Wonderful, page 20
I was just about to tell Nick that I would say whatever the hell I wanted to say when he spoke again. “We’re expecting this single to reach number one. When your album releases in a few weeks, I wouldn’t be surprised if it debuts in the top twenty. All of that is due, in large part, to the fact that the public has a soft spot for you and Sienna together. You’ve become a couple in their eyes, and that sort of publicity cannot be bought. When your video hits the market, the buzz around you two will be out of this world. And if we don’t take advantage of that, ride the tidal wave while it lasts, we’ll lose the momentum, and your album will sink like a rock to the low hundreds. It’s a very crowded market, jam-packed with talented, gorgeous individuals, such as yourself. Do you want to start your career on top of them, or on the bottom of them…crushed into the oblivion of obscurity?” He paused to shrug. “The choice is yours.”
The choice was mine? Agree to this fucked-up plan or be the reason the band fails. Some choice. Great. Just fucking great.
Not waiting for a response from me, Nick and Tory left the house. Kiera squeezed my hand tighter, just as speechless as I was. The guys were silent, but I felt what they wanted, felt it deep in my bones. It felt like a ton of weight being placed solely on my shoulders. It felt like compromising everything I cherished for success. It felt like I was stuck, hovering between two horrible options: staying the course or going home. And that was a nauseating feeling.
Since I had no idea what else to do, I headed outside. I’d figure it out in the car.
The first place we were scheduled to play was right here in L.A. The guys were excited on the ride to the radio station. Not because of the crazy promo tour we were about to embark on, but because of what Nick had said—that he believed our single would reach number one, that our album would debut in the top twenty. That the hype would keep it there. Because of Sienna and me. Because of the whirlwind of gossip surrounding us and the public’s weird obsession with us being a couple. It was already a shitshow, and it hadn’t even truly started yet. How can I possibly say no comment to that?
It annoyed the hell out of me that our success was now tied to something so fake and meaningless. And it really pissed me off that Nick didn’t want me to refute it, didn’t want me to tell the truth—that Sienna was just a collaborator on a song, that I was very happily married, that everything being tossed around out there was wrong. And he’d brought in a fucking handler, just to make sure I stuck to the script. Asshole. That right there made me want to quit again, but I couldn’t do that to the guys. Because Kiera was right. We were so close to having what we wanted, what we’d been working toward for so long, what the guys deserved. I didn’t want to be the reason we failed. I also didn’t want to be the label’s puppet.
I had no idea what I was going to say during the interview.
Matt and Evan looked at me as I sat in the third row with Kiera. Awe was clear on their faces. “Do you think he’s right?” Matt asked me. “Do you really think we’ll debut that high?”
I gave him a half-hearted shrug since I wasn’t in the mood to celebrate. “I don’t know, maybe.” As I turned to look out the window, retreating from the conversation, I heard Griffin exclaim something about being number one, and Matt and Evan shifted back around to talk to him. Good. I couldn’t fake excitement right now. My mind was spinning, doubt and guilt churning inside me like a turbulent sea, battering my positivity. With a sigh, I rested my head against the glass to stop my thoughts; it didn’t help.
I felt Kiera resting her chin on my shoulder. She was oozing concern and sympathy. She knew I wasn’t excited about this, knew I was still stressing about that damn music video. If she only knew the details of the dream I’d had last night, she might reconsider supporting this whole thing. But telling her would only make her worry, and I didn’t want to do that. I just wanted all of this shit to go away.
“Hey, you all right?” Kiera asked.
No. Not really. Lifting my head, I watched my friends animatedly talking, watched their giddiness as they speculated about our success. It made me feel even worse. I should be a part of their buzz. “I just…I wish I could be as excited about this as they are.” Guilt flooded my stomach as I looked over at her. “I feel like I’m letting them down because I’m not enjoying this.”
She clasped my hand with both of hers. “It’s different for you than it is for them. The label is asking you to do uncomfortable things. They understand. Well, Matt and Evan understand.” She gave me an amused smile, trying to cheer me up.
It did, minutely. And she was right. Matt and Evan had both approached me about the video, both of them awkward and uncomfortable as they’d thanked me for going along with it, even though I hated it. Between then and now, they’d both apologized about five thousand times. Griffin had tried to high five me again. I’d shoved him into the pool since decking him had seemed a little over the top.
With a frown, I leaned down and told Kiera, “It’s just so…fabricated. I don’t see why there has to be all this hoopla-crap about some sordid imaginary romance. I just wish that the record and the music were enough to stand on their own. If we’re going to make it, I want it to be because we’re good, not because people are enamored with…my personal life.” Because that fascination still made no sense to me. Why people even cared if Sienna was dating me was a mystery I’d never understand. I’m not that special.
Kiera studied me for a moment, then said, “And it will be about the music, Kellan. The high debut may be because of your celebrity status, but the album will stay there because you guys are amazing—one of the best bands I’ve ever heard.”
That comment finally filled me with genuine amusement, and I cocked an eyebrow at her. “One of?” I teased. She rolled her eyes at me as I contemplated her words. I hoped she was right, hoped our talent would be the reason we succeeded long term, but I supposed Nick was also right, and the hype—no matter how ridiculous—would help us stand out in a crowded industry. My eyes drifted to the guys. I owed them the best start possible. “They’ve stood by me through so much. They were my family when I had…nobody. Literally nobody. And when I left everything in Los Angeles to move back to Seattle, they gave up everything we had down there to follow me, to stand by my side.” I ran a hand down my face as my decision settled around me. “I owe them so much. We would have gotten signed ages ago if we’d stayed in L.A. I took this life from them once. I won’t do it again.”
With a sigh, I looked up at her. There was love in her warm, green-swirled eyes and no judgement. Feeling both lighter and heavier, I told her I owed them the chance to make it big, told her Nick was right about the competition, told her the guys didn’t have as much to fall back on as me. “It’s this or nothing for them, so…”
She gave me a small smile. “So…no comment?”
Feeling like my heart was cracking, I gave her a nod. “I don’t want you to be offended or worried or hurt. And I’m not having an affair or even interested in having an affair. If all I have to do to make a…splash…is film a video and keep my mouth shut during interviews, then I owe them that much.”
Kiera inhaled a deep breath. Her eyes flicked between mine for a moment, and I wished I knew what she was thinking. Then finally, she said, “I understand, and it’s okay.”
A burst of shock went through me. I knew she was doing her best to be supportive, but I thought she might be a little upset. Maybe even hurt. “It is? If someone asks me if I’m married to Sienna, and I say nothing, that’s okay?”
Resignation on her face, she shook her head and said, “Being a celebrity isn’t as simple as it once was. It used to be that you had a talent, people liked it, and you excelled accordingly. Now it’s almost more about being adept at traversing the social waters. You need talent and the ability to sway the public. Nick is good at the manipulation part, and you’re really good at the talent part. You let him do his thing, you do your thing, and I’m sure everything will work out fine.”
Her reasoned logic made me feel a lot better, and I gave her a bright grin as I teased her. “I can’t tell if you’re wise…or still naïve.”
She lifted her chin with an adorable expression of cockiness on her face. “I’m gonna say wise.” As I laughed at her comment, Kiera suddenly looked concerned. “Oh…will we still be able to get married? With a ceremony and everything? Because my mother will have an aneurism if I try to back out of it.”
I kissed her cheek to soothe her worries. “We’re still getting married, Kiera.” Nick would have to lock me up somewhere to stop that from happening. “He only told me not to say anything to the public.” I cupped her cheek, holding her close. “And I plan on saying ‘I do’ just to you.” Grinning, I added, “And a few hundred friends and family.”
Kiera groaned in a marvelous way. “Oh God,” she murmured, looking a little pale.
Stifling a laugh, I poked her in the ribs. “You’ll be fine. If I can do all this, then surely you can manage pledging your undying love, devotion, and fealty to me in front of a small crowd.”
She snorted, amused by my word choice. “Fealty?”
“What? Isn’t that one of the vows?” She certainly had my fealty. My heart. My soul. My everything.
When we got to the radio station, there was a surprising number of people waiting around outside. It was pretty early, and no one knew who we were…so why were they here? Evan asked if they were here for us, but no one knew. The crowd screamed when our car came to a stop. I looked over at Kiera, but she seemed just as confused as I was. I stepped out of the car, and the shrieking intensified. I wondered if they recognized me from the photo, or if they were just yelling because they thought I was a celebrity. Either way, it was weird.
I reached out my palm to Kiera, fully intent on holding her hand as we entered the building, but Tory grabbed my forearm and yanked me forward. I was about to pull away from her when the doors to the radio station opened and Sienna walked out. I hadn’t realized she was going to be here, but the size of the crowd suddenly made sense.
Sienna ignored everyone but me as she floated our way. She was beaming at me with an odd expression on her face, like she’d been missing me and thinking about me the entire time we’d been apart. I was fairly certain that wasn’t the case. Kiera had confessed that she’d called Sienna about the music video, but I hadn’t heard from her since the day I’d asked her to say something about the photo.
She looped her arms around my neck once she got in front of me, then kissed each one of my cheeks. I wasn’t sure what the hell was going on, but her greeting seemed like a lot more than a friendly custom this time. I was about to step away from her over-the-top affection when she gave me a sly smile and placed a soft kiss on my mouth.
My hands were instantly on her shoulders, pushing her away from me, but it was too late. The crowd watching was tittering, and I was sure every single one of them had just captured the kiss. Great. Fury was running through my veins as Sienna grabbed my arm and pulled me into the building. I was tired of getting jerked around, and I ripped my arm free once we were in the lobby.
“What was that?” I snapped.
She patted my cheek like I was a puppy she was rewarding. “That, love, was marketing.”
My eyes narrowed as I scowled at her. I’d agreed not to say anything to dispute the rumors, but I’d never agreed to actively engage in a fake public relationship. Nick and Sienna could both go to hell if that was what they expected from me.
Sienna took in my expression with a small frown, like she was disappointed I was upset. “Relax. It’s a harmless photograph to titillate the masses.”
Reining in my anger, I told her, “Not on the lips. They belong to my wife.”
Her lips twisted into a smirk that seemed to say she thought I was naïve. “Fine. How’s your voice? Ready to do an acoustic set to kick off our single?”
I kept my expression neutral, but I was pretty surprised by her comment. From what we’d been told, the radio station was going to play the recorded version of our single with Sienna, then we were going to perform a song from our album. Clearly, Sienna wanted to be more involved with the release. Matt was going to flip.
Before I could say anything, Sienna and her bodyguards swept me away. I looked back at Kiera, and she gave me an encouraging smile and a small nod, telling me it was fine to go on without her. It didn’t feel fine, but between Sienna and her muscle, I was kind of stuck.
We were shepherded into the room with the DJs, introduced to everyone, and given seats and headsets while our stuff was set up, and the entire time, my stomach was clenched with an anxiety that bordered on nervousness. Not for performing, not for talking to the DJs. No, all my nerves were centered around the one question I dreaded anyone asking me. The one question I was praying never came up. And so of course, because fate still liked fucking with me, it was one of the first questions they asked.
“So, Sienna, Kellan, rumor has it the two of you are an item?”
I felt my stomach sinking to the floor as the female DJ smiled at us. Why do you care? I wanted to ask. No, never, I wanted to tell her. Instead, I said nothing, did nothing, except clench my jaw and share a look with Sienna, silently begging her to deny it since I couldn’t.
Sienna’s expression was warm and worry-free as she shrugged and said, “Well, he is quite…edible.” She looked back at the DJ with a knowing grin. “I would have to be an idiot to pass him up, right?”
I wanted to roll my eyes, wanted to deny it, wanted to snap at Sienna for not just saying no comment like we’d been told. Because what she just said and did—the look on her face, the innuendo in her voice, not to mention the kiss downstairs—it practically shouted that we were sleeping together.
The DJ still pressed her for a definitive answer, though, which of course, Sienna didn’t give her. So naturally, the DJ turned to me for help. “So, come on, give me the scoop, Kellan. What’s going on with you and Sienna?”
Nothing. Nothing at all.
I wanted to run, wanted to be anywhere but in that room, all eyes on me, all ears on me. This wasn’t what I signed up for. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go down. It was just supposed to be about the music. I scratched my head, desperately trying to think of a way out of this question that wouldn’t make it sound even worse. I was coming up empty. Tory was watching me like a hawk, Matt and Evan were watching me with sympathy on their faces, the DJs were leaning in, waiting for breaking news to happen in their studio, and Kiera was sitting in the corner, watching me with sad encouragement on her face. Hating myself, I gave the rumor-boulder a good, hard shove.
“Ah…our single is out today…the album drops in September.”
The DJs laughed, knowing looks on their faces. Tory relaxed, seeing that I was playing along. Evan discreetly touched my arm in silent apology. And Kiera…just looking her way made me sick to my stomach. She was still smiling at me, love on her face, but I felt horrid, like I’d betrayed her, betrayed us, and I vowed that I would set the record straight someday. When this was all over, when the hype wasn’t needed because people knew us and loved us for our talent, then I would tell them exactly who had my heart. Who’d always had my heart.
The interview went on for a few more minutes, the DJs asking the other guys various questions, and I found it mildly interesting that none of them had restrictions on talking about their personal lives. Just me. I could tell Matt wanted to vanish and was probably reconsidering why he hadn’t agreed with me about going home. Evan was calm and relaxed. Griffin looked like he wanted to stay here all day, telling everyone listening every little detail about his entire fucking life. Luckily, the DJs stopped him before too long. Once the questions were finished, we set up to play the single.
Matt was eying Sienna with a frown on his face as he grabbed his guitar. “You all right?” I quietly asked as I slipped behind him.
He frowned at me but nodded. “Yeah, just wish we’d had a heads-up about the song change,” he muttered.
I clapped his shoulder. “Don’t stress. We could pour a fifth of Jack down you, spin you around in a dozen circles, then randomly pull one of our songs out of a hat, and you’d nail it.”
He smirked at me. “I highly doubt that, but thanks.”
Griffin was suddenly there, leaning in between us. “What are we making Matt do? I heard fifth of Jack. We making him do this drunk?”
He looked way too excited about that prospect. Matt and I answered at the same time. “No.”
Instead of looking dismayed, he grinned. “Yeah…okay.”
Still grinning, he stepped away from us. Matt’s eyes were wide when he looked at me. “That worries me way more than changing the song.”
With a laugh, I left him to go stand behind my microphone. The song started, and I instantly fell into performance mode. It didn’t matter that the audience was largely invisible to me, I felt their presence, even with the massive distance between us, and I fed off it. I fed off Sienna’s energy too. She was as much of a performer as me, and by the end of the song, I was having fun, playing off her response to me, pretending like we hated each other. Now this part isn’t so bad.
Kiera was grinning ear to ear when the song ended, and I knew she’d loved it. That meant even more to me than the stream of positive feedback the DJs were getting from listeners, and that was pretty damn awesome. I was both thrilled and relieved that people had enjoyed it, and despite everything, I was riding an exquisite high when we left the studio.
I kidnapped Kiera near the elevators, ducking her into a car and hitting the close door button before anyone could follow us. Tory scowled at me through the narrowing crack while Sienna frowned like she’d expected me to wait for her. I waved at them, then turned to the only person I wanted to be around right now.
Kiera was beaming at me, but even still, I couldn’t help but ask what she thought. “How was it?”
Her face incredulous, she shook her head and tossed her arms around my neck. “Amazing! Perfect! Wonderful! I could go on and on.”
