Disappeared, page 6
Cerys nodded firmly and squeezed her hand. ‘Absolutely!’
Instinct; yes, that was it – mother’s instinct.
12
It had been a shock to learn what Cerys had been doing in that village where they met. It had taken the wind from Lily. Cerys had seemed like a rock to weather any storm, so much wiser than her. It had knocked Lily sideways to find out she was in such a state that she wanted to end everything. She lay back in the bed, trying to make sense of it all.
But that was the mark of what an amazing woman Cerys was. She was in such a way herself but hadn’t let it show and had looked out for them, got them here, taken care of them.
That was a real mother.
She said she had kids. My God, did they know how lucky they were? What would Lily’s life have been had she been one of them?
Maybe being around her could rub off on Lily? Maybe she could learn to be the mother she’d always wanted to be. And Cerys was giving her that chance, which was incredible beyond anything. Lily didn’t get chances though. She’d learned that even when she thought she was, it’d turn out to be something else. Usually something shit. That was how things rolled for her.
Maybe, maybe, maybe this time it could be different though.
Please let it be. For once, please let her catch a break.
And she didn’t know what was going on in Cerys’s life but maybe it would also be good for her out here. Perhaps she had stuff she needed to get away from. Lily knew how that felt. She couldn’t imagine Cerys allowing herself to have stuff to run away from but anyone could make a mistake. Life had certainly taught her that.
As far as she was concerned, Cerys was the real deal – a proper mother and a woman who could get stuff done. Look how she handled that terrifying guy on the hotel reception. She’d been bedraggled with rain and mud-splashed and it hadn’t even occurred to her to be intimidated by him. That was a real woman, a grown-up, and Lily had decided right there and then that this was the kind of woman she wished she could be. Though she knew that would never happen.
Maybe she could be a bit more like her though. Just a tiny bit. If she hung around her for long enough, some of that polish might rub off.
She had no idea what the morning would bring but she was going to the hair salon down the street from the hotel and she would see if they needed anyone, even if it was just reception and sweeping up. If that didn’t work, she’d try the shops next, then the cafés, and she’d keep tramping round this town until she found somewhere to take her on.
She’d never have had the courage if Cerys weren’t here but somehow Cerys’s admiration of the simple little blow-dry she’d given her spurred her on to try. What would Cerys do? That’s what she’d secretly started to ask herself now when she didn’t know what to do next, and she was sure Cerys wouldn’t give up trying if she had a child to feed. When you get nervous, pretend you’re her, she told herself with a rueful laugh as she slid down under the covers.
She felt quite excited about tomorrow, in a way she hadn’t been excited for a long, long time. Nervous too, of course, but as if the morning might be full of possibilities and new dawn.
The bad thoughts, they were still there behind everything, and when she had a happy idea, they pushed up inside her and jostled to take over but tonight she wouldn’t let them.
Somebody cared enough about her to stay for her. That was an incredible thing.
13
‘Dad, what do you mean? She’s been gone two days and you haven’t called the police? I’m coming home right now!’
Katie hung up and, with shaking hands, rifled through her shoulder bag to make sure she had her purse and car keys. She chucked her phone in beside them and grabbed a holdall from the top of the wardrobe.
She should have called Mum earlier. Why hadn’t she called her?
She felt sick to her stomach. She threw some jeans and t-shirts and underwear in her bag and then locked her room and ran downstairs. It was a two-and-a-half-hour drive home.
When she stopped at the services off the motorway to refuel, she texted her mother. ‘Mum, where are you? Please get in touch. I’m worried. Love you xxx’
She grabbed a coffee and drove the rest of the way without a break. It was past 10 p.m. when she burst in on her father, sitting in the living room in silence with his phone in his hand.
‘Have you heard anything?’ she demanded.
He looked up at her with exhausted, shocked eyes. ‘No, nothing. Nothing since she went.’ His face was grey and the lines of middle age seemed more deeply etched than the last time she’d been home a few months ago.
‘Call the police, Dad. I can’t believe you haven’t already. What possessed you?’
‘I thought she’d be in touch. I thought she just wanted some time. I didn’t think she’d still be gone,’ he said, his voice breaking on the words.
‘When have you ever known Mum want time?’ she demanded. ‘Have you told Alex and Matt?’
He shook his head. ‘If she’d gone there, they’d have called me already.’
And she wouldn’t go to them. It’d be to Katie she’d go, if she’d gone to any of them. Why hadn’t she been in touch? This wasn’t like her at all. The grip of fear around Katie’s throat tightened a little more.
‘What happened, Dad?’
‘We had a row, a terrible row,’ he said, miserably. ‘I went to bed and when I got up in the morning, she wasn’t here.’
Katie took a shuddering breath. ‘What did she take with her?’
‘Nothing. Just the car.’
‘Nothing? No clothes? A suitcase?’
‘Nothing.’ He stared at his hands as if he couldn’t really see them there, as if he was looking at something else entirely. ‘That’s why I thought she’d come back.’
Katie realised her legs were shaking and she sat down in the armchair abruptly. ‘Dad, you need to call the police now. What if something terrible has happened to her?’
‘I can’t,’ he said, still staring at his hands. ‘I keep trying but I just can’t move.’
He was in shock, she thought, though she didn’t really know what that looked like. She just knew she’d never seen her dad in this state ever. ‘I’ll do it,’ she said. And she couldn’t bear to do it in front of him so she took her phone up to her old bedroom and sat on the edge of her bed while she made the call.
Afterwards, she wanted to throw up. The taste of the bile in her mouth was sharp and acid. The questions they’d asked about her dad – she hadn’t expected that.
There was an officer on the way to the house right now to take statements. They wanted to know why Dad hadn’t called this in and she could hear the suspicion in the voice of the person taking down details. ‘He’s known she’s been missing for two days and you’ve only just found out?’ It sounded so much worse when they said it. ‘And this is out of character for your mother?’
‘Yes, she’s usually the most reliable person ever.’
‘I see.’ A pause. ‘We’ll get someone over to you now. Don’t go anywhere please.’
And suddenly she was scared about more than what had happened to Mum. What would the police say when they saw the state he was in? They’d make assumptions and he was in no position to defend himself right now.
She called Matt. ‘It’s me. Yes, I know what time it is – this is an emergency. You need to come home now. We need you. Mum’s disappeared.’
14
‘My wife has disappeared, and she’s taken our four-year-old with her. I’m seriously worried about their safety. I don’t think she can be in her right mind, or she wouldn’t have done this. We need help.’ Danny sat forward in the chair to emphasise his point. The police officer frowned slightly and Danny held up his hands. ‘Look, I don’t care about anything but getting them back. If Kayleigh needs mental health support, I’ll get her that but you need to help me before she does something awful.’
The officer leaned back, still frowning. ‘And what makes you think she’s going to do that?’
He knew they’d likely suspect him. He wasn’t stupid and that was par for the course. Wife goes missing – is it the husband? But he needed this guy onside. Kayleigh thought she was just going to slip off with his child and his money. Nope, not in a million years was he going to lie down and take that. And, what’s more, she’d know he wouldn’t.
‘Look, I love my wife but she’s troubled. I’ve always known that, and I’ve tried to help her. When I met her she was up to all kinds, drugs … men … you know …’ Danny held his hands up to illustrate how he hoped he didn’t have to explain further. He got him, right? ‘I thought she’d straightened out but it looks like I was wrong.’
‘You think she’s gone off with another guy?’
He hadn’t, up until now. Actually that hadn’t occurred to him at all, or that she was using again. It hadn’t even entered his head. No, his immediate reaction was she’d screwed him over for the money and legged it in her flaky, stupid way that she wouldn’t have planned properly at all. He was amazed she’d got it together enough to take his money. Been playing dumb, obviously. What he really thought was she’d got pissy about that fight they had last week where he’d had to remind her who was boss and she’d decided to get all pathetic about it. Wanting attention, and for him to feel guilty. And it had been her fault – if she hadn’t wound him up like that, it wouldn’t have happened. She’d made out it was way worse than it was too.
Was this policeman right though? Had she legged it with another man?
Danny felt his face and neck colour with rage at the thought of her with someone else. She wouldn’t, would she? No, this was surely just about her getting back at him over a few more disagreements recently.
‘Officer, she’s not the most stable of women. And I am really scared for my kid with her. She can’t be trusted to look after herself when she’s in a state of mind like this, let alone a child.’ He hesitated. ‘And if she has taken up with some man, it’s not going to be the kind I want my kid around. Trust me on this. He’ll be pumping her full of shit and she’ll be doing anything to get a fix. She’s been there before. Please help me get my family back – you have to understand, a child is at risk here. If this was yours, how would you feel?’
The policeman thought for a long moment, and then nodded. ‘Okay, I’ll see what I can do. Wait here.’
‘Thank you,’ Danny said in relief. ‘Thank you so much.’
A nationwide alert out on her – that’s what was needed. That’d bring her back. And when he did get her back, he’d make her regret this. Every last second she’d made him suffer – she’d pay for that.
15
Cerys took Sammy for a walk down the shoreline to look for shells while Lily went off on her job search. She smiled at the determined look on the girl’s face as she set out. This kid had grit. She might look like she was going to collapse half the time but the girl didn’t give in. She’d get knocked down and she’d get up again. Cerys’s smile took on a winsome note. A shame she’d been knocked down so much, and it was clear she had. She deserved better than that.
Some kids just didn’t get a fair deal in life. She’d always tried to make sure her children had a gilded childhood and it broke her heart to see what some had to go through. Life was so bloody unfair. A cruel, cruel world.
‘Found one!’ Sammy shouted excitedly and she turned her attention back to him in relief, away from the thoughts that would drag her down.
‘Oooh, watch your fingers on that! It’s a razor clam, that one. It’s huge. Well done, Sammy – good spot.’
He grinned and put it in his bucket. ‘I’ll show Mummy.’
‘She’ll love it!’
He skipped off into the shallows again, splashing the sea up in the air in kicks and whooping as he looked for his next find.
She hoped they were kind to Lily in those shops. She hoped it with a fierce and sudden passion. ‘They’d better cut her a break,’ she muttered as she followed Sammy.
‘Paddle?’ he said to her and she grinned back at him and kicked off her shoes and joined him. It was absolutely freezing and her toes might possibly drop off, she thought, but then the shallow water warmed slightly as they splashed around in it. She bore it for the grin on his face.
Because why not. Sometimes the world needed a four-year-old to show it the way. Needed that purity and that joy. That could save anyone, she really believed.
She should be suspicious of Lily. She should wonder what she was hiding and if there was anything there she should be concerned about. Her fifty-three years told her to be careful, but, at the moment, her instinct told her to believe and, while she had no evidence against that, she would.
That’s what mothers did.
Lily breathed in, as if by doing so she could suck courage deep into her lungs. Then she entered the hair salon. There was a woman of about forty behind the reception desk but, aside from that, the place was empty. The woman looked her up and down, assessing her.
Lily felt herself flush.
Pretend you’re Cerys.
She tried to squeeze Cerys’s polite and in-control smile onto her face. ‘I’ve just moved into the area …’ Yes, she could imagine Cerys saying that, keep going. ‘And I’m just starting job hunting and spotted your salon.’ These were definitely Cerys’s words, not hers, just like they’d rehearsed before she left. ‘Are you in need of any help at the moment? I’m a qualified hairdresser but I can do admin support too.’
The woman blinked at her. ‘You’re qualified?’
‘Yes,’ she said with a bright smile, still channelling Cerys. Oh my god, so much channelling of Cerys going on because she totally didn’t have the courage to do this. Any minute now she was going to get blown out badly here.
The woman got up off her chair and moved with difficulty out from behind the counter. She leaned her elbow on the hatch and said dryly, pointing at her swollen belly, ‘Well, in about three months I’m definitely going to need help as I’ll be too far along then to manage on my own. I’ll be huge by March and still another month to go, then when the baby arrives I’ll want at least six months off. So I guess I could try you out now. If you’re useless, mind, I won’t think twice about getting rid of you.’ Then she grinned. ‘But if you’re any good, then this might just work out. Do you want a coffee?’
Lily beamed, her face blushing with relief and pleasure but for once she didn’t mind someone seeing that. ‘Yeah, that’d be great.’
Cerys looked up in surprise as Lily hurtled back into their hotel room like a mini whirlwind. ‘I did it! I got a job! I did exactly as you said and she’s giving me a two-week trial.’
Cerys felt as if she’d caught a ray of the girl’s joy and it warmed her. ‘Well done, I knew you could! And you’ll be great. I guess now we have to find somewhere to live then.’ She pushed down all thoughts of her old life, of her family. This wasn’t real time. It was a suspended life, one that would end when she’d done what she needed to. Some fragment carved out of reality and so what happened here didn’t affect what had been left behind. She had ceased to exist that night on the hill.
Lily blanched a little at the idea. ‘Oh, I don’t know where to start.’
Neither did Cerys really, but at least she knew she could do this kind of thing. ‘You’ve got your job. I’ll take care of this part.’
Lily beamed in relief. ‘I honestly don’t know what I’d have done these last few days without you.’
And that was why she was still here, because Lily really didn’t know. And she couldn’t just leave her like this now, her and Sammy.
She absolutely refused to think of what was going on at home. Every time the thought came to her mind, she sent a steel shutter crashing down on it. In that life, she was dead. This here, now, was just a brief interlude. Keep it that way – she wasn’t strong enough to bear anything else right now.
‘Let’s get some fresh air,’ she suggested brightly. ‘It’s stopped raining for a bit. I think we’ll have to nip out between showers today. You can take Sammy onto the playground by the castle and he can have a good run around. I’ll check out the estate agents.’
What the girl needed right now was to get up and on her feet. She could decide the course of her life after that. At the moment, she just needed a taste of success and happiness. Lily’s eyes looked mostly as if she hadn’t known what happiness and contentment were in a long time. It was Cerys’s job to make sure that all changed.
It wasn’t good news in the estate agents though. They were in holiday cottage territory and small properties were therefore few and far between. Some of the cottages were available for a month or so to get through the winter season but Cerys didn’t want to settle just yet. She wanted a more stable solution for Lily than that and she wasn’t about to give up on the first day of trying. Although time was running out on the hotel and they were due to check out in the morning. Doubtless they could book in for longer but she’d rather Lily didn’t waste too much of her money so she needed some kind of solution soon. Perhaps one of them might have to do. She harrumphed though – they were still overpriced. Lily had talked to her about how much she could afford in the short term but she needed a sustainable solution in Cerys’s view – one that she’d be able to afford from her wages without eating into her savings further – and that wasn’t going to be easy.
God, she needed to wash her clothes. She felt rancid now.
Actually what was she going to do about that? She couldn’t keep washing them through every night and she had no money to buy more. There had to be a charity shop somewhere on this island. She’d have to look to that tomorrow.
She trudged back towards the playground and passed a little kiosk on the way back that sold sweets and ice cream. There was a village noticeboard in the window. She stopped to look at it. Lots of cards placed by local tradesmen about plumbing and gardening services, and bundles of kids’ clothes for sale, but no houses or flats to let. She sighed and scanned again to make sure she hadn’t missed anything. In the top corner of the board was a newish-looking postcard scrawled in cursive script.
