Disappeared, page 16
‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I shouldn’t have done that. I could get in a lot of trouble for that.’
She shook her head. ‘You didn’t do anything wrong.’
‘I did. I crossed a boundary. I’m sorry.’
He did actually look worried, really worried. She shook her head again. ‘It helped,’ she said simply. And that was true. It had.
The creak on the stairs stopped the rest of what he was about to say and he reached into his pocket and handed her a sample bottle. ‘I think she’s absolutely fine but those infections can linger and flare again so I’d really like you to get a urine sample and I’ll get it tested to make sure she’s completely clear. I could pick it up tomorrow?’
‘Okay, thanks. I’ll do that.’
‘When do you finish so I don’t disturb you?’
‘Half five, but that’s not fair,’ she protested. ‘I can’t inconvenience you.’
‘Oh yes, you can,’ he said quietly and turned and left without another word, leaving her staring after him once again.
42
‘We’ve found the car,’ the policeman told Gavin. ‘What remains of it, at least.’
Katie gasped.
And the policeman went on quickly. ‘There was no sign of your wife, sir. None at all. We are now scouring the area more closely but early examination of the vehicle shows it was empty when it was set alight.’
‘Set alight?’ Gavin asked.
‘Yes, sir. Looks initially as if it was deliberately set on fire to destroy it.’
‘Where did you find it?’
‘North Wales, sir. In the hills in a remote spot called er …’ He reached for his notebook.
‘Pengwyllen,’ Gavin said, and it wasn’t even a question, Katie noted.
‘Yes, sir, that’s it.’
Her dad looked over to her. ‘She went home,’ he said.
Later, Katie persuaded him to go out for a walk with her. Because she needed him to do something other than just sit and look lost. She’d not only lost her mum, she realised, but her dad too, because this shell of a man wasn’t him.
‘Do you think she’s dead?’ Katie asked him. Maybe it wasn’t the right thing to ask somebody in his state but she couldn’t get it out of her head and he was still her dad and she still needed him, even more so with Mum gone.
‘Yes,’ he said. ‘That’s why she went there. Pengwyllen is where she’d want to be if she was going to do something like that.’
‘You think she’s killed herself?’
‘Yes.’
And after that she couldn’t get a word out of him. She knew he’d be remembering their row and blaming himself.
But there was no sign of a body. That’s what the policeman said. So there was still hope.
Mum was good at that – hoping and having faith in all of them. Maybe Katie needed to do that now for her.
‘I think we need to assume she’s alive until we hear otherwise,’ she told her dad.
He looked at her. ‘You do that,’ he said. ‘Try to do it for both of us.’
Katie could have cried for him but that would do no good. He was still in there, her dad, but she couldn’t find a way through to him.
‘I only ever wanted what was best for all of you,’ he said. ‘But I was never as good as your mother at knowing what that was. She said all I cared about was work, that last night. But it wasn’t. I worked for all of you, to give you all everything I never had, and your mother too. I just wanted to see her enjoy it and she wasn’t. And I couldn’t make that right.’
She patted his arm. ‘You did fine.’
‘Not for her,’ he said as he walked ahead. ‘Not for her and I wanted to so much. I wanted to be the best husband I could be and I let her down. The worst is, I didn’t even know it.’
43
Lily half-expected Dr Jones not to turn up that evening as the salon was closing. She sent Angharad off to rest as soon as the last customer was gone and made a start on clearing up. When she looked up from putting the fresh towels back on the shelf, she saw him hovering at the door and beckoned him in. She had an odd feeling in the pit of her stomach at the sight of him. It could have been fear, or not – she no longer trusted her feelings. They always let her down badly.
Only what she felt for Drew; that was the only real thing.
‘I’ve got the sample for you,’ she said and retrieved it.
‘Thanks,’ he said, stashing it in a small bag packed with various kits that she didn’t understand; the tools of his trade she guessed, as the scissors were hers. ‘She’s still fine?’
‘Yes, thanks. No signs of any pain. I keep asking her and I’m getting on her nerves now with it.’ Lily gave a laugh but knew it sounded nervous. No surprise there as she was a wreck of fear these days, constantly watching over her shoulder.
‘Can I get your phone number and I can give you a call with the results?’ He didn’t quite meet her eyes when he asked her and, suddenly suspicious, she wondered if he was going to give it to the police.
But that was silly. Why would he? He could just tell them where she was.
‘It’s okay if you don’t want to,’ he said hastily, making towards the door.
‘No, hang on – wait! Of course I want to know she’s okay.’ She got her phone out. ‘I just can’t remember the number. It’s a new phone.’
‘Oh!’
‘I got rid of my old one when I left.’
He came back towards her. ‘Of course. Sorry, I didn’t think.’ He smiled and she thought he looked nervous but she couldn’t see any reason for that.
She read out the number to him as he put it into his phone.
‘I’ll text you,’ he said. ‘Then you’ll have my number in case anything happens. You know, if she seems unwell or anything.’
Now actually that was a relief. She hadn’t thought about that, because honestly she hadn’t thought anyone would want to help her once they heard what Danny had to say. But Dr Jones didn’t seem to believe any of it.
Of course he didn’t – he’d seen the state of her. She flushed with humiliation.
But still, Danny could be very convincing so even that was no assurance. No matter what Dr Jones said, she still couldn’t quite believe that she’d convince anyone over Danny in full manipulative mode.
Her phone pinged with a text – from Rhys Jones, it said, in case you need me.
‘I’ll go now,’ he said, shuffling his feet. He looked much less at ease here than he had in the hospital. ‘I’ll be in touch as soon as I get the results.’
‘Thank you … so much,’ she remembered to call after him this time as he left. And this time he gave her a quick, startled smile before the door closed behind him.
She found that smile strangely comforting every time she thought of it.
‘Results completely clear,’ said the text that came through to Lily’s phone the following evening. She heaved a sigh of relief. She had been lying in bed unable to drift off to sleep. They went for early nights in the cottage and Drew was in bed, of course, and Cerys had to get up so early to tend the sheep. She leaned up on her elbow to reply.
‘Thank you,’ she texted back. ‘So pleased!’
There was a delay, and then, ‘Good. Hope you are okay too?’
‘Fine, thank you,’ and then after she hit send, she bit her lip and added, ‘But worried.’ She didn’t know why she sent that. It was really nothing to do with him and why should she tell him that except that she so desperately wanted to speak to someone. She could have talked to Cerys but it was her own stupid fault she couldn’t. She couldn’t stand to see Cerys disappointed in her for lying. She might forgive her eventually, but Lily wasn’t brave enough to get past that first wave of disillusionment. Lily knew what it felt like to be disappointed in people, to be rocked to your core. It would kill her if Cerys felt like that because of her.
He didn’t answer for a while and she thought how stupid she had been to send that message. She was just considering how much she bitterly regretted it when a message pinged back.
‘Not surprised,’ it said. ‘If you need to talk, I’m here.’
She stared at her phone in surprise. Really? Did he mean that? Of course, as a doctor he must realise the effect that this kind of stress had so he was being helpful. She wasn’t quite sure what to say back, although she was suddenly quite sure that she really did want to talk to him.
So that was unexpected. She never usually wanted to talk to anyone about the important things, Cerys excepted of course. In fact she wasn’t much of a talker at all. Angharad said she was the quietest hairdresser she’d ever known. ‘We’re usually all so chatty,’ she said, though of course Lily did make the expected small talk with the clients but some of them told her they liked it that she didn’t go on and on like some stylists did.
‘Yes, please,’ she texted back, holding her breath because she wasn’t quite sure what would happen next.
‘I can call you now?’ was the reply.
She switched her ringtone to silent and messaged back, ‘Okay, thanks.’
A second later it rang. ‘Rhys Jones’ lit up on the display and it gave her an odd sense of warmth to see his name there, even though, of course, she knew who it was.
‘Hi, Lily,’ he said in that quiet voice she was beginning to associate with him.
‘Hi, thank you,’ she replied, not really knowing what to say but very grateful he had called all the same.
‘Tell me,’ he said, ‘just tell me whatever you want and I’ll listen.’
She felt a lump in her throat and she thought to herself that he was perhaps the kindest man she’d ever met. Could a man this kind be real? Experience taught her no, but she wasn’t sure her instinct agreed. It had been wrong before though – or had it? Maybe she’d always secretly known about the others and just not listened to it in the past. Heard what she wanted to hear.
‘I’m scared,’ she said, her voice catching on the words. ‘I’m scared he’ll find us and they’ll make me go back. And I’ll have to because I can’t let him take Drew. I’ll have to go back to him.’ She swallowed a sob. ‘And he’ll make me pay, he really will.’
‘It’s not going to happen,’ he said in that same quiet voice. So soothing she could almost believe in it. ‘You’re not going back and he’s not going to get custody of Drew.’
‘I wish I could believe that,’ she said, ‘but you don’t know him. People always believe him and nobody will listen to me.’
‘Why do you say that?’
‘All they have to do is look at my background. I might as well walk round with “Rubbish Mother” stamped on my forehead.’
‘Do you want to tell me about it?’
‘I-I don’t know.’
‘Okay, not now then but whenever you’re ready.’ He let out an exasperated sigh. ‘I’m sorry, I have to go. My pager’s gone off.’
‘It’s okay. Thanks for calling.’ Oddly she felt better although nothing had really been said to make her feel that way, nothing logical.
‘Can I call you tomorrow? Same time?’
Something warm flooded her veins. Maybe relief that there was someone to talk to, after all. She wasn’t entirely sure. ‘Yes, thanks.’
‘Okay, I’ll speak to you tomorrow. Hope you sleep well.’
The sense of peace she got when she lay back and could hear the echoes of his soft voice, even after he’d long since gone, allowed her to finally close her eyes and sleep.
44
Lily’s phone rang at the same time as on the previous evening, right on cue. ‘Hi,’ Rhys said when she answered. ‘Is this a good time?’
‘It’s fine,’ she replied. The warmth in his voice enveloped her straight away, like a blanket.
‘Everything all right at your end?’
‘Yes, thanks.’ And then because she realised this was always one-way, she asked him, ‘And yours?’
‘Yeah, mad busy day. Ridiculous. But it’s always like this in January.’
‘Oh!’ She’d never really thought of that. ‘I guess a lot more people get sick in the winter.’
‘Yup, always run off our feet, and into February too.’
She felt guilty now for taking his time up.
‘So I was thinking,’ he added, ‘I’ll never get time to go and queue at the barber at this time of year. Is there any chance you could book me in with you? It’s getting a bit scruffy.’
Honestly, she hadn’t noticed his hair looking scruffy at all but it was the least she could do. ‘Oh, of course. When are you free? Or I can slot you in after the salon closes if that’s easier?’
They agreed he’d try the day after tomorrow but she told him not to worry if he had to cancel because of work – she’d fit in around him.
‘Thanks for taking time to call when you’re so busy,’ she said.
‘It’s good to speak to someone who isn’t a doctor or nurse, so thank you,’ and she could hear the smile in his voice. It sounded genuine.
She found that Rhys Jones was strangely on her mind until the appointment arrived. Despite a busy day in the salon, her mind kept returning to the prospect of seeing him. She was starved of friends, she told herself, and had been for years, so when somebody showed even the mildest interest in her company, it mushroomed out of all proportion in terms of how pleased she felt about it. Still, when he came in through the salon door and hadn’t had to cancel, it really did make her day. Especially when he smiled at the sight of her.
‘I’m a bit early,’ he said. ‘I’ll just wait over here.’
The client she was finishing up with showed far too much interest in the situation so Lily tried to downplay it. The last thing she needed was a nosy customer. Nosy customers remembered things and everything about Lily was best left unnoticed right now. As the woman paid and booked her next appointment in to get her roots done, she cast an amused glance between Rhys and Lily, both of whom ignored it.
He seemed nervous again as she washed his hair. Maybe he thought she might scalp him or send him out with that stupid cut all the farm lads were having at the moment. To relax him, she spent extra time on his scalp massage and eventually she felt him soothe under her fingers. ‘The barber doesn’t do that,’ he said contentedly. ‘That’s so good after today.’
‘Difficult?’
‘Yeah.’ He sighed heavily. ‘Lost a patient today that I really thought might make it. Knocked me back a bit. It happens and you learn to deal with it but it’s still a bummer when you think you’ve nearly pulled them through and then they don’t survive.’
‘I can’t imagine having the guts to deal with it,’ she said. ‘I’d be useless.’
He opened his eyes for a moment and looked up at her. ‘You’ve got more guts than most people I know,’ he said and then he closed them again and smiled as her fingers moved to another spot on his scalp. ‘You’re very good at this. I’ve obviously been missing out at the barber.’
It gave her an odd feeling in the pit of her stomach, looking down at his face, relaxed and unaware of her scrutiny, enjoying her touch. She had to catch her breath for a moment and remind herself that he was just looking out for Drew, that he needed to know she was safe if he wasn’t going to hand them over, or he’d breached his professional code. Well, actually he’d breached it anyway but morally if Drew was safe, then he didn’t feel he had. She examined the lines of his face. They were starting to become more familiar to her.
She would never have realised when she met him in the hospital, glowering down at her suspiciously, what a kind man he was. It came as a shock to her that a man could just be nice to her. Even when Danny had been trying hard in the early days to leave the kind of impression that it suited him to make – to get what he wanted from her, of course – there’d always been a different edge. Not like this man. She felt that he just had kindness right down in his bones. Maybe that was why he’d become a doctor.
She rinsed his hair off and he smiled sleepily. ‘I was kind of hoping that would never end,’ he said. ‘It was so nice.’
She dried his hair and took him back to the cutting chair. ‘So just a trim to get it back into shape? Anything specific you want?’
He waved his hands. ‘Do whatever you think with it.’
She screwed up her face in thought. ‘Okay, but I won’t quite get it there this time so you’ll have to let me cut it again to get the final result.’
His face lit up. There was no other way that she could think of to describe it. ‘Okay, sure.’
A man like him had no interest in someone like her though, so she wasn’t the reason. He could do so much better than her and he would inevitably know that. He was so far out of her league.
She got to work on his hair and he watched her in the mirror, no chatter, just watching her work. He was remarkably easy to be around and he really shouldn’t be – they were from such different worlds.
Her finger brushed his cheek as she moved her hand to a different angle and he jumped a mile, then laughed at himself sheepishly. ‘Sorry!’
‘No, my fault, don’t worry.’
He touched her elbow. ‘It really wasn’t.’
And she had to smile, just because the way he was looking at her made her feel happy inside. He looked at her like she mattered, like she was worth something. Like he enjoyed being around her, which was fundamentally pretty incredible as he was … him, and she was her.
‘Why do you have such a low opinion of yourself?’ he asked wonderingly as she trimmed the front of his hair, tongue caught between her teeth as she concentrated. ‘You’re smart, you’re funny, you have more courage than any woman I’ve ever met and—’
She looked down at him in astonishment. ‘And what? And I am not smart … or the rest.’
‘You are,’ he said, and she thought his cheeks had flushed a little. ‘So why don’t you believe it? Is it him?’
‘Him, yes, and a lot more than him,’ she said, and suddenly it began to slip out like she’d planned to say it all, like it was easy, and that was because of Rhys and who he was and his dark eyes watching her, filled with kindness. ‘I grew up in care after my mother dumped me. I didn’t have a very nice time before that and she wasn’t anything like any mother you’d imagine, but I think she was better than what came next. Anyway, she didn’t want me because I got in the way of getting her next fix, so she dumped me and I went into foster care.’
