The Crash Box Set, page 121
part #1 of EMP Crash Series
“That doesn't mean we can't have a little fun at the same time,” Gary replied with a cheeky smile.
“I think I'm starting to prefer it when he was being difficult,” Grace said quietly to Anna and Saul, who were beside her.
There were mixed feelings among those who were going out on patrol, especially Grace. On the one hand, she was glad to be going out there again, feeling as though she was making a difference rather than just discussing things and handing down decisions. She decided she liked to be hands-on. Her brief tenure as leader of the settlement, before it had been christened New Haven, had taught her that. But there was trepidation that came with that as well. She knew there were dangers lurking outside the safe walls of New Haven, and going out there meant risking her life as well as the lives of all the other people she had asked to come with her. It also meant they all were cut off from New Haven for a while as well, and would have no idea what was going on there until they returned. Hopefully, they would not get attacked in the meantime. Then there was Luis as well. Although Grace tried not to think about him because it only caused her pain. She lost herself in conversation with Saul and Anna as the patrol drew farther and farther away from New Haven.
In the meantime, Mack rallied around the settlement’s main leaders and told them they should make every effort to build up New Haven and make it into the place of their dreams.
“We've had to endure a lot in our short time here. There have been attacks, people threatening our way of life, and other issues that all have distracted us from what we should be doing, which is taking care of New Haven. While others are out there fishing and looking for food, we should make sure that when they come back they are astounded by what we have done. You've all done well at finding roles for yourselves, and you know I've talked with many of you about plans for New Haven and what you think we should be building here. We're going to have a school to educate the children among us. We're also going to have courses so that even the adults can continue learning new skills because I've always thought it important to keep learning throughout life. We're going to have plays and other creative endeavors, we're actually going to have lives here.
“So far most of our energy has gone into survival, and with the food needed to get through winter that's still going to be our main goal. Although I'm tired of thinking of myself as a survivor, as I'm sure many of you are as well. We need to remember how to live, how to actually make progress in life, and I'm looking forward to going on this adventure with you. If any of you have any suggestions, please don't hesitate to come to me. I want New Haven to be a place where everyone can reach their full potential, and maybe even do some of the things you never got around to in the old world. Let's make this a place where dreams come true.”
Mack's speech was met with much admiration, and a good mood rippled through the settlement. Although the winter was looking bleak, they were buoyed by the future beyond the winter, and were looking forward to sunnier days. Each member of New Haven wanted to establish it as a comfortable place to live. The days following the EMP were filled with such uncertainty that none of them knew if they were going to survive this long. Given some of the dangers that had struck New Haven, most of them felt lucky even to be alive, especially when so many good men and women had died around them. It was in tribute to them as well as themselves that the people of New Haven wanted to see the place grow, to be a positive force in the world, rather than one that was hell-bent on stealing from others or killing them without remorse.
So it was that people soon became busy putting into action all the things they had planned. Alison spearheaded the school and organized people to teach different subjects. They agreed the curriculum would have to be changed from what the children used to learn. So, now alongside math, English, and science, they were taught how to make bows and arrows, how to grow crops, and how to maintain the settlement. Many of them had worked with Saul, and now were used to a strong work ethic. They had been given structure again, which was something many of the parents had been concerned about. The children’s welfare had been at the forefront of their minds and they all were glad that a school had been opened. When they looked at their children they were looking at the future of New Haven. They had to make sure they gave their children the right lessons so they would take care of New Haven in the future and continue the good work.
Of course, the children didn't much like the idea of school simply because it was school. However, when the classes began and the children realized it wasn't going to be like the school they were used to, their moods changed and they enjoyed learning about the different things. The Lost Children all had been rehabilitated and, aside from a few occasional outbursts, had adjusted well to living in New Haven. Sometimes the adults had to answer awkward questions, like about what had happened to Peter, but all in all they had made much progress.
This was in large part due to Freddie, who had continued counseling them, as well as their parents. At first, a lot of people looked upon him with suspicion as there was still a stigma about therapy, as though it was a shameful thing to want to talk to a professional to gain advice and guidance. However, the stresses of this world soon had taken their toll. People began flocking to him, at first for a chat, then for proper sessions. Freddie soon found his days were filled with people wanting his advice. He was glad for this because there were times when he felt as though he didn't really have a place in New Haven, and he was pleased to see the children were flourishing as well. He was also glad to report that nobody had any major concerns, and most people just were worried about the future. He spent a lot of time with Hank, who also met with a lot of people who wanted to talk about their problems, since the preacher offered a spiritual avenue, and the two men often found solace and support from each other. However, Freddie noticed Hank was feeling somewhat subdued, and when Freddie was with Mindy he brought up the subject. The two of them were putting together a course to teach other people about medical care.
“I'm glad we're doing this, but I feel like without a doctor we're still going to be vulnerable, especially in the winter when people's immune systems are more prone to infection. I hope we don't ever get an epidemic on our hands,” Mindy said.
“I know. I've been worrying about that too, but I'm glad you're around. Everyone knows they're in good hands with you. I heard that one of the patrols came across the library and brought back a load of books, some of them even textbooks, because they thought people would want to learn new skills. I'm sure there's a medical one in there so that we can improve as well,” Freddie replied.
“That would be good,” Mindy said.
“Can I ask you a personal question? It's about Hank. I was talking to him earlier, and ever since this business with the sailors, he's been off. I was just wondering if he had talked to you about it, because he seemed reluctant to do so with me. And as much as I know he has God to talk to, sometimes it helps to have someone who can talk back directly.”
Mindy offered a weak smile. “Hank is a lot more sensitive than people realize. I think learning the truth about the sailors did hit him hard. He's obviously seen people go to great lengths to survive, but that was something else. I've tried to get him to talk to me, but he says he just needs time to work through it.”
“I hope he's not going through a crisis of faith.”
“Oh no, I'm sure it's nothing as bad as that. His faith is the thing that keeps him going through all of this. I think everything is just taking its toll. We all have moments like this. I'm sure he'll be alright, especially with friends like you around.”
Freddie smiled at her as they continued planning the medical course. Elsewhere in the settlement, other people pored through textbooks, enjoying learning new things or even relearning skills that had become rusty. Many people looked at the books that had been brought back and offered to share their love with people. These weren't official courses, but more like casual seminars where people could talk about topics. There were also readings of stories given by people with good voices. Book clubs were formed to complement the creative groups, some of which were busy writing plays, while others were painting the changing scenes of New Haven, and still others were writing the events down in stories, stories that would document the fall of the world and the rise of New Haven.
The barriers were strong, and as Mack looked around at the settlement he had brought together, he smiled. Yet, there was a nagging feeling that something wasn't quite right. Perhaps he was so used to things going wrong that his instincts were naturally paranoid, but things almost seemed to be going too well. With everything that had happened since his plane went down and the world had changed irrevocably, there always had been some new threat, some new menace that had threatened their way of life. Although, for now, it seemed that peace would reign, and New Haven would be able to find its feet, fully establishing itself.
“Am I crazy?” he asked, after sharing these thoughts with Maggie.
“A little bit, yeah. It's all well and good to be on your guard, but at some point, you have to let yourself enjoy life. Otherwise, what's the point of going through all the bad stuff?” the sheriff replied.
“I know you're right. Maybe I'm just worried about Anna. I know she can take care of herself. Still, after being apart for so long and having found each other again, it's troublesome to think that something could happen.”
“I'm sure they'll all be good. How's Tristan, by the way?”
Maggie shrugged. “He's about as well as can be expected. Doesn't really talk to me much, although I'm not sure if that's just due to him being a teenager, or if there's something else going on. I don't know, it feels like I have to learn to be a mom all over again. But he seems to have repaired things with Sharon, which is good, I guess.”
“Yeah, grudges weren't good in the old world, and they're not good here. So, how is it, having a child in this world?”
Maggie gave a coy smile. “Anna told me you two were having this conversation. It's different in my case, though. Tristan was already grown up. But look around you, if you're going to wait for the perfect time to have a kid, you're going to be waiting your whole lives.”
Mack was delighted that Anna had been talking to Maggie about it as he hoped that would make his wife come around to the idea. “That's what I think, but Anna doesn't seem so convinced.”
“Give her time. If the two of you wanted kids before the end of the world, you'll still want kids now. It's just that there are different things to worry about.”
They spoke for a little while longer before eventually Maggie returned home to relax for a little while as best she could. She enjoyed talking with Mack, and was glad that he had found Anna. She hoped that if the two of them did have a child, it would not have to go through as much as her own son had. All she wanted to do was protect Tristan, and she felt awful that he had been through so much. She wished she just could wrap him up in her arms and protect him from the rest of the world, but she knew that was impossible.
She returned to their apartment hoping to spend some time together. Although when she arrived, she found Tristan and Sharon huddled over something, and when Maggie asked to see what it was the two teenagers would not tell her. It made her suspicious. Still, after everything the two of them had been through she was inclined to let them have their little secret if it brought them closer together. As much as she had her issues with Sharon for how she betrayed her son and New Haven, she knew that they needed each other.
Chapter 14
Maggie poked her head into the room. Sharon and Tristan smiled at her, but it was clear they were hiding something. Her motherly instincts wanted to burst in there and tell him that he had no secrets from her, but she knew that wouldn't do any good. Sometimes it was difficult to juggle the two sides of her. There was the nurturing side that wanted to protect Tristan, then there was the cop side that wanted to get to the truth no matter what. Although she didn't entirely trust Sharon, the girl hadn't done anything recently to cause anyone to be suspicious of her. She also had been through her own trauma, what with her mother having killed Peter. Sharon had tried taking the blame for that, and that had endeared her to Maggie in some ways. Also, she knew Tristan and Sharon needed each other. There weren't too many kids of the same age, most of them were younger, and the next eldest were Grace and Luis. Yet, the two of them had been through enough to make them seem more mature. Tristan and Sharon were in that awkward teen phase where they were too old to be kids, yet too young to be adults. Ordinarily, that wouldn't have been a problem. But with the small population in New Haven, they didn't have a big group their age to mingle with. So it was that they were spending more time together, and Maggie ducked out of the room to give them some space.
She still was learning how to be a good mother. She hadn't done a good job of it when Tristan was younger, and it was hard to tell if she was doing a good job now, since there were other factors to consider. After what had happened with the sailors, she didn't want to let Tristan out of her sight, but she knew that wouldn't be any good for either of them. So, she had to take a deep breath and give him the space he needed, trying to remember he was his own person and wasn't always going to be her little boy. If he was going to make it in this world, then there was an element of sink or swim to it. Although she hoped he would have a break from all the horrors he'd witnessed, because he had been through so much already.
Maggie busied herself by reading and tidying up the apartment, until there was movement from the room. The two teenagers emerged.
“I'm going to walk Sharon home,” he said.
Maggie nodded and told him not to take too long. Sharon cast her eyes away. Evidently, she still was ashamed and wary of Tristan's mom, which Maggie thought was a good sign. A little fear went a long way; a lesson she had learned from her time as a police officer. At that point, Maggie wasn't sure if Tristan and Sharon were romantically involved, or if they were just friends. Concerned, she wanted to make sure her son was safe. So, as soon as the youngsters left, Maggie slipped into his room to see if she could spot what they had been hiding from her. It was perhaps not the right thing to do, but Maggie thought it was the responsible thing to do. Although Tristan probably wouldn't understand, she was only doing it to protect him.
Whatever Tristan and Sharon had been hiding wasn't immediately obvious, and for a moment Maggie worried he had taken it with him. She didn't want to upturn the entire room in search of something, although given the state of it, she didn't think Tristan would notice. Then, after another quick scan, she found it poking out of a book. She opened it up and unfolded the piece of paper, seeing her son's handwriting. The title of the list alarmed her, for it said, 'Reasons to Live.’ As Maggie's gaze descended the list, she found it short. Her throat dried and tears began welling in her eyes. At first, she felt anger and frustration, then sadness and shame, for she felt as though she had failed as a mother. Her fingers were white from gripping the list so tightly, and she knew she couldn't simply put it back and ignore it. She thought about going to Mack for objective advice, but then thought better of it. This was something between her and her son, and she was going to need to find a way to be a good mother to take care of him.
She went back into the front room and placed the list down on the table, waiting for Tristan to return. So many thoughts went through her mind, and she ended up almost tearing her hair out. She'd been on a few suicide calls over the years when she had been on the job, and there was almost always one constant phrase said by those closest to the victim; 'I never even suspected a thing'. Things were tough for Tristan, she knew that, but this just showed how distant she was from him. She had hoped that after she found him and took him back from the Lost Children the two of them would grow closer and make up for all the lost years. Yet, somehow, the opposite had happened. Tristan had withdrawn into himself, and while they shared the same apartment, they didn't talk properly like Maggie wanted. She gave Tristan his space, but now she was thinking that she made a mistake.
The wait was interminable, but eventually he did return, and when he saw his mother sitting there, in front of the list, he staggered back. Maggie looked up at him, but before she could say a word he exploded in rage at her.
“You shouldn't have gone into my room! That's private! That's between me and Sharon! And if I'd have wanted to show you, then I would have shown you! Aren't I allowed any secrets at all? Aren't I allowed my own life? You don't have to be a cop in your own home!” he yelled.
Maggie stayed silent through it all, letting him have his outburst. Tristan was too caught up in his own anger to see the sadness welling up in her eyes, but when she rose he did stop speaking, fearing he would be on the end of a tongue-lashing. Instead, Maggie walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his, holding him tightly, eventually sobbing. It was a shock to see his mother, who was usually as hard as granite, showing so much raw emotion, and it soothed his anger. She took his hand and led him to the couch. When she spoke it was soft and cracked with emotion.
“I'm sorry for going into your room, but I've been worried that I've not been a good mother, and that there's been some distance between us. I don't want to make the same mistakes as I made all those years ago. I want to be a good mother, and for you to be able to come to me with your problems. I don't want you to be afraid of expressing your feelings. Please, can we have an honest conversation about this, because I'm your mother. I love you, and I want to help.”
She looked at him with her liquid eyes, and while at first Tristan wanted to pull away, he felt the love she had for him, felt its warmth and its comfort and he couldn't shy away from her. She had given him life, and he owed her the truth. So, he summoned all the strength he could muster, and in a slow, deep voice, he talked about his feelings, the whole chaotic mess of them, trying to put them in some kind of order or sense.
