All Your Firsts Without Me, page 7
I swallow hard. My eyes going back to her little butterfly collar.
When the segment ends and a commercial comes on, I shut the television off. As I get ready for bed, the little dog stays on my mind. She looked so scared. Someone left her for dead and now she’s trapped in a kennel at the humane society. With no leg. And a butterfly collar.
My eyes drop closed as I curl up under my yellow starburst quilt. Maybe this is a sign. I fall fast asleep… without a sleeping pill.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Westin
I’m trying not to get discouraged. Giles stopped by the other day and told me she wasn’t doing well. I know it’s only been a month. I guess I just wish I could help her. But I promised David that I would wait six months and then her and I would meet at the White Glass. That was the deal. If she even shows. That sounds so far away, yet too soon.
Truth is, I miss David myself. I miss our long talks each week. He had become like a father to me, and his absence makes me long for a connection. So here I am. Taking matters into my own hands. That, and I just couldn’t resist her cute little face.
“I’m sorry but I think Lucky has been spoken for,” the lady at the Humane Society tells me.
“Oh. That’s great,” I say, trying to hide my disappointment.
She leans across the counter, whispering, “I’m not certain though. The young woman seems hesitant. She’s been in Lucky’s kennel with her for a couple of hours.” She sticks her pen behind her ear. “Why don’t we go make sure she’s going to adopt her before you leave?”
“Yeah, that would be great. Thank you.”
She waves for me to follow her. Barking echoes against the cement walls as she walks me past several kennels. I stop to look at each dog as I wait for her to speak with the woman who is with Lucky now.
“Excuse me, dear, I have a young man interested in Lucky. Have you made up your mind? I hate to send him on his way if you’ve decided against taking her home with you.”
I take the last few steps to Lucky’s kennel and there on the floor is my muse and the pup I had my heart set on. It takes me a minute to realize she’s here. Right in front of me. Lucky is in her lap, staring up at her with sad puppy dog eyes, begging April to take her home.
“April?” I ask, still not trusting my own eyes.
“Oh, you two know each other. I’ll let you sort it out then. I’ll be up front if you need me. Take as long as you like. Lucky doesn’t get many visitors. I’m sure she will love all of the attention.”
She walks away, my gaze following her. When my eyes slide back to April, she is staring at me, her brows pulled together, her head tipped slightly to one side.
“You don’t remember me, do you?” I chuckle lightly.
“No, I’m sorry.” She runs her hand over Lucky, dropping her shoulders.
“I was friends with your husband. We met at his funeral.”
A spark of recognition lights her eyes. “Oh, yes. I’m sorry, my brain is a little fuzzy these days. I remember you now.”
“No apologies. It’s understandable. May I?” I gesture towards the door of the kennel.
She nods once before dropping her eyes to the dog in her lap.
I open the door, then lower myself to the ground, sitting close but not too close to her. She glances up, smiling shyly.
“So, did you see Lucky here on the evening news like I did?” I ask, reaching over to give the dog a scratch behind her ears. She wags her tail but doesn’t leave April’s lap.
“Yeah,” she says quietly. “But you can have her. It’s okay. I just wanted to make sure she found a good home.”
“It looks to me like Lucky’s already picked her home. She seems pretty happy with you.”
April smiles again, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink. It’s so beautiful it sends a thousand butterflies to take flight in my chest.
She lets her golden-brown hair fall in front of her face, shielding herself from me. “Oh, I don’t know. I’ve never had a pet before. I’m not sure I would be the best person for her.”
“Do you think you could love her?”
The dog yawns. She leans down and kisses the top of her head. “I think I already do,” she whispers against Lucky’s fur.
“Well, I think that is the biggest part. After that, you just need to make sure she is safe, fed, and watered. I’m sure you can handle it.”
“I think I need a little more time to think about it.” She brushes her hair over her shoulder, looking me in the eye for the first time. It takes my breath away. I could get lost in her eyes. They are stunning. It’s like looking at the sun. They are golden just like her hair. They’re the most unique shade I’ve ever seen.
“The sign on the door says they don’t close for another few hours.” I smile.
“Yeah.” She laughs sadly. “I’ve never been good at making decisions.
I nod. We sit quietly for a few minutes, both of us petting Lucky. Our hands dance around each other but don’t touch. “So, how are you?” I decide to ask.
She doesn’t look at me, but she surprises me by answering honestly. Most people give a generic response. We are trained from a young age to do that. But she is different. She’s as unique as her eyes.
“I think I’m slowly dying of a broken heart.” Her hand stills on Lucky’s back.
“Maybe Lucky can help with that.” I run my hand over the dog’s head and slowly inch my way to her hand, stopping when it reaches hers. It’s a small touch but it sends sparks up my arm. I’m sure she doesn’t feel it, but I hope the touch of another human at least helps her. It helped me when I lost my parents.
“When I saw her last night, I thought about how she had been trapped here in a cage for the past year. It reminded me of…” her words trail off as she stares at our hands.
“Of you,” I finish for her.
“You’ve heard my story?” she asks, her eyes flicking up to mine.
I nod. “I read your book.”
Her eyebrow arches slightly. “Well then, I guess you know that I sort of had a pet.” She laughs sadly, moving her hand away from mine to give Lucky a scratch under her chin.
“Ah, yes, what was his name... Mickey?” I tease.
She giggles, and I memorize every single thing about it. I’m not missing the opportunity to fill myself up with everything my muse offers. “Minnie,” she corrects, knowing full well I knew the correct name for the little mouse that used to crawl through a crack in the door of the room she was locked in. She would toss him bits of her food. When he stopped coming to visit her, she wrote that was the moment she felt she was starting to lose herself.
“If you think that’s crazy. I recently had a pet squirrel.”
I tip my head. “And?”
“And what?”
“What was his name?”
“Cracker,” she laughs, shaking her head. “He probably wonders where I went.”
I can almost see the thoughts racing through her head. There’s more to this story. Please tell me. I want to know everything.
“I… I had a hard time leaving David. I kinda moved out to the cemetery for a bit. Cracker kept me company.”
My heart breaks right the fuck in half. Her gaze focuses on the cement wall across from Lucky’s kennel. She looks so lost. Hurt. Broken.
“I miss him too.” Her gaze snaps to me. I scratch my head, wondering if I should be telling her this. None of this was part of the plan. “I used to meet up with him at the White Glass.”
She nods, sliding closer to me so that our knees are almost touching. I’m not sure she’s aware just how close she has moved to me in her eagerness to talk about David.
“The Friday after…” I pause, making sure she is okay with this. Her eyes are wide, clear, and intently focused on me, so I continue. “I sat there waiting for him to roll in through the door. My mind knew it wasn’t going to happen, but my heart never got the memo.” I press a thumb and finger to the corner of my eyes, pushing the emotions down.
When I get myself in check, I glance at her. She blinks at me like an owl. One blink. Two blinks.
“At night, I lie in bed waiting for him to come in and hoist himself up on the mattress. It’s the same as you, my mind knows but my heart doesn’t care… it wants him. Yearns for him. It hurts so much I think I’ll die from the pain.”
A tear runs down her cheek and plops on the pup’s head. Lucky looks up at her and stands in her lap, pressing her nose to April’s cheek. More tears fall and the dog licks her face. April cries harder, hugging the three-legged dog to her.
A strong man might be able to sit by unaffected by the site before him, but evidently, I’m not a strong man, because wet, hot tears run down my cheeks, disappearing in my short beard. I wipe them away quickly but not before she notices.
She clutches the dog to her with one hand and reaches out to snag one of mine. We hold onto each other tightly for a long, long time. What a site the three of us must be.
Eventually, she releases my hand. Lucky decides to finally give me some attention. She hops off April’s lap and circles me, sniffing up and down the whole time. She allows me to give her a good scratch behind the ear and then climbs back on April’s lap. Lucky settles herself in the crook of her legs, closing her eyes.
“Do… I mean… I could… would… um… would you like me to help you get her settled at your house? We could stop by the pet store and…” God, this is a bad idea.
She studies the dog in her lap, chewing on her bottom lip. “Yeah, I mean… yeah. I hate to ask for help but…”
“It’s no problem. I used to have a dog when I was young. A golden retriever.”
She glances up. “Golden Retriever’s are beautiful. When I was little, my neighbors used to have one. I would sneak him treats when no one was looking.”
“Yeah, they are good dogs. Maybe that’s what I’ll get since Lucky here has already found her forever home.”
April smiles nervously. “You… you really think I can handle it?”
“I’m sure of it.” I smack my hands down on my knees, carefully raising myself off the cold, hard floor. April watches me. “Let’s go get those adoption papers signed.
She wakes Lucky by nudging her with her nose. The dog looks worried for a moment before realizing April isn’t letting her go. She sticks her face in the dog’s furry neck. “You’re coming home with me,” she tells her.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
April
David is still watching over me. I mean he guided me to Lucky and then his friend just happens to show up. It’s a good thing too because I don’t know the first thing about taking care of a dog.
Westin follows me to the pet store and then proceeds to carry Lucky for me as we walk the isles. I want her to have everything bright and shiny, just like David wanted for me. I know the folks at the Humane Society do their best. They are amazing, but it’s not the same as having your own home. A place you feel warm, safe, and loved.
I’m going to love Lucky so much. The lady said most people don’t want a special needs animal. I don’t look at Lucky as a dog with special needs. She needs the same things I need. Missing one leg doesn’t change anything.
Westin laughs as I fill the cart higher and higher. “I think Lucky is pretty darned lucky,” he says as he helps me load everything into the back of my car.
“Well, I know what it’s like to move into a new home. I want her to feel like she belongs.”
He nods as he closes the trunk. “So, should I follow you to your house?” he asks nervously.
I bite my lip. “Yeah, if you don’t mind. I hate to keep you.”
He shakes his head. “No, not a problem at all.”
I slide in beside Lucky. She spins in a circle a few times in the passenger seat, still nervous about what’s going on, but eventually she lies down.
Lucky whines on the way home. She’s so scared; I remember that feeling. “It’s okay, girl.” I place my hand on her back, she trembles beneath my palm. I glance in my rearview mirror. Westin is behind me in his Jeep. He seems nice. I don’t remember David talking about him, but that’s not unusual. David had so many friends and acquaintances.
He pulls up behind me in the driveway. I get out and call for Lucky. She reluctantly comes to me. Westin waits beside me with his hands in his pockets, rocking on his heels. Slowly, she climbs over to me. “Welcome Home, Lucky.” I rub my cheek over her head as I pull her close to me.
“Go on inside. I’ll carry everything in,” Westin tells me.
I take Lucky inside, cradling her to my chest as I show her each room. When I get to the bedroom, I set her on the floor. She sniffs around. She has a little hop to her, but otherwise she moves around fine. Satisfied that she’s smelled everything in the room, she comes back to me and sits at my feet.
The sound of the front door shutting perks her ears up, and she hops around me to see who it is. I spin on a heel, following behind her. Westin is standing by the door, nervously running his hands through his dark hair. His sea glass eyes lift as we enter the room.
It’s weird having strangers in the house. The dog and him. But it’s also nice, two things that don’t remind me of David. They’re new. Mine. I mean they’re here for me and they’re both new. New friends. Yeah, two new friends. That’s okay. It’s what he would have wanted.
“Can I get you something to drink? Are you hungry?” I glance at the clock on the microwave, my stomach growling. I cover it with my hand. Goodness.
Westin laughs, “It sounds like you are.” I blush and tip my head to hide behind my hair. “I am too,” he adds quickly.
“Do you like spaghetti? It’s one of my favorites but it’s kind of hard to make for one, so I rarely make it now.” I feel guilty for inviting a man into the house and then for supper but… I… well, I don’t know exactly.
“I love spaghetti.” He rolls his eyes to the ceiling, pinching his index finger and thumb together before kissing them and raising them in the air. “Mm, so good.”
Lifting my shoulders, happy that he seems to like my choice, I smile shyly. “Well, I’ll get started if you want to help unpack Lucky’s new things.”
He claps his hands together and Lucky hops over to him. He crouches down, digging in the bags. Lucky sticks her nose in right along with him. I smile and head into the kitchen, watching them as I prepare supper.
Westin walks out with Lucky’s new food and water dish. “Is it okay if I set these out here for her?” He points to a place on the floor by the wall.
“Yeah, that’s a good spot,” I agree. He stands beside me, filling the water dish from the sink. I study him out the corner of my eye. He’s so tall, I’m not used to having a man stand so near. It’s… odd. He moves with such grace and ease, like a dark shadow sliding across the wall as the sun shifts through the sky.
I pop some garlic bread in the oven and turn to find him staring at me. I tuck my hair behind my ear, sliding past him, he breathes in deep. Is he smelling me?
“So, how did you meet David?” I ask.
My question makes him take a step back. “Um…” he stutters and looks around as if he’s searching for something.
For some reason it pains me to witness his discomfort. Laughing, I pull the spaghetti from the stove, draining it in the sink. “I mean you read my book, so you know how I met him. Your first meeting couldn’t have been as bad as that.”
He laughs too, the tension easing from his face. “Actually, he saved me too. Well, him and a lot of others. I was in an accident he was called to.”
My heart warms knowing David helped this man. “And he stuck with you.”
“Yeah, I guess you could say that. He kind of became a father figure to me.”
The house fills with warmth as the oven heats up, the scent of garlic filling the room. I didn’t realize how much I missed those things. I need to cook for myself more often. I’ve been living on sandwiches.
“I don’t know if there’s been anyone who met David and walked away feeling less. He had a way of making everyone feel important.”
Lucky brings one of the bright neon balls I bought over to Westin, she drops it with a bounce at his feet. He chuckles. “I think someone wants to play fetch.” He looks out the window towards the beach. “Do you care if I take her outside and see how she likes it? See if she stays close?”
“I think that would be good. I would hate to find out she likes to run away when I’m by myself.”
“What do you say, girl? You want to hit the beach and play a little ball?”
Lucky wags her tail happily, making me smile.
As they head out, I stand on my tiptoes to watch them walk down the path towards the beach. Lucky follows right beside him. She seems like such a good dog. It’s sad no one wanted her.
I finish up supper, fixing two plates but when I turn to set them on the counter, I glance at the spot where David and I always sat together. I… what am I doing? Biting the inside of my cheek to halt my tears, I stand there holding the plates in the air. The ding of the oven pulls me from the dark cloud engulfing me.
I set the plates down and pull the garlic bread out. It’s not like this is a date. It’s just dinner with a friend. Maybe we could eat outside on the patio, then it wouldn’t feel so… so intimate. Not that it feels that way. But this is my first time entertaining friends alone. I wonder if there is a letter for that.
Westin and Lucky are walking up the path by the time I’m setting our meal on the table outside. Lucky hops over to me and does a few twirls in front of me. “Did you have fun, girl?” She spins a few more times in response, making me laugh.
I point to table. “I thought we could eat out here. It’s so nice out.”
“It looks delicious.” Westin pulls out a chair and motions for me to sit. I tuck my hair behind my ears, letting him scoot me in. “I can’t remember the last time I had a home cooked meal. Most of the time, I order take-out.”
