Disappeared, page 3
Cerys frowned. It certainly wasn’t how she would have planned a holiday trip with a little one. ‘Will you be staying at a hotel? You can check in quite late.’
‘I don’t know.’ Lily chewed her lip. ‘I was going to … to … oh, I don’t know really what I was going to do. I’m so stupid. I should have sorted this but I need to make sure Sammy and I have somewhere to stay tonight.’
It seemed bizarre more than stupid but she strongly suspected Lily hadn’t organised a holiday with a small child before and criticism was the last thing the girl needed now.
‘Holiday planning with little ones is never easy,’ she said, looking as reassuring as she possibly could. ‘Maybe I can help. You could always call ahead now and book in.’ From Lily’s utterly blank look, she knew she was right: this girl had never booked anything herself before. She had a brief question in her mind about whether Lily had ever stayed at a hotel at all, she looked so baffled by the prospect. ‘Let me help,’ she said gently. ‘Where are you going?’
Lily took a deep breath. She looked nervous, maybe even scared, Cerys thought, which was even more strange. What was going on with this girl? It made Cerys uneasy and suddenly she was very sure she didn’t want Lily and Sammy driving off somewhere until she knew they had somewhere safe to stay. She had a bad feeling about whatever was going on with these two and while Lily seemed caring but lost, there was a young child here and his safety had to be a priority. People weren’t always what they seemed.
Sammy went whizzing down the slide.
‘Careful,’ Lily called to him. She turned back to Cerys and sighed. ‘Anglesey. We’re going to Anglesey.’
Cerys nodded. ‘Beautiful place for a little holiday, especially with young children. Whereabouts?’
Lily shrugged, looking away. ‘I don’t know. I hadn’t got that far. I told you I was crap.’
In normal circumstances, Cerys might have agreed in frustration at her lack of forethought, but she wasn’t convinced that Lily was entirely as limp as she seemed at that moment. Her feeling that all wasn’t well with these two wasn’t abating.
‘Beaumaris?’ she suggested. ‘It’s this side of the island so the shortest drive and there’s lots there for little ones. Sammy will love it.’
Lily shrugged. ‘I don’t know it.’
‘Have you got a phone? I’ll show you.’
Lily went pale. ‘No.’
‘You don’t have one?’
The girl hung her head and stared at her feet. ‘No.’
Cerys drew a long breath. ‘Lily, what’s going on here?’
Lily shuffled her feet, reminding Cerys of Katie when she was little and had been caught out in a lie. ‘I lost it.’
‘Lily, a mother doesn’t take her child on holiday, with no place to stay, lose her phone and just carry on into the middle of nowhere with no way of communicating with anybody. That just doesn’t happen.’
‘I know,’ the girl mumbled. She looked up, her eyes brimming with tears again. ‘Can I borrow yours to look for somewhere to stay? Please? Please don’t ask me anything else, but I need to find somewhere for us to stay tonight.’
Cerys met her eyes steadily. ‘You could,’ she said, ‘and I’d lend it you gladly, I really would, but—’ She paused and held Lily’s gaze. ‘But I don’t have a phone either, you see.’
6
It didn’t feel like a fog, the depression, or a mist – how Cerys had seen some people describe it – or even a sea.
It was like tar. Thick black tar that stuck your limbs together. That pulled you down inside yourself. Too viscous to get free. Everything too heavy, way too heavy, so you sunk lower and lower and nobody saw. Nobody noticed. It seemed nobody cared. You could give your whole life to looking after people, and then, when you failed, they left you alone inside your tar pit to drown.
Sooner or later she would sink completely and then the black muck would fill her lungs and finish her.
And that’s what had finally happened. That evening when she and Gavin had that final row. The tar rose up over her head and filled her lungs until she couldn’t breathe any longer.
Did some faerie on that mountainside pump her lungs free of it so she could live to breathe a little longer?
Crazy thinking. But no crazier than today and what she’d agreed to do.
That girl’s face though. So young to be so broken. What had happened to her to make her feel like this? Like she was nothing.
That kind of feeling, that was for old crones like Cerys; not a girl just at the start of her adult life.
She’d looked at her and couldn’t bear to see that pain reflected back. And Lily had asked for her help.
Too many years now of ‘Mum, stop fussing,’ and ‘Cerys, I’m busy – not now,’ meant the girl’s plea was like a clarion call and she’d responded instinctively. It was absolute madness, of course, and risked far too much. Not least that she’d be found and then what would she say? A bit different to not having to be there to face them because she’d ended it all.
How had everything got so muddled?
And what on earth was she going to do now?
She’d visualised them at home, eventually finding out she was dead. And they’d grieve and be sad for a short time. But secretly there’d be relief too, that she wasn’t there to hold them back. They could be free and independent like they wanted, without the guilt of a mother clinging on when she really should let go gracefully.
Gavin had shouted that at her a few months ago when she’d ventured a complaint that they hadn’t all been together for much too long. ‘For Christ’s sake, Cerys, let them breathe! Let me breathe!’
She’d hated him that day, and hated herself too.
He’d seen it in her eyes as the exasperation faded from his face and he’d reached out a hand to her in shock at what he’d finally said. And she’d turned away from him and left the room.
He was right. Her kids only wanted what she’d wanted at their age. It was normal and natural for them. But it didn’t feel normal and natural for her.
That night in bed, she’d pushed him away and hadn’t bothered to make an excuse that she was tired or anything like that. She just said, ‘No,’ flatly. He got the message. He didn’t try again.
She didn’t know whether she was sorry about that or not. But it didn’t matter now. They were done.
7
Lily drove the car down the last stretch of road towards the Menai Suspension Bridge. Her eyes were tired from driving in the dark on unfamiliar roads. Sammy was chuntering in the back about being hungry, despite his performance at the burger van.
‘Not far now,’ Cerys told him and he seemed to take it better from her.
Lily didn’t know what to make of her at all. Originally she’d taken her for some local woman, possibly a farmer’s wife from the bedraggled appearance and the sensible waterproof jacket. Although she wasn’t sure what farmer’s wives wore or whether bedraggled would be a fair assumption as she’d never actually met one to talk to.
But then Cerys had pulled that line about the phone, and Lily suddenly knew … really knew … that there was a lot more going on with her than she’d thought.
They’d looked at each other in silence for a little while, each taking in the import of the other’s lack of phone out here in such an isolated spot and what that might mean.
She knew the danger she was putting herself and Sammy in, but what else could she do? She had no way of finding accommodation now without help, and let’s face it – she didn’t know what she was doing. Lily had felt lost a lot in her life. It was sort of her default setting really. But right now, she felt as alone and confused and bloody useless as she ever had. Right now, she was all out of everything and Sammy was at more risk if she didn’t get help because she didn’t know where she was going and more importantly what to do when she got there.
She’d just bolted like an idiot.
Yeah, but you did it, a little voice inside said. You might have done it wrong but you did do it.
And then Cerys had nodded at her, as if finding something in Lily’s face that gave her an answer to a question Lily hadn’t even known she was asking. ‘No names, no pack drill,’ she said to Lily, and held out her hand.
‘Sorry?’ Lily asked, not following.
‘I won’t ask you and you don’t ask me,’ Cerys replied with a laugh. ‘I suppose you’re too young to understand that phrase. It means mention no names or specific details, and then no blame or punishment – that’s the pack drill part – can be given.’
‘Oh, I see,’ said Lily, who didn’t entirely understand but she got the general gist.
‘Shake on it? You have things you don’t want to tell and so do I – that right?’
Lily nodded and held her hand out cautiously. Cerys clasped it in hers and shook gently. Her hand was warm. It felt safe, Lily thought, although she also felt that was probably a stupid thought that didn’t really make sense. But it made her feel better.
‘Do you want me to help you find somewhere to stay?’ Cerys asked.
Lily sighed. ‘Yes, please.’ She shouldn’t need this help. She was a mother. She should be able to do this but actually she had no idea where to start.
‘Come on then.’ Cerys got up and walked with her to the car.
‘But where were you going?’ Lily asked.
‘Nowhere,’ Cerys replied.
Lily almost asked what she meant but something in Cerys’s face stopped her. No names, no pack drill indeed.
Cerys knew which way to go so they headed out down the road out of Bangor until they got to the Menai Suspension Bridge. Lily got confused at the roundabout so Cerys told her to go round again and then talked her through the exits so she came off at the right one this time. Lily’s knuckles tensed on the wheel at her mistake and
she could feel her knees shaking even when they were on the
right road and following a sign that said Beaumaris. She realised
she was waiting for the shouting to start, for the abuse, even though he wasn’t there.
Sammy was still grumbling in the back of the car but it was easier to tune out as they got closer to their destination.
It was too dark to see the coastline but it seemed she hadn’t been driving long after the bridge before they wound into streets of picturesque Georgian houses painted in fondant colours. Although Lily was concentrating on negotiating the narrow streets, she couldn’t help but be charmed. ‘Oh, it’s pretty!’
‘Pretty colours,’ Sammy chimed in from the back.
‘Isn’t it?! It’s just like I remember it,’ said Cerys. ‘I haven’t been here in a long time but it’s as lovely as I remember. Now, if I’m right, there are hotels down here. Take a right. It’s okay, don’t worry – take your time.’
Lily steered around a tight bend and out onto a wider road with a lamplit pier stretching out ahead as the road curved. She followed the line nervously.
‘Left into this drive here,’ Cerys said and Lily was so intent on steering that she didn’t look up at where she was going. ‘Park there,’ Cerys said and Lily pulled into an empty bay.
‘I remember this place,’ Cerys said. ‘I can check here for you to see if they have any vacancies.’
Lily looked out and gasped. They were outside a hotel with a grand Georgian frontage, with stone balconies and ornate windows. ‘Don’t worry – it’s not as expensive as it looks,’ Cerys said with a laugh. ‘Or at least it wasn’t. I’ll check the prices before you commit. But it was always known for being very family-friendly. Somebody I know stayed here not too long ago and said it was still the same.’
Lily couldn’t speak for a moment. ‘I can’t go in there,’ she stuttered finally. ‘What would I say … I don’t know how to …’
Cerys reached over and held her hand for a second. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll do it. Come on. And you don’t have to stay here if you don’t like it. We’re just checking it out.’
They got out of the car, Sammy shivering in the brisk wind off the sea. Cerys shepherded them in through the grand doors into a thickly carpeted hall. Lily looked around her. She’d never been anywhere like this in her life. An impressive staircase rose in front of them with turned balustrades. There were alcoves set into the walls with enormous decorative vases. She gulped.
‘Come on,’ said Cerys, ushering them through to a room with a terrifyingly large wooden counter. A man in an equally terrifyingly formal uniform stood behind the desk typing something onto a computer screen. He looked up as they approached and arranged his features into a professional smile.
‘Good evening, ladies.’ He looked down and saw Sammy. ‘And gentleman. Can I help you?’
‘Hi,’ Cerys said with a confident smile, and Lily blinked at how at ease she seemed to be with what appeared to Lily to be a fearsome situation. Cerys might be standing there in a travel-stained waterproof with bedraggled hair but she sounded completely at home here. ‘Do you have any rooms available?’
‘Certainly,’ the man replied, smiling back in a way Lily knew he wouldn’t have if it had been her approaching the counter. ‘We’ve got a few rooms vacant at the moment – suites and doubles. How long are you wanting to stay?’
‘Not sure yet. Maybe just the night but possibly a few days. What’s your rate for a twin room?’
Lily tugged on her sleeve. ‘You are staying too, aren’t you?’ she hissed urgently.
Cerys smiled at the receptionist. ‘Just give us a moment,’ and she stepped away from the counter. ‘I wasn’t,’ she whispered back.
‘You can’t leave me here,’ Lily begged. ‘Please.’
Cerys seemed to deflate in front of her. ‘I didn’t bring much money with me,’ she admitted. ‘I wasn’t planning on this, you see. And I can’t go to a bank because …’
Because she had no money, or because she’d be found? Lily had a funny feeling that Cerys was hiding from something, or someone, too. Maybe she was wrong, maybe she was projecting, but that’s how it struck her. And maybe, actually, she was exactly right because it took one to know one, right?
‘I have enough,’ Lily said, pulling herself up to her full height, which she was aware wasn’t very much but it felt important to stand tall in this place. ‘And I don’t think I can do this without you. I’ve never stayed anywhere like this before.’ She swallowed hard. ‘I’ve never booked a room before. I don’t even know how to.’
‘I can’t impose like that,’ Cerys said but Lily saw a chink. Cerys did look genuinely torn.
‘It’s not imposing, it’s helping,’ she pleaded. ‘Just one night. Please? I really can’t do this on my own.’
The man at the counter was watching and it was starting to get uncomfortable. ‘Okay,’ Cerys said, ‘but I’ll get you the cheapest option.’
She turned back to the counter and gave him that smile again, the one that said she knew what she was doing, the type that Lily would never acquire.
Ten minutes later, they were standing in a suite with twin beds and sofa that pulled out to make another bed for Sammy. The paint did look a bit tired in places and the en suite looked more ‘old’ than ‘period’ but it was still the grandest room Lily had ever stayed in. Cerys had booked them in for a three-day stay in the end because there was a special discount on so it worked out as very good value.
‘This place needs some money spending on it,’ Cerys said, looking around with a critical eye, ‘but never mind because that makes it good value for now and that’s why people come here.’
At that, Lily wondered what kind of places Cerys normally stayed in.
‘Do you want to eat in the restaurant or nip round the corner for fish and chips?’ Cerys asked, looking out of the window onto the street below. Sea views were more expensive.
‘Fish and chips,’ Lily replied fervently. Facing a restaurant with an exhausted child who should be in bed wasn’t a prospect she fancied at all.
‘Come on, then,’ Cerys said. ‘We can eat in. Let’s get him fed and to bed as soon as we can before he gets cranky.’
She let Cerys navigate to the fish and chip shop and deal with the order. She found a table and settled Sammy down. Fortunately at this time of year the place wasn’t packed out and they didn’t have to wait long.
She looked Cerys over again, now that she had more time to study her. Sammy snuggled up under her arm and coiled little fingers around hers. She’d place Cerys in her early fifties perhaps? And although her dark hair looked like she’d spent the day in rough weather on the hills, Lily realised that when she smoothed it down, that was a precision-cut bob. It wouldn’t have been cheap and Lily paused for a moment to appreciate the workmanship of the unknown hairdresser. Mature hair wasn’t the easiest to handle either but, with a good blow-dry, she knew that it would look great. No trace of grey there at all, carefully covered by tonal highlights in varying shades of honey and chestnut. That outdoor coat of hers had been soaking wet when they’d first met, but now it had dried out Lily could see that it was relatively new and she suspected it wasn’t cheap either.
No handbag, or indeed any other kind of bag. Just a leather purse shoved in her pocket. What had she been doing when they met? Was she even from that area?
Lily shook her head at her own impulsiveness. She’d never learn. She’d just taken this woman in her car, knowing nothing about her, and driven off. Not that she had bad vibes about Cerys; far from it. But what was she doing out there?
What’s your story?
8
This girl didn’t have a clue, bless her. Even Katie, only a year into university, would have more idea than her how to go about things. Cerys couldn’t quite make her out; though she strongly suspected that there was a lot more to the girl’s story than was immediately obvious. That was a given really. She’d long since worked out that this wasn’t really a holiday, no matter how Lily might try to make it appear. Nobody, no matter how clueless, went on an unplanned holiday with a four-year-old and had nowhere to stay and then appeared terrified of actually going to deal with that when she got there.
