Lakeside Cougars - The Complete Trilogy, page 55
“Somehow?” she asked, raising one red eyebrow.
He chuckled awkwardly. “I mean-not like that. Not you, me. I somehow am not freaking out over the fact that I just broke down absolutely sobbing in front of my cool new cougar girlfriend fucking two weeks into the relationship. But I trust you. I trust that you won’t give me shit for it.”
“That means a lot to me, Atticus. And I trust you, too…”
“You want to ask something.”
She began to look surprised, then just sighed and shook her head. “Yes. What did your parents say?”
“Oh man. Are you sure?” She nodded. “Well, they told me flat out to marry you so that I could divorce you and get half your shit.”
“Oh. Wow. I...wow. That’s just...um. I didn’t think it would be that blatant.”
“Yeah. My mom is very...miserly. And reactive. And bitter. And cynical. But yeah, that’s what they did. And I told them I was going no contact for at minimum a year, and...I made a call.”
“What was it?” she asked when he didn’t continue.
“I gave them fifteen hundred bucks to fuck off, basically.”
“How did they react?”
“They didn’t say anything. Nothing...was I stupid for sending it?”
Colleen looked at him for a long moment, then exhaled sharply. “I don’t know, Atticus. I don’t think so, but I love you. Situations involving other people are often so complex and nuanced, especially if you have a long history and double especially if you’re related. Let alone your own goddamned parents. I believe that you made the best choice based off of the available information. And you should believe the same thing, because regardless, it’s over...it is over, right?”
“I mean it should be. But what can they do? If they reach out to me, I can block them. If they come to see me, I can tell them to fuck off and close the door. I don’t need them for anything. I don’t want anything from them. I’m capable of sustaining myself at this point.”
“That you are,” she murmured. “Listen, dear, if you need to talk, or even just want to, about anything, I really do truly mean anything, please talk to me. My last relationship...we stopped talking to each other at some point, about our fears, our problems, our silly thoughts, funny stuff we found on the internet.”
“I will keep talking to you, Colleen. I promise. And I want you to do the same thing,” he replied.
“I promise I will,” she replied sincerely.
“Then I think we don’t have any problems left. Or, well, more accurately, we can focus on the problems in Lakeside.”
“Those being?”
“Well the cafe, for one. Helping Susan and Edith move in, for two. Helping Kate. She needs help. She’s killing herself dealing with this shit all alone. And then whatever problems might crop up from Vetra.”
“I doubt she has any.”
“Everyone’s got problems of some kind.”
“I guess that’s true enough. We should be able to handle it all. Honestly, these are all problems I would like to handle...although I can think of one problem you personally have to face that you are finding difficult.”
“Which one?”
“Do you want to be a father?”
“Right. And I’ve solved that problem.”
“Already?” she asked, her eyes widening a little.
“Yeah. I think it was like...it was already most of the way solved? I mean I’ve been thinking about being a father for a long time now, and I’d more or less settled on ‘yes’. It was just a matter of money, mostly. But we have that now. And I trust Susan. And you. Edith. Kate. Probably Vetra. Hopefully she isn’t a serial killer or something. But all of the obstacles are removed. And the work won’t be overwhelming because we will have two other people around all the time, basically, with another one waiting in the wings to help out sometimes.”
“And you’re sure you want to have a baby with Susan?”
“Well, I can’t have one with you or Edith, probably not with Vetra...I’m not avoiding the question. There needs to be more time passed, but if things continue roughly as they have been so far, then yeah, I believe that’s the choice I’m going to make. It’ll probably be soonish, though...God, it sounds batshit insane. I’ve decided I want to reproduce with a woman I met within the last week. But it just-it feels right. You know what I mean?”
Before she could answer, he sighed heavily. “But I’m sure millions of other people have said the exact same thing and promptly proceeded to destroy their lives.”
“Do you really think that’s going to happen?” she asked.
“No, I don’t. But neither did they. But I get your point. In this case...my heart and my head align. I think.” He sighed. “I trust you. I trust Edith. I trust Kate. Clearly, I trust Susan. I almost certainly will trust Vetra. I trusted her enough to ask her for sex.”
“And we trust you,” Colleen said. “There are no guarantees, Atticus. Except for death and pain.”
“Dark. But true.”
“Yes, which is why we must bring light in our lives, and other’s lives. The world is plenty dark on its own without us smashing lights. And that’s the sentiment that I think of whenever I’m considering being a huge bitch about something.”
“How often does it work?” he asked.
She snorted. “Most of the time. Almost all the time, really. It helps me figure out if I should actually be a huge bitch about something. Usually, the answer is no, I’m overreacting. But sometimes, the answer is: fuck yes you should, this person is a piece of shit!”
“Yeah, that’s true. Too much fucking toxic positivity nowadays.” He splashed some water on his face and blinked a few times. “This is a lot better. I’m so much more relaxed now.”
“Too relaxed for…?” He felt her foot gently brush his dick beneath the water.
He laughed. “You are so fucking horny.”
“Yeah, I’m horny. You are the one fucking four women. So…?”
He laughed again and readjusted himself, leaning back and resting his arms on the edge. “Hop on.”
CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN
“I must say, this is very beautiful,” Colleen murmured as she looked out the window at the passing greenery.
“Big time,” Atticus agreed.
They’d ultimately ended up staying in the hotel room until it was time to go, and over half that time was spent fucking around in the water. First the hot tub, and eventually they’d moved on to a slightly cool shower.
As they’d left the city and drove into the northern countryside, Atticus felt a sense of calm and peace settle over him that he hadn’t felt in recent memory. Even after the best sex he’d been having over the past several weeks hadn’t left him feeling like this.
He supposed that sex really wasn’t everything. He knew it already, but it was still interesting to experience given how fucking obsessed everyone was with it. How much they were willing to throw away to get it.
But the peace, the serenity...was unparalleled.
Colleen seemed very peaceful as well.
“Is this going to be like a college party?” she asked suddenly.
“What do you mean?” he replied.
“What’s the average age of the people who will be there? How crazy will it get?”
“Oh. Probably between my age and thirty five or so, and if it’s anything like the other time I was there, it’ll be chill. It’s not like a coke party or something, or everyone getting absolutely wasted. It should just be, you know, relaxed. People standing around and talking and drink or toking a little.”
“That sounds nice.”
“Feeling a little nervous that you’ve aged out of these kinds of parties?”
“...yeah.”
“Don’t be. It’ll be fine. And if it isn’t, and you feel uncomfortable, we can leave whenever you want.”
When she didn’t say anything, he looked over. She looked very guilty.
“Oh...shit, what’s wrong?” he asked.
“I just…” She trailed off and looked out the window for a long moment. He waited. “I was bad about that. About not leaving. I dragged my ex-husband to a lot of events and for the most part he enjoyed himself, but there were times where he just wanted to go, and I just didn’t, and I wouldn’t. And...I should have.”
“Why didn’t he leave when he got bored?” he asked cautiously.
She sighed. “There was just the one car. And if you’re going to ask why...the answer is a little more complicated. And depressing. But basically, I didn’t want to drive in separate cars because I didn’t want to feel like my marriage was slipping away from me. I wanted to lie and pretend I had a husband who was always thrilled to be with me, no matter what was going on, and that...was extremely immature. And I regret it. And I promise to listen to you, and if I’m not, please let me know.”
“Like, literally tell you ‘you aren’t listening to me’?”
“Yes. Literally that.”
“I will. And please do the same to me.”
“I will, but you are insanely good at listening. But I will, because everyone makes mistakes...sometimes I wonder if it was my fault that our relationship fell apart,” she murmured.
“I...can’t give you any kind of real answer to that. Partially because I have a clear bias towards you, but mostly because I wasn’t involved and I didn’t see anything. But...I can give you my best opinion, if you want.”
“I do want that, yes,” she replied softly.
“Based on everything I know about you and everything I’ve experienced with you so far, I’d say it was both your faults’, because nobody’s perfect, but it was probably mostly his fault.” He paused. “I mean, I think so. It’s what my gut is telling me.” He sighed and shook his head. “It’s also important to consider that sometimes relationships just...stop working. And it’s not necessarily anyone’s fault.
“But even if it is...I mean, you’re human. And yeah, there are definitely people out there who are knowingly making the wrong choice because they’re greedy or entitled or even just cruel, but a lot of the time we make the wrong choice because we’re pissed off, or exhausted, or starving, or in pain. Or some other thing that’s fucking us up but we don’t know about.”
Atticus almost missed the gravel road, but managed to get onto it. Immediately, they were plunged into a tunnel of trees, the canopy overhead very dense so that only a scattering of sunbeams pierced it. The effect was not just beautiful, it was ethereal.
“I think I want to make a game about nature,” he said suddenly. “Although I guess that’s not really relevant.”
“No, I thought you summed up your sentiment quite nicely, and I want to hear about your nature game, and I also would like to think of pleasant things,” she replied.
“Oh. All right. Well...there was this one game I played last year, Recovery. It’s like...post-post-apocalyptic? So they’re rebuilding. And you join this organization that’s trying to basically fix the world, bring it back from the brink of death, so you have to go all over the place and do all these missions and it’s got this really cool retro pixel look.”
“I very much would like to play this game.”
“We’ll have to get a console then. There is a PC port but it’s...not as good.”
“I can pick that up, no problem. Although I thought for sure you’d have one.”
“I had to sell it and all my games to survive while making Cold Reset.”
“Oh.”
“But that paid off, so that’s good. But, uh, my nature game...I don’t know. Maybe some kind of post-apocalyptic setting where you’ve got to rebuild a hydroponics garden so that you can grow rare medicinal plants or something. And you have to go around to several different places to find the parts to fix it back up.” He shrugged. “Just an idea kind of rattling around.”
“I think that sounds really cool.”
“That’s good to hear.”
Colleen looked thoughtful as they trundled along. He could see the edge of the forest up ahead.
“Have any of your girlfriends ever been into the fact that you’re a game dev? Or that you’re creative?” she asked.
“Not really. There’s a kind of ‘oh, cool!’ factor in the beginning, but it wears off really fast. Ugh, my last girlfriend seemed vaguely embarrassed by the fact that I make games.”
“I bet that bitch would’ve been very into it if she’d still been around now,” Colleen muttered.
“Yeah. Probably.”
“Mmm...you still have feelings for her.” He sighed. “I’m not complaining, to be clear.”
“No, it isn’t that. It’s less that I still have feelings for her and more that I...feel bad for her. She obviously had mental health problems and I tried so fucking hard to help her, but she just-she fucking refused to even consider getting on medication, let alone therapy. But her parents were really shitty to her...sorry, this has to be weird.”
“What? No. This is very endearing.”
Up ahead, he saw the property. The road split, one half going up to a hill where a pretty nice two-story house sat. The other went down into a small field that was mostly taken up by the lake. He saw half a dozen cars already parked in a loose line down there, and about a dozen people milling about.
“Endearing?” He continued guiding the car down towards the lake.
“Yes! You were trying to advocate for your girlfriend. Take care of her. Even though she was difficult. The thing is, Atticus, so many men believe that women want a protector, but the reality is that women tend to want a caretaker. A kind soul who will hold their hair while they vomit, go get something from the kitchen because they don’t want to get up right now, to do some chores without having to be bothered relentlessly about it. And that’s what you are. A caretaker. And, in return, we will try hard to take care of you as well.”
“You’re all doing a fantastic job so far,” he replied, parking.
“Well...the beginning is easy. Let’s check back in after a year. Also, if you ever feel like I’m neglecting you, tell me.” She paused, sighed. “I keep saying things like that but I also feel like we’re pretty clear about our communication protocols. I guess it’s just so easy to get caught up in the mindset that things are going to go wrong now.”
“It is,” he agreed, “and we see eye to eye on communication. Now, let’s go mingle.”
They got out of the car.
He recognized a handful of people as he approached, going to see Megan. Old coworkers and friends of Megan’s he had kinda-sorta gotten to know during the two times he’d come to one of these. They all got along pretty all right.
“Hey!” Megan said as she saw them approaching. “You made it.”
“Yep,” Atticus replied. “It’s interesting to be back here again. This is my girlfriend, Colleen. We started dating recently.”
He couldn’t quite make out the expressions of the others who Megan had been talking with when they’d come over. He also thought that perhaps they couldn’t quite decide what the feel, either.
“Hello, everyone,” Colleen said with a surprising ease, “we can just get this out of the way now: yes, I’m forty seven, and yes, I’m old enough to be Atticus’s mother. No, it doesn’t bother me. Or us.”
“It sure as shit doesn’t bother me,” he muttered, making Megan laugh.
“I’m glad you’re both happy,” she replied.
“How...did you meet?” one of the others, one of Megan’s friends, asked.
“Well…”
Atticus began telling them, and Colleen seemed to be very happy to sit back and listen.
And chime in occasionally.
…
“Hey, you still with me?” Atticus murmured.
“I am,” Colleen replied, a touch sleepily, “but I’m ashamed to admit I’m getting very drowsy.”
“It’s been a long day. Come on,” he said, nudging her gently, “let’s start heading out.”
“If you want to.”
“I do. I want to be with you in a hotel room where clothes are optional.”
She laughed. “Yeah, me too.”
It had been fun and while there’d been a bit of nervous tension in both of them (Colleen hid it almost perfectly), it had faded before too long. They’d mingled, they’d joked, they’d relaxed. When the sun went down, they’d lit the bonfire and gathered around it and continued mingling and talking. They ended up talking with damn near everyone, and about a dozen more people had shown up in that time.
Everyone was interested in them.
Now he and Colleen sat in a pair of foldout chairs, a bit of a ways back from the fire.
They both stood up and then did a little tour, saying goodbye to Megan and the few others they’d spent more time talking with.
As Atticus turned around to head back to his car, he came face to face with the one person he was fairly sure he probably wouldn’t see again.
“...hi, Atticus.”
“...hi.”
A long, awkward, uncomfortable silence passed.
His ex had found him again.
“Is this...your most recent ex?” Colleen hazarded finally when it became obvious that neither of them were going to say anything.
“Yes. This is Jen.”
“I see.”
Jen looked like a deer caught in headlights, only in this case, it was pure fear. She looked different. Really different, he realized as he actually looked at something other than her face. Her hair was shorter, and she hadn’t dyed it for a while. Her clothes were clean. She didn’t seem to have any bruises or cuts.
That was something that had always made him mildly paranoid. Jen was clumsy, and that became obvious to him very quickly, so she was always tripping and stumbling and bumping into things. He began to worry that people would think he was beating her or something, given how consistently it kept happening.
Honestly, she looked like a different person. A calmer person.
“Can I do something for you?” he asked, trying to keep his voice neutral.
This was so fucking weird. He really didn’t expect to see her again. And while he didn’t hate her or even dislike her, really, he did feel very strangely about her.
