought her, and she frowned. “It’s going to have to come off sometime, Kellan.”
“Why are we naked? It’s supposed to be fake.” I looked around the room, but I couldn’t see anything past the glare of the lights.
Sienna sighed as she rested her wrist on my shoulder. “It’s a love scene. Making love is typically done naked.” She leaned forward and kissed my neck. “I truly thought you knew that.”
Her eyes scanned my body, and I pushed her away. “We haven’t started yet. Don’t kiss me.”
She suddenly threw herself on top of me, and caught off guard, I fell back against the mattress. “Of course we’ve started, Kellan. We started a long time ago.”
Then she was all over me, kissing everywhere, grinding against everything. I tried to keep her away from me, but it was like she had a half-dozen arms and legs; I was as firmly trapped as a person could be. My stomach churned, and I felt bile rising in my throat as all my muscles locked up. I don’t want to do this. And then Sienna was moving my hands, making me touch her ass, her chest. I wanted to run, but I couldn’t get free.
Someone stepped up to the bed and stopped. As I twisted to look, hoping for help, Sienna ran her tongue up my neck, bottom to top. I opened my mouth to ask the person to push her off me, but the words died on my tongue when I saw who it was. Kiera. Tears were dripping down her pale cheeks, and her eyes were bloodshot. She could barely breathe through her sobs, but she managed to squeak out, “Why?”
That one word cut me to the core, and hot tears burned my eyes as I stared at her. I wanted to rush to her, explain that I didn’t want any of this, but I couldn’t get Sienna off me; everything I did seemed to draw her closer somehow. And then, over Kiera’s shoulder, I saw my father step inside the ring of lights. He was laughing.
“How did I raise someone so stupid? Thank God you’re not really mine,” he sneered.
Seeing him…relaxed me. I’m dreaming. Thank fuck, I’m dreaming.
I woke with a start, my heart pounding, just like in the dream. I quickly scanned the room, just to be sure, but it was the bedroom Kiera and I were using at the label’s house, it was early in the morning, and most importantly, we were alone.
Kiera’s fingers moved to my stomach as I sat up on my elbows. “You okay?” she mumbled, her words thick with sleep.
Inhaling a deep breath, I forced myself to shove the dream from my mind. I was just panicking. It wouldn’t be like that. God, please don’t let it be like that. “Yeah, just…bad dream.”
Kiera stirred, sitting up a little. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked, concern in her eyes. Kiera knew my bad dreams could be exceptionally horrific. In comparison, this one wasn’t, but still, it had shaken me, and I really didn’t want to talk about it.
Leaning over, I kissed her head. “No. I just want to hold you until we need to get up. Which is…” I peeked at the clock. “Fuck…which is now. Sorry, babe. Time to get going.”
She yawned, then pulled me into her. “Five more minutes,” she murmured, nestling against my chest.
I laughed and let her snuggle. She needed it, I needed it. The label could wait. For a little bit. Today was the beginning of our hectic promo tour, and we had several places we needed to be. I didn’t want to think about our tight schedule, didn’t want to think about the real video shoot happening soon, didn’t want to think about anything except my wife’s arms and legs wrapped around me, warming me, comforting me. I never wanted to leave this bed.
But all too soon, we had to go. Kiera and I were both a little slow as we grabbed our bags and left our room. Evan stepped out of his room at the same time, lifting a hand in greeting as he yawned. Matt was banging on Griffin’s door, yelling at him to hurry up. We’d all stayed up way too late last night, easing the anxiety by, well, by having a water fight and trashing the house. We really shouldn’t have, but everyone had been a ball of restless energy, and it had helped. A lot.
When everyone was ready, we headed downstairs. Nick was waiting by the front door when we got there, along with a tall, blonde woman in a suit. I waited for Nick to be angry about the water everywhere, but he merely asked if we were ready to go. After I nodded, he indicated his companion.
“This is Tory. She’ll be your handler for all of the media interviews.”
Her face was a steel mask with harsh angles, tight lips, icy blue eyes…not a lot of warmth or compassion there. She thrust her hand in my direction. “Nice to officially meet you. Nick has told me many nice things.” Her eyes briefly scanned my body before returning to my face.
I shook her hand, then asked Nick, “A handler?” I didn’t know what that was, but I didn’t like the sound of it. I wasn’t a child.
Not waiting for Nick, Tory answered my question. “I’m the one who lined up all of your interviews. I’ll be checking you in for each one and letting the interviewers know which questions you won’t be allowing. I will also end the interview if I feel they are not respecting the label’s wishes.”
That instantly struck a nerve. “The label’s wishes. Not mine, then?”
She gave me a cold, professional smile. “Nick has requested that you not talk about your personal life.” Her eyes shifted to Kiera, and I suddenly knew exactly why she was really here. To gatekeep me. Fuck that.
Anger stirred in my stomach as I shot Nick a look. “You don’t want me to talk about my wife? So when they ask what’s going on with Sienna and me, I’m supposed to say…?” I raised my hands as disbelief washed through me. I had to still be dreaming.
Nick’s smile was smooth and untroubled, like he did this all the time. “You tell them no comment and let them stew on that any way they want to.”
My hands slapped to my sides. “‘No comment’? I might as well tell them I’m screwing her brains out on a daily basis.”
He shrugged, unmoved. “I’m not asking you to lie. I’m merely asking you not to respond and not to divulge any…unnecessary information. Think you can handle that?” he asked, an edge to his voice.
Kiera grabbed my hand, and I could feel all the guys staring at me, waiting for me to lose it. With the heat simmering in my body, I felt like I might. This was ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. First, they want me to film-fuck Sienna, and now they want me to let everyone think I’m actually fucking her? Why? What the fuck did it matter?
